si 



I; -.1 





MEMOIR 



OF 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 

ONLY DAUGHTER OF THE REV. JOEL HAWES, D. D, 

AND 

WIFE OF THE REV. HENRY J. VAN LENNEP, 

MISSIONARY IN TURKEY. 



BY HER MOTHER, 



HARTFORD : 
BELKNAP & HAMERSLEY. 
1847. 



3/3 177' 

v% Hz 

i H-7 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1847, by 
BELKNAP & HAMERSLEY, 
in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Connecticut. 



PREF ACE. 



"That life is long that answers life's great end." 

To few, perhaps, whose period of action was so limited, could 
the above sentiment be better applied, than to the subject of 
this memoir. 

Her life, though short, was filled up with acts of beneficence 
and love ; and although many of those acts, like fragrance 
borne upon the breath of morning, and then scattered by the 
winds of heaven, can never again be gathered ; yet something 
remains in the memory of those who best knew her, and some- 
thing more in her writings ; and it is hoped that from these two 
sources a little volume may be made, which will be both inter- 
esting and profitable to the young. 

In regard to the following memoir, it is proper to remark, 
that it was not attempted under the impression that the subject 
of it possessed extraordinary powers or attainments. Such 
qualifications, however desirable in themselves, or coveted by 
others, are not deemed indispensable to a life of usefulness. 

A friend remarked, " 1 know of no character more worthy of 
being presented as a model for the young, than Mary's ; and for 
this reason among many others, that it exhibits no unattainable 
excellence. It was not by any extraordinary gifts of nature 
that she won all hearts, and adorned her Christian profession 
more than any other young person I ever knew, — it was the 



IV 



PREFACE. 



complete subjection into which she had brought her every wish 
and purpose, to the one object of promoting the happiness of 
others, and their spiritual welfare, that made her daily life such 
a steady light, and gave to her manners that indescribable 
sweetness, so that none saw her but to love her. Perhaps I 
ought to make one exception. I think there was in Mary's dis- 
position, a very uncommon share of afFectionateness and sim- 
plicity, but of course I cannot judge as well as those who knew 
her in childhood, whether those traits were as striking then as 
in after years ; though it seems to me that no self-cultivation, 
nor even the grace of God, could have supplied them, had they 
not always existed in an unusual degree. But on this account 
I should think her character would be a difficult one to delineate 
with distinctness." 

The traits to which this friend of Mary alludes, the writer of 
this never expects to portray so that those wdio did not know 
her, could see them as exhibited in her life. The beautiful 
symmetry of her character, embodying as it did every social 
virtue, and every Christian grace, must have been seen, to be 
fully known and appreciated. 

There is one circumstance, which, more than any other, 
prompts the wish to try to sketch something which shall do her 
justice. She was early called away from the field of her 
labors; and as she was eminently qualified and disposed to do 
good, it does seem to be no more than a suitable tribute to the 
promise she gave of future usefulness, to attempt to extend her 
influence beyond the brief period of her life. 

Another reason for writing this memoir, is found in the mel- 
ancholy satisfaction of recalling the incidents of a life, which, 
while its few fleeting years were passing, was the source of so 
much happiness to the mourning survivors. 

As this little work was not entered upon, under the impress- 
sion that the subject of it possessed extraordinary powers, so 
neither was it attempted under the impression that she was 



PREFACE. 



V 



exempt from the faults and imperfections incident to our fallen 
state. Should a perfect character be held up to view as always 
having been such, it would immediately be felt by all, not to be 
just, nor true to nature. Mary had faults, but by the grace of 
God, she was able to correct them ; and on this account her 
character seems a suitable one to present as an encouragement 
to those, who, conscious of their own imperfections, are at- 
tempting to reach some standard of excellence, which appears 
almost, if not altogether, unattainable. 

It is hoped that this little volume will come to the aid of some 
such, as a star to guide their trembling steps, on their first en- 
tering the straight and narrow way ; and it is believed that if 
her character could be truly presented, it would serve to allure 
others also into that path, which, to her, was as the "rising 
light, shining more and more unto the perfect day*" 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE. 

CHAPTER L 

Reminiscences of Childhood, 13 

CHAPTER II. 
Religious Development , . 19 

CHAPTER III. 
School days, and Residence in New Haven, . . .32 

CHAPTER IV. 
Early Correspondence, ....... 44 

CHAPTER V. 
Her Religious Writings, 75 

CHAPTER VI. 
Sickness and Recovery, 122 

CHAPTER VII. 
A Year of Preparation, 143 

CHAPTER VIII. 



Preparations for leaving home, Marriage and departure, 184 

CHAPTER IX. 
Extract of a Journal kept while crossing the Atlantic, 194 



XII 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

CHAPTER X. 
Bark Stamboul. Mediterranean 210 

CHAPTER XL 
Residence in Smyrna, 235 

CHAPTER XII. 
Residence at Constantinople, 287 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Sickness and Death, 316 

CHAPTER XIV. 

Closing Remarks, : 339 

Lines by a Friend, 342 

Lines by Mrs. Sigourney, , . 343 

A Father's Memorial of an only Daughter, . . . 349 
A Voice from Heaven, 371 



CHAPTER I. 



REMINISCENCES OF CHILDHOOD. 

Mary Elizabeth Hawes, second daughter of the Rev. 
Dr. Hawes, of Hartford, Connecticut, was born the 16th 
of April, 1821. The incidents of her childhood, if not 
remarkable, were yet such as to subject her to a somewhat 
severe moral discipline. By the time she was four years 
and four months old, a sister and brother had been removed 
from her by death, and, as she said, M she had been left 
alone two times." 

When Mary was five years old, she was sent to school. 
The following summer, the parent whose office it was 
more immediately to watch over and guide her unfolding 
faculties, observed with pain, that she was contracting a 
habit, which if not checked and overcome in childhood, 
would be a blight upon her otherwise lovely character, and 
greatly endanger, if not destroy, her happiness and useful- 
ness in after life. It is a humiliating fact, that the propen- 
sity to deceive is one of the most common faults of child- 
hood ; but because it is thus common, it is not the less to 
be dreaded. Neither because it is a fault of childhood, 
should it be passed by under the mistaken impression that 
it will be felt and corrected in mature life. So thought not 
the mother of Mary. Under a full impression of the evil, 
2 - . 



14 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



and desirous that the best means should be adopted for its 
correction, the father was applied to, for advice and assist- 
ance. Having admonished Mary of the evil, he concluded 
by announcing, that the next time any thing of the kind 
occurred, he should apply the punishment* recommended 
by the wise man, little thinking that it would ever be 
necessary to put the threat in execution. Ah, he little 
thought what ascendency an evil habit might acquire in a 
short time even, over the mind of a little child, or he would 
not have expected that the fear of punishment would of 
itself be sufficient, not only to deter from the fault, but 
also to form the opposite one of truthfulness. It was not 
long before there was a repetition of the offence ; not an ag- 
gravated one, but enough to show that even a beginning 
had not been made in its correction. 64 Why did you tell 
me of it ?" exclaimed the agitated and grieved father, as 
he remembered his threat. But the word had gone forth, 
and the father's veracity must be maintained. Mary was 
sent to her room, and the bible was put into her hand, from 
which, portions had been selected for her to read and apply 
to her own case. As she was about being left to spend a 
long summer afternoon alone in her chamber, while her 
companions were abroad, enjoying the cool breezes in the 
fields and groves, she said in a tremulous voice, u I think 
1 know what you and pa' are going to do with me ; I think 
you are going to keep me on bread and water till I am 
penitent." The dear child, if penitence had been the only 
object aimed at, might then have been set at liberty But 
something more must be gained — such an impression must 
be made upon her young mind, as should lead her to feel 
that she must make SGme effort herself to correct the fault, 
and she must not be left to suppose that saying " I am 



* See Proverbs, 19 : 18. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



15 



sorry," and even feeling so too, would of itself be sufficient. 
When her piece of bread and c ip of milk were carried to 
her in the evening, she was in deep thought, and had evi- 
dently spent the afternoon in faithfully consulting the bible, 
with self-reflection and prayer. In the morning, her father 
took her into his room, and having tenderly admonished 
her, he covered his face and inflicted upon her little hand 
enough of pain, to save himself from the charge of falsify- 
ing his word. 

Mary spoke of this scene with gratitude in after life, and 
particularly of the delicate manner in which the thing was 
done ; and said she had " always loved her father for it 
and it is believed that the recollection of her father's face, 
covered with his handkerchief while inflicting punishment 
upon his cherished and only daughter, following as it did 
a season of retirement and reflection, assisted her more than 
any thing else in forming that character for truthfulness, 
of which hers was ever afterwards, so beautiful an illus- 
tration. 

Amongst the plans adopted for her improvement, was 
one which is now recollected with much satisfaction. This 
was the daily reading of the bible to her. The practice 
was commenced when she was very young, and was con- 
tinued with more or less interruption, long after she was 
able to read it herself. At first, selections were made, 
suited to her tender age, and it was also sometimes neces- 
sary to " translate" the language, to make it intelligible to 
her. In this way, the Old Testament, commencing at 
Genesis, and ending with the building of the second tem- 
ple, had been read to her several times, before she was 
seven years old. A half hour after tea, is now recalled 
with pleasant associations, as having been spent in this 
way, often for months uninterruptedly, when her own inter- 



16 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



est in the exercise made it not only a useful, but also a 
very desirable season. 

Of scripture biography she would never tire ; and as her 
mind unfolded, she could be easily interested in those beau- 
tiful specimens of Hebrew poetry, scattered along in the 
first books of the Old Testament ; the song of Deborah,* 
for instance. The vivid sketches of Hebrew life and man- 
ners which this song contains, the beautiful country where 
the scene is laid, between Mt. Tabor and " Kishon, that 
ancient river," — the relief too which the country experi- 
enced, when delivered from the oppression under which it 
had groaned for so many years — much of this she could 
enter into and comprehend. 

Even at this early age, there were pleasing indications 
of the facility with which she could afterwards throw her- 
self into the situation of others. For instance, when at the 
close of the song just alluded to, the mother of Sisera is 
described as calling through the lattice, 44 Why tarry the 
wheels of his chariot r" and then comforting herself that 
the delay was only the necessary result of victory — that 
having conquered his enemies he waited to divide the 
spoil — even then, she could comprehend something of the 
disappointment and anguish of that mother, when the ter- 
rible reverse should be made known. 

But her sympathies were not all expended upon the 
stories and the poetry. The details of history were often 
listened to with as much interest as the more glowing and 
picturesque descriptions. A single instance shall suffice. 
She was listening one evening to a passage in the history 
of the Israelites, when, after having been recovered by 
severe judgments from their idolatrous practices, they were 
beginning again to relapse, unable longer to restrain her 
grief, she exclaimed, u O, mamma, I know what you are 



* Judges, chap. 5. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



17 



going to read about, the people are going to be wicked, and 
then God will have to punish them again." 

On the approach of her eighth birth day, it was feared 
that before another anniversary of the event occurred, Mary 
would be deprived of the watchful care of her mother, who 
was suffering from protracted illness. The probability 
that in her tender age, she would be thrown upon her 
own resources for improvement and happiness, made her 
mother anxious to turn her attention more to the sober 
realities of life. The usual preparations to make it a day 
of gladness, were therefore exchanged for others more 
suitable to the circumstances of the occasion. Many little 
articles for the exercise and improvement of her taste were 
procured, such as paints, pencils, drawings, &c; but one 
thing was done, which doubtless gave a decided turn to 
her religious feelings, which had heretofore appeared only 
in an incipient state. 

Her mother had long been anxious for some evidence 
that she was safe in the fold of the good Shepherd, and 
this anxiety increased, as the probability strengthened that 
she would early be left without a maternal guide. To aid 
her in her efforts to fix in the mind of her child a sense of 
the importance of u seeking first the kingdom of heaven," 
she requested a friend to call and converse with Mary, on 
her birth day, on this important subject. After a short 
interview, in which he had endeavored to impress upon 
her mind, the happiness it would afford her through life, to 
have God for her father, followed by a very affectionate 
appeal to yield her young heart to him, he made this re- 
mark to her parents, " I shall expect to hear soon that 
Mary is a Christian, for I never saw truth sink into the 
mind as it did into hers, without being followed by such a 
result." 

Little is recollected of the following year, as her mother 
2* 



18 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



was brought near to death, and Mary was left very much 
under her own guidance, but her sweet docility, and tender 
watchful care of her little brother, come as gleams of sun- 
shine to relieve the mind as it recals those long and weari- 
some months of deprivation and suffering. 

During this period, her studies were very much inter- 
rupted, in consequence of her accompanying her brother to 
an infant school, and also her care of him after he was 
removed to another, collateral to the one which she attend- 
ed. Still she made some progress. Some occasional exer- 
cises at home, were of use in eliciting her mental powers, 
which although slow in their development, were yet not 
deficient in interesting qualities. A friend of the family 
was preparing a course of elementary books for children, 
and to test them, frequently read parts of them to Mary 
and her brother. The same friend had another little exer- 
cise, which he carried on with her in a somewhat playful 
manner. He directed her to shut her eyes and describe 
external objects ; gradually leading her mind to an atten- 
tion to its own processes. In this way she very early 
acquired a tolerably correct knowledge of the simplest ele- 
ments of mental philosophy ; and although her studies at 
school were of little use to her, yet at home she was 
making some progress in mental as well as in moral 
culture. 



CHAPTER II. 



RELIGIOUS DEVELOPMENT. 

The spring of 1831, is remembered as an important era 
in her life. It was seen at this time that her mind was 
more than usually tender in reflecting on religious truths. 
Whenever such truths were presented, she felt that she had 
a personal interest in them. Many tender and deeply 
interesting seasons are here recalled, which gave intima- 
tion that she had begun to realize her state as a sinner, 
needing pardon and peace with God. The impotency of 
the pen in describing such scenes, almost forbids the 
attempt ; but one shall be briefly noticed here, which may 
serve as a feeble specimen of many others. Mary was sit- 
ting with her brother one Sabbath evening, when he asked 
her to sing one of his infant school songs. Turning to her 
mother, she said in a voice trembling and half suppressed 
by deep emotion — " I wish Thomas would like to have 
me sing, 

" A fallen creature I was born, 
And from the birth I've stray'd ; 
I must be wretched and forlorn, 
Without thy mercy's aid." 

Here her feelings overcame her, and she covered her face 
and wept. 



20 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



It was near the close of her tenth year, when the scarlet 
fever, which had been in the city for some time, entered 
the family, and prostrated the brother before alluded to. 
Mary was soon taken with the disease herself, and her 
mother being occupied with her two little sons who were 
ill at the same time, she was obliged to consign Mary to 
the care of others. Those who attended upon her, were 
surprised and gratified to see her so composed and peaceful, 
while she was very ill, arid fully aware of the dangerous 
nature of the disease ; and they soon learned from herself, 
that she had been endeavoring to prepare for the issue, 
should the disease prove fatal to her. But she was spared, 
and her brother was taken. 

A little previous to the death of this brother, an inci- 
dent occurred which drew out her strong powers of sym- 
pathy, and very strikingly illustrated her forgetfulness of 
self, when she saw others in affliction, and also her very 
felicitous manner of imparting consolation. The disease 
had assumed a very alarming form, and the little sufferer 
was rent with convulsions, which it required no ordinary 
share of fortitude only to witness. The poor father, una 
ble longer to endure the sight, turned away from the bed 
and sought his room. Mary followed him. He threw 
himself upon the sofa, exclaiming, u I can't bear it, I can' 
bear it and he seemed to be struggling with emotions 
too painful to be borne. He had already been bereaved of 
three children, and now a fourth was about to be taken 
and in a very distressing manner. He again exclaimed 
" The hand of God is upon me ; I don't know but I am to 
be written childless." Mary drew her seat closer to his 
and laying her hand gently on his knee to gain his atten 
tion, she looked up in his face and said, " Father, you tol 
us that God always had a good reason for every thing h 
did. And has he not a good reason nowl and is it no 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



21 



right for him to make my little brother suffer so ?" Find- 
ing her arguments unavailing, as she. supposed, to soothe 
him, because that now he wept more freely, she took 
down from the shelf a hymn-book, and opening it, said, 
fe< dear father, let me comfort you, let me read a hymn to 
you, shall I ?" The father's heart was too full to speak, 
and she opened to that very appropriate hymn of Dodd- 
ridge, commencing, 

" Peace, 'tis the Lord Jehovah's hand"— 

When she came to the verse, 

" Fair garlands of immortal bliss 
He weaves for every brow, 
And shall rebellious passions rise 
When he corrects us now ?" 

Her countenance shone as if a beam from heaven had shed 
its light there, and her voice and manner were such as 
seemed better befitting an angel than a frail child. A rela- 
tive of the family had followed Mary and her father to the 
study, and had been a silent, but almost unnoticed observer 
of the whole ; so absorbed was the father in his grief, and 
Mary in her attempts to soothe him. She said the scene 
was more touching, on account of the state of Mary at the 
time, who having just risen from a sick bed, was still weak 
and pale. She seemed also to be overwhelmed with the 
consciousness of her little brother's sufferings, to whom she 
was tenderly attached, and to feel that she must not now 
lay her bursting heart upon her father's bosom, for he 
needed comfort and support himself. In the trying emer- 
gency, she looked away from human sympathy, and sought 
in God something which might meet the painful circum- 



22 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



stances of the case ; and she thus, meekly, though uninten- 
tionally, taught a lesson of submission to His perfect will. 

Her father, in speaking of it afterwards, remarked, that 
he u had never before been so dealt with;" that "she 
talked like an experienced Christian." 

Her brother's death took place soon after this, and she 
passed through the trying scene, with a considerateness, 
unusual for one of her tender age ; and the result showed 
that it had been to her a season of rich spiritual improve- 
ment. 

About this time, there were many meetings in the place, 
where children were addressed on the subject of religion, 
in a manner suited to their years. Mary was unable to 
attend any of them, but God was evidently teaching her, 
although in a different manner, at home. She was told 
that several of her young companions, who attended these 
meetings, were becoming interested in religion. This 
information made her increasingly thoughtful and serious. 

Her father was expecting soon to go abroad, and her 
mother being occupied in making the necessary prepara- 
tions, a little brother was committed to the care of Mary, 
and for a short time she was fully occupied in attending 
upon him. Though she never neglected her little charge, 
but always contrived to make him happy, still it was evi- 
dent that her thoughts were on other things. 

A week or two had passed in this way, when one day 
she was seen to be more than usually tender and thought- 
ful. An invalid friend was in the family, and this, together 
with other things, so constantly occupied her mother's 
attention, that Mary was necessarily passed by, without 
even a word, or any other attempt to ascertain the cause 
of her deep solicitude. But God was not passing her by, 
as the result showed. Soon after tea, having requested 
permission to retire, she went to her room. It was late in 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



23 



the evening, when her mother, hearing a soft voice which 
seemed to proceed from her chamber, went up to see if she 
was needing any thing. On opening the door, she found 
Mar/ in the attitude of retiring, and singing forth her 
thoughts in a low, sweet voice. Her countenance was 
beaming as with heavenly light, and she exclaimed, with 
an expression wholly indescribable, " O, mamma, I am so 
happy, I have found God." Her mother stood in silence, 
her hand still upon the latch, having been arrested by the 
grateful surprise ; when Mary, supposing that she waited 
for an explanation of her not having retired earlier, offered 
as a reason, that she " had been praying a long time, and 
that it made her so happy she could not leave off." She 
said, 4< While I was speaking, God seemed near. It seem- 
ed as if he heard me ; and I felt that I was speaking to a 
dear friend, and that He was near as when I speak to dear 
father." " O, mamma, I am so happy ! I can pray now!" 
"I have found God!" she again exclaimed; and her 
shining countenance bore testimony, that although she 
might not have seen God u face to face," yet that He had 
met her, and had blessed her. 

Some weeks after her father left home, she was visited 
with dangerous illness. Of the many remarks she made 
during this season, indicative of pleasant and profitable 
reflection, a few have been preserved in writing. An affec- 
tionate and valued friend,* in writing to her father says, 
44 Mary, as you have probably heard, has been ill. While 
suffering from fever, I was permitted to watch with her, 
and was delighted to find her mind in such a frame as was 
most desirable. The first thing she said to me was, ' O, 
Miss Chester, I have been thinking of the Saviour a great 
deal to-day; of his sufferings on the cross.' While look- 



* Her Sabbath School Teacher, Miss Jane Chester. 



24 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ing at some beautiful flowers, she spoke of her own garden, 
and said she could not keep it free from weeds, without 
assistance ; adding, 4 it is just like our hearts,' and contin- 
ued the comparison in a way to which I could not do 
justice." 

After her recovery, it was thought not best to confine 
her to the school-room, but to keep her abroad in the open 
air. She cultivated her garden, gathered mosses, and col- 
lected pebbles and shells, to build a mimic hermitage. For 
this purpose she used to ramble through the fields and 
groves, accompanied by her little brother ; and at such 
times, her heart used to flow forth in sweet and joyous 
communings with nature and its great Author. There 
was for many months an indescribable expression of peace- 
fulness and joyousness, beaming from her countenance ; it 
seemed to proceed from a sweet sense of her acceptance 
with God. 

Some years after this, when she was about leaving the 
home of her childhood, to go to her Eastern home, she 
spoke to her mother of this happy season in her youthful 
days. She said is was in her memory u like a long, bright, 
happy dream u it was unlike the rest of her life, it was 
so free from care, and so full of happiness and peace.'' 
And it may be added, that to one who witnessed it, it 
seemed like a continual hymn of praise to God. 

There was one circumstance, which, even more than the 
happiness she enjoyed, showed that she was at this time 
under divine teaching, and that her heart had indeed been 
touched with the love of God. It was this. From the 
moment she found relief in prayer, or, as she said, H could 
pray," she set about attempting to persuade her young 
companions to pray, and others also, whom she could 
influence. It is not known, whether she was successful 
at this time in her efforts, except in one instance. A poor 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



25 



girl, who lived at service in the family of a relative, was 
an object of much interest to Mary, and she attempted as 
she had opportunity, to impress upon her mind a sense of 
the importance of prayer. After laboring long, and wait- 
ing patiently, her feeble efforts were at length crowned 
with success. 

To avoid a wrong impression being made by the fact just 
related, an impression that Mary was obtrusive, in her 
efforts to promote the spiritual welfare of others, it should 
be said, that in all her attempts of this nature, there was 
so much of quietness and secrecy, that butfor their results, 
they would never have come to the knowledge of any, 
except the individuals concerned. In the case just men- 
tioned, her efforts were wholly unknown to any, excepting 
the poor girl and herself. But when there was reason to 
hope that the object of her interest had indeed become a 
child of God, she could no longer refrain from telling her 
mother ; and she did this, not to relate her own agency in 
the case, but to find relief for the fullness of her joy. Her 
heart was overflowing with gratitude for the happiness 
which this poor girl now experienced in the duty of prayer, 
and which Mary regarded as evidence of her having be- 
come a child of God. She hoped also, to impart some- 
thing of her own joy to her mother. 

It was somewhere about this time, perhaps earlier, that 
her powers of voice began to be developed. Before this, 
she had indeed been able to bear her part in the music of 
the family, and in the infant school, but now she had the 
instructions of a master. The scene is still fresh in the 
memory of the writer, when Mary, and a group of young 
companions used to assemble to practice singing. An hour 
in the cool of the long summer mornings, was devoted to 
this exercise. While yet the air was fragrant with the 
breath of flowers, and the birds were pouring forth their 
3 



26 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



glad notes, the teacher was training the young voices of 
his pupils to a soft toned violin. The little pieces which 
were given them to practice, were full of pure sentiments. 
They were the natural expressions of joyous and grateful 
hearts ; and there was also much in them, that was fitted 
to inspire and to cherish a taste for natural enjoyments. 

Mary had a high relish for all the appropriate amuse- 
ments of childhood. Among these, the rural party, and 
the song, were her favorites. Alwa}^s happiest when con- 
tributing to make others happy — delighting rather to place 
the May crown on the. head of a friend, than to wear it 
herself. At the little concerts in which she bore a part 
her gratification rose to its height, when some young 
friend sung with more than ordinary sweetness. At such 
times she would listen with breathless attention, and then 
when all was over, she would offer her congratulations 
with such affectionateness, as left no doubt of her sincerity 

From the time Mary was ten years old, she had a stron 
desire to make a profession of religion ; but her fathe 
being absent, she waited patiently the first half year; an 
after his return, another half year passed, and still this wis 
remained ungratified. Ever docile and confiding toward 
her parents, and yielding to their slightest wishes in othe 
matters, yet in the matter of a profession of religion, sh 
felt that she had a right to know why she w T as deprived o 
the privilege. 

One Sabbath, when her mother returned from a com 
munion season, she found Mary sitting in her room, appa 
rently in deep thought. As she entered, Mary addresse 
her thus : " Mamma, when our Saviour said, e do this i 
remembrance of me, 5 did he not mean to include children ?' 
She was told as she had before been, that her father though 
her too young to take so important a step. With grea 
seriousness of manner, she asked, " how old must I be 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



27 



before I obey Christ ?" She was told that her father 
thought twelve, a suitable age to make a profession of 
religion; when bursting into tears, she exclaimed, "I 
shall have to wait another year, and I have waited a whole 
year now."" 

During the following summer, the cholera, which had 
ravaged many parts of the country, entered New England, 
and there were such indications of its approach to our prin- 
cipal cities, as to arouse the vigilance of health committees 
and others, to prepare to meet it. One day Mary ad- 
dressed her mother on the subject in this way. a Mamma, 
if you should be sick, I should not be frightened; I should 
know just what to do." She was asked if she should be 
frightened, if she herself were to be sick, and also, if she 
had done every thing she would wish if the disease should 
prove fatal to her. The momentary uneasiness occasioned 
by her answering in the negative, was removed by her 
saying, " I should like to make a profession of religion 
first." Thinking she might be making a merit of this, she 
was asked if she thought it would make her any better. 
f O no," was her prompt reply ; u but I do want to leave 
my name for Christ." When she was twelve years old, 
this wish of her heart was gratified, and with several 
youthful companions, she took her place at the table of the 
Lord; and seldom, it is believed, is that ordinance ap- 
proached in a more acceptable manner. 

Mary, at this time, was highly favored in her instruc- 
tions at Sabbath school. Her father has made this remark 
of her Sabbath school teacher. i( Out of her own family, 
no human being exerted a greater, or more happy influ- 
ence in the formation of her Christian character, than 
Mary Jane Chester, afterwards Mrs. Hovey." Ever alive 
to the best interests of her pupils, she could not pass by the 
occasion when one or more of them professed their faith 



28 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



in Christ, by uniting themselves with, his visible church, 
without some more than ordinary expression of the deep 
interest she felt in their spiritual welfare. The hymn 
which she selected for her young pupil to learn on this 
occasion, doubtless had a very favorable bearing on her 
Christian character ever after. It was often quoted by 
Mary, and is in memory so identified with her Christian 
course, and withal so beautiful, that it is presumed its 
insertion here will not be unacceptable. 

" Jesus, I my cross have taken, 

All to leave, and follow Thee, 
Naked, poor, despis'd, forsaken, 

Thou, from hence, my all shalt be : 
Perish ev'ry fond ambition, 

All I've sought, or hop'd, or known ; 
Yet how rich is my condition, 

God and heaven are still my own. 

Let the world despise and leave me : 

They have left my Saviour too ; 
Human hearts and looks deceive me, 

Thou art not, like them, untrue ; 
And whilst thou shalt smile upon me, 

God of wisdom, love, and might, 
Foes may hate, and friends may scorn me, 

Show thy face, and all is bright. 

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure, 

Come disaster, scorn and pain, 
In thy service pain is pleasure, 

With thy favor loss is gain. 
I have called thee Abba, Father, 

I have set my heart on thee ; 
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather, 

All must work for good to me. 

Man may trouble and distress me, 
'Twill but drive me to thy breast : 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



29 



Life with trials hard may press me, 
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest. 

Oh ! 'tis not in grief to harm me, 
While thy love is left to me ; 

Oh ! 'twere not in joy to charm me, 
Were that joy unmix'd with thee. 

Soul, then know thy full salvation, 

Rise o'er sin, and fear, and care : 
Joy to find in ev'ry station 

Something still to do or bear. 
Think what spirit dwells within thee, 

Think what Father's smiles are thine : 
Think that Jesus died to save thee : 

Child of heaven, canst thou repine 1 

Haste thee on from grace to glory, 

Arm'd by faith and wing'd by prayer ; 
Heaven's eternal day's before thee, 

God's own hand shall guide thee there. 
Soon shall close thy earthly mission, 

Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days ; 
Hope shall change to glad fruition, 

Faith to sight, and prayer to praise. 

Although its full rich meaning, could not all be taken 
into the mind of one so young, and also inexperienced in 
the painful vicissitudes of life, yet to this full salvation her 
eye was steadily directed, and to the attainment of this, all 
else was made subservient. From this period, her rela- 
tions to the other world never were lost sight of. 

She early manifested an interest in missions. An inci- 
dent which occurred when she was a little child, will show 
the ease and readiness with which she could be interested 
in the missionary cause. Her mother said to her one day, 
"here is a field for you, Mary/' at the same time pointing 
out to her something which she could do to aid in the good 
work. With great seriousness of manner she replied, 
f If I am ever fit to be a missionary, I mean to go to the 
3* 



30 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Flat-head Indians and it was ascertained that she had 
been interested in an account of this benighted people, 
which she had seen sometime previous in one of the pub- 
lic prints ; and that their efforts to obtain the knowledge 
of u the true way to worship the great spirit," had so 
wrought upon her sympathies, as to lead her to form the 
purpose of one day going to instruct them herself. 

After she had made a profession of religion, she took a 
more decided stand, in aiding, not only the missionary 
cause, but also the many objects of benevolence which 
came within her sphere. When Dr. Parker left this coun- 
try for China, which was sometime during this year, she 
so arranged it, that a young friend, the daughter of a mis- 
sionary, should be present when he took leave of the fam- 
ily for the last time. With her friend, she accompanied 
him to the gate, and when he requested to be remembered, 
her heart responded, and she instantly formed her plan 
how to do it. While returning to the house she said, 
" we will sew for him, Sophia at the same time offer- 
ing her hand to her friend as a pledge. 

She immediately formed a society of very little girls, 
making it a condition they should earn the penny they 
brought, by doing something for their mothers at home, as 
most of them were too young to sew. Her benevolent 
and inventive mind, suggested many expedients to interest 
the little group, during the hour appropriated to the meet- 
ing. Sometimes she spread on the table around which 
they were arranged, something to please the eye, such as 
pictures, and specimens of natural curiosities ; sometimes 
she told them stories to interest them in missions, and 
other benevolent objects — again with a delicate touch, she 
would endeavor to ascertain, whether there were any indi- 
cations of tenderness on religious subjects. One little girl, 
the most healthful and robust among the number, after 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



31 



meeting a few times, was suddenly removed by death. It 
was noticed, that the last time she was present, when she 
presented her penny, it was with a moistened eye ; and it 
was hoped that these little meetings were among the means 
of preparing her for her early removal. 

Before entering on any plan of benevolent effort, Mary 
counted the cost, and took advice of her seniors. Jn the 
formation of the society just named, she saw each mother 
separately, before inviting the children to join it, and while 
their approval gave her strength, a feeling of responsibility 
to them, gave consistency and earnestness to her efforts. 

The avails of the first and second year were sent, and a 
letter was received in reply. The distant missionary 
wrote, that the communication from this little band, was 
like cold water to one perishing with thirst ; that, while 
those on whom he had depended to cheer him, by writing 
to him in his exile, had disappointed him, yet God had put 
it into the hearts of these little ones, to comfort and encour- 
age him in his work. Many an eye was moist as the let- 
ter was read and commented on, and doubtless many a res- 
olution to persevere was then renewed. 



CHAPTER III- 



SCHOOL DAYS AND RESIDENCE IN NEW HAVEN. 



Mary entered the Hartford Female Seminary sometime 
during her twelfth year, and remained a pupil in that insti- 
tution until August, 1838, at which time she graduated. 
Little, out of the ordinary course of studies in term time, 
and visiting by way of relaxation in vacations, is recollect- 
ed to have occurred, excepting that she had an additional 
source of enjoyment in the acquisition of a new friend. 
Marion D — — , a native of the south, was received into the 
family in June, 1836, and was Mary's room mate and com- 
panion in study, until the time of her leaving school. As 
both were only daughters, these young friends became ten- 
derly attached to each other, and each felt that she had 
found a sister. In all that contributed to make up the 
daily routine of life's duties, enjoyments and petty trials, 
they were one. Marion became settled in her Christian 
views and feelings, and made a profession of religion while 
in the family with Mary ; thus adding a new tie to the 
many which already bound them together. The parting 
of these young friends was painful to both. Particularly 
was it so to Mary, as in her case there were none of those 
alleviating circumstances, which so filled the mind of her 
friend, as to make her almost forget the coming separation. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



33 



Marion was cheered with the prospect of meeting kind 
parents, and a large circle of affectionate brothers, in the 
u sunny south," while Mary was to be left almost alone, 
with no young heart to send back its sisterly response to 
her own. 

A little incident which attended the parting of these 
friends, may not be uninteresting here. It was a delight- 
ful morning in the month of August, while it was yet dark, 
excepting that the stars shone with an unusual brilliancy, 
when the stage-coach, which was to convey Marion away, 
drove up to the door. The two friends walked hand in 
hand to the gate, when Mary's eye caught the Constella- 
tion of Orion in the eastern sky. Directing the eye of her 
friend to it, they both stood for a few moments silently 
looking up at this splendid constellation, then parted, never 
more to meet, till the arch of this lower heaven, in all its 
brightness, shall have passed away. As she returned to 
the house, she seemed bewildered that Orion should have 
appeared at that time, saying, 64 I thought it was only in 
winter that we saw it in this place." Her mother reminded 
her that she had never been out under the open sky in the 
month of August, at four o'clock in the morning. This 
recalled at once her bewildered thoughts, and she stood for 
a few moments in the portico, over which a grape vine, 
heavily laden with fruit, was twining its branches. The 
cool morning air, which gently stirred the leaves, and shed 
forth the fragrance of the ripening clusters, seemed to 
soothe her throbbing temples and aching heart. Some- 
time after her death, amongst her papers, were found the 
following lines, which the foregoing incident seems to have 
suggested. 



34 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



*' On seeing Orion, in August, a few hours before sunrise." 

" I little deem'd that thou wert near, 
King of the starry throng ! 
I thought when fields were brown and sere, 
5 Twas then thou'd pass along : 
And yet I see thy bands of light 
Beaming from yon blue vault, 
Brighter than gems of eastern mines, 
With glittering diamonds fraught. 

How oft when winter's icy hand 

Hath bound each vale and hill, 

I've seen thee make thy nightly course 

In grandeur, proud and still ; 

And one I lov'd was with me then, 

And oft with her I look'd 

Up to the cold blue sky where thou 

Thy mighty circuit took. 

We watch'd thee with thy starry train, 

And thought that thou must look 

In silent mockery on our earth, 

As 't were a thing of nought. 

And now, while on the clustering vines 

The fruit hangs heavily, 

Thy girdle in the east doth shine 

Before the rising day. 

And hast thou come, proud Orion ! 

At this our parting hour, 

To call back days of happiness 

Which we may see no more ? 

With mingled awe and grief we stand 

Beneath thy pale cold beams, 

While scenes of pleasure long gone by, 

Pass us in saddened trains. 

Thou shin'st upon our parting hour, 
And still as years roll by, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



35 



Thou wilt pursue thy onward course, 

Bright monarch ! in the sky — 

And e'en like Him who plac'd thee high 

Within thine azure home, 

Thou all unchanged wilt onward pass 

Round the eternal throne." 

Mary was in the habit of expressing her feelings in 
poetry, when her sensibilities were roused, especially 
when about to be separated from a friend — but she did 
nothing which might lead to the knowledge of her writing 
poetry, except to put her pieces into the hand of the indi- 
viduals for whom they were designed. 

As Mary needed some relaxation, after her long confine- 
ment in school, and also to be diverted from her sense of 
loneliness when her young friend left her, it was thought 
best that she should spend the winter following these 
events, in New Haven. But another reason for sending 
her there was, the many sources of improvement which 
would be open to her in that place. 

This was a very important period to Mary, and perhaps 
the most critical one in her whole life. It was once re- 
marked by a father, that " it is a very difficult thing to 
emancipate a child gracefully, from parental authority." 
Something analogous to this, might be said to have been 
the state of Mary at this time. She was just beginning to 
think and act for herself — she was about to find her place in 
society ; and the position she now took, would in all 
probability be the one which she would maintain through 
life. 

It was in the month of October, 1838, that she was 
taken to New Haven by her father, and placed for the 
winter in the family of Dr. Fitch. At the close of her first 
day in this family, she writes, " Dear father gave me much 
excellent advice during our ride, which I intend to remem- 



36 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ber. Do please, mother, write me soon and often, and tell 
me how I must conduct. I hope soon to become accus- 
tomed to the regulations of the family, and think I shall 
find much time to read and to improve — and now if my 
heart will keep right, I see not but that I may have a very 
pleasant and quiet winter." 

At the close of the first week, she writes again, — u Nov. 
1st. I prize every moment which is spent in Mrs. Fitch's 
society. She appears to have read and thought much, 
and by conversing with her only a short time, I learn what 
would be of great value to me, if 1 could only remember 
it. She seems an observer of human nature, so much so, 
that she has found out my weak points already. 5 ' 

Again to her father she writes, — <4 I am very happy in 
the society of my dear Mrs. Fitch. Her views of life are 
so rational, and her Christian principles are such as I wish 
every one could possess. Her views coincide with yours, 
and my dear mother's, and with so many kind guardians 
to point out to me the path of duty, I should be very much 
in fault, should 1 mistake it." 

In this family she found much to gratify her taste, par- 
ticularly her love of flowers and music. A few slight noti- 
ces of hers, may help to fill out a picture of her life at this 
time. 14 1 have removed my writing apparatus to the 
green-house, but it is rather too tempting a place, for I have 
half a mind to jump up and look at the flowers, there are 
so many beautiful ones here." In the morning she writes, 
M The sun, as it shines in through the plants in the green- 
house, does look beautifully ;" and again at evening, i( I 
have just risen to see how softly and brightly the moon 
shines in upon the flowers, making it look like some fairy 
land." 

She had naturally a rich and sweet voice, but for the 
modulation of this, as well as for her exquisite touch of the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



37 



piano, she was greatly indebted to the fine musical taste of 
Dr. Fitch. 

In regard to the manner of spending her time, she writes, 
" My time glides away smoothly and quietly here, and I 
hope it is spent usefully. The young ladies have invited 
me to join their sewing society, and as Mrs. F. approves 
of it, I have consented to do so. After prayers and break- 
fast, I read every morning a chapter to Mrs. Fitch in the 
French Testament, which 1 find very improving, for she 
is an excellent scholar in that language. We sew during 
the morning, when generally some one reads. At half 
past eleven, we go to the laboratory, where the chemical 
lectures are delivered ; and this takes up all the remainder 
of the time until the dinner hour, which is at one o'clock. 
We make our calls during the afternoon, and write or sew, 
and have music during the evening.'' 

Of her reading she says, — u Mrs. Fitch is reading 
Shakspeare with me, and some of Milton's short poems. 
We have just finished Marshall's Life of Washington, and 
found it very interesting, though he told us not much about 
the life of his hero, excepting as it was connected with the 
revolution. We have thought it best to read 4 Spark's' 
also, because it contains many of his private letters, and 
also a large number of interesting facts, of which Marshall 
makes no mention." 

To the books already named, were added many others 
eqjually valuable — and her reading during the winter was 
rendered both interesting and profitable, as it was enriched 
by the criticisms of Mrs. Fitch, which were highly dis- 
criminating and useful. 

Besides the Chemical, she attended the Philosophical 
Lectures, and a valuable course on Ancient History ; and 
also some shorter courses, on other subjects. Of these 
4 



38 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



lectures, she was in the habit of taking notes, and often 
spoke of them pleasantly, in her letters home. 

Of the Chemical Lectures she writes, u They are very 
interesting. The experiments are beautiful. To-day, 
Prof. Silliman made a thermometer, and we were all much 
interested with the process. I sat breathless while he 
heated the thin glass ball to expand the quicksilver and 
exhaust the air. There was danger that the ball would 
break with the heat, but Mr. S. was peculiarly fortunate, 
and nothing occurred to hinder the result. 

Mary ever cherished the most grateful recollections of 
this winter. It was to her among the bright visions of the 
past — such as she never expected to meet with again. 
But whenever she spoke of the advantages of this winter, 
she always named first, the benefit which she derived from 
intercourse with Mrs. Fitch. Of this lady, she wrote, 
u I cannot feel sufficiently grateful, that I am permitted to 
enjoy the society and friendship of one so highly gifted in 
intellect, and of such warm devoted piety." 

To a friend, the summer after her return home, she 
writes thus. " I passed, as you very well know, a delight- 
ful winter ; and I now look back upon it as the most im- 
portant six months in my whole life. I believe it has 
given the coloring to my whole existence. I cannot find 
words to express my gratitude to my dear Mrs. Fitch. If 
I am ever of any use in the world, or if my mind is in any 
degree directed to worthy objects, it will, next to the exer- 
tions of my own dear parents, be owing to that excellent 
lady. She is just the friend I need, and never in this 
world will she know how much good she has done." 

Mary remembered this winter as an important one to 
her on another account. So many new trains of thought 
passed through her mind, presenting such new views, and 
awakening such new emotions, that it seemed to her, as 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 39 

if a change had passed over her whole being. A few 
weeks before her return home, she writes thus to her 
father. 

" April 5th, 1839. — I feel, that during this winter, my 
views and feelings on many, nay, on almost every subject, 
have changed. When I think of what I was last summer, 
of the manner in which I then thought and acted, I am 
almost disposed to doubt my own personal identity, so dif- 
ferent am I now. Yet I can hardly tell you the exact 
things in which my views differ from what they once were, 
and if you were to see me now, I do not know that I should 
appear changed. I believe I have thought more this 
winter, than I ever did before in my whole life. I have 
read more than ever before.* I have already begun to 
think what I shall do this summer, and I hope some plans 
I have with regard to reading, may be put into execution. V 

"You told me in one of your letters, — 4 have more of 
Cato,' — and I have thought of it very often, since. De- 
cision of character is what I need very much, and I have 
found out lately, that the want of it has been the cause of 
much of my weakness. It has been very easy to mark out 
any course of study I have wished to pursue, and to begin 
it in a very fair manner ; but my want of firmness has made 
it very difficult for me to continue, and so, many plans of 
usefulness have been given up, for no other reason, than for 
the want of decision to carry them on. I have suffered so 

* Mary might have added, that she had written more than ever 
before. Her letters to her correspondents, during the six months 
she spent in New Haven, covered several quires of paper, compactly 
written. These contained much interesting, and some useful mat- 
ter; particularly, her own views on various subjects; and there is 
a vein of sprightliness running through them, which makes them 
interesting to those to whom they were addressed; but they are 
chiefly valuable, as they are a faithful transcript of her affectionate, 
confiding heart. 



40 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



much for the want of it, that I fancy I could make out a 
very good catalogue of the evils to which its absence gives 
rise. But I do not wish to weary you, dear father, with 
an account of my weaknesses, though it is some comfort 
to me to understand myself ; and I hope I am not yet too 
old to amend. Do you know, papa, I shall be eighteen 
very soon ? Just think of your daughter being so old ! 
Oh, I cannot think of it. I should like to be seventeen for 
a long, long time to come." 

Time always passed rapidly with Mary. A moment is 
never recollected to have hung heavily upon her hands. 
She placed her standard of character high in every respect, 
and this led her sometimes to undertake more than could 
be accomplished. During this winter she wrote thus to 
her mother — i6 I do feel that it is best to have a high stand- 
ard, for then we shall rise higher, although we may not 
entirely succeed in reaching it.'' An incident on the 
morning when she was twelve years old, here occurs to 
the mind of the writer. On entering the room where her 
birth day presents were spread out upon the table, after 
casting a look at these mementos of affection, she turned 
to her mother, and with much emotion exclaimed, " Oh 
mamma, I have now entered my teens, and I have not 
accomplished half what I intended to have done." 

In the somewhat extensive and varied circle in which it 
was her lot in life to move, there were not wanting occa- 
sions which might enable her to test the real value of 
earthly pleasures. The syren cup, in its rounds, was not 
unfrequently passed into her hand, and if she sometimes 
sipped of its sweets, it was not so much to see how near 
she could approach the boundaries of evil, and remain un- 
harmed, as from the difficulty of ascertaining the right 
course. It was ever a study with her, how she might 
recommend the religion which was so precious to herself, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



41 



to those amongst whom she moved, who were destitute of 
it. For this, she was ever ready to sacrifice every thing 
but principle. An incident in her seventeenth year, may 
perhaps serve as an illustration of this part of her charac- 
ter. Into the musical circles of which she was, for several 
winters, a very happy member, dancing had been introdu- 
ced, and she had taken a part in it, as a thing of course. 
At length, something occurred which turned her attention 
to the propriety of professors of religion participating in 
such an amusement. Her example was appealed to by a 
young professor, who attended public balls, in justification 
of the thing. When asked by a friend whether he thought 
the practice consistent with his Christian profession, he 
replied that " Mary Hawes danced." True, there was a 
difference between the two cases, but this was merely cir- 
cumstantial. The difference related to the time', the place, 
the company, and not to the thing itself, — in both cases it 
was dancing. On hearing this, Mary promptly discontin- 
ued the practice, and gave the whole subject a serious and 
very careful investigation, which resulted in the conviction 
that, however right it might be for others, it was wrong 
for her, and she ever after conscientiously refrained from 
participating in it. 

In a letter to one of her Hartford friends, during her 
winter in New Haven, she said, referring to the " Music- 
als," u They were very pleasant. I look back to those 
Friday evenings last winter, with much pleasure, yet with 
some pain, for I did suffer in refusing to join in the dancing. 
Perhaps it seemed strange, and too rigid to you, that M. 
and myself refused the entreaties of the girls — but though 
it did pain us to do so, as it appeared unkind, yet we could 
not in conscience join with them. There was no harm 
in the tiling itself, and I suppose that I could, without 
injury to myself, have engaged in the amusement, and en- 
4* 



42 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



joyed it highly. Yet, there were other things to be con- 
sidered, which fully convinced me, that it would be wrong 
for me to do it, however right it might be for others." 

At tirst, Mary continued to meet with these circles, and 
unite with them in the music, but refrained from the dan- 
cing ; but rinding this rather annoying to her young friends, 
with their consent, she retired when the dancing commen- 
ced, having first contributed her share to the musical enter- 
tainment of the evening. At length circumstances convin- 
ced her, that it was best to refrain from both. These 
musical circles afforded almost the only recreation in which 
she could unite with others, at the time of her retiring from 
them. They were also composed of friends whom she 
tenderly loved, and in the promotion of whose happiness, 
she found her own increased. Her love of music was also 
such as few possess, and the exquisite delicacy of her taste, 
rendered her performance a rich addition to the entertain- 
ment of the evening, and made her friends exceedingly 
reluctant to have her retire. In addition to this, an entry 
in her private journal shows, that it was at a time when 
she " pined to mingle more in society. 5 ' It is not surpri- 
sing therefore, that it should have cost her somewhat of a 
severe struggle to give them up. Besides, in refraining 
from a participation in what appeared wrong to her, she 
would place herself in the attitude of a reprover ; and how 
could she do this ? Her gentle nature shrank from the 
trial, but she sought and obtained strength, from a higher 
source than man, and a consciousness of doing right sus- 
tained her. 

As years passed by, and she gained more light upon the 
subject, having time to test the effect produced on the 
character of those who were in the habit of indulging in the 
amusement, and also being able to obtain from others whom 
she highly respected, the testimony which they could give 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



43 



her from their own experience, she reviewed this early 
decision with comfort and satisfaction. 

And if she were now asked whether she regretted this 
decision, what response would come back from the hills of 
light, where she is uniting in the anthems of heaven ? 
Would it be regret at this slight sacrifice ? Would it not 
rather be regret, that while she had the opportunity, she 
made so few and so feeble sacrifices for 41 Him who loved 
her, and gave himself for her." 

The course pursued by Mary in relation to the subject 
above referred to, had an eminently happy effect on her 
Christian character and influence ; and now that she is 
gone, it is remembered by her parents with the most grate- 
ful satisfaction, that she was enabled, by divine grace, 
to take a stand so honorable to religion, and so adapted to 
prepare her for her early removal. 



CHAPTER IV. 



EARLY CORRESPONDENCE. 

When it was in contemplation to prepare a brief Memoir 
of Mary, a friend who knew her well, and who highly- 
appreciated her, made the following suggestions in regard 
to the best way of doing this. " I think that her writings 
will give a more vivid impression of her character, than 
any thing else. They all show the same conscientious- 
ness, warm feelings, and quick perception of the good and 
beautiful, which were so strikingly manifested in her life." 

Believing this to be true, and also having abundant mate- 
rial of the kind, the remainder of the volume will be com- 
posed of sketches furnished by her own pen, with occa- 
sionally a remark or two in addition, by way of connection 
or explanation. # 

This plan is also in accordance with an opinion which 
Mary herself entertained. In a letter to a friend during 
the winter she spent in New Haven, she says, 44 I think 
there is no way in which the character of a person is so 
fully disclosed, as in his letters. The leading traits gen- 
erally appear in one way or another. I believe what lit- 
tle character I possess, appears in my letters. We are 
sometimes better able to express our ideas and feelings in 
writing, than in conversation ; and I have found out more 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



45 



of the character of my friends at Hartford, by their letters, 
than I should by being in their society for years." 

The amount of her writing was indeed considerable, for 
one who occupied so quiet a station ; and the friend just 
alluded to, was doubtless correct in saying, that u she wrote 
three times as much as most young ladies, who do not ac- 
complish half what she did in other things, and yet are by 
no means idle." It should be added, that she seldom devo- 
ted to writing, that portion of time, which is ordinarily 
spent in the daily, active duties of life. She had a surpri- 
sing facility in saving the fragments of time, and making 
them tell in something tangible afterwards ; and much of 
her writing was done in those odd moments, which are 
usually spent in recreation or rest, or rather by most young 
persons in doing nothing at all. She had also a very good 
facility in the use of the pen, thinking and writing w 7 ith 
great accuracy, seldom omitting a word or even a letter, 
and never copying. Facility and dispatch were, however, 
in her case, wholly the result of practice. When in her 
childhood, she first began to embody her ideas in a school 
composition, it seemed as if she never would be able to do 
this, and four or six lines at most, w r as all that her small 
stock of thought could possibly furnish. And then she had 
rather more difficulty than is usual, in learning to hold her 
pen, being naturally inclined to use the wrong hand, and 
there was always something of weakness in the right one. 

Her correspondents were numerous, but it was only com- 
paratively a few with whom she kept up a constant inter- 
course through the medium of the pen, whenever she was 
separated from their society. With these she communica- 
ted without reserve, on whatever interested her at the 
time, in something of the style of animated conversation. 
But her letters must speak for themselves, with this excep- 
tion, however, that what are inserted in this volume, are 



46 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



only extracts, and therefore none of them can appear with 
the beauty and sprightliness which they wear as a whole. 

Although in all her letters there were sufficient indica- 
tions that she was always under the influence of religious 
principle, and that she greatly desired her friends might 
sympathise with her in this, yet there were times when 
she made a more than ordinary effort to turn their atten- 
tion to the subject of religion. It is hoped that it will not 
be out of place, to insert a few of the many letters she 
wrote for this purpose, in this little volume, that so she, 
u being dead," may yet continue to speak to others, in the 
same simple and touching eloquence with which she was 
ever wont to plead for the care of the soul. They will 
therefore be dispersed through the remaining pages, accord- 
ing to their dates. 

To S , one of her early friends. 

Hartford, July, 1838. 
" Two weeks more, and my name will cease to be en- 
rolled among those who attend the Seminary, and I shall 
have passed those old walls, never again to return as a 
pupil. It is a pleasant and also a painful thought. The 
last of any thing is sad, but I am inclined to think the last 
term of school is particularly so. The parting look at the 
old familiar seats, where we have so often bowed at the 
feet of learning, the farewells spoken with companions of 
our study, and more than all, the adieus to our beloved 
teachers, are painful tasks, but they will come. I have 
been for many years at the Seminary, until I am familiar 
with every spot, and I can truly say, that I have spent 
hours of unmingled pleasure there, and I do not think I 
shall ever meet happiness purer, and less tainted with 
earth in any other place. Mr. B. is so good, so excellent, 
I feel that I have but just begun to know his worth, he 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENIN EP. 



47 



takes such a kind interest in all his pupils, and watches so 
over us with a father's care. I feel more at leaving him 
than any one else. Mrs. Y. too, I shall always remember 
with love and respect. She has shown me great kindness, 
during all the time I have been at school. 

Dear S., we have had a very interesting time since you 
left us. 1 hope we feel thankful to our Heavenly Father 
for his goodness in giving us such a precious revival. 
When you return here, I think you will find a change in 
some of those who were gay and thoughtless when you 
left. 

Dear*S., may I be permitted to urge upon your atten- 
tion, that subject which I know has in time past interested 
you, and which I would hope does so still. Have you, 
my dear friend, retained any thoughts on thq subject of 
religion, or has it all passed from your mind ? Is there 
any more convenient season for which you are waiting, ere 
you make your peace with our Father in Heaven ? He is 
such a good Father, that we would persuade you to come 
and make trial for yourself. He is waiting to make you 
his child. Can you stay away any longer from such a kind 
friend ? Perhaps you think that you have friends enough, 
and happiness enough; but without God for your friend, 
and religion for your happiness, you are, and must ever 
be, destitute of true enjoyment. 

You have permitted me, in time past, to address you on 
this subject, and may I not hope that you will excuse me 
now ? O, my dear friend, when I see so many whom I 
love, entering the path of life, I think of one who has ever 
been dear to me, and I pray that she too may come and 
walk in that path which leads to happiness, and everlast- 
ing life. May it not be so, soon, dear S ?" 



48 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



The one to whom the following is addressed, was a very 
clear friend of Mary's, and she seems to have preferred 
writing, as it allowed her to use greater plainness with one 
with whom she found it to be a very delicate and difficult 
thing to converse on the subject of personal religion. 

" I have wished for a long time, 'dear , to speak 

with you on a subject which should be interesting to us 
both ; but whenever I have attempted, it seemed as if a 
spell bound me which I could not break. I do not wish 
to preach a sermon, for that is not my office, but I do wish 
as a Christian, to speak to my dearest friend, On every 
subject we converse freely, and our sympathies on other 
subjects are also one. Should not our ' aims, our hopes,' 
be one? We are now entering upon the active concerns 
of life, and already do we form our opinions on the various 
subjects, which come up before us, and ought we not at 
this important period of our existence, to consider the sub- 
ject of religion, and to make up our minds as to the influ- 
ence which its truths shall have over us through life ? 

Dear , I have longed to tell you to what I feared your 

dissatisfaction with yourself was owing. Is it not to a 
want of fixed, Christian principle to guide you ? Without 
such a principle for our guide, how can we expect to thread 
the wildering mazes of this life. The principles and max- I 
ims of the world are radically wrong, and the bible is our j ' 
only guide. This is the golden clue to conduct us out of 
this labyrinth of uncertainty. You have said that you 
wish to study this winter — and will it not be best to begin 
at the fountain head of all knowledge, so that all you learn 
may serve to raise you higher in the scale of being ? Ah, 
of what use will it be to study the works of God, if we are 
at variance with His righteous laws. It will but serve to 
increase our misery, if we, who see his wisdom and glory 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



49 



in the creation around us, still keep on sinning against 
him. 

My dear friend^ let me entreat you to think of this sub- 
ject. Do not put it away lightly. You are living for eter- 
nity. O, that this truth might impress itself so upon you, 
that you could not forget it ; that its voice might sound in 
your ear, whether in the gay throng, or the silence of your 
own chamber, till you should be compelled to stop and 
inquire what you should do to prepare for the scenes before 

you." 

To the same. 

New Haven, 1838. 

u Oh, how much there is yet to know ! This vast uni- 
verse lies before us, with its infinite mass of matter and 
mind, and then there is an eternity in which to exercise 

our powers. Oh, -, how much we may accomplish ! 

Just in the spring time of our existence, with souls which 
will forever rise in purity and blessedness ; or will forever 
sink in degradation and woe. Our careless, childish days 
have passed, and now the serious business of living and 
acting in God's universe, is beginning to be felt by us. 

May we, my dear friend, have One for our guide, who 
will lead us on in the paths of wisdom and virtue, until we 
shall arrive at that state, where the soul will once more be 
in its native glory." 

To her friend at the South, the Summer after her return from 
New Haven. 

Hartford, July 13, 1839. 
" My dear M. — I returned yesterday from a delightful 
visit to Farmington, where 1 have been spending a few 



50 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LE^NNEP. 



days in the lovely family of Mr. N. I took your lett 
with me, intending to have a pleasant time in writing 
you among the groves and hills of that sweet place; b 
as every hour was occupied, I was obliged to forego th 
pleasure. You never went to the house I believe, but 
know you would like it. The rooms are airy, yet home 
like, and there is every thing to gratify the taste in musi 
flowers, books, drawings, &c. There is a wild little glen 
just at the foot of the garden, which has been left in it 
natural state. I took my book there one morning, an 
found it a very fit place to read of highland scenes as the 
are pictured by Scott. A seat has been built on the edg 
of the ravine, enclosed by a wooden parapet ; and while 
sat there and looked down on the little brook, which mu 
mured at the bottom of the glen, and saw the sun-lig 
dancing through the thick trees, and playing among th 
shadows, it seemed like a spot for a fairy queen to hoi 
her court. 

It is a year, a whole year, since we graduated. Can yo 
believe it ? I can ; for never did a year seem so long 
some respects, although it seems short in others. Te 
me, Marion, which were happiest, school days, or da 
out of school ? Ask me, and I will tell you that this last 
year has been the happiest of my whole life. I only wished 
you, dear M., a little nearer. I feel as though I had just 
begun to live ; I have such new feelings, such delightful 
themes for contemplation — and then, 1 am so happy in my 
friendships. I believe there never was any one who has 
so much to be thankful for. To be sure I have trials ; 
and who has not? How can w r e expect to live in this 
world, without some things to trouble us ? My greatest 
trials are from my own evil heart. There are times when 
every thing looks gloomy and perplexed, and when I fear, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



51 



I shall never know the truth ; # shall never be able to find 
its hiding place, in this labyrinth of perplexity. But our 
heavenly guide, who says, £ ask and ye shall receive,' 
will not leave in darkness any sincere inquirer after truth ; 
and He who has said, 4 be ye perfect, as your Father in 
heaven is perfect,' will He not guide our feeble steps, as 
we are attempting to follow him, until purified from sin, 
we shall one day stand forth in our Creator's image ? 
While gazing on the beauties of nature, amid the hills and 
groves of the country, I thought, what a heaven our earth 
would be, were the moral world as beautiful as the mate- 
rial. Dear M., do you not think that the goodness of our 
Heavenly Father, strikingly appears, in permitting those 
who forget him, to enjoy so much of beauty and happiness 
as there is in this fair earth? 

You don't know how very important I feel, in having 
so much to attend to at home, that my place is missed 
when I am absent. It has really raised my self esteem, to 
know that I am needed anywhere, and especially to know, 
that in the family circle I may be of some use. There 
seems to me no pleasanter sphere of usefulness, than that 
which the eldest daughter has. It is such a comfort to 
take the weight of family duties off from mother, and to 
soothe father when he comes wearied from the affairs 
which occupy his time — and then it is delightful to aid 
brother in his lessons, and to watch his mind as it begins 
to unfold. How careful I must be, lest by a word of mine, 
that mind be directed wrong ! 

Tell me, dear M., how you succeed in all your plans. 



* This state of mind, might have been owing, in part, if not en- 
tirely, to her having read several of the then new and popular wri- 
tings of the day, such as Emerson's, for instance, and several trans- 
lations from the German, which, while they dazzled, also bewil- 
dered. 



52 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



As only daughters we have common sympathies ; and may 
aid each other in devising ways for increasing our influ 
ence, and making it of the right kind. 

I am writing to you, dear M., in the still noontide, when 
every thing seems to have gone to rest_but 1 have prefer 
red talking with you, to yielding to the drowsy influence 
around." 

Her taste, as it developed itself in the love of the beau 
tiful in nature, threw a charm over her whole life, and 
contributed to enrich her intercourse with friends. It made 
her an exceedingly desirable companion in a rural party 
There, away from the world, with friends whom she loved 
she delighted to revel amidst the beauties of the fair crea 
tion around her. 

The following description from her pen* of a scene that 
occurred in such a party; of which she was one, will give 
some idea of the ease and readiness with which she could 
contribute her share to enliven such an excursion. Its 
date also, places it here. 

New Haven , August, 1839. 

u Yesterday afternoon we had a delightful ride to Sal 
tonstall Lake. Is it not enchanting ? Who would think 
that such a little fairy region was enclosed by those hills 

While taking our refreshments, we heard voices on the 
opposite shore, and could discern female figures gliding 
amongst the dark trees — gentlemen too, one with a guitar 
We thought ourselves fortunate, in selecting a different 
side from them, as they might have considered us as intru 
ders. Dr. and Mrs. F. were too tired to ascend the hill 
so J. and I thought we would beau ourselves up. We did 
not go round by the path, but clinging hold of the boughs 
of pine, we almost swung from place to place, it being to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



53 



steep to admit of a firm foot hold. It became easier after 
we had reached the regular path, and escaped the tangled 
brushwood ; and we sauntered on at our leisure, while I 
sang loud and carelessly, using the freedom that this moun 
tain land gave, 

' Through the wood, through the wood, follow and find me, 
Search every hollow, each dingle and dell ; 
I leave not the print of a footstep behind me, 

So they who would see me, must seek for me well/ 

A voice came up from the water, and it repeated, with 
beautiful emphasis, every word of the song. I stood pet- 
rified with amazement and fear. I little expected to have 
awakened the echoes of the lake. J. enjoyed my embar- 
rassment, and Mrs. F., who walked on the shore, called 
to her to have me respond to the echo. But the music 
from the water commenced again, — 4 Shall we meet again, 
Mary?' and I answered, 4 never, oh never.' 

Each w r ord was heard with perfect distinctness in the 
clear regions where we stood, although neither party could 
see the other. We were hidden from the lake by thick 
pine trees, yet every ripple of the waters, and dipping of 
the oar, sounded upon the still air. Mrs. F. could see the 
musical boatmen, and she said they rested on their oars, 
looking up intently as they sung to wake 4 the mountain 
echo.' 

Thus we went on singing and responding many beauti- 
ful songs. 

' Near the lake where droop'd the willow,' 

* My heart's in the highlands, &c.' 

and many others. At last we sang our farewells, and J. 
and myself descended to the shore. I should not have been 
willing to have carried on this little frolic of romance, if I 
had not recognized the voice, (for it was no other than 
5* 



54 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



W — , the brother of the poet,) and had I not been certain 
also, that my own was not recognized, for he bad never 
heard me sing before. We separated with no other recog- 
nition than what our songs afforded, and returned to the 
city. 

I feel tempted to describe our lovely ride home in the 
evenings — but words express sojeebly what we feel in be- 
holding scenes in nature. We rode slowly along round 
the shore of the bay, watching the sun as it set, and threw 
its rays on the water. The dark clouds, which hung por- 
tentously in the western horizon, were lighted with gor- 
geous hues, and the brilliant reflection strangely contrasted 
with the sombre colors beneath. The day had been warm, 
and the breeze which came in from the sound, was refresh- 
ing to us after our rambles. Far away to the south-east, 
we could discern a few light sails, while the city lay 
stretched out before us, wath its guardian rocks, presenting 
their bold outline to the sky. It was a scene which might 
tempt a painter's skill." 

gut • 

To M. D. 

October 1st, 1839, 
fel My dear M.— I am at present very happy , in the society 
of a new friend, who speaks the language of love, joy, hope 
and every other feeling of the heart. Now, who do you 
think it is ? You are no yankee, so I will tell you that 
the day before yesterday, I received a beautiful piano* 
My friends all come to see it, and it returns their atten^ 
tions with such effect, that they are delighted. For my- 
self I can say, that I never heard a more perfect instru- 
ment. Mr. G., our organist, whose taste is considered 
£qual to any one in this country, says that it is the finest 
he has touched since tie came to America. Such a union 
of brilliancy, softness, sweetness and power, is rarely sur* 
passed by any instrument. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



55 



To another friend, she speaks of her piano thus. " Dr. 
F. came to try my new piano, and I was delighted with 
the high opinion he entertains of my ' rose wood compan- 
ion.' He thinks it the finest he has ever seen, and has 
paid it or me, a compliment, which is very flattering. He 
has set some beautiful verses to music, and inscribed it to 
his friend Mary, an honor she feels quite unworthy of. 
The music is very sweet, just suited to the words. If you 
were only here I would sing them to you." 

The piano of which she speaks, was presented to her by 
some highly respected and much loved friends of her 
father's, and was a gift worthy the donors. Many were 
the devices of her grateful heart, to make to them some 
suitable expression of her sense of the favor they had done 
her ; but she at last concluded, that to make it subservient 
to her better qualification for usefulness in life, would be 
the best return she could make them, and would also be in 
accordance with the object for which it was given her. 

To m. D. 

Hartford, Oct. 16, 1839. 
u Oh, if you were only here, and I could talk with you 
instead of writing. I am seated where I can look far away 
to the south, and as I gaze on the scene before me, I can 
almost imagine that I see the spires and elms of my own 
New Haven, skirting the horizon. How often have I sat 
at this window, and wished that my vision might extend 
to that lovely city. 'Tis a year next Monday, since I 
went there for the winter — what a thrill comes over my 
spirit, every time I think of last winter! I love to dwell 
on each little incident — every hour, almost every moment 
is as fresh to my memory, as if it had passed only yester- 



56 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



day. The last year has been my happiest ; and why the 
recollection of it is mingled with sadness I can hardly tell — 
perhaps because 'tis past, never to return. If I should go 
there ever again to spend anytime, it would not be like the 
last winter ; for some of my dearest friends have gone, 
some have died, and some changed. 

I must tell you something of the affairs of our little 
circle. We have a sewing society, which meets every 
fortnight on Tuesday, and a musical every intervening 
Tuesday. Then we hope also to have a reading society, 
and these occupations, together with the Institute Lectures, 
which are quite fashionable now, will take up a considera- 
ble portion of our time during the winter. We have our 
little prayer meetings, as usual, on Thursday afternoon of 
each week, and every Sabbath evening there is an exercise 
in Doddridge at the Lecture room. I have quiet, pleasant 
times at home in reading, and now and then, star gazing.* 

You see how particular I have been to tell you of our 
affairs, so that if you choose to remember us this winter, 
you may imagine how we are situated. For myself I 
must say, that I hope the coming winter will be spent in 
such a manner, that when I look back upon it from the 
distant ages of eternity, it may be with approbation. 

Had I been told a year ago, that M. w T ould allow six 
months to pass, without writing to her northern friends, I 
should have said that the person who could make such an 
assertion, was unworthy of my confidence. I know that 
strange things happen in this world, and I must be pre- 



*To these details should be added, that some portion of each day 
found her actively employed in household duties, and that she was 
often abroad on errands of benevolence, or engaged in the same at 
home. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



57 



pared for them, but unfaithful friends are what I know 
very little about from experience. Thus far I have never 
been deceived in a friend^ and though 1 cannot suppose 
that I shall always be so favored, yet I should be very sorry 
to know that Marion was the first to break the spell, the 
magic spell of friendship. I will therefore have all leni- 
ency now; and not think that Marion has given up her 
northern friends. I will wait yet longer, for I cannot bear 
to come to such a conclusion," 

To the same. 

Hartford, January 29, 1840. 
u Your long looked for letter, my dear Marion, came, 
and was received with much satisfaction. It set every 
thing right, so far as doubt of your friendship was concern- 
ed ; and while we cannot help feeling a little sad, that our 
dear M. D. is to be forever lost, w p e hope to find in Mrs. 
S. E., a friend who will possess the same sweet, affection- 
ate qualities. 

So then, you are to be a good minister's wife, and lady 
of the parish ; and while you are attending to the various 
preparations for the approaching eventful day, and arran- 

j ging all the wedding paraphernalia, we are quietly pursu- 
ing our course, very much in the same way as when you 
was one of our number. Peihaps if you were to see us, 
you might think we were somewhat changed. You left 
us when our characters, though formed in the main, were 

I yet in a state to receive any new impression, and if you 
were now to return, you might find opinions, and feelings, 
and principles quite new-modeled. I am inclined to think 
that the same is true of you. Your letters show that you 
have somewhat altered in your views of things, though I 



58 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



hope your character in general, bears a near resemblance 
to the M., who was once the joy of our social circle. 

My beloved Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Hovey, has 
left us for her home in heaven. It seems a sad dream — I 
do not yet realise it. But it is so. We shall go to her, 
but she will never return to us. For some weeks past the 
world has looked dark to me, but heaven has been bright, 
as it has opened its portals to receive our beloved friends 
to its mansions of rest. 

I am thinking of going to New Haven for a few days ; 
but it will be a sad visit — so many absent from our circle — 
some in the busy tumult of life, and some in * the spirit 
land.' But 1 passing away,' is written on every thing 
earthly. How sweet it is to look beyond this misty, 
gloomy world, where all things are shrouded in dim twi- 
light, to the bright, pure Heaven, where 4 the sunshine of 
glory eternally reigns.' 

Am I wrong in writing to you thus, when you are in the 
midst of so much happiness ? 1 know, dear M., that to 
you the world must we aw? a beautiful countenance, and life 
appears to pass amid green vales and clear streams, and be- 
neath blue and smiling skies. I pray that it may always 
be thus fair. I know it will be so, if your way is illumined 
by the sun of righteousness, and if, amid the storms which 
may ere long beat upon it, your spirit shall catch, and 
reflect, the rays of glorious brightness, which even through 
the gloom, come to us from the world of light and peace. 

And now our paths in life are really to be different. 
Yours will be one, where many responsibilities will meet 
you; but of whatever nature these may be, I shall ever 
pray that you may have strength to meet them. May you 
have the light and peace of a Christian hope to shine, not 
only on your bridal day, and on each festal scene, but also 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



59 



to gild, with a quiet lustre, the sober duties of life which 
will follow ; and happy in your husband's love, may you 
pass through life usefully, until at length you shall arrive 
at that world, nvhere only is known the full bliss of friend- 
ship. 

We should love to be present with you on the 19th. If 
we all come as a band of spirits around your bridal train, 
will you not bid us welcome? 

Did you receive a letter from me which was written in 
July ? I was very happy at that time, and dreamed away 
many long summer days in bright anticipations and sweet 
remembrances. Now the dreamer is becoming a little 
more sober. How could she help it ? when so many she 
loved have departed, either to distant lands of this same 
roiling orb, or to unknown regions in this vast universe, 
which can be reached only through death's gateway. What 
scenes are every hour transpiring in distant worlds, while 
we go wandering on in this little globe, so much occupied 
with what appear to us as c vast designs,' that we scarcely 
look beyond to the universe around, from which we are 
separated by only a breath." 

To . 

February 16, 1840. 
u I have wanted, many times during this week, my 

dear , to renew our conversation on the topics 

which occupied us on Monday. It is a too deeply inter- 
esting subject, which concerns our eternal welfare, to give 
it only a passing attention. A winter's walk in a noisy city, 
is no place nor time to converse on such themes. I long 
for the time to come, when we can go and converse amid 
the woods and fields, and talk of that w T orld which will be 
our home, when this has passed away. My dear friend, I 
do want you to think of your preparation for that world. 



60 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



You say you ' do not feel.' That is one reason why you 
should think. How is it we become interested in any sub- 
ject ? Is it not by giving our attention to it ? Dear , 

you are now confined by a sickness, which shuts you out 
from general society. Is it not therefore a favorable time 
to think of God, and of your duty to him ; of the Saviour, 
and of all that he has suffered to redeem you from death ; 
of all his Spirit is now doing, to win you to the love and 
service of God, and to raise you to heaven ? Be persuaded 
to give it your whole attention. A passing thought will 
not do. Is a day too long ? Would you think so if you 
were saved by it, and in some distant age, from the 
heighths of purity and wisdom which you had attained, 
should look back on that one day spent, in seriously pon- 
dering the question of your soul's salvation ?" 

Mary had a contemplative mind, slightly tinged with 
sadness, and yet she was never melancholy. She has 
noticed this trait, or habit of mind, in her private journal ; 
for, as she said, it seemed to constitute a part of her very 
being, and she watched its influence on her Christian char- 
acter, with great carefulness. She says of herself, " I can- 
not hear a strain of music, or gaze on the quiet sky, with- 
out having an under current of sadness mingling with my 
deep enjoyment. From a child I have felt it. When 
quite young, I remember wondering why I felt half sad, half 
happy, on one sunny summer afternoon, when, upon along 
green hill side where I was playing, the sun-light lay so 
still and beautiful. It was the commencement of a feeK 
ing which has since grown, so as to tinge my whole char- 
acter. Every thing I most enjoy is most sad." She 
c< mused on nature," with a Christian's, as well as M with 
a poet's eye." Some sketches from her pen, illustrative 
of this trait, will be placed here on account of the date 
they bear. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENXEP. 



61 



Musings. Last day of Spring, 1S40. 

u Again are these exquisite, though soul-sickening days 
with us in all their oppressive loveliness. The soft winds 
stir among the green boughs, scattering the last blossoms 
of spring upon the verdant turf. Above us, the skies smile 
in their ever varying beauty. The trees, robed in fresh 
foliage, hanging not heavily, as in sultry summer days, 
wave gracefully in the fragrant breeze, while the sunlight 
dancing in the shadows beneath them, sheds a softened 
radiance over leaf and flower ; or rests in golden beauty on 
gentle slopes and meadows of living green. Beautiful 
warblers plume their bright wings, and soar far away into 
the vault of heaven, where soft clouds rest like a snowy 
veil above earth's loveliness. And I have come to my old 
familiar seat. How soft the light steals in through the 
half closed shutters ! With what a gentle sound do the 
ever varying tones of nature fall upon my ear ! And yet 
my soul is not still. Oh, ye days of beauty, tell us why in 
all your loveliness, ye do wake mournful chords within us ? 
Tell us why each whisper of the breeze calls forth a gush 
of sadness from our burdened hearts, and as we bend in 
silent admiration, a something all too deep for utterance, 
presses on the soul with its heavy weight ? 

I was much interested this morning with a verse in 
p Mrs. Hemans' Voice of Music," embodying the thought 
that the sadness which even the most joyous melody awa- 
kens, is for the want of a perfectness, which can never be 
found on earth, and for which the soul seeks in vain. Or, 
as she beautifully expresses it, 

" A something which finds not its answer here, 
A chain to be clasped in a holier sphere." 

It is this something, which stirs our spirits, as we wander 
amidst nature's lovely haunts. In the dark grove, where 

6 



62 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



cool waters flow, on gentle knolls where we rest at even, 
and watch, as the beams of day are fading, till the gold 
melts away to the rose, and with a blushing beauty die 
upon the sky, — in such shaded spots, and silent hours, the 
spirit, even in its deep gladness, sighs that there is still a 
void within which nothing here can fill. But in that purer, 
brighter world which revelation opens to our view, the full 
tide of joy may ever swell and know no check. There, 
no sad remembrance shall mar our peace, no sorrow cast 
its leaden weight on our spirits, as we drink in the glorious 
beauty of this vast universe." 

To C. C. with Longfellow's Psalm of Life, and other pieces. 

u Sept. 1840. It may be, my dear C, that these lines 
which to me have such fascination, are not of the kind 
which you like ; and yet 1 thought that the spiritual beauty 
which characterises the whole, could not but fill and en- 
rapture the soul, with you as with me. There is about the 
Psalm of Life, so much of inspiration, that one feels after 
reading it, ready 4 to suffer and be strong,' in any path 
through this life. What a mysterious thing it is to exist, 
to have a being in the universe. Sometimes the thought 
comes with overwhelming power, that I am existing, and 
shall exist forever ; and that my smallest actions, slightest 
thoughts, have some connection with the world, the uni- 
verse around. Dear C, may each thought, each act of 
ours, bring us nearer to that perfection for which we are 
aiming, — or as Longfellow says, may we 

' Learn to act, that each to-morrow, 
Find us farther than to-day.' " 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



63 



To C. C. 

Hartford, Dec. 15, 1840. 
u Many thoughts have been suggested to my mind by 
your note, dear C, which I have longed to sit down and 
give to you. Not that they are important as mine, but 
because I know you will sympathise with me in all that 
concerns my preparation for the unknown and untried 
future. Dear C, I feel that for one, I am too apt to forget 
it. How much must be done, before these natures of ours 
can become fit for the society of the pure and holy of 
heaven. It is thoughts like these, that make me feel I 
have been dreaming. How do all the beautiful creations 
of a poet's fancy, all the speculations of a philosopher, 
appear, when compared with the work which God has 
given us to do. Help me, my dear friend, to keep my eye 
steadily fixed upon this work. ' So teach us to number 
our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom,' 
is a petition we need daily to offer. Let us pray for each 
other, that our characters may be formed after the true 
Christian model, and so we be prepared for our eternal 
home. 

What lovely evenings we have had lately. There is 
something in a winter's sunset, peculiarly tranquilizing. A 
holy calm seems to veil the earth, when the evening star 
looks down 4 so still and saint-like.' If I could have only 
one hour in a day to myself, it should be just as the sun- 
light fades, and while the evening star lingers above the 
horizon. What lessons of peace and truth does it read us ; 
how it seems to point away from this narrow earth, to 
regions of perfect holiness and love. Do not those gentle 
beams give promise of a purer life beyond the grave ? It 
is not my style to weep often, but the solemn teachings of 



64 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



the evening star, have power 1 in sudden gushes the tears 
to bring,' yet not such tears as music calls forth, ' which 
refresh not and still must fall.' But we must talk together 
again of music." 

To M., on hearing that she had returned to the home of her youth, 
in widowhood, only six months after she had left it 

Hartford, Dec. 19, 1840. 
c; We have often, my dear Marion, in days gone by, 
mingled our hearts together, both in joy and sorrow, and 
you know not now how earnestly I long to annihilate the 
distance between us, that I may express to you, what it is 
not possible to put on paper, the deep sympathy we all feel 
in the affliction which our Heavenly Father has seen fit to 
send you. How little we thought of the future ! This life 
of ours would indeed be a mystery, w r ere it not for the cheer- 
ing light which revelation throws upon it ; and our spirits 
would sink beneath the load of afflictions which weigh 
them down, were it not for the support which the gospel 
of Christ affords. There we can find rest for the aching 
heart. 

Marion, the sad lessons of life have been early taught 
us, and we have found that 4 the change which must come 
over the spirit of our dreams,' exists not merely in a poet's 
fancy. Yet, is it not well ? Do we not need the lesson ? 
If we might always have our friends w 7 ith us here, and if 
our intercourse were not embittered by some trial ; should 
we not make of them idols, and twine about them our heart's 
best affections r 

I feel, my dear sister, that it is but poor sympathy I can 
give, and it is w r ith fear I am writing, lest I touch the 
broken harp strings with too rude a hand. There is One, 
and I love to think that, to that One, my dear friend, in her 
days of happiness, was no stranger, who, while he wounds, 



MRS* MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



65 



can heal. Is it not strange that we should need affliction 
to draw our hearts to this, our best friend ? 



When I wrote to you, dear M., of the afflictions with 
which many families here have been visited, it seemed 
almost wrong for me to intrude such sad tales upon your 
bridal days. How little I thought that a few short months 
would have rendered you familiar with other than joyous 
scenes. Will you not write to me, and permit me to sym- 
pathise with you. 6 We have been friends together/ and 
shall we not in sorrow as well as in joy, mingle our hearts ? 
Speak to me of your comforts in this your affliction, that 
when I taste the cup of sorrow, which sooner or later must 
be tasted by all of us, I too may know how to be sup- 
ported. 

You have still a blessing in your dear precious parents. 
But I very well know that it is not in the power of any 
earthly friend to take the place of a lost one. And why 
should we wish this ? Our lost friends, who sleep in 
Jesus, will one day be all restored. They may, even now, 
be around our path, as guardian angels, blessing us by their 
silent presence, and shedding, though unseen, a sweet and 
heavenly influence around us. And will they not welcome 
us to heaven ? 

How little do the sufferings of this life appear, in com- 
parison with the eternal weight of glory which will follow 
this short season of trial. That ' eternal weight of glory !' 
Our feeble, imperfect minds, cannot comprehend it. But 
God, our Father, will prepare us for it. Shall we not, 
therefore, submit cheerfully to the discipline of His hand, 
and feel, 

' That by the light and shade, through which our pathway lies, 
By the beauty and the grief alike, we're training for the skies.' 



Your name is often mentioned here with affectionate 
6* 



66 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEHJNEP. 



interest. We remember the young, lively M., who left us 
so full of health and happiness. And you remember us in 
our school girl days, full of hopes and pleasures. Two 
years have not passed so lightly over us, but that the sober 
lines of life have checked ours in some degree. In the 
varied scenes of coming years, may we find our characters 
becoming moulded into the image of our blessed Saviour, 
and whether we pass through happiness or adversity, may 
we be advancing towards heaven. 

Dear Marion, you have one more tie to endear that heav- 
enly home to you ; and the ties there will continue to 
strengthen, as one by one, those of earth become severed, 
Sabbath evening. I have just returned, my dear M., 
from a service in our lecture room. I wish you could be 
with us again in these meetings. They remind me of the 
last winter you spent here, when so many of our friends 
became Christians. M. S. wears like gold, and M. B., 
who became interested in the subject of religion last sum- 
mer, has joined our little Thursday prayer meeting, and 
will unite with the church, at the next commuflion. It is 
delightful to see one and another of my friends choosing the 
path to heaven. Would that we might all, like a band of 

sisters, pursue it together ! Our dear lovely and 

beloved, and satisfied with the blessings which are show- 
ered around her way, has still to choose that happiness, 
which alone is enduring. I know she is remembered in 
your prayers. Let us, dear M., pray continually for this 
dear friend, lest she perish, and the guilt be ours." 

To C. C. 

Hartford, Dec. 31, 1840. 

Ten o'clock. Two hours more, the old year's death knell. 
" It were much more fitting for you, my dear C, to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



67 



write me a new year's letter, 4 naitheless,' I will not let the 
evening pass, without thanking you for your kind, refresh- 
ing note, which came to me on a weary morning, like a 
spring to one in a desert land. 

I am in but a poor mood for writing, for my heart seems 
dying with the poor old year. The day has been cloudy 
and dark (as you know) but the stars are lighting now the 
old year from this world of faithlessness and sin, and a 
clearer sky than we have had for many a day, gives prom- 
ise of a brighter to-morrow. But I have thought my spirit 
out, I do believe, for I cannot care for either old year or 
new. While I am writing, some lingering remains of 
memory remind me of a thrilling picture in 4 Illustrations of 
the Song of the Bell,' by the same hand that etched that 
fearful one, we saw at Mr. D's. Perhaps I spoke to you 
of it ; it was of the hours coming in, in one long proces- 
sion from eternity, and receiving their portion either of 
good or ill to dispense, as they passed through time. What 
will the hours of this coming year bring us ! 

Dear C, the foundations of my soul, seem all breaking 
away. I never felt so entirely adrift in the universe, with- 
out compass or anchor, as I do at present. All that I 
thought firmly fixed in my heart is gone, and I shrink from 
the year, as bringing only new helplessness at a time when 
I need all my energies. Forgive me, my dear friend, for 
troubling you with these things. A letter on the eve of 
another great period which marks off the time of frail, per- 
ishing mortals, should be full of hope — of encouragement; 
and forgetting the past, should look towards the glorious 
future — the coming existence, when the strife with evil 
shall have ended. But thus I am little able to write now. 
The few longings I have ever had for the strife, seem all 
quenched. If I thought this state of mind was to last, I 
should be miserable. Perhaps 1 have fallen into some 



68 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



4 slough of despond/ but if so, it must be a very different 
one from Christian's, for there appears no helping hand. 
I am not jesting, my dear C-, neither am 1 indulging my- 
self in a melancholy dream ; but a conviction of what I 
am, and my utter inability to be any better, has so weighed 
upon me lately, as to drive almost every thing else from 
my mind. Do you know what I can do ? If you have 
any talisman to still the unquiet beatings of my heart, send 
it to me 1 pray you. 

Why am I so selfish as to write thus to you ? I am sure 
I did not sit down to the unmerciful task of making you 
acquainted with my utter destitution, but it was with the 
laudable intention of wishing you a 6 happy new year,' — 
happy in the consciousness of a daily increase in all that is 
worthy of an immortal and redeemed soul. O, my friend, 
press on in that glorious path with renewed ardor. Our 
Saviour has marked the way, and will ever be near, to 
guide, and strengthen, and to bring you safe to the hills 
of light. I dare not think of those everlasting hills. It 
blinds my eyes with tears ; for the long, weary path, full 
of difficulties, snares, temptations, corruptions, comes into 
my view, and fills me with gloomy forebodings. It does 
not seem as though I can ever get over them. Evil habits 
so fixed in the deepest recesses of the heart— love of the 
world, w 7 ith its poor perishing trifles, dragging the spirit 
down to earth. Will they drag it down forever? Can no 
one break the strong fetters ? But this does not sound very 
much like the words of a believer in all the promises so 
glorious and precious, written on every page of God's holy 
word. The very fact that I am a believer in them, makes 
me still sadder, for if I believed rightly, I should have no 
more discouragements. 

Well, perhaps 1 shall feel differently when to-morrow's 
light brings a young glad year, and the children in their 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



69 



careless glee, little recking of the future, shall come with 
their joyous greetings, and the world shall go on just as 
before, whirling and bustling, and our hearts, sorrowing, 
toiling, rejoicing till the last year comes, and the strife is 
ended, the drama closed. 4 There remaineth therefore a 
rest to the people of God.' Oh, for an entrance into that 
rest. I do not feel like giving up yet. There is a Saviour 
to guide us there. And when the old year is dead, and 
the bell has tolled its parting ; when the new year comes 
with its life and hope, let us, my dear C, rise, not in 
gloom, not in despondency, but in the calm and fixed re- 
solve, to go on in the strife, even to the end ; to £ learn to 
labor and to wait,' — to suffer and be strong,' — c to endure 
unto the end,' — looking to our glorious and risen Saviour, 
and to the bright company already redeemed, and who 
circle the throne in their spotless robes. 

Dear C, I long to sit by you, to take your hand in mine, 
and talk of our duties, our labors and trials. There is a 
rest from sin at the end of all these. • • Mother comes 
to me very beseechingly, to close my letter, it is so late. 
But she tells me just to put in her love — so here it is, with 
mine also, and many a wish for your happiness the coming 
year." 

To a friend in New Haven. 

Hartford, Jan. 18, 1841. 
I My dear J. How I wish you had been with me this 
evening, in our solemn services, hearing Mr. K. discourse 
from c When he maketh inquisition for blood, he remem- 
bereth them.' As I cast my eye over the audience, and 
saw the young, the lovely, the gay, the intelligent, and 
thought how in probability the souls of some, even of those 
whose hearts w T ere tender, would sink into eternal misery, 
it seemed to me we were all asleep, to think so calmly 



l 



70 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENXEP. 



about it. To be eternally ]ost ! Oh, what is it ! Lost 
too when we might be saved ! Do not such thoughts 
come at times with an almost overwhelming weight ? And 
can we believe them, and yet do so little — scarcely warn 
our friends of danger ? 

I had a horrid dream last night. It has haunted me all 
day. Shall I tell it ? I dreamed (it almost paralizes my 

heart to write it,) that ? s day of probation was over, 

and she eternally lost ; fixed forever in the land of despair, 
without one gleam of hope ; severed from all that she loved, 
and condemned to dwell with the spirits of darkness and 
woe ; — and all this when I might have prevented it. 
Through all the long night I wandered from place to place 
with my wretched heart, and the image of my friend eter- 
nally lost through my influence — and in bitterness of soul, 
I felt as if I could die too. Pray, my dear friend, for the 
salvation of this dear girl. Must it be that she die in the 
midst of so much light from God's word, and with the 
hopes of the gospel spread out so plainly to her view ? 
What are we about to let our friends go on, day after day, 
with no warning voice to wake them from the sleep of sin ? 
Has not God promised to answer prayer ? Oh, yes, our 
poor feeble prayers ! and I have evidence, blessed be his 
holy name, that the prayers of some one are answered in 
her behalf ; it may be mine, it may be yours ; but no mat- 
ter, dear . is not entirely careless; she does think ; 

she can feel, and by the blessing of God she may be saved. 
My dear J., could we together supplicate God's spirit to 
strive with her heart, and never to leave her until her 
heart is given to Christ, how I should rejoice. But this 
cannot be. Each in our own chamber, and alone with our 
God, must pray for the salvation of this dear friend. Will 
you, dear J., every night at the twilight hour, join me in 
prayer for this blessing ?" 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



71 



To M. D. 

Hartford, Feb. 15, 1S41. 

u My dear M. Your precious letter has filled my heart 
with gratitude to our Heavenly Father, for giving you in 
your affliction, such a sweet spirit of resignation to his 
holy will. Yes, my dear friend, he is an Almighty com- 
forter, and it is sweet to lie in his hands, and to feel the 
everlasting arms beneath the sinking soul. Continue, dear 
M., to trust and love him as you now do, and you will 
reap the reward of patient waiting on him. Think of the 
promises in his word. How full of love ! A balm for all 
our woes. O, take them home to your heart. Our Father's 
chastening hand is upon you, dearest, but we rejoice that 
you can feel it is in love ; and though now it is very dark 
to you, one day you will be able to rejoice in view of the 
wisdom and goodness of this trying dispensation. On those 
hills of light, where all tears are wiped away, where no 
sin nor sorrow ever come, there we shall look back on our 
pilgrimage through this world, and shall see how necessary 
was all the discipline through which we passed. 

Yet we may weep ; for religion does not seal the heart, 
and forbid us to mourn over our buried joys ; but while we 
mourn, it teaches us to do this, 4 not as those who have no 
hope.' ' The sorrow of the world worketh death ;' but 
the religion of Christ teaches us to look beyond the grave, 
to that glorious world, where having been made 4 perfect 
through suffering, ' we shall find our rest. 

M., how dream-like appears the time when you was 
here with us. Do you remember the various talks we had 
of the future ? How we whispered our thoughts to each 
other about this busy, and then bright world ? We were 
novices then in the art of happiness, and worse than novi- 
ces in our anticipations of it — at least so far as we expected 
to find it here. Though we warned each other about trust- 



72 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



ing: the dazzle of this earth, though we told how others 
had found it unsatisfying, there was, after all, a secret feel- 
ing — 1 well, if they were disappointed, we may not be,'— 
and our dreams appeared so rational, we thought we could 
not be. But, my friend, you are realising now the truth 
that this is a state of trial, not our home, our portion. And 
is it not best to be taught this early in life, that our affec- 
tions may be set on heaven ? In that world, we shall look 
with very different feelings upon our earthly joys and sor- 
rows, from what we do here. How much we need trust 
in God. There is no state in which we do not need his 
guidance. God, our Saviour, is our life. Oh yes, our life, 
1 Our life is hid with Christ in God,' 

March 1. I have been delaying thus, dear M., hoping 
to have an opportunity to converse with father on the sub- 
ject to which you alluded in your letter. 1 think he will 
write you when his duties become less pressing ; but at 
present he is fully occupied. There is a delightful work 
going on in our city, of which I have been longing to tell 
you; for many you knew and loved are hoping in Christ. 
It is nearly two months since the commencement of the 
revival, which has been mostly among the young people. 
The way had sometime been preparing for this, when Mr. 
K. came and spent one month here, preaching every after- 
noon to professors of religion, and in the evening to others, 
particularly to those who were not Christians. 

The remembrance of those seasons is like a green spot 
in this desert world. We came forth from our dark places, 
and stood in the light of the sun of righteousness; we cast 
off our garments of mourning, and put on the garments of 
praise, and already the glory from the celestial city seemed 
beaming down upon us. It seems to us now, as though we 
can never go back to the troubled streams of this world, 
having tasted of the streams which flow from the throne of 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



73 



God and the Lamb. But, dear M., I know not how to tell 
you half. Many are changed — and more than all, and I 
have been keeping this to tell you last, our own dear 

* my heart is very full — what shall I say ! She 

has joined our little prayer meeting, and our intercourse 
now is so delightful, it seems like heaven begun on earth. 
It is some time since she became interested. Before the 
revival she had begun to feel that this world could not sat- 
isfy the wants of he immortal soul. With all her enjoy- 
ments, there was still an c aching void. 1 She has had 
many perplexiti ■ and discouragements, since she began 
to think seriously upon the subject, but our Heavenly 
Father has been leading her along very gently, and bring- 
ing her into the right way. Let us rejoice together in this. 
Cannot you, my dear sister, even in your affliction, thank 
God that one more dear one is added to that band who are 
ever to live and praise God around his throne ? Some of 
our beloved ones are already there ; and we are waiting 
here, in this our pilgrimage, for our Saviour to call us. He 
will come in his own good time. 4 And them also that 
sleep in Jesus, will God bring with him.' This verse, M., 
looks very much as though we shall not only know our 
departed friends, but that it will also be an addition to our 
happiness, to have them with us. Does not this seem to 
intimate that we shall still love and be interested in those 
whom we knew and loved on the earth, more than those, 
with whom we are to begin an acquaintance ? Nor will 
this at all interfere with our loving everyone. It does not 
to my mind, seem requisite to the perfect bliss of heaven, 
that we should have equal love to all. 1 have had a little 
conversation with father on the subject, and he said that 
i there was nothing which could lead us to think that friend- 



* The young friend about whom she had the dream. 
7 

H 



74 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ships begun on earth, and founded in pure motives, might not 
be continued and increased in heaven.' I have thought 
much on the subject, dear M., and have heard various 
opinions about it, some of which have made me unhappy ; 
and I have come to the conclusion to leave the matter with 
God. He can fill our largest desires. We are in his hands. 
Our dear departed friends are with him at rest. Let us 
see to it, that we are prepared for that rest which remain- 
eth for the people of God. This is the great thing, after 
all, that we have a part in the great salvation. Then our 
cup of happiness will be full in the other world, even though 
we may not here, know the way in which God will fill it. 
I long to see you once again, dear sister of my heart, to 
mourn with you, and to look with you to heaven where 
Jesus is, and where we may be, if we trust in him. Oh, 
that we could love and serve him more perfectly. How 
sweet to feel that in heaven there will be no more sin. 
We must toil, each in our part of the vineyard, doing what 
little we can, till we go to our rest in heaven. There we 
shall spend an eternity together. There I shall know ali 
that you have known and loved. Let us ' comfort one 
another with these words. 5 " 



CHAPTER V. 



HER RELIGIOUS WRITINGS. 

It is with some hesitancy on the part of friends, that the 
following extracts are permitted to occupy a place in this 
volume. They were written exclusively for the benefit of 
the individual who penned them, and are a record of her 
views and feelings on the subject of religion, with notices 
of such facts and events as interested her at the time, to- 
gether with the effect which these had on her religious 
character. They are selected from a journal which she 
commenced in January, 1S41, and closed in June, 1843, 
just before leaving home for her residence in the East. 

There are those to whom it appears to be a species of 
sacrilege to expose to the scrutiny of others the private 
religious exercises of an individual. It will be seen that 
the manuscript from which these extracts are made, is not 
exclusively of this character. If it were, this would not 
constitute the only ground of hesitancy. A difficulty is 
felt in making from the mass such selections as shall ex- 
hibit her character in its true light. The objections against 
keeping a record of the daily religious exercises of the 
heart, or rather against exposing this record to the scrutiny 
of others after the death of the individual who kept it, 
might, it is thought, be made against any thing which 



73 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



should cause the light of the Christian to shine before men 
in this dark world. To make such a record useful to others, 
it is indispensable that it accord with the traits of Christian 
experience delineated in the New Testament ; and also that 
there be nothing in the life strikingly at variance with such 
a record. 

Mary is known to have carried her religion into every 
thing. Her Christian experience was not suffered to lie 
dormant within, an inoperative principle, confined to her- 
self and useless to others ; but it was as a perennial spring, 
overflowing in its fullness, and fertilizing all around. 
From the moment, when in h joy at having " found God," 
she exclaimed u I am happy," it was her constant, uni- 
form, and untiring effort, to lead others to a participation 
in the same happiness with herself. 

Her religion also was the religion of the Bible. Its 
sterner doctrines as veil as its milder precepts, were allowed 
to have their full influence over her. She took it and not 
the maxims of the world for her guide. It was a " lamp 
to her feet and a light to her path," and by it she has no 
doubt been led to find her home in heaven. But like all 
other Christians she was but irrperfectly sanctified, and 
many and severe were her inward struggles, in her at- 
tempts to lead a consistent Christian life. 

She had a buoyancy of spirit and depth of sympathy 
which extended to every living thing, and those traits, 
with others of a kindred nature, fitted her to enjoy life in a 
high degree. But while they made her more interesting 
as a friend and more useful as a Christian, they at the 
same time constituted the principal sources of her trial ; 
and it was through these mainly, that the discipline came, 
which fitted her so well for usefulness in life, and for a 
participation in the joys of the redeemed. 

As she never separated religion from the active duties 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



77 



and daily enjoyments of life, so in her private journal she 
has not disconnected these, but while it contains a faithful 
record of her religious views and feelings, it gives them in 
connection with the objects and events by which she was 
influenced in her intercourse with the world around her. 

But before making extracts from the journal, it may not 
be inappropriate to take a brief notice of her earlier reli- 
gious writings. How early she commenced the practice 
of committing things to writing for a religious use, is not 
certainly known ; but it was before she felt competent to 
originate thoughts for this purpose herself, and she there- 
fore made use of the suggestions of others. The selec- 
tions were her own, and they show a discrimination which 
is rather unusual in one so young as she was when they 
were made. 

At the commencement of a manuscript which was found 
after her death, amongst several others of a similar charac- 
ter, is this sentence. " I must remember every day Hive 
that I have a God to glorify — a soul to save." 

In the same trembling and unformed hand, were copied 
with slight alterations, several resolutions of President 
Edwards. On reading these the first time they met the 
eye after her death, they seemed to be an epitome of her 
life, and on this account they are copied here. 

1. Resolved never to lose one moment of time, but 
spend it in the most profitable way I can. 

2. Resolved never to do any thing I should be afraid to 
do were it the last hour of my life. 

3. Resolved to think much on all occasions of my dying. 

4. Resolved to find out fit objects of my charity. 

5. Resolved never to do any thing out of revenge. 

6. Resolved that I will so live as I shall wish I had 
done when I come to die. 



7* 



78 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



7. Resolved to maintain strict temperance in eating and 
drinking. 

8. Resolved never to do any thing which if I should see 
in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him 
for, or to think any way the more meanly of him. 

9. Resolved whenever I do an evil action, to trace it 
back till I come to the original cause, and then carefully 
endeavor to do so no more. 

10. Resolved to study the Scriptures so constantly and 
frequently that I may plainly perceive myself to grow in 
the knowledge of the same. 

11. Resolved never to speak in narrations any thing but 
the pure and simple truth. 

12. Resolved to strive to my utmost every week to be 
brought higher in religion than I was the week before. 

13. Resolved never to speak evil of any person except 
some particular good call for it. 

14. Resolved never to give over, or in the least to slack- 
en my fight against my corruptions, however unsuccessful 
I may be. 

The foregoing selections are without date, as indeed is 
the manuscript from which they were taken, but the hand 
and other circumstances show them to have been written 
somewhere near the time when she was ten years old. 
The manuscript appears to have been rilled up very slowly 
and a considerable improvement is seen in the hand wri- 
ting and in the Christian character also as it goes on, or 
rather there is a more full development of character both 
intellectual and moral : but it was not until she was thir- 
teen years old, that she began to date what she wrote. 
Her first date, in connection with the fact recorded with 
it, marks a somewhat interesting transaction. On the last 
page of the manuscript alluded to, in a fair open hand, and 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



standing out prominently so as to prevent the possibility of 
its escaping the eye of her who penned it, is the following 
pledge. 

" Oct. 19, 1834. 1 promised that I would read with 
Miss Chester, my Sunday School Teacher, a chapter every 
day, beginning at the 7th chapter of Matthew. 

Mary E. Hawes." 

This promise she doubtless kept for several years, as she 
often alluded to passages which she was reading in con- 
nection with her teacher, and as she had a similar exercise 
with her own pupils after she became a teacher herself. 

As will be seen, she was in the habit of reviewing the 
year which had just closed, on each successive birth day. 
She also did the same at New Years ; and before each 
communion season she kept a day of fasting and self ex- 
amination preparatory to coming to that holy ordinance. 

The first extract will be made from a review on the day 
she was twenty years old. 

1341. April 16th. My birth day ! This beautiful, 
sunny spring day makes me twenty years old. Oh, how 
many are the thoughts which have passed through my 
mind to-day ! The past has been here, and ] have stretch- 
ed my eye to the dim future, as I seem to stand on a 
mountain in my life, and look back on sunny, lovely child- 
hood, and on my youthful days, half sun, half shade. Oh, 
how many quiet birth days have 1 spent in my much 
loved home. 

Blessings have been strewed thick around my path ; 
ever strewed around ! Dear, dear home ! Friends, much 
loved parents, religious influences of the purest and holiest 
kind ! INew England is my birth place. Here, in the 
Pilgrim's land, 1 have ever lived. I do thank Thee, O, 
my Father, for these thrice blessed privileges. 

There is no pageantry nor royal state around my path. 



80 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



There is nothing which the world calls noble or great in 
this peaceful home ; but there is what is infinitely dearer 
to me, the influence of piety to draw me to the skies ; to 
point me away from this poor fading world, to mansions 
in Heaven for those who, love Christ and His cause. I 
know I am thankful for this, and thankful that so few of 
earth's temptations are around my way, for O, I have a 
weak heart, and should have been utterly ruined, had my 
lot been differently cast. 

The past year has been very eventful ; the most so of 
my life. I dare not look forward to what another year 
may bring. I will trust him who has so far guided my 
steps. I will place my hand and heart in His care. Why 
should I fear ? Oh yes, the past year has been very 
eventful indeed. 1 have had many more thoughts than 
ever before on every subject, but particularly on religion. 
And I can humbly say, 1 do think that this birth day finds 
me farther on my course than the last. There is so much 
sin in my heart that I wonder at myself for allowing that I 
have any hope, but when I look back at the past year, 
and watch the workings of my own mind, there does seem 
to me a great change in my feelings. My views of duty 
are clearer, and my love of duty stronger. Jesus is my 
hope and trust, and I think that religion is my daily com- 
panion. 

I have had many thoughts on religious subjects — all the 
time have been agitating some question of duty, or watch- 
ing some sin which has crept into my heart and wound itself 
tightly around my life ; and 1 have had days of mourning 
because I could not be free from it. I think I have had 
much religious enjoyment. It seems as though light has 
been gradually let into my mind, and did I not painfully feel 
the deceitful ness of the heart, should feel willing to say that 
an advance does seem to have been made in my views of 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



81 



every thing connected with God, and the Saviour and His 
cause. 

About commencement time, I went to New Haven, 
and houo;h I passed through many dissipating scenes, 
I had all the time such a fear of losing myself in them, and 
of giving way to my worldly feelings, that it did not injure 
me as much as I feared it would. The week after my re- 
turn home I count among my most delightful weeks. I 
had much time alone, and thought I profited by it. From 
that time my heart was turned more to Christ. 

One night during the autumn I remember returning 
from a party, where the evening had been closed with 
singing and prayer, and as I laid my head on the pillow, I 
felt happy. It was the only party I ever returned from 
feeling better than when I went, and there was nothing of 
the feverish excitement I had at other times. It does re" 
quire a great share of grace to attend parties and keep 
piety warm in the heart. 

The latter part of December I had many perplexities. 
I then passed through a trying season. My wicked heart 
rose up within me and there seemed no comfort any where. 
I felt as though I had no right to call myself a Christian, 
and I went to work as if I were not one. The fast on the 
2d of New Year set me on a little better footing. I thought 
that my star of hope w T as beginning to rise, and though the 
clouds have come over often since, it does seem to grow 
brighter. My tract district afforded opportunities for do- 
ing good, and when the revival commenced I did welcome 
it with an open heart. Since then I have passed many 
pleasant hours. Mr. K's sermons to Christians I think I 
derived much good from. My dear can sympa- 

thize with me now on religious subjects ; and my inter- 
course with all my dear friends is such as to raise my 
grovelling heart above this world's delusive excitements. 



82 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



It was during the midst of the revival that I was called 
upon to consider a deeply interesting subject, which ever 
since has absorbed my attention, and agitated me with a 
thousand hopes and fears. I can trust all in the hands of 
a merciful Saviour, who has thus far guided me, though in 
a way I knew not. When I look back on the events of 
my past life, how plainly can I see the hand of God in 
every thing! He, who has guided me, will still guide, 
and strengthen me to give up all for Him. I know that as 
thy day, so shall thy strength be, is a sure promise, and 
yesterday, while looking round on my home, and my heart 
was ready to burst at what would probably come in the 
course of events, and while thinking of my precious friends, 
and many, many blessings, I could lay all in my Saviour's 
hand, and let Him dispose of them as He pleases. I do 
say, u not my will, but thine, God, be done." And 
while I yield up all to Him, my only desire is to become 
wholly His, and be free from sin. 

To C. C. 

Hartford, April 16th, 1841. 

4 1 1 have been hoping all day, dear C , to find time to 
write, and think I have fairly secured one half hour at 
least, for a little talk with you. 

You do not know this is my birth-day. Twenty years of 
my life have passed — happily, very happily — oh, I dare not 
look forward. To-day, my thoughts have been half shaded 
by the uncertain future, and while I have counted over the 
many happy birth-days which have come and gone, in this 
my much loved home, I shrink from what the return of 
this day may bring me. Twenty years ! Oh, C, you too 
have passed them. Can it be that we have bidden adieu 
to sunny childhood, and are already surrounded with the 
bewilderment, and bustle, and whirl of life ? Yes, we 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEJNNEP. 



83 



must be borne on by its billows, till death lands us in a 
world of real existence. I was much interested recently 
in a sermon of Dr. Cox's, in which he said that here we 
did not live, we only half existed ; the other world was to 
be the scene of our true and perfect existence. The truth 
of this comes home to my heart every day I live. I 
never gaze on this earth, lovely and winning as it is, I 
never listen to the melodies of music, without feeling what 
is nearly akin to it, the want of perfection here. We have 
each of us, dear C, though in different ways, been led to 
look to another life, for the development of our being, and 
happy will it be for us, if these early lessons remain as a 
talisman to guard us against the many syren voices of this 
world. O, never, amidst the excitement of life, may we 
lose the thought of our higher existence. 

When passing, an hour since, by an open window 
through which the south wind blew very fresh, 1 fancied 
it bore the fragrance of spring blossoms, and for a moment 
May, with all its lovely verdure and opening buds, passed 
before me ; and the vision brought many thoughts of last 
year. I must live to-day in the past, for I seem standing 
on one of the mountains of my life, and sunny days of 
infancy are far behind me, with the half cloud, half sun- 
shine period of youth still nearer, from which 1 have just 
emerged ; and now, sober and even solemn seems the hue 
of my coming being. There are some things in my life, 
which make me look upon it with very different feelings 
from what I regarded it, when gazing a few years since, in 
all the buoyancy of youthful gladness, on coming sunny 
days, in which even the clouds should be of brilliant hues. 
I do feel, my dear friend, that this life is a deeply solemn 
concern. 'T is not a merely checkered day, now sun, now 
shade, but viewed in the light of eternity, it is a period 
awfully solemn, upon which depend consequences of the 



84 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



deepest moment. O, how could we ever dream, my friend ? 
How could we linger mid the fairy lands of earthly fasci- 
nation, and waste so much of our precious time in beauti- 
ful reveries, and entrancing theories, while the preparation 
for a world of realities was almost neglected ? Let us 
thank God, if indeed we are awakened, and begin with 
hearts strong in the strength of our Saviour, to press on- 
ward in our way to the portals of eternal life. 

In our little circle are some mourners, but each of them 
can say that the afflictions from the hand of their Heavenly 
Father have been blessed, in drawing away their hearts 
from this world's good, and leading them to drink at that 
fountain where eternal life flows full and free. When we 
see them coming to our quiet gatherings, they who, not a 
year since, moved in the giddy mazes of the dance, and 
knelt at the altar of this world's allurement, when their 
voices mingle with ours in the songs of a holier world, and 
when we kneel together round the throne of grace, we 
cannot but send up our thanksgivings, that their trials 
have taught them the lessons of true religion, and true 
happiness. Oh, my friend, the blessings from our Heav- 
enly Father's hand have rilled us with gratitude — so many 
that we love are now safe in the fold of Christ, travelling 
with us to the promised land.' 5 

Journal. 

Sabbath evening, April 18. Here in my quiet seat, I can 
again spend a pleasant hour alone, with the beautiful blue 
sky without, and the sunlight on the distant hills. There 
is something so tranquilizing in such a sky that my feel- 
ings are perfectly indescribable while I gaze upon it. Now 
while I write, there are a few light, clouds which add to 
its beauty, and they are bright with the rays of the sun. 
Oh, how lovely is this earth ! Even under the curse it is 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



85 



full of beauty. But I do not count this tranquillizing feel- 
ing as religion. Oh no. I well know that many may ex- 
perience the same, and yet have hearts full of corruption 
and at enmity with that glorious Being who made all 
things. A natural religion never would do for me. I 
must be able to call my God a reconciled Father in Christ, 
before I can hold any true communion with Him in His 
works. But I do love his works, and I humbly hope that 
I have loved them lately more because they are from his 
hand, and that I have in some measure 

<£ Look'd through nature up to nature's God." 

I know the heart is deceitful above all things, yet it is 
my endeavor to be free from sin in every thing, and to 
make every thing a means of advancement in holiness. I 
have, alas, many drawbacks. If it were not for this 
Saviour, " who can be touched with the feeling of our in- 
firmities," I should sink in despair. My desire is to be 
wholly renewed. Some things I read this morning in Miss 
Fry's " Christ our Example," startled me very much, and 
I only found peace by praying to the Saviour to lead me 
in the right way. 

Monday, \dtli. While at our devotions this morning, 
the notes of a robin broke on the still morning air. These 
early birds of spring, what lessons of piety they are teach- 
ing us ! All nature smiles around. The hills sleep peace- 
fully in the distant sunshine, and the blue vault of heaven 
is clear and cloudless, and I am happy — but it is a subdued 
happiness. I do not think I shall ever again feel the 
light-hearted buoyancy of youth, or be free and careless 
again. But I am happy in the thought of doing my Heav- 
enly Father's will, and in trusting my Saviour to lead me 
into the path of holiness, and far from those sins which 
8 



86 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNER 



make me at times so wretched. Christ strengthens me for 
every duty. 

Evening. Had a gleam of sunshine come across my 
heart. I felt happy in obeying God, and it left a sweet 
peace in my heart all the evening. 

Tuesday. This afternoon one of my little S. S. schol- 
ars came down, and I had a sweet talk with her about 
prayer, and told her also about my own dear teacher, Mrs. 
Hovey, and how we always kept the Sabbath twilight as 
an hour of prayer. It is many a long year since she first 
proposed our meeting at that time around our Father's 
throne to remember each other in our petitions, and it has 
become the most hallowed and interesting hour to me of 
the whole week. It is a precious link to bind our hearts, 
and more precious now that our teacher is in heaven. I 
proposed that now, as my dear little M. was so soon to be 
separated from me, that she should remember the hour, 
and thus we should still be joined in heart around the 
mercy-seat. Six months' intercourse with this dear little 
girl, in my class, has twined our hearts closely together, 
and I have hope that she is a child of God. 

Thursday. Our cook is sick, and I have spent all the 
morning in looking round for another, but returned without 
having obtained one, and went into the kitchen myself. In 
the midst of my work came a precious package from New 
Haven — a little note with an exquisite cushion for a birth- 
day gift, and a long letter from dear Mrs. Fitch, very, 
very good ; but it made me cry hard, and then I prayed 
for strength. All the day I have been looking to that 
Saviour, who is able to keep from falling them that trust 
in Him, and then at my own dark heart, so full of sin, so 
drawn to this world, that I fear I shall never be able to 



miS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



87 



break away from its enticements, and make an unreserved 
consecration of my all to Him. 

In the afternoon was refreshed by our prayer meeting, 
and sweet Christian intercourse. These bonds will never 
be sundered. When separated, we can still meet around 
our Father's throne, and know that the same eternal home 
awaits us. 

O, my Saviour, help me to dwell in the light of thy 
countenance ; to know no will hut thitae ; and to feel happy 
in yielding all to thy blessed control. 

Saturday, 2&t!i. I have just returned from the funeral so- 
lemnities of the lamented Harrison. At an early hour, this 
morning the sable robing of the streets commenced. Flags in 
the harbor were at half mast, mourning wreaths were around 
the tower of the Centre Church, and wherever weturned 9 
the appropriate signs of sorrow met our eye. They who, 
but a month since, rejoiced in the elevation of so good a 
man, to the presidential chair, now. appeared in mourning 
badges among their respective societies. There was 
something deeply solemn in the sombre light cast on the 
mourning robes of the church. The speaker's voice seemed 
to come from a sepulchre of black. 

Wednesday , 2&th. This is indeed a glorious morning- 
bright with sunlight, and joyous with birds. O, for a 
heart as full of light as this clear, lovety day ! But I am 
happier than I have been. There is a peace stealing over 
my mind every day. Is it of heaven ? I pray that I may 
be searched, and that the Spirit may dwell in this dark 
heart, and the selfishness within be scattered before its 
gentle influence. Will not this prayer be accepted for 
Jesus sake ? 

Went in last evening to the —s\ Found the girls 
preparing to go to E— 's wedding. As I stood in the 



88 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



room, watching the making of their toilette, the thought, 
that for me, all these scenes were passing away, and that 
a time would come when I should leave all, all, filled my 
heart with mingled emotions. The parties I regret not at 
all; but the social intercourse will go on, friend will meet 
friend, and the ocean will roll between me and my own 
home. Yet I was peaceful, and had many sw^eet thoughts 
alone, after my return home. A power not my own, kept 
wrong feelings from arising in my heart,'* 

H Friday, 30th. To-day has been, I hope, profitable to 
me. I have spent it as a day of fasting and examination of 
heart, before coming to the table of the Lord. I have been 
looking over the past two months, and think I have been 
gaining strength and a little light, since the last sacrament. 
Comparing my feelings with what they then were, I cer- 
tainly dosee an advance. At that time, I felt great trust and 
confidence in my Saviour ; I felt happy also that he was 
so fitted to be a Saviour to all who put their trust in him. 
But in thinking of God ? I felt almost afraid to think of his 
sympathizing with us. He seemed so vast, and glorious, 
My views of him then, were very indistinct. But they 
have for some time been, expanding ; and now r the thought 
that this great Being is my reconciled Father in Christ, is 
delightful, and the thought of doing his will entirely, is, i 
humbly hope, the happiness of my life. If I am not de- 
ceived, I do turn away from every earthly thing, and make 
the will of my Father my chief joy ; and I humbly trust 
that I could be happy in it, though all my earthly sources 
were taken away. 

Last night, while here by my window, I had such sweet 
thoughts, that I felt constrained to say to myself, c yes, I 
am a Christian and it made the tears come very fast, to 
think with any certainty, this may be true ; for all my life 
long I have feared to admit any degree of hope tcmysouL 



MILS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



89 



But I do think I love God my Father, and Jesus my Sav- 
iour, and I do open my heart to the influences of the Spirit. 
It does seem to me that this hope is gaining strength. 

I am sure I love God, and do really wish to do his will 
in every thing, and do approve the gospel plan of salvation, 
and feel earnestly desirous that every selfish and sinful 
feeling may be taken away, and that every one may know 
and love and obey God. 

My views too have changed in regard to enjoying nature, 
and the various gifts around me. I do not have that same 
unsatisfied feeling while gazing on the lovely earth. My 
soul seems to rest in the thought that my Father forms 
every beauty ; and I do not look around with that painful 
desire I once felt, to have something fill a void which I 
knew was in my heart, while I enjoy nature more and 
more every day." 

u Sabbath morning, May 2d. This holy, blessed morn- 
ing shines with sweet light on every thing within and around. 
I have enjoyed a quiet hour in meditation on my Father's 
goodness, and on the blessedness of his service, and of trust- 
ing him. The birds are praising God, and my heart feels 
like bursting forth in songs of joy. O, this lovely world, 
what would it be if the smile of God rested on all hearts. 

This beautiful morning, dear is to profess her love 

to Christ, and many dear companions are coming forward 
to take the vows of God upon them. How good is our 
Saviour ! Should the clouds come over the natural earth, 
as in these changing days they do so often, yet will the 
sun of righteousness remain to cheer our hearts." 



8* 



90 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



To hev friend, M. S. 

Sabbath Morning, May 2d. 
u My dear M. I could not think of coming to Sabbath 
School, without bringing you a little note. How lovely 
every thing is — full of the beams of divine love — and what 
gushings of melody come in the songs of the happy birds ! 
Do they not find responses in our hearts, my friend ? Never 
did I feel my heart leap in joy as itdoes this morning. O, 
M., is it not delightful to live in the service of so good a 
being as our reconciled Father in Christ ? Is it not good 
to yield all to his blessed control, and know no will but 
his ? Surely there is more blessedness in doing his will, 
than in any thing else that this life can yield us. If the few 
scattering joys which have entered our benighted hearts 
here, make us so happy, what must the full glory of that 
life be, where no sin can obstruct the gushings of peace 
and joy. I write unconnectedly, dear M., for my heart is 
so full I cannot give expression to what I would say. I 
never thought that I could be so peaceful in the service of 
God, nor have such a sweet, tranquil frame of mind, as I 
have enjoyed for a few days past. Now I give up every 
doubt and fear, and trusting only in my Saviour, am willing 
I humbly hope, to do all he appoints. Dear M., I did not 
mean to occupy this note with my own feelings, but they 
would come out. O, to sing praises to our Saviour ! He 
who has redeemed us from our sins, and given to us the 
hope of eternal life ! But the bell rings and I must close." 

Journal. 

" Seven o' * clock, P. M. I must note down what'a sweet, 
composed, happy day I have had. It was indeed sweet 
to come with so many dear friends to Christ's table. I can 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



01 



truly say that it has been one of my most peaceful days^ 
All is given up to God, and my heart does humbly rest in 
him, and trust in that Saviour who will never leave nor 
forsake those who come to him. I have abundant reason 
to trust him. Yes, yes ; and my heart is grateful ; of 
this I am certain — and though the clouds come over my 
soul, and sins perplex and distress, and though trials press 
on every side, yet can I say 1 my heart is fixed? and I will 
trust him forever." 

H Sabbath, May 9th. This is a morning for devout 
praise. Surely grateful incense should ascend from every 
heart to-day. I love to think that while I sit at my win- 
dow, and drink in the varied beauties of this lovely hour, 
there are many, in their quiet rooms, who now are sending 
up to heaven the glad thanksgiving of hearts full of love to 
God. All nature is teeming with life and joy, and thrice 
happy are they whose minds are attuned to participate in 
the gladness of gushing melody from bird and bee. Again 
the sunlight lies on the fresh green grass and gentle hill- 
side, and the blossoms smile in the light of this glorious 
morning, and the notes of the sweet robin meet my ear. 
I love all, more and more, every day, and humbly hope I 
love and adore the Father of all. I think as my love of 
heavenly things increases, so also does my love of this 
beautiful creation. 

There was formerly, when I drank in the beauty of 
nature, such an under current of sadness, whence it came 
I know not, and such a feeling of oppression, as if so much 
beauty were painful, that my saddest hours were, when 
gazing on scenes like this before me. It was an unsatis- 
fied mind, looking in vain for something to fill the void ; 
and I did not then realize, as I do now, that it was a sense 
of God's love that was wanting. I thought the feeling 



92 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



constitutional, for as it was in nature, so it was in every 
thing else that 1 enjoyed ; it awoke the same minor chords 
to vibrate in my heart. It is not all gone now, but it is so 
far diminished, that a sweet peace comes over my mind, 
and a little season alone, where nature smiles, draws my 
heart right to God, and I go away satisfied and tranquil. 

I feel happy, this morning, to leave myself and my dear 
friends, all in God's hands. There is mercy through 
Christ. We can trust this good Saviour." 

(i Noon. It is a sweet Sabbath noon-tide, quiet and 
warm, and the bees are lulling us with their hum around 
the fragrant cherry blossoms, and the clear liquid notes of 
a bird, break now and then on the stillness. 

This morning, my father went to the Sunday School. 
After opening it with prayer, he made a few remarks, at 
the close of which, he spoke of the book which was ever 
open to our view, reading us lessons of love and truth 
from its beautiful pages. C.* made me understand that 
she thought it was the book of nature ; and I was pleased 
that she knew so readily. My father's prayers, both at 
Sabbath School, and afterwards at church, were adapted 
to this lovely spring day. Dear C. is, I trust, a Christian. 
It is sweet to have one dear child safe in the fold of the 
Saviour.'' 

To E.f 

Sabbath Evening, May 9th, 1841. 

" I hope, my dear E., that this beautiful Sabbath has 
put many sweet thoughts into your mind, and led you to 

* One of the little girls in her class. 

f A young friend, in whose spiritual welfare she felt a deep inter- 
est. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



93 



love our Father in Heaven, with a warm and confiding 
love. How sweetly the beams of his goodness meet us 
on every side. Free as the air we breathe, is the love 
which comes from our God. 

Think, my dear E., that this glorious Being, who made 
the stars in such countless numbers, who keeps them all 
in their places, who made the birds too, and each little 
insect that flies in the sun-light, and keeps them all, watch- 
ing and guarding them, will also watch over and guard 
you. Oh, yes, — he has a Father's heart, and not one who 
lifts even a trembling voice to him will he neglect. He 
listens to the prayer of the most feeble and timid, and the 
moment a poor wanderer returns to him, he meets him with 
a Father's blessing. 

Think of that blessed Saviour, who c though he was 
rich, for our sakes became poor.' Why did he leave his 
glorious home, and come to this earth to suffer so long a 
time, and die in so much agony ? Oh, my dear E., we 
know very well that it was to save us from the misery and 
the power of sin. He saw us while we were far from God, 
and in infinite love he came to draw us back to him. 
Do you know that verse, 

' Jesus saw me when a stranger, ^ 

Wand'ring from the fold of God, 
He to save my soul from danger, 

Interposed His precious blood.' 

My dear E., hear the voice of that Saviour calling you to 
him. Go and give him your heart — give him the soul he 
died to save. He ransomed it from eternal death, not with 
silver, nor gold, nor the precious things of this world, but 
with a price infinitely more costly, even the blood which 
he shed on the cross. 

Will you not give him your whole heart ? And then 



94 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



your Father in Heaven will love you for Jesus' sake, and 
will own you as his dear child., He will guide you safely 
through this life, and should your way ever become dark, 
yet his hand will lead you on, and bring you at last to that 
peaceful home where you will join in singing anthems of 
praise 4 to him who hath loved us and given himself to die 
for us.' No sin, no sorrow can enter that home. There 
our Saviour dwells with all his faithful friends. Many 
are there whom we have known and loved, and he who 
guided them safely, will also guide us. Let us go dear E, 
together, to that promised land. Jesus will lead us through 
every temptation. Why should we have any fear when 
we know that God will help us ? Do you know that sweet 
verse in Isaiah 41 : 13 : 'I the Lord thy God will hold thy 
right hand, saying unto thee, fear not ; I will help thee.' 

Write me an answer, dear E., and believe me ever your 
affectionate friend." 

A delightful response came back to this note, showing 
that the individual to whom it was addressed, was already 
beginning to feel an interest in the things of religion. Mary 
bore this young friend constantly upon her heart, and there 
was ever after a free interchange between them of thoughts 
and feelings on the subject of personal religion, which was 
interrupted only by death. 

u Saturday, May 29. c O sunshine and fair earth,' I 
say, every time the morning breaks in its freshness. Day 
and night are telling the same story of love and joy, which, 
like a gushing fountain, pervades all nature. Morning is 
for joy and leaping of heart, and evening is for calm and 
gentle thoughts, but both tell the same tale of a Father in 
Heaven, ever good and kind. 

Tuesday, May 25, was a delightful day. I was in 
Farmington on a visit to C. C. We went at 11 o'clock, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



95 



to Mr. N.'s, where we passed a lovely time, revelling in 
wood and ravine, and gathering wild flowers in the glen. 
It is a paradise on earth. The house and grounds are per- 
fect. And there are sweet, Christian hearts, to enjoy 
God's rich favors there. When 1 look at them, and feel 
how much they are enjoying, there is no heart sickness 
about it, for I know that the angel of peace has spread his 
wing over their dweliing, and that the other world will 
but continue and increase their happiness, for its source is 
in God." 

To C. C. First day of summer, 1841. 

Hartford, Tuesday, 3, P. M. 

n Here I am, dear C, at home, and you are again in your 
school, and the visit to which we looked forward for so 
many months, is now in the past, and its events are living 
only in our memories. But it is a sweet visit to remem- 
ber, and I love to call up each day, and live it over again. 
There were many things in it, which can furnish fruitful 
themes for our meditation. I am glad that we spent the 
time as we did, for though I brought back to Hartford 
nearly all the difficulties I carried away, yet I returned 
with a better heart for conquering them, and have already 
begun to carry into execution some plans for preserving a 
quiet, trustful spirit. I feel that I am but just awaking 
from my childhood's dreams ; that I have every thing yet 
to learn, and all my strength to gain. 

My dear C, I count among my chief blessings, that we 
are permitted to know each other on earth, and to form a 
friendship which I hope eternity will only strengthen. In 
coming years, our paths may be widely separated, and our 
interchanges of feeling be only few. But it will matter 
little to us, for we can still pray for each other at our 



96 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Father's throne, and no distance can ever break the bond 
which unites us. And while we are steadily pursuing the 
way our Saviour has marked out, we can look forward to 
a meeting beyond this life — and 0, that meeting ! Friend 
meeting friend, around the throne of God and the Lamb j 
There we can all recount the way in which our God has 
led us. It overwhelms me to think of it. Many an event 
now unthought of will pass, before that meeting comes. 
And our characters too., will not they have changed ? 
Shall we be the same beings, with hopes, desires and joys ? 
And shall we recognize each other as friends, who began 
existence almost together — -who wept and rejoiced to- 
gether in youth ? 

June 8th. My dear friend, is there not a perfect luxury 
in these soft summer days ? How beautiful every thing 
is ! Praise and thanksgiving, gushing forth in one foun- 
tain ! — and are not our hearts tranquil ? I wish we could 
spend these lovely evenings together. The foliage is more 
beautiful here than ever before, and the city has looked 
like a garden, as I have stood by the window and seen it 
bathed in moonlight. To 'me, there is something fearfully 
solemn in a winter moonlight upon a city; when the din 
of daily labor has ceased, and a death-like stillness reigns 

overall the abodes of men when the spires rise to heaven 

in their lonely majesty, and the moon passes calmly on her 
way, over dwellings which hide aching and weary hearts. 
But though the solemnity remains in the summer time, yet 
it is of a softer kind, and not what makes me hold my 
breath. 

We had a sweet Sabbath twilight. What a relief it is 
to meet around our Father's throne." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEJSXEP. 



97 



Journal. 

" Sabbath, June fith. My dear C. and I, engaged in a 
sacred promise, to spend the twilight hour in prayer for 
three dear friends. May God hear, and answer, and con- 
tinue to us a praying spirit. The Sabbath twilight is pe- 
culiarly dear. It is my sweetest hour." 

u Wednesday, June 16th. Here, by my own window, I 
have passed a quiet season, and now in these few moments, 
I must recall the days that are wanting in my journal. So 
many and so varied have been the scenes of the past weeks, 
that I have longed to note them down. Perhaps it is best 
that I am obliged to hurry them over, lest they assume too 
much importance in my mind." 

" Sabbath, June 20th. Once more alone in my favorite 
seat, with a sweet Sabbath to reflect upon. Its hours 
have passed very calmly, and I love to think of the pray- 
ers, and sermons, and of my Sabbath-school class. I have, 
indeed , many sins to mourn over — many wandering thoughts 
have crept into my mind, and till this weary body of sin is 
cast off, they will, I fear, ever trouble me. O, I am frail, 
and sin clings to me ; but I can pray and trust in God. 

These blessed Sabbath services are my life. May I 
grow by them in every grace ; casting off selfishness, and 
living to my Father in Heaven. My dear father's sermons 
and prayers have been refreshing and strengthening to me ; 
lifting my heart above this world. I started with glad sur- 
prise, when he read the closing hymn. I had been think- 
ing of it during the afternoon, as appropriate. Such pleas- 
ant coincidences often occur. My favorite it has long 
been. < Nor eye hath seen nor ear hath heard.' 

I have a peace this summer such as I never felt before. 
There are indeed many things without, which do try me 
9 



98 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



not a little. It is a very eventful season, and will, in all 
probability 7 , decide the destiny of my life. These passing 
events bring with them many perplexities and trials, which 
would weigh me down, if I could not look to God and say, 
* Thy will be done.' I am pondering many things, and 
there is a ceaseless rush of thought, which sometimes makes 
my brain almost wild. And then I have so many duties, 
that my time is more than occupied — and I have sin and 
selfishness to subdue within, for my heart is revealing its 
dreadful corruptions — and I have friends to pray for, whose 
condition weighs on my spirit— but in the midst of it all, I 
think 1 can trust in God, and leave all with him. 

I do hope that I live to do his holy will. It is my de- 
sire ever to wait on him as Father , Saviour and Sancti- 

Jier to take every duty as it comes up before me, with an 

earnest desire to do God's will in it — to bear every trial, 
and enjoy every blessing, in such a manner as will fit me 
for the other w r orld, whenever God may see fit to call me 
from this. 

Dear Madam Feller has been here during the last week. 
It was my privilege to see her a great deal. There is a 
holy influence constantly around her. It is seen in every 
glance of her eye, and felt in every tone of her voice. She 
has given up all to God, and now she wants nothing. May 
not I have the same self-consecration, and give up all to 
my Father's blessed service. A vacant seat in the car- 
riage w^hich took Madam F. to Wethersfield, it was my 
privilege to occupy. In spite of our different languages, 
we contrived to understand each other — talked with eyes 
and any way. Returned home feeling as though I had 
been in the world of angels, so much of heaven breathes 
in all that surrounds her." 

" Wednesday , 23d. On Friday, walked out to Mrs. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



99 



C.'s, on the hill. We had been invited there to tea. It 
was a beautiful evening, and the grounds about the house 
are uncommonly fine — such a profusion of shrubbery, and 
so many sweet flowers. But I went, inwardly regretting 
the loss of my quiet twilight hour ; yet I did spend a far 
sweeter one, than I should have dared to hope for at home. 
After tea we walked around, and while I lingered alone, 
there, beneath the softest blush of a summer sky, and the 
fading light of day in the west, I passed some of the calm- 
est and most delightful moments I ever spent. My heart 
could go up silently to the throne of God, and in Jesus' 
name, I could pray for all who were then in my heart. I 
thought of the lines, 

' Or if 'tis e'en denied then 
In solitude to pray,' &c. &c. 

and particularly of this verse, 

1 E'en then the silent breathing 
Of the spirit raised above, 
Will reach that throne of glory, 
Which is mercy, truth and love.' * 

Farmington, June 26th. 
c< Here, in this lovely village, with the meadow land 
stretching its green expanse before me, spotted with its 
deep, dark groves, and the misty mountains lining the 
horizon — here I am, really looking upon it — not dreaming 
of its beauties — but here at my dearly loved window in 
Mr. N.'s mansion. Oh, how I should love each tree and 
hill side, from this window, if it were my own home. I 
should love to watch each shadow descending from the 
mountains, and veiling those dark woods. How the whis- 
pering breeze, floating o'er these fairy meadows, and bend- 
ing the soft long grass, would speak in its soothing tones 



Lore. 



100 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



to my heart. What a variety of lessons could I learn from 
every look at nature. I have seen the morning sun burst- 
ing forth in a flood of golden light, upon mountain, wood 
and meadow, until every thing glowed in beaSty. And I 
have seen the sun go quietly to rest, and a sweet dewy 
stillness gather over hill and valley ; and the stars have 
looked down in their mild light, and the moon in her calm 
radiance, has shone on a scene of loveliness, rivaling even 
the heavens, in its silent glory. I have seen nature here 
in all her moods, joyous and sad, wild and tranquil, drear 
and beautiful — shadow and sunlight coming and going, 
and it has all spoken with a meaning to my heart. I 
should love it all too well, this c sunshine and fair earth,' 
did I not daily pray that its lessons might point me to the 
skies. They must not speak again of earth's dreamy, 
fevered enchantments ; no, these lovely scenes must lead 
my heart through nature to its God. 

It is two years since I knew this lovely spot, and I have 
passed many a pleasant hour since then in this dear family. 
Sweet intercourse I have had with friends here. Charley 
glads me with his merry frolics. But these quiet moments 
by my own window, will be my last, for before the sun 
has gone down, I shall be in my own dear home." 

Hartford, June 27. 
" Sabbath Evening. Again in my own precious home, 
and though wearied in mind and body, I am thankful for a 
quiet heart. It has been a very warm, damp day. One 
of those dreamy days, if I were of a mind to dream, but I 
am not. O, no. There is too much to be done in this 
world to leave room for dreams. There is a continual con- 
flict to be carried on with sins — a continual watching and 
striving against them, and need of continued effort, and 
much earnest prayer for the promotion of holiness in our 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



101 



world. Surely there is enough to do. Oh, for strength, 
and the willing mind. God will give both, if we only 
wait humbly on him. 

44 Jane 28th. While at Farmington, I read Byron. I 
had many thoughts about reading his works ; but I wished 
to know him, that I might be better able to influence some, 
who love him, and Moore, and Shiller, too well. I prayed 

to know what was duty so when dozing time came, after 

dinner, while all was still, I took down • Childe Harold.' 
I read it calmly, for I could do it then — once, it would have 
made my brain wild. There are some glorious things in 
it ; but through the whole, sweeps the same dark current 
of thought and feeling. It is fearful to think of his mind, 
enlightened by no ray from heaven ; thrilling only to such 
themes as are natural to ruined, apostate man, brooding 
over the dark and troubled scenes of earth, and madly 
rushing on to ruin, with the wreck of faculties, which had 
they been rightly directed, would have elevated him high 
in the scale of being. I read the two first Cantos, after 
dinner, and each day after, while all was still at the same 
hour, f made myself familiar, not only with Childe Harold, 
but many other of his pieces. n 

44 Friday, July 2d. I am thankful in the prospect of a 
few quiet hours, for I need them very much to arrange my 
scattered thoughts, and know where I am. And first I 
must take some note of those passing days. 

On Tuesday afternoon, I went with a party to the tower. 
Had a most lovely time, and enjoyed it more than any other 
excursion I had made there I have it all in my memory, 
for it touched too many chords within, to be soon forgot- 
ten — but no words can describe the beauty of the scene. 

Sweet and calm were my thoughts, almost all the time. 
9* 



w 



102 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



I felt free, and happy as a bird. Even the dream-like 
clouds which lay pillowing in the far north, did not awaken 
the same feelings ot sadness, they would once have done. 
The far off hills, so dim and shadowy, and the sky, stoop- 
ing so softly down to meet them, as seen from the tower, 
almost took away my breath. 

I had a sweet time down by the boat house, just at sun- 
set. Some had left it, and were walking in other parts of 
the grounds, and th^ few who remained were quiet with 
the gathering repose of nature. I stood alone by the lake, 
and watched the thick foliage around it, fringed with the 
last golden light. The waters were sleeping calmly be- 
neath the o'ershadowing mountains, and 1 blessed my 
Father in Heaven for the beauty there is in our fair earth, 
and holy thoughts of his love came floating into my mind. 
1 was not troubled with vanity, as I had formerly been on 
such occasions ; and yet I feel almost afraid to say so, for 
I know the same selfish feelings remain, yet they do not 
give me so much trouble, nor occasion, as they once did, 
such a ceaseless inquietude within. I know, that if I do 
God's will, that is all that is of importance to me. I am 
happy for the visitings of such thoughts, for they help me 
to increase in my desires for other's happiness, and to put 
down that towering selfishness, which has gained such 
mastery over me. A bright moon lighted our way home, 

where we found ourselves safe at ten o'clock. I thanked 

i 

God for all my blessings. 

A bright moon all this week has been shining, and I 
have sat alone a few moments every night, that the calm 
stillness of all nature might speak holy thoughts to me; 
and I have been, I fear, reading the book of nature more 
than the book of grace. Oh, there will come a dearth to 
my soul, if I do not awake. 

Next Sabbath is our communion, and my heart is sad to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



103 



think I have improved so little in these two months. There 
has been a happy arrangement of things, by which I am 
able to spend this morning in quiet, for oh, my heart aches, 
it is so out of order, and I need time to think. I must see 
where I am. Oh, my Father, wilt thou send thy Spirit to 
search me and take away my sins, that I may renew my 
covenant with thee, and be truly thy child. 

During the past two months, there has been increasing 
distractedness, owing to the varied scenes which summer 
brings. I thought much of this in the spring, and prayed 
that this spirit of the world might not creep in with the 
return of warm days of luxury and beauty. 

I feel that 1 have less of it this season than ever before. 
It seems less a matter of importance, what the world thinks 
of me, or how 1 stand in the estimation of those around me 
in a mere worldly point of view. 

Last summer I pined to mingle more in societ}^, and it 
made me unhappy to see how much I was shut out from 
it. It seemed to me that comparatively few cared to make 
my acquaintance. This mortified my vanity, and I was 
continually thinking of it, and turning it over in my mind. 
I could not persuade myself that this sensitiveness was 
wrong ; for 1 knew that it was not mere worldly society, 
nor worldly indulgencies, which I desired ; but it was 
that I might mingle in general society, as the other girls 
did.* I reasoned thus with myself: — i Jf it were for sinful 



* Several things contributed at the time alluded to, to exclude her 
somewhat from general society. Among these, the principal was the 
lateness of the hour when parties broke up. Her father was an ad- 
vocate for seasonable hours, and was exceedingly annoyed by any 
irregularities either in rising or retiring, which broke in upon family 
order, or interrupted the regular studies and duties of the day. The 
habits of society, in this respect, were at variance with his principles. 
If she attended parties therefore, she must do so at the expense of 



104 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



things that I pined, it would be wrong, but how could I 
feel otherwise than sad, when my days passed compara- 
tively in solitude ?' 

I know that 1 am fitted to enjoy life, to mingle in all the 
interchanges of friendship, and to participate in the various 
scenes which help to form the characters of my friends; 
but I now see, that the feelings which I had last summer, 
were very wrong. I forgot the blessings which God was 
then showering on my path — those sweet blessings which 
have been mine for years — and the things which he with- 
held were not what I needed. They would have drawn 
away my heart from him. It was best I should be with- 
out them. How foolish and wicked have been those repi- 
nings ? What blessings I have enjoyed ! The only thing 
I can weep about now, is my poor improvement of them. 
My situation is just the one for the improvement of my 
mind, my heart, and my capacities for usefulness. I 
have blessings all around, if I only knew how to avail 
myself of them. I have enjoyed many calm hours alone, 
and have felt my heart growing better by them, and also by 
the precious Sabbaths I have had given me. And then I 
have communion with sweet friends — oh, so sweet, that I 



incommoding her father. If she retired from them altogether, she 
must do so at the risk of losing her friends. This for a time occa- 
sioned her much perplexity, and some real suffering. She knew her 
father had no wish to exclude her from society ; on the contrary, that 
he chose to have her mingle freely with her young friends, and par- 
ticipate with them in all the appropriate enjoyments of social inter- 
course. But she quickly found the impracticability of doing this, and 
at the same time of accommodating herself to his hours. She there- 
fore made up her mind to retire from late social circles altogether. 
As a consequence of doing so, she was dropped from the acquaintance 
and attention of some, and those who sought intercourse with her, 
were such as truly valued her society and friendship : and precious 
indeed to her was this choice circle of friends. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



105 



can only find relief for my happiness, by thanking God for 
them. Then, I have continued opportunities for useful- 
ness ! My cup runneth over. What shall I do ? It 
seems as though my Heavenly Father is leading me to him ; 
and in every way of love he can devise, is drawing this 
stubborn, ungrateful, selfish spirit to himself. 

I have no more of society than I had last summer, but I 
have learned to look for happiness in another channel. 
And here 1 am in danger — I feel it. I am in danger on 
many accounts : and first, of being self-satisfied — of think- 
ing 1 have something within that lives without the icorld's 
breath. This is being puffed up. I may thank God that 
he gives me grace to do so, but any thing like pride will 
ruin all peace. I am thankful that I have sources within 
my heart, of happiness. But here another trouble meets 
me. I ask myself whence is this happiness ? Comes it 
from doing God's will ? Does it proceed from a consecra- 
tion to the Saviour ? Or is it from a feeling within, which 
is merely a kind of poetic religion ? A meditative, pleas- 
ant communion with natural beauties ? If this be the oese, 
then my peace rests on no safe foundation. Lately I have 
been troubled about this ; and it requires my serious atten- 
tion. I do not think that my religion is mere poetry, but 
I fear it may all run away in feeling, without producing 
any or but little good effect. I must guard against this. 

I have many sins — God only knows how many — sins of 
vanity and selfishness, of listlessness, waste of time, and 
worldly-minded ness — sins too of unquiet — for I feel that 
every moment of unrest, that I allow, is a sin. And I 
could not have believed it possible that I should acknowl- 
edge this I said, Christian principle does not take away 
feeling, and so long as we are in a state of discipline, our 
feelings must be often sad and gloomy — and so I sometimes 
allowed a melancholy to steal over my spirit. But this 



106 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



was wrong, and against the spirit of the Bible. Though I 
now feel that religion, so far from taking away feeling, only 
increases it, yet 1 draw a different conclusion from what I 
once did. The heart in which the love of God reigns, may 
feel, and deeply too, the trials which here come alike to 
all ; but there will be in the mind of such a person, a peace, 
which as c an anchor to the soul sure and steadfast/ will 
keep it unmoved amidst assailing temptations 

I have had during the past two months, many duties, 
and I have felt all along too hurried to perform them well, 
and I am resolved to turn over a new leaf, and keep. calm. 

I think 1 have wasted many moments in wandering 
thoughts during my timas of devotion, making these sea- 
sons less profitable than they would otherwise have been. 

I have loved to pray and meditate ; but has it been in a 
right manner ? In ail my feelings, desires and plans, am I 
sure that the glory of God is my end ? Have I engaged 
in these for myself, or because I love Jesus, and have con- 
secrated all to him ? These are solemn questions, and I 
wift try to answer them candidly to my own heart, and 
pray for God's blessing, that wherein I sin, the blood of 
Jesus may cleanse it away, that so I may indeed do the 
whole will of God.' 

I have not enjoyed the same sweet thoughts to-day that 
I had before the last communion. I have not had that 

tender spirit but now I pray for it. May the world be 

far away, and holy things occupy my mind. And now I 
commit myself to God. May I have a calm Sabbath, and 
be in a state of preparation for its holy ordinances. May 
vanity and selfishness be far away, and I entirely devoted 
to my Father and Saviour.' 5 

cc Sabbath noon, July 4th. I have just returned from a 
sweet season, for which my heart blesses God, my Sav- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



107 



iour. O, these are refreshing seasons in our pilgrimage. 
They come as gleams to our path, even now, though far 
from our Father's home. He sends his love to us, and 
here in this lower world, we may sing the songs of the 
redeemed. This is a day to be remembered. How sweet, 
how joyful, to rest my all on Jesus, to lean on him, and 
know no fear. Here I can praise him only faintly. In 
that day, when this mortal robe is cast aside, I will raise 
my voice in a ceaseless song of gratitude — 1 Unto Him 
who hath loved us, and given himself to die for us.' 

Last communion, I prayed that three dear friends might, 
ere the day should come again, be safe in the fold of Christ. 
That prayer has often been renewed since, and yet this 
day is here, and finds them still strangers to God. But I 
know not what may be now passing in their minds. Per- 
haps some gleam of truth may have entered their hearts, 
and be secretly at work within them. Jesus has died for 
them, and I will still pray, that for his sake, they may be 
made free from sin, and heirs of everlasting life. 

This day, at communion, I thought of four things which 
deserved special notice, and I resolved to do them, during 
the coming two months. And first of all, to endeavor to 
keep a heart free from all disquiet, humbly doing God's 
will, and leaning on the Saviour. Then to converse more 
on heavenly things with all my friends, particularly those 
a little younger than myself. Then to continue to pray for 
the same dear friends who have been on my heart for a long 
time, and to add one more to the number. And lastly I 
made a general resolution, to be active in every way of 
doing good, particularly in my class and tract district. 1 ' 

u July 11. — Morning. Our sweet Sabbath is again 
here. I have no words for the loveliness of these days. 
Their beauty refreshes my soul, and leads me to God. 



108 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Many things have been going on in my inner world the 
past week, and I have needed much grace to meet its 
duties, and to overcome this heart of evil, which 1 bear so 
continually about. O, when shall I be free from this body 
of sin ? When will the world cease to have power over 
me ? I thank God, that in the midst of much sin, I have 
been able to look to him, and my prayers have been 
answered. But I feel the earthliness of this heart more 
and more. It is too strong for me ; yet I will trust in 
God." 

u July 12. Last Monday was the Temperance celebra- 
tion. I sat alone in the orchestra till the procession entered 
the church. It was truly a grand and interesting sight. 
In the procession were the different societies of the city. 
Each wore appropriate badges, and carried beautiful ban- 
ners. There was the ' Juvenile,' and the 4 Young Men's 
Society,' and the 1 Catholic;' but what interested me 
most, was the 6 Washington Society' — to see those rising 
from the chains of intemperance, and struggling to be free 
men again." 

" Thursday, 15th, I did enjoy yesterday, Had a de- 
lightful ride to the tower through Farmington. Our con- 
versation was quite lively, though not improperly so. All 
of us were Christians, and in such a party there is always 
a certain balance, which keeps us from going too far. From 
Farmington, we went through Avon, to the mountain. 
That mountain road, sweeping through those groves, and 
commanding a view of the valleys beyond, is very fine. 
There were clouds in the sky — but they added a majesty 
to the scene. The stillness of the lake before the gathering 
storm, spread quiet over my heart also. We sat by the 
shore, and woke the echoes by a few pensive strains, and 
then the rain came, and we ran for our carriage, which was 



MllS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



109 



at some distance ; but we were not much wet. The 
locusts, which line the avenue to the boat house, give the 
grounds quite an eastern look — and I always think of the 
feathery trees, which raise their heads in far-off sunny 
climes, when I see them. Rode home in a thunder storm. 
It was not a wild and fearful one, and in our carriage we 
did not feel it much." 

a Saturday evening, ISth. God has been showing me 
this vile heart of pride and selfishness, and I have felt hum- 
bled by it. May it lead me to make exertions for my 
friends, not in a spirit of selfishness, but in a true desire 
for God's glory. My only wish with regard to myself is, 
that I may be willing to be nothing, and to have God all. 
Have had a deeply interesting talk with F., for w T hom I 
cease not to pray. Many things have come to my knowl- 
edge about him, and I am hoping and trembling. There 
will be revelations made on the hills of light, of which we 
do not now dream ; revelations which will show the ever- 
lasting, unchanging love and faithfulness of God our Sav- 
iour, who will not let us go, but will watch over and guide 
until we are safe in the path of life. 1 will still pray, and 
will not cease. ,s 

To E., the young friend to whom a note was addressed May 9th. 

July 27th, 1841. 
" I could wish, my dear E., that I had time for many 
words this morning, for 1 love to write to you very much. 
You seem discouraged, my dear girl, because you do not 
always keep your resolutions. But you must not feel so. 
Try again — try very often, and look to your Saviour, who 
will certainly help you to overcome every wrong feeling. 
Oh, do not feel as though you should fail. Is not Jesus 
10 



110 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Christ stronger than your sins ? Cannot he help you to 
triumph over them? What a blessing it is that he has 
touched your heart with sorrow for them. If you repent, 
he will take them away, and will make your heart happy, 
by shedding abroad his love there. 

You ask, dear E., if it was wrong for you to pray about 
the things you did. Oh no. Go to your Father in Heaven, 
and tell him all your feelings, and pray about every sorrow 
you have, and thank him for every joy, and ask him for 
w r hat you wish — -only say just as Jesus did, ' Thy will be 
done.' Dear E., you cannot please him more than by 
doing so. Satan and sin, have driven us away from our 
Father, and they would keep us away if they could ; but 
he calls us to come home to him, and be his dear children, 
and hold that sweet intercourse w 7 ith him, which children 
may. Therefore you may go without fear, and in Jesus' 
name, may lift up your heart to him at all times. And 
what a blessing ! In our waking hours, and in the quiet 
night, and w T hen the morning dawns, and when we w r alk 
amidst the beautiful scenes of nature, we may lift up our 
hearts in prayer to that good Being, who is ever near us. 

And now, my dear E., 1 must close. Often I pray for 
you, that God would give you strength to go on in the right 
path. May you never grow weary in well doing, is the 
prayer of you sincere friend, M." 

To C. C. , 

Hartford^ Wednesday evening, July 28, 1841. 
u Dear C. I scarcely know where to begin, among the 
multiplicity of interesting topics, which have accumulated 
the past weeks. I have thought out many things, and have 
longed to seize my pen, but, I blush to say it, I am hurried 
as ever in this hurrying world, 0, if I only accomplished 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP- 



111 



any thing ! But I am going to do two things, and if one 
was not that I am to spend a week at the sea-side imme- 
diately, I should not be writing you in so anti-puritanical 
a time as I now am. 

I do thank you ten thousand times for your letter. I 
would gladly take each separate topic, and teil you of the 
thoughts it has occasioned. When I return, I shall enjoy 
writing to you. But you are wondering why I should think 
of being away just now. It could not be avoided. Miss 
B , one of Mr. Brace's teachers, is obliged to leave town 
for a few weeks, and it was impossible to get any one to 
take her place, and I did consent, though with much fear 
and trembling, to go into the school during her absence. 
As my health is not perfectly equal to it, my friends are 
going to send me on Friday to the sea-side. I shall return 
in time to commence my new duties on the second Monday 
in August. O, C, I dare not speak of it. I did but exist 
before ; and those long hours in school, teaching Butler and 
Algebra to girls older than I am ! But it will have an end. 
If 1 live through it all, then 1 will talk about it. 

I have no words to tell you of my joy at the tidings of 
J. N. # Such an event can only be prayed and rejoiced 
over with tears of gratitude. Surely we can trust and 
pray with assurance now. If I had seen you a day later 
than Wednesday, I could have told you very much. Per- 
haps I had then too many hopes. Yet I was never so over- 
come as on that day, with the thought of God's faithful 
love to the poor wandering children of this world, seeking 
them out, and leading them in paths they know not, till he 
brings them to that path which couducts safely home. 

Pray, dear C, that my heart may be fixed on the Sav- 
iour — that I may listen all the time to the teachings of the 



* A friend, who had just become a Christian, 



112 



ISmS. MARY E. YAX LEXXEP. 



Spirit. I dread the water-side for fear of the company ; 
and yet I am looking forward with longing delight to davs 
spent ? where the glad sea winds are blowing,' and the blue 
w T ater sweeps its waves among the rocks. I am going to 
Sachem's Head, which is said to be delightful this season. 
On my return, I shall try to stop a day in New Haven, for 
my dear J. is going south. I cannot bear to think of 
her leaving us. But I must look forward now to heaven, 
as the place where dear friends can enjoy intercourse, which 
must be denied here. 5 ' 

Journal. 

" Sunday evening, August 8th* Here am I again in my 
own home, with my beloved friends, and by my quiet win- 
dow, I am spending these last holy hours of another Sab- 
bath. Another week has past, full of events, and full of 
subjects for remembrance and prayer. My health is im- 
proved by the jaunt, and my heart is, I trust, somewhat 
improved bv the seasons of devotion I have enjoyed at the 
Head. 

This morning I awoke early, and a strange sadness 
hanging over me for which I could not account, filled me 
with perplexity. Have prayed much all day for absent 
ones, and have been ready to ask how I knew that any of 
my prayers would be answered. But I will always pray 
and trust in God. Let not my eye become dim, nor my 
steps grow faint. What I need is perseverance. Help 
me, O my Saviour, to grow in this grace. I want more 
enlarged views. I want to act from deep, warm princi- 
ples of piety in every thing. But I will work yet more 
hard. I will trust in God for sanetification by the Spirit, 
and will give up all my interests to Him who clceth all 
things right. May I remember that it is mine to trust 
and do His urilL 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



113 



To M. 

August 2lst. It was my earnest desire, my pre- 
cious friend, to answer your letter immediately on its 
reception, and nothing but the most urgent duties could 
have prevented my doing this sooner. How my heart did 
rejoice in your letter. Dear M. we have both been led, 
though by different ways, to change our views very much 
with regard to this life, and the life beyond the grave. Let 
us praise our God and Father that he has inclined us to 
look away from ourselves to the interests of His glorious 
kingdom, — let us thank Him that he has enabled us to 
feel that it is a privilege to live only to do His will, by try- 
ing to advance the cause of our Saviour, in this ruined 
world. O my friend, could we sit down together for an 
hour, we should find themes enough for conversation. If 
this blessing is denied us here, yet in Heaven we can u Re- 
member all the way that God has led us." When I think 
of God, and of Jesus, and of the kingdom of holiness which 
is arising over the ruins of the fall ; when I think of that 
home, in which all the redeemed of the Lord will at last be 
gathered together, my heart is too full for words. O, 
these are themes which awaken overwhelming emotions. 
Does it not seem, dear M. as though you can not rejoice 
enough over the change which has taken place in our 
hearts — that we who were once strangers, are now chil- 
dren of a Father infinite in every perfection that can be 
conceived ? And when we think of our dear friends, 
coming back one after another from their wanderings, and 
received into the kingdom of love and peace, have we not 
cause for the deepest joy ? 

lam writing, dear M., on the very table we used togeth- 
er so long, and in the room we called ours for many a day. 
Like a dream those days passed, and still like dreams will 
the remainder go, but there is a world where existence 

10* 



114 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



will be dream-like no longer, There every thing is real, 
and for that reality I long more and more every day* 

Friday evening, August 27th. You see I write jour- 
nal fashion, according to my usual plan, dear M., for I can- 
not command any length of time, as I am at present in 
school. Miss B. needed a little vacation, and wished me 
to take her place in the Seminary for a few weeks ; so I 
am installed teacher of eight classes, and though I find 
very fatiguing I like it better than I feared I should. 

My time this summer is passing most delightfully. I 
think I can call it the happiest in my life. Every day, I 
have enjoyed, as it passed. I often ask myself why I am 
so happy, and I hope I know the reason ; and that it is 
based on a foundation which the changing pleasures of 
this world can not remove. I shrink from presumption, 
but I feel that I should be grateful for the quiet heart God 
has given me during the past months ; so that the enjoy- 
ments of life have been gilded by a brightening radiance, 
and its sorrows robbed of their gloom. 

Were you here this evening, by my side, in this still 
chamber, which has been the scene of many a long com- 
muning, in the days that are gone, we would talk of all the 
w T ay through which we have passed, and bless God for 
that guiding hand which has led us on till now. As we 
go on in life, how many dark dispensations are cleared up — 
how often is the veil lifted from many a mysterious and 
trying providence ! I bless God that I can trust Him. In 
all His ways He doeth rightly. And in Heaven if not 
here, we shall know the reason for every discipline we 
receive at our Father's hand. 

When I think of you, my precious sister, I have such 
yearnings of heart to see you, that I can scarcely be satis- 
fied. O that we might weep together over your sorrows, 



MM MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



115 



and rejoice together over the consolations of the precious 
Gospel. There is comfort there. O, M., I know that you 
feel it. It is not mere words when you say that God 
your Heavenly Father supports you. I praise Him that 
you know in your own experience what it is to lean on 
His Almighty arm. No other comfort can compare with 
this. God only knows how to support the stricken soul. 
Is it not sweet to look to Him as Father, Saviour and 
Sanctifier — to feel that He is doing all that infinite love 
and wisdom dictates— to trust Him in all His ways ? 
That sweet word trust, yes, it tells all. 

Keep, dear M., that same confiding spirit even to the 
end, do the will of your Saviour here in this world, and 
peace and eternal blessedness will be yours. There is 
c no wave of trouble' to roll over the spirit once safe in its 
home. Do you remember the song we used to sing called 
the 4 home of the soul ?' How much more do our hearts 
now feel the sweetness of looking forward to such a home, 
than when we sang it in those days when we could not 
feel our need of it ? It is not till the changes of life show 
us the emptiness of earthly bliss, that we turn with long- 
ing eyes to that world where our Father and our Saviour 
dwell. An Infinite Being can alone satisfy our spirits, but 
there we shall find an overflowing fountain of blessedness. 

You must not wonder, dear M., that I speak so much of 
my feelings being changed. No deep affliction like yours 
has sobered my views of life, and yet those views are so 
different from what they once were, that I am disposed at 
times to doubt my personal identity. We are led in differ- 
ent ways to place our trust on what is the only sure foun- 
dation ; and though it be through dark paths, yet the end 
is bright. 

I rejoice, my precious sister, in the interest you feel in 
all that concerns the kingdom of our Saviour in this fallen 



116 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



world. We have given ourselves to the cause of Zion. 
There are our dearest interests, and though we work indiffer- 
ent parts, it is the same vineyard We are beneath the care 
of the same leader. We are passing to the same gathering 
place, the gathering place of all the redeemed. There are 
celestial lands before us. Do not the gleams from the 
Heavenly Temple come down even now to gild our path ? 
Can not we catch some strains from the angel choirs above 
to cheer us on our course ? It is sweet to join our inter- 
ests with the interests of the church of Christ. Let us, 
dear M., strive to look more and more away from ourselves, 
that we may feel and labor for the many who are perishing 
in their sins. I want more of the spirit of Christ, that I 
may feel for every being upon the face of the earth. Are 
we not all brethren ? Is not the soul of each infinitely pre- 
cious ? 0,my friend, if our hearts are touched with com- 
passion for the wanderers from their Father, let us thank 
God, and do all we can to lead them back. Blessed be His 
name that we may feel for them, and that our poor labors 
may receive a blessing. How sweet a privilege it is to 
bear our dear ones to the throne of grace, to supplicate for 
them pardon and peace ? It is such a relief to pray for 
them ! For we go to a Saviour who feels for them more 
deeply and tenderly than we can. 

I long to talk with you of our Saviour's kingdom, and to 
pray with you for its advancement. When shall it be ? 
Must we wait till we have cast aside our earthly taberna- 
cle ere we meet again ? It will be sweet, M.,to join with 
you in the songs of the redeemed, but 1 do earnestly desire 
to bend with you once before the mercy seat, to unite our 
petitions for the perishing millions who know not God. 
When will the day come, when the knowledge of the 
Lord shall fill the whole earth ? When our Saviour shall 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



117 



reign and the whole earth be his ? Why wait the days, 
the days of Zion's glory ? 

We all love to think of our precious M. Many send 
love to you, and my dear parents call you their other 
daughter, and now, my dear sister, I must say farewell for 
a little time." 

Journal. 

" August 27th. I have much strength to gain for my 
new and varied duties, and I long for the quiet hours it 
has been my lot to enjoy for the past months. But that 
sweet season for growth in grace is now broken in upon by 
my pressing duties, and again I am in the busy world. 
But 1 can trust God still. I must call to mind the seasons 
I have enjoyed, and let their remembrance refresh my 
mind while in the whirl of life. 

When I begin to think of God, so many thoughts come 
that I am overwhelmed, and in my prayers I know not 
whether to praise or to petition. I have so many bless- 
ings it seems as though I must thank God all the time, and 
yet I have need of so many things that I must pray contin- 
ually. I want every shade of sin to go away from this vile 
heart. I want every truth in the precious Bible to exert 
its proper influence over my life. I want to view every 
thing, both in this world and the other, in its proper light. 
It is my one great aim to bring my soul into entire con- 
formity with God's holy will ; yet the duty of self denial in 
some things is not as readily complied with as I could 
wish, and then I can only go to God and pray for a right 
spirit. O, it costs me many a hard battle to endeavor to 
bring my wicked heart right. But my greatest desire, and 
for it I am willing, to put forth any effort, is, to be a true, 
sincere, active, self-denying, Christian. It seems the 
only pleasant and right way of living. I mourn in secret 



118 



MRS. MARY E, VAN LENNEP. 



over my hard, selfish heart ; I pray for forgiveness through 
Christ, and it does seem as though my path is easier. I 
have some glimmerings of light. I have such sweet 
thoughts of God, and of Christ, and of the Christian's 
course, that my heart sings often with joy and gratitude. 
* Search me, O God, and try me, and see if there he any 
wicked way in me.' I am afraid of self-deception. 

I am at present engaged in teaching Miss B.'s classes in 
the Seminary. It is very difficult, but I pray for strength, 
and it is but for a short time. May I fulfil every duty, 
and do all for God's glory. May I work and pray for the 
advancement of Christ's blessed Kingdom/' 

u September 5th, Sabbath afternoon. I am aione at 
home, for I am unable to attend to all the public duties of 
this day. I am once more by my own window where I 
anticipate a quiet hour in thought of Heaven and of my 
Saviour. It has been our communion this mornings and we 
have had a beautiful day for its holy duties, but to me it 
has not been all peace like the last communion. Thai 
was a day more like heaven than any thing I have since 
had. I have had a weight on my spirit from which it has 
been hard for me to arise. I am poor and miserable, and 
yet I have looked to Jesus and some faint gleams have 
been granted me. I will try to trust and do right, then all 
will end in peace. 

Since I have been in school, my mind has been so close- 
ly occupied that I could not attend to my religious duties 
as I wished ; and themes on which I once dwelt with de- 
light, have escaped too much from my mind. This has 
darkened my way. I am so sinful, I need all the help I 
can have. During the week I have had much excitement, 
and am worn out with it. I am in a strange state this 
afternoon ; perhaps I am not well ; I do very much need 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



119 



support from above. But if I trust in God he will give me 
strength to meet every duty, 

This is a sad account ; but I have written do wn my feel- 
ings and they are a faithful index to my heart, sometimes 
peaceful and again mourning on account of sin. I want to 
keep this journal to refer to in after years, when, if I live, 
I shall be far from this home. The events of this summer 
have been the touchstone to many hidden feelings. The 
outer world has been calm as usual, but in my inner world 
what a succession of events and of scenes there has been ! 
O, my God, if 1 might not have looked to Thee, could I 
have borne this ceaseless rush ! 1 should have sunk, 
might I not have leaned on the Saviour for aid. 

u September 12th. Sabbath afternoon. Again alone 
and better prepared, I hope, to spend my hour than I was 
last Sabbath. I now feel that I was worn out with ex- 
citement then. I needed to have been quiet and trusted 
in Christ. Now all is calm and sweet. I can only thank 
God and say, ' here my Father, take me and do with me 
as seemeth good in thy sight.' I want to keep on in a 
steady, even course ; but there are continually coming up 
things which deeply excite me, and never till I reach the 
other world, do I expect to be free from their influence. 
There we shall be able to bear all, but here joy and sor- 
row wear away the life. 

I am at present in school, and though I love my dear 
girls very much, yet I find it so fatiguing I shall rejoice 
when Miss B. comes and 1 can be released. There will 
come many duties for this fall and winter, which will re- 
quire strength and calmness of mind, and I must try to keep 
my heart quiet. 

The American Board are now at Philadelphia, delibera- 
ting what they can do in the present crisis. May our 



120 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXNEP. 



churches be ready to meet it. I pray for strength that I 
may be ready to give up my all. O, I am very weak, — I 
need to look to Christ for aid in every thing. But I can 
have a bold heart. I want to have my heart lose its hold 
on earthly things, and look more at Christ's kingdom. 
I must use diligently all the means I have for this, and 
they are very great. I am determined to press on, that so 
6 Christ may be formed in me the hope of glory.' " 

Tuesday Ikth. The mists of an autumn evening now 
hang around the hills and over the trees. The crickets 
are chirping their songs. I love their voice. There is a 
loneliness in their notes agreeing well with these fading 
days. These early autumn days are to me the most glo- 
rious of the year. There is a hallowed influence in the 
quiet air, and the vault of heaven wears just the hues 
which tell of a holier clime. It is a time for elevating 
thoughts. I love these days more than I can tell. I have 
loved the summer softness and the young spring's breath, 
and I love autumn too. Oh, this fair earth so beautiful 
even in its ruins, how many looks and tones it has to win 
us up to heaven. Last year my heart was sick at the 
thought of autumn. The turning; leaves made it recoil. 
It was not so once, but then it made me melancholy to see 
the trees fading, and the flowers dropping away, and to 
hear the chill night wind whistling against the casement. 
I thought continually of Bryant's words on autumn, 

i{ The melancholy days are come, the saddest of the year, 

Of wailing winds and naked woods and meadows brown and sere." 

But I thank God, that a year has taught me better les- 
sons. How quickly this summer has passed ! Let me 
see to it that my days are spent usefully, when they fly so 
swiftly. To-day I have enjoyed, for I am at work on my 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



121 



own plans. My school days are over, and again I am 
quiet ; and can command time for my various duties both 
at home and abroad." 

" Sabbath, September \§th. Dr. Armstrong of the Amer- 
ican Board is here. He has come in behalf of Mis- 
sions, and though it has been denied me the privilege of 
hearing him preach, I have prayed that his labors might 
be blessed. 

I have had a dull day in body, but I trust not quite so in 
mind. Fatigue and excitement have made me nearly use- 
less, but I hope 1 shall improve as the cold weather re- 
turns. This morning I dozed about all the time, have not 
been down at all to meals, and dozed till after church time 
this afternoon, but for a little while I have been up and 
read 1 Last hours of Christ,' and also some interesting 
papers of Dr. Armstrong, and I have had sweet thoughts 
of Jesus and His faithful love. So great ! It is wonderful ! 
and I so poor and vile. The least thought makes my eyes 
overflow, for I am w r eak. I am happy and trusting to- 
night. When I look in, all is indeed very dark and sinful, 
but I look away to Christ and all is bright, and I pray for 
my precious ones, and for this whole world that Jesus may 
reign." 



11 



CHAPTER VI. 



SICKNESS AND RECOVERY. 

"Sunday, Oct. 10^. It is just three weeks since I 
have written in my journal, and I have looked for the first 
time this afternoon, upon my lovely hills, by my own dear 
window. I am writing in my own chamber, where I have 
passed through a deeply interesting and eventful season ; 
for I have been brought to the borders of the grave, from 
which it has pleased God to raise me, so that now I am fast 
recovering. I have been down stairs for a little while, and 
have touched again my dear piano. But I am still very 
weak, and sit in my easy chair very quietly, reading some, 
and sewing some, but thinking most of the time. And 0, 
I thank God for the sweet thoughts he grants me. 

I can look back on the whole scene, and view it only in 
the light of a blessing. I had very little suffering, princi- 
pally weakness ; but I was so ill, that my parents gave up 
all hope, and my ph}< sicians felt there was scarcely a chance 
for my recovery. And yet, through the whole, my mind 
was clear. I knew all which was going on around me, 
felt my danger, and thought that I should die. It pleased 
God to give me great calmness, without which it would 
have been impossible for my disease to have been check- 
ed ; for excitement was the thing most feared. I left the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



123 



event entirely in my Saviour's hand. I trusted all to him, 
and knew that if it was his will, I should recover ; if not, 
I trusted he would not leave me at the last. It is a mira- 
cle that I am spared. I am filled with wonder ! I can 
only say, c Lord, this life I devote all to thee.' 

In this room I have passed, and am passing, some most 
delightful days. I cannot think of the kindness of all my 
friends, without the greatest wonder. It makes me very 
humble. I have had one overflowing stream of blessings, 
ever since the commencement of my illness. All my wants 
have been anticipated. The kindest friends have been 
around my bed side — the best care has been taken of me. 
Every thing that love could devise, has been done. My 
dear Mrs. Fitch came all the way from New Haven, and 
took care of me a night and a day. O, my cup has been 
full of blessings ! The loveliest flowers have bloomed on 
my table, and the choicest fruits, since I began to recover, 
have been before me. But this is not the half. 

It has pleased my Heavenly Father to give me a more 
happy and peaceful spirit, than I have ever before enjoyed. 
I have the sweetest verses and hymns in my memory, and 
my communings on my bed, have been most precious. 
The dark valley of death, looks not near so dark, since I 
have been so near it, and heaven seems near all the time. 

I have yet many sins over which to mourn, but it seems 
as though my Saviour permits me to lay my head on his 
bosom, and weep over them there, and supplicate grace 
and pardon for myself and all my dear friends. I love my 
friends and every body, and every thing, ten thousand times 
more than I did before. The sun never shone so brightly, 
nor the moon so peacefully ; and yet I love God, and Jesus, 
and heaven, as much better. The Bible never seemed half 
so precious. I can only look to God, and pray him to keep 
me close under the shadow of his wing, since it seems his 



124 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



will I should live a little longer here. I think this is one 
of the lessons I needed to learn before entering on my labors 
in a distant land. Of these I think much. And I have sweet 
thoughts of my absent friend. I thought of him when I 
supposed myself dying, and did wish to see him ; but I 
can trust that all to my Father's care and keeping." 

u Sabbath afternoon, Oct. \lth. I have been longing 
to go again to church. This is my fifth Sabbath at home ; 
yet I have enjoyed my Sabbaths at home very much. To- 
day has been uncommonly beautiful. The late frosts have 
turned the leaves golden and brown. I sat down in the 
parlor after the people had gone to church, and with the 
sweet sunshine looking down through the fading foliage, I 
committed the fifteenth Chapter of John. I had some sweet 
thoughts then. I do think I thirst for the streams of holi- 
ness. I fear to mingle again with the world, for my heart 
will not be so quiet, when its hum is in my ear. O, my 
God, never let me stray, but make me abide always under 
the shadow of thy wing. O, my Saviour, preserve me 
against the first approach of worldliness. I want to think 
more of my missionary labors, and cultivate such a spirit, 
as will best prepare me for future usefulness. 

And now, I commit my soul into the hands of my Sav- 
iour. I do wish to devote myself and my all to his service. 
Poor and unworthy as I am, I do love and trust him. 

I am still unable to go out, but I sit in my room, doing 
various little things ; resuming my duties as my strength 
will allow, and thanking God for renewing my life so rap- 
idly. I do bless my Father in Heaven, for the precious 
hours I have had during the past week." 

u Sunday evening, Oct. 24th. I hope my day at home 
has been profitable. Last evening had a sweet season of 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 



125 



preparation, and then a refreshing sleep prepared me for 
the day's duties. Have thought much to-day of Jesus' 
dying love, and have prayed over my ingratitude. I have 
not the joyful frame I sometimes have had ; but I am satis- 
fied if I can lay this poor aching, sinful heart at the feet of 
Jesus, and know that he will pardon my ingratitude. I 
can trust him. I do believe on him. I do love him. I do 
devote my life to his blessed service. May he give me 
strength to overcome every sinful desire, to renounce every 
selfish interest. 

1 have had many delightful seasons alone this week, but 
last night when I reviewed it, I was startled to find I had 
been so remiss in duty. It is of his mercy that I am not con- 
sumed, A year since, if I had passed such a week, I should 
have thought myself well off, and should have praised God 
for it. But now, though I do thank God for the little light 
I have, I find so much darkness and corruption within, 
that I can only say, £ God be merciful to me a sinner.' I 
long to be free from this bondage of sin ; but there is con- 
tention in my heart, and evil wars with the good. In the 
midst of all I pray to Jesus, and there is my comfort. 
Sometimes I think my selfishness is breaking up, and again 
some new display, damps my hope. But I will go on, and 
my weakness will be made strength through Christ. Let 
me remember all who have struggled, and yet have been 
borne safely through. Let me remember all that Christ 
has done for me — all that he will do. I can lift up my 
heart and take courage. 

My Sabbath-school class came to see me on Wednesday. 
Had a precious season with them. O, may they all be 
lambs of the fold. M. W. left on Thursday, and I am 
indeed lonely. I pray God my true comfort may be found 
in doing his will ; then I can look forward to heaven as the 
place where friendship may be perfected. Dr. Parker, 
11* 



126 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



from China, was here on Friday. I was overwhelmed 
with the welcome and benediction he gave me — a welcome 
into the missionary field, and a blessing on my labor. I 
was ready to sink, and could only pray I might be worthy 
to receive such high honor." 

" Thursday, Oct, 28th. Yesterday I rode for the first 
time. The leaves are fast falling, the sky wears its smoky 
hue — it is our Indian summer. While riding, I thanked 
God that I breathed in the open air once more. These 
autumn days, to which J looked forward, I have not been 
able to enjoy in the open air, but I have watched from my 
window the fading leaves, and the lovely autumn sky, 
which seems to shed a radiance so like heavenly light. 

I watched for the evening star at twilight, and saw it 
for the first time this fall. Its gentle light brought thoughts 
of other days. How I watched that star last winter ! My 
first twilight musings were, when it was looking down 
upon me, and seeming to woo my perplexed and troubled 
heart to Him who is the comfort and guide of ail. I bless 
its light again. It brings hours of peace to my mind — 
hours I shall ever bless God for. I love to dwell on the 
scenes of last winter. Many a struggle Ihave had since 
then, but it does seem, that since that time my course has 
been onward.' 3 

l( Sabbath, October 31sf. This morning had many pre- 
cious thoughts, aud wrote down a short account of the re- 
vival last winter, besides reading a portion in Doddridge. 
This afternoon, spent the time in prayer, and reading in 
the Bible — some portions of Isaiah, and also the last chap- 
ters of John. Learned the twelfth of Isaiah, a beautiful 
chapter. I have committed recently, the 14th, 15th and 
16th chapters of John, and like to fix these interesting por- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



127 



tions of scripture in my memory. I have been free from 
distracting thoughts of any kind to-day. I am thankful 
for the precious season. 

We are enjoying some of the loveliest days I have ever 
known in autumn. While looking abroad, the past, with 
all its deeply interesting events, comes into my mind, and 
fills it with strange emotions, which I cannot describe. It 
is not pain nor pleasure. It is the spirit of the long gone 
years, and whether to let it come or not, I do not know. 
O, my Saviour, do thou purify all my feelings, that my 
soul may be a fit temple for the indwelling of the Holy 
Spirit. I do earnestly desire, that every thing I feel and 
do, may prepare me for usefulness in the cause of him w r ho 
has loved me and given himself for me. And while I 
remain in this dear country, may I so live, that I shall be 
satisfied in reflecting on my course from a distant land. 
Jesus, I give my all to thee. May I make thee^ alV 

To M. S.,* on her birth day. 

Nov. 1st, 1841. 

u I could rejoice with you, dear M., and have been 
happy all day, that your year is opening so beautifully. 
The skies are smiling upon your birth-day, and may they 
be the emblem of a brighter sunshine which shall gild your 
future years, until the light of Heaven's own radiance shall 
burst upon you. Have we not much to bless our Father 
for ? Oh, he is indeed crowning our life with goodness. 
And this day, dear M., the one of all days to you, is a 
lovely one in which to recall the past, and look towards 
the dim future ; dim indeed so far as the events of this life 
are concerned. M., our childhood has passed like a dream. 



* One of her earliest and dearest friends. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



It seems but yesterday, since you and I were playing to- 
gether with ourdolis ; but our dolls died long ago. Those 
days at the Seminary are more real, and it makes my heart 
thrill, when anylittle thing calls them back. Three years 
have wrought marvellous changes ; and "our spirits have 
been growing older, and already we are knowing what it 
is to live and act in life's drama. Oh M., M., must there 
be this ceaseless change ! forever passing on in the current 
of time, must we go on leaving loved scenes, and treasured 
events, far, far behind, with memory's picture continually 
increasing. Well, let it go on, for there will come an 
end, and we shall pass to another world, more real and 
enduring. 

The past will speak to-day, dear M., and I know you 
too are listening to its voices, and these fading leaves be- 
neath so glorious an autumn sky, are well in keeping with 
the spirit of by-gone years Oh, surely it is well to cast 
some glances behind, while we are hurrying on, even 
though the retrospect may bring a shadow over us ; for the 
past has lessons we may not forget, and its tones are tones 
of wisdom, if we will but listen to them. 

I would that we could spend this day together, and live 
over our early years once more ; that we could together 
bless God for the past, and cast ourselves and all our inter- 
ests, on him who has thus far guided us. Let us give to 
him our future years, and then indeed will they pass 
brightly and calmly. Our careless days have all gone by ; 
now we are beginning to think and feel for ourselves. 
Already have our charactars taken the stamp, which in all 
probability they will bear through life, and through eter- 
nity. Oh, it is a fearful, an overwhelming thought, and 
yet not more fearful than true. We may change in minor 
points, M., yet I think the future will alter but little the 
outline of our characters. Perhaps it may not be so. And 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



129 



I would that time might bring something beside maturity 
to mine. There is one thing in which we may hope to be 
continually changing — the conquest over corrupt affections 
and earthly desires must go on. With us, dear M., I could 
humbly hope and believe, that it is already commenced, 
and that a Father's blessing even now is resting on our 
efforts, and a Saviour's hand, leading on in the way. Even 
now, my dear friend, we can raise the song of gratitude, 
i Unto him who hath loved us, and given himself for us ;' 
and the past can furnish material enough for a hymn of 
praise to-day. We raise it unto that God w T ho called us 
in our wanderings, who remembered us in our youthful 
days, and led our feet into the path of life. We look back 
and rejoice in all the goodness which has crowned our 
years, and forward with unshrinking hearts, to the untried 
future, for our God is with us. Oh, M., let us ever trust. 

My heart has been with you all day, and I meant to 
have written a birth-day note, but I see I must send only 
an apology for one, and yet if it tells you that I love you, 
both for the years of friendship which have passed, and for 
those which I trust are yet before us, and if you make out 
from it that my earnest wishes are for your increasing hap- 
piness, it will have accomplished in part its object. Oh, 
many an autumn will bring its glorious hues and fading 
days, and when with them comes also your birth-day, and 
the many thoughts it brings, think, dear M., of one early 
friend, who will always pray for a blessing upon each cher- 
ished companion of her youth. 

Ever yours, M." 

Journal. 

u Nov. 2d. Took a French lesson to-day. A gift of 
mignonette from my teacher, is filling my room with its 



130 



MBS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



fragrance. Yesterday took a lovely ride. Oh, so beauti- 
ful was every thing. It was M. S.'s birth-day. Wrote 
her a note, and. thought much of early days. We are 
growing old fast. Well, let the years pass, if we are in 
the way of duty." 

u Nov. $th. The blessed Sabbath approaches, and I 
am expecting to attend the service to-morrow, and come 
around the table of our Lord, which is to be spread. What 
a two months this has been ! I have an overflowing cup of 
mercy — brought down to the borders of the grave, and now 
raised again to life and health. May this life, so wonder- 
fully spared, be all devoted to that Saviour, who has died 
for me. 

I have enjoyed, during the last two months, many pre- 
cious seasons of prayer, and have read the Bible with more 
interest than ever before, and I hope I have improved in a 
calm and trusting heart. The voice of the world has been 
in a measure hushed here in my quiet room. But alas ! 
my heart is still weak, and now that I am no more alone, 
I find that sin is still thriving, and I must watch and pray 
all the time. O, this spirit of worldliness, how I long to 
sweep it from my soul. Where should I hide my guilty 
head, if not at the foot of the cross. 

I have not been to church since the Sunday after my last 
communion. And now, my Father, and my Saviour, wilt 
thou pardon all that has offended and grieved thee, during 
the intervening days, from my last communion season. 
My heart rises in thanks for thy ten thousand mercies. 
May I hide myself in the dust, and give all the honor to 
that Saviour who has loved me, and died for me — to whom 
I surrender my all for time and for eternity, and consecrate 
myself anew to his blessed service. 

And now may the blessing of God rest upon all who will 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



131 



come around the table of the Lord to-morrow. May it be 
a day long to be remembered, and in its strength may we 
go many days." 

" Sabbath afternoon, Nov. 7th. I have indeed enjoyed 
the precious privilege to which I looked earnestly forward. 
Again I have entered that dear church, and partaken 
of the emblems of our Saviour's dying love, and have 
had refreshing thoughts of God, and of Jesus. O, I 
could utter songs of praise for the sweet peace of this 
day. I spent an hour of preparation in my room, and 
went early with my dear mother to church. How delight- 
ful it was to go again to the house of God. I do know 
that it is a precious place. My dear father's prayer was 
indeed elevating, and my thanksgivings went up with his, 
for my being permitted to enter the holy courts again. 
The sermon was from the text, 4 Unto you who believe he 
is precious.' I did feel comforted by the train of thought, 
and my two favorite tunes were sung in the morning ; and 
then at the communion season, my mind was calm and 
happy. There I renewed my resolution of trusting in 
Jesus, and keeping a quiet heart ; and thanked him for the 
calmness I have for the past two months enjoyed. I re- 
newed my resolution of praying for four dear friends, for 
whom I feel much anxiety. May I persevere in prayer, 
and never faint. And lastly, I resolved to turn my atten- 
tion more particularly to my future labors, and to try 
every day to learn something which will be of use to me 
in a foreign land. 

And now may Jesus accept these resolutions ; and give 
me grace to keep them, even to the end — and whether liv- 
ing or dying, may I be the Lord's. — Amen. n 

" Four o'clock. What a day this has been. This after- 



132 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



noon, my dear father preached to the children. I could 
not go twice, though I wished it very much. So as soon 
as all were gone, I came to the study window, and looked 
off on the charming hills, so beautiful, so calm in autumn 
sunshine ! And then the sky so clear, and of so soft a blue ; 
it led my heart in gratitude to heaven. ' O, religion is a 
reality,' I said, as I looked on the calm Sabbath scene be- 
fore me, 4 Jesus does live and reign, and heaven is the home 
of the Christian.' And I have prayed, and rejoiced, and 
read my bible here by this window, with no sound to break 
on the stillness. I have been reading in the Prophets of 
the future glory of Zion, and I have longed to burst the 
bonds of sin, and to be perfectly holy. Unto thee, O my 
Saviour, I turn. Hear my humble prayer. May I give 
my all to thee, and never turn away from thee who art my 
best beloved friend, my hope, my trust, myall. I want 
nothing else but to abide forever under the shadow of thy 
wing." 

New Haven, Nov. 11. 

H Thursday evening. I am enjoying a quiet, delightful 
visit here. Every thing is lovely ; music and fragrant 
flowers, and in an adjoining portico, a sweet canary is pour- 
ing forth its melodies — and books, and above all the society 
of one, whose judgment, and taste, and Christian principle, 
make her friendship invaluable. I feel the blessing. May 
God give me grace to improve it. Already I have many 
valuable hints from her, with reference to my future labors. 
There are many questions of duty constantly occurring to 
my mind. Of one thing, however, I am certain. What- 
ever tends to perfect character, I must attend to. My 
great duty is to prepare for the other world, my own soul, 
v and the souls of those over whom I have influence. 

My motives must be drawn from God's glory, and Jesus' 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



133 



love. Oh, these are all-powerful. Vanity and selfish- 
ness, my two great sins, I must try hard to overcome. 
Watch fulness is what I need very much, and I try to culti- 
vate it ; and a tender and enlightened conscience will be 
my greatest blessing, for then I shall not be led into any 
wrong course. And now may God bless all my efforts 
throughout this day." 

"Saturday evening, Nov. 13th. Last week, at this 
time, I was at home, and passed a sweet evening. May 
this be equally pleasant and profitable. This week has 
passed very pleasantly, more quietly even than at home. 
I can thank God for the happy state of mind I have en- 
joyed. The holy communion has remained in my memory 
with a sanctifying influence, and my Heavenly Father has 
seemed nearer to me than at some times. 

I have this week learned many valuable things about 
my future course ; and I hope to improve on the hints I 
get from my dear Mrs. Fitch. Her views of duty, and of 
this world, are so enlarged, consistent and reasonable, that 
I am disposed to lean favorably to them. Yet I want to 
bring all to the test, and I need to examine, before I adopt 
views, which at this time may affect my whole future 
course. I trust in God, that he will lead me in just the 
right way. There, a learner at his feet, I am safe." 

u Monday, Nov. 15th. I have been watching the bold 
front of West Rock, on which the sunlight streamed. This 
lovely city of elms, and its two sentinel rocks, and the 
broad bay stretching at their feet — can I ever cease to 
remember them, or think of them, without a thrill of emo- 
tion ? I have spent so many happy hours here, that it 
seems like one of my homes ; each spot is familiar, and its 
nearness to the sea makes it doubly dear. How favored 
12 



134 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



has my life been — full of mercies — may I improve all to 
God's glory." 

" Sunday evening, Nov. 2\st. I have had some sweet 
seasons of prayer to day, and have got many interesting 
ideas from dear Dr. and Mrs. Fitch. Here, in this dear 
family, some of my happiest hours have been spent. May 
God reward them for all the kindness they have shown me. 
My heart twines around these dear friends, and the thought 
of parting with them, would be insupportable, if I did not 
hope to meet them in another world." 

" Nov. 23d. Here I am once more, writing my fare- 
well to this lovely place, and to-morrow evening will not 
find me here. Farewell to the sweet flowers, and the good 
old piano, and the table where I have sat many an hour 3 
and the quiet sunlight scenes, and the window seat, and the 
noble West Rock. I love them all. My most light- 
hearted and careless days have been spent here, and more 
thoughtful ones too. Here I have learned many things to 
remember, when my spirit has grown old/' 

Hartford, Dec. 2d, 1841. 

u Thursday morning. I am spending a day in my room, 
which 1 have long wished for ; — a day in which to look 
over my future course, and endeavor to adopt those prin- 
ciples upon which I can safely act in after life. This is a 
deeply responsible act, and I tremble when I think how 
much is pending upon the conclusions I now come to. 

May God direct in the plan which I now write down, 
and may it be formed with his blessing, that so I may in 
peace carry it into my daily life, and reflect upon it with 
pleasure when 1 shall view this life in the light of eternity. 

God has placed me in this world to glorify him, by pre- 
paring my own soul for his kingdom, and by doing all I 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



135 



can to lead others to do so. He is sparing me in this world, 
that my character may be formed into a likeness to his own 
perfect character , that I may continually increase in holi- 
ness, and receive those blessings for which the Saviour 
died. All that I have belongs to God. My time, the 
mind he has given me, my desires and affections, all are 
his ; — his by creation, and by the covenant of Redemption. 
And may I ever act as if I fully believed these great truths. 
God has so constituted us, that we cannot live without 
exerting an influence on those around us ; and in forming 
our plans for life, we are to remember that we are respon- 
sible for the effect which our conduct will have upon 
others, and we are to form such habits, and act on such 
principles, as will best promote the welfare of those over 
whom we have influence. God is calling me to a deeply 
responsible work — that of glorifying him among those who 
know him not. I need therefore a double portion of wis- 
dom, to know how to do God's will, and what preparation 
to make in order to fulfill the duties which will fall upon 
me. I will not be undecided, but trusting in God, I will 
be settled and firm in the course I am to pursue. I know 
that God will direct my steps, and though my earthly 
friends may not be able to lead me, there is One who 
knows what is right, and who will direct my steps in that 
path which will secure the greatest good. I trust in God. 
I look to him to teach me how I shall best promote the 
cause of Christ in my own heart, and in the hearts of oth- 
ers. May God give me grace so to use all the powers I 
have, that his will may be accomplished concerning me, 
and the kingdom of our Saviour advanced, even though it 
be in a small degree only. 

1. My motive in all that I do, must be the love of God 
and Jesus ; and my object, the glory of God, and the ad- 
vancement of Christ's cause in this world. 



136 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



2. In order to glorify my Father in Heaven, I must give 
all the faculties of my mind, and the powers of my body, 
their proper uses— neglecting none of them, and using 
none to excess. 

3. I must take all proper means for the preservation of 
my health ; such as keeping regular hours for sleep, exer- 
cise, &c. 

4. In intercourse with others, I must recommend reli- 
gion by all suitable means ; — a cheerful and gentle deport- 
ment. 

5. I must place self very low, and put God on the 
throne ; for only in this way will my plans succeed ; — alter- 
ed Feb. 21st, 1843. 

5. I desire to put self entirely doivn, and God only on 
the throne of my heart. 

6. In all doubtful cases of duty, I must consider the sub- 
ject with prayer, and when once decided, go on without 
wavering. 

7. I must keep a quiet mind in every duty. Trust 
must be my watchword. In the midst of all duties, labors 
or trials, let a quiet mind be carried. 

8. An observing eye must be mine upon all which is 
around me, ready to engage in any work for God ; and a 
listening ear also, to learn whatever I can. 

9. Sympathy with the whole human race I must have, 
in order to do them good. I must not arouse their preju- 
dices, but win them to God, in the gentlest way, which 
my conscience will permit. 

10. In pursuing any course of conduct, which I believe 
right in the sight of God, I must not be turned from it by 
others' opinions, unless clearly shown that I am mis- 
taken." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



137 



To C. C. 

Dec. 20, 1841. 
<c Do you believe, my dear C, that it is just a fortnight 
to-day, since that good snow storm which gave me you r 
company ? And so it is only six weeks before your school 
closes. But I must not look forward. How long it takes 
us to learn that living in the present, is the only wise 
course, so long as we are dwellers in clay. 

• .••«»• 
We are reading, that is, M. mother and myself, 
every morning for the present, 4 SchlegePs History of Lit- 
erature/ and find it very improving. Indeed we make quite 
a study of it, and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction to 
be so thorough in a work so valuable as this. 1 have c Mrs. 
Smith's Life,' to read, and an essay on 4 Living for Immor- 
tality,' by Foster ; besides several little books which I am 
despatching as fast as possible. Then we have commen- 
ced French, and I am more interested than ever. Fitting 
doll's clothes, and patch work for the society, and making 
calls, fill up the fragments of time. Here I have given you 
a list of my occupations. My time never passed so pleas- 
antly, so free from care, as it does now ; and I feel these 
are golden moments which I must improve. I have made 
it a rule to see some of my friends every day, and gener- 
ally spend a portion of the afternoon in calling. It is very 
delightful to mingle once more with my dear friends, and 
to enjoy their society. My father wishes to have me in 
society as much as possible. As there was no service, I 
spent the last evening with him, and he gave me many a 
good hint about my duties, &c. I find that he observes 
little things much more than I thought he did. His not 
speaking often of them, has deceived me. But I believe 
now, that he is a careful observer of habits and manners. 
Shall I make any apology for such a note of egotism ? 
12* 



138 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



I will not, because I think you wish to know what I am 
doing during our separation. And I expect just the same 
of you. Remember, dear C, all you see and hear, and 
tell me when you come. I want to know if you have for- 
gotten our promise about drawing a sketch for one another. 
I have thought of it many times, and once had my view 
selected. The little bag, which I tried so hard to finish, 
I send now, and hope you will carry it for my sake. I 
have made a little silk case, lined and wadded, for your 
sweet testament to live in, and another for M. WVs -bible- 
Did you have a pleasant Sabbath yesterday, dear C. ? I had 
a very refreshing one, but a part of it was spent at home ; 
for my Sabbath-school services are very wearing, and yet 
so interesting, I cannot think of giving them up." 

Journal. 

u Dec. 21 st. The return of this season, reminds me 
forcibly of the days of last winter. Last year at this time, 
my spirit was shrouded in a gloom, which hid the light of 
heaven from my eyes. The corruption and sin of my heart, 
was staring me in the face. But for all those miserable 
days I can now only thank God. I did indeed pass through 
a dark way, but I humbly hope it was for my good. The 
first day of this present year, I began to see light, and since 
then, my mind has gradually become more peaceful, and 
my purpose of obedience to God, more and more con- 
firmed. 

This morning I have been spending a season of prayer, 
especially for our dear church, that we may be prepared 
for the approaching fast. And I have been looking over 
also the year, now drawing to a close. How much I 
have, over which to rejoice ; and yet it is not all, nor 
chiefly because my way has become so much brighter, as 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



139 



regards my temporal concerns, — but it is, because my heart 
can look up in the midst of all my sin, and can trust in 
God, and own him as Father, Saviour and Sanctifier. 

I long for a time like that of last winter. The dissipa- 
tion of summer, and the travelling of the warm months, 
has now given place to a season of quiet. O, may we all 
improve it ! Those precious days ! O, that they might 
return again. Many of my dear friends then found a Sav- 
iour. But there are yet many, who are without hope in 
the world. Will not our Father send his good Spirit to 
touch their hearts, and lead them to him. 

1 have many duties to perform before New Year's. I 
am making some little gifts for my friends, have society 
work to prepare, and in addition to this, I have to spend 
some portion of my time, each day, in Mr. F. ? s room, to 
have a portrait of my poor self taken. With regard to the 
principles of my life, I do try to be governed by them ; 
but the one I find the hardest, is to be firm, after I have 
decided a difficult question of duty. 

My plan I try to pursue, and have reason to think that 
it is the best I can have ; but I have to hold myself back, 
fori am continually undertaking too much." 

To C. C. 

Dec. 26th, 1841. 
u Well, my dear friend, this is a most beautiful day, with 
which to close our Sabbaths of this year ; and now I know 
you are enjoying this glorious moon, and thinking, but I 
hope not too much, on the varied events of the portion of 
time we are now closing. I lingered in our church after 
service, to watch the sunset light upon the pillars, and our 
noble organ ; and I would have staid, had I dared, to review 
there, in the house of God, the Sabbaths of the dying year. 



140 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



There are many thoughts which come crowding on our 
minds, and our hearts are back in the passing days, those 
days which brought so much trial* and affliction, but which 
brought too, the comfort and the blessedness of a Father's 
love. Let us think, dear C, of the blessings which have 
crowned the } T ear, and of the mercies which have, even 
though under disguise, come to us. Let us think of those, 
who forever released from the sin and corruption of this 
world, are tuning their golden harps on the hills of Zion." 

" Monday evening, 27th. I have just returned from a 
pleasant evening meeting, the first I have attended since my 
illness, and it was very good to be there. These precious 
privileges make a Christian home seem very delightful, and 
if we prize them so highly, will it not be our highest hap- 
piness to extend their influence to the whole family of man ? 
Oh, for a spirit of benevolence, that shall embrace the whole 
human race. I hope to derive much benefit, from Mrs. 
Smith's Life, which I am now reading. How much we 
have to learn. I do not mean of mere worldly science, but 
of the things pertaining to God and our own souls. When 
thoughts of that blessed kingdom, which our Saviour is 
setting up in this world, come into our hearts, how every 
thing which does not aid it, sinks into insignificance ! And 
yet I feel that very many things in which we are engaged, 
though perhaps not bearing directly on the great work, do 
so advance the cause by the influence they throw around 
us, that it is part of our Christian duty to engage in them. 

Oh, the time is so short for ' all we need to do.' We 
have just heard a vague report of the death of a beautiful 
girl, formerly a member of our family. How strangely 
sorrow and joy, death and life are mingled ! Another of 



* Miss C. had buried her father during the year. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



141 



our beautiful flowers is this week to be married. The 
wedding is to be at our house, so I expect to be very busily 
and pleasantly occupied; and this, with the approaching 
solemnities of the fast and communion season, will till up 
the week. 

Do you remember a sad gloomy letter I wrote you, just 
a year this week ? I think of those days, as among the 
most miserable of my life. But I feel very differently 
now. Thanks be to God, that darkness has given place to 
trust in him." 

Journal. 

u Dec. 31st. The last rays of the sun are gilding with 
a rosy hue, the light clouds above the horizon. There is 
snow on my distant hills, and they are sleeping as in sum- 
mer days. My heart is far back in the days of this now 
dying year. 

My character has undergone a greater change in this, 
than in any preceding year, and yet perhaps the events of 
earlier ones, prepared for the change. A certain peace and 
trust, in a Christian hope, has carried me through all the 
changing and deeply interesting scenes of the year. To 
God my Heavenly Father, be all the glory. I do repent 
of every sin. May his pardoning mercy blot out the guilt, 
the worldliness of the past year, that it go not over into the 
year which is coming. 

This morning, I felt rather stupid on account of the ex- 
citement of yesterday. S. M. and Mr. F. were married in 
the afternoon at our house. A few friends came in. S. 
looked most lovely, and F., noble and protecting to the 
gentle being, who has given him her all. She is a lonely 
orphan — but exceedingly beautiful — and every one loves 
her. May God bless them, and make them truly happy. 
After the bridal party had gone to take the cars for New 



142 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Haven, we all prepared the cake to send round to the 
friends. A beautiful group of young girls knelt around the 
table, as they tied the white ribbon around each little 
parcel. 

And now farewell to the hopes and fears, joys and sor- 
rows, of this year. There is a world 4 where time is not 
measured by years,' and no change comes. May I trust in 
Jesus, and do his will, then may 1 hope for an entrance 
into that blest abode." 



CHAPTER VII. 



A YEAR OF PREPARATION* 



a Communion Sabbath, Jan. 2d., 1842. Just two months 
since I began to go to church after my sickness. I have 
had a sweet season of prayer. The communion season 
also I enjoyed, and hope it may have been profitable to our 
church. My Sabbath-school was .very pleasant ; the sermon 
on nearness to God, and the communion precious ; and I 
felt a happiness in surrendering myself to Jesus. But this 
afternoon remaining at home, because too fatigued to go 
again to church, I read in Mrs. Smith's life, and have been 
in an agony of tears. O, how poorly I can control my 
feelings. I read all about the parting from her parents, 
and thought about another parting that will come, with 
such bitter sadness, I knew not what to do. O my Sav- 
iour, though I am weak, I turn to thee. 

7 6 ^ clock. I feel calm now, and trust in God, that he 
will give me strength to do his whole will ; — that he will 
help me overcome my selfish inclinations, and consecrate 
every thing to him who died for me. I have had a sweet 
season of prayer. How good is my Father in Heaven. I 
will trust, for he knows best." 



144 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



" Jan. 9th. How fast has the first week of this new 
year flown ! This day I shall count as my sweetest, for 
I have been freer than usual from wandering thoughts, 
and from distracting cares. Had a pleasant season with 
my class, and listened to a deeply solemn and interesting 
sermon from my dear father, on ' the influence of the Spirit.' 
May we all pray for a blessing on the labors of this day. 
I find it very sweet to look over the notes I have taken, 
concerning the season of religious interest, which we en- 
joyed last winter. Cannot those precious days return ? 
O, what can I do ? Lord, teach me. 

It has been a most lovely afternoon. The soft sky ancl 
golden sunshine, gilding every thing, remind me of the 
beems of the sun of righteousness. If this earth is so beau- 
tiful, what must Heaven be, where the presence of God 
gladdens every spot, and illumines the celestial hills. I 
thank God that I can look to him, and call him Father^ 
through Jesus Christ, his only Son." 

Wethersfield, Feb. 20th. 
4 This is my second Sabbath in this place, where I am 
visiting my dear M. W., and I hope that both have been 
spent profitably. My seasons alone during this week, have 
been unusually solemn. O, I feel my deep ingratitude 
a little more than I once did. Spent last evening alone, 
looking over the past week — found cause of sorrow that I 
had not been as spiritual as I might have been. O, my 
Saviour, fill my heart with gratitude ; may thy dying love 
be my watch-word, and sweetly constrain me to spend and 
be spent for thee: 

I am making many precious friends here. Can I do them 
any good ? If I have the he.art, Jesus will open the way. 

At the window where I am sitting, I have spent many 
sunset hours in prayer ; and henceforth will the view from 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



145 



it be associated in my heart with some of the pleasantest and 
holiest hours I have ever spent. I love to connect natural 
scenery with devoti >n. Even in winter our earth is fair, 
and is a temple sending up its praises to God. I shall think 
of this window when I am far away,— of the sunset colors 
and morning rays, which have lighted the lovely meadows 
spread out before me, through which our Connecticut is 
flowing — and there is the same fine skirting of hill and 
sky, which I always love to watch. 

Went into the Sabbath-school — had a class of three little 
girls. It was a solemn work, for I shall probably never 
meet them again till the judgment day. They too appeared 
interested. 

" Tuesday, Feb. 22d. Beautiful day ! Soft mist on 
the mountains, and in the valley the river twinkles with a 
smoky light, such as I often saw last spring. Surely 
nature, in all her features, is lovely. What must be the 
character of that Being, from whom come all these works ? 
My heart is quiet and trusting, and I can go cheerfully on 
in the performance of my many duties. 5 ' 

" Thursday, Feb. 2&th. This day has been usually 
observed as the fast for Colleges. This morning, spent a 
few hours alone, and hope I had a profitable season. And 
now I want to commit my own soul, and the souls of all 
for whom I pray, to the keeping of our God and Father, 
that he may work in us all that is acceptable and holy in 
his sight." 

" Friday, Feb. 25th. Went in, with M. W. to the 
State Prison. We were just in time to see the prisoners 
assemble for evening prayers, — A most solemn and affect- 
ing sight. I shall never forget the measured tread of these 
13 



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MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



poor beings, as they came in files from their work shops ; 
nor the slow and earnest voice of the Chaplain, reading the 
portion in Ecclesiastes, commencing, c But if a man live 
many years,' — nor the singing of the prisoners, 4 There is 
an hour when I must die.' All has made too deep an im- 
pression ever to be effaced. The services were peculiarly 
solemn, for the coffin of one of their number was before 
them. Without name or date — there it lay, reminding 
them, that, though shut out from the world, yet death 
could find an entrance through prison bolts and bars. They 
bore him away without the walls, and thus has closed in 
darkness and gloom, the career of one, who began the world 
with feelings of buoyancy, of hope, but unchecked by reli- 
gious principle, soon sunk into shame and sin, and now his 
end is come. We saw the guard and four of the prisoners, 
bearing the coffin to its grave behind the prison walls. 
Mr. B. is well adapted to the station he fills. His manner 
is sincere and solemn." 

" Sabbath evening, March 4th, 1842. This afternoon 
my dear father has been reviewing the twenty-four years 
of his ministry, of the commencement of which, this day is 
the anniversary ; and our hearts have rejoiced in view of 
the goodness and mercy which have followed us all the 
days of our life. Thanking God for the past, we have 
looked forward with humble trust for the future, and there 
in his holy house, have left our offerings of praise. The 
prayers, the music, and the sweet hymns, were all in keep- 
ing ; and when the last one was joined in, 4 On Jordan's 
stormy banks,' I am sure no heart there but thrilled with 
emotion. And the doxology, c praise the Lord,' ending in 
its hallelujah, amen, the rich organ notes swelling in full 
harmony, seemed, as my dear mother said, like the anthems 
of heaven. Almost all the congregation who were here 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



147 



when my father was ordained, are now sleeping in their 
graves. Many have died in the hopes of the gospel. They 
Will not return to us, but we shall go to them. My father 
offered the fervent prayer of his heart, that when we were 
gone, others might be here^ who should form a spiritual 
and living church to the end of time. 

Our new and deep-toned bell rings this day for the first 
time, calling us to that church we love so well. I shall 
love this I know, though 'tis not the bell of my childhood. 
That good old bell ! connected as it was with so many of 
the happiest seasons of my life— whose tones were the 
familiar ones of my earliest moments ; could I help loving 
it ? My father says, I shall not hear that bell in Smyrna. 
No, its tones will not reach me there. There will come 
a time, when I shall no more go up to that sanctuary, 
which has been my Sabbath home from my earliest years ; 
when I shall no more join in its holy services. But I am 
not cast down ; through my tears, I can look to a more 
glorious temple above, where God and the Lamb forever 
dwell. No, no ; this dear place of worship, that has nur- 
tured many plants of piety, will be called mine no more, 
when I depart from the home of my youth ; but if I hum- 
bly walk in the ways of piety, and lean upon Jesus for 
strength, may I not hope that he will go with me in all my 
wanderings, make me bold and faithful in his service, and 
that he will cause the truths which I have here heard, to 
spring up in my heart, and bear fruit forever. 

In the strength of this day's services, I hope to go many 
days ; and now I go to my twilight engagement. May 
my Father meet a poor unworthy child, and give her a 
blessing through Christ." 

" Thursday, March 10th. I am writing by an open 
window, my own favorite one, and the sun is really op- 



148 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



pressive. It is a beautiful spring day, and brings to mem- 
ory those of last year. There are mild winds without, and 
the blue-birds sins; on the trees around the window. So 
faithful is our Father to bring again the sweet spring time. 
Would that it were spring in my heart ! And why may it 
not be ? 

I have been endeavoring, by a morning spent alone, to 
prepare for the solemn services of the approaching commun- 
ion. I feel that I have need of much prayer and fasting, 
for my heart is not in such a state as I desire. I look back 
on the year which has passed, since my mind began to 
place a new confidence in my Father in Heaven, and felt 
a new emotion of love and trust in my Saviour, and I could 
weep that I have made so little progress. Those days last 
spring, I can truly call happy days, and I know that I 
might enjoy far better ones now, and ought to, but for this 
evil heart." 

" Thursday afternoon* We have had a sweet prayer 
meeting. These seasons must be improved, for this sum- 
mer is the last one we may ever spend together. In the 
fall our beloved H. is to be married, and then we shall no 
more meet as we have done. 

We are beginning to get strangely accustomed to the 
scenes of active life. Marriages, and engagements, are 
almost a matter of course now. But we can never be ac- 
customed to the thought of partings and separations. 
These are the sad hard things. 

O, my Father, help us all to realize that the thing for 
which we live is, to glorify thee. That these passing 
scenes in life are chiefly important, as they help to form 
our characters, and to fit us for a higher state of being. 

My daily portions of scripture are now about the closing 
scenes of our Saviour's life ; and this morning I read his 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



149 



last prayer, that beautiful, touching prayer, which none 
but the Saviour could pray. And now I commit myself 
to my Father in Heaven. May he work in me that which 
is holy and pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ." 

u Friday morning, 11th. Went last night to hear the 
Rainer's ; — voices most exquisite, and singing in fine taste. 
4 Rock'd in the cradle of the deep,' was perhaps the most 
beautiful. Their native Tyrolese costume, and their sister 
with her guitar, swung gracefully over her shoulder, added 
much to the effect. But while such a concert could be 
attended with truly Christian feeling, I am almost ready to 
blame myself that I went. I think it is better, on the near 
approach of the communion, not to attend to any thing 
which diverts the mind. One so weak as I am, is easily 
drawn into the world, as this little incident has shown me. 
I did pray before I went, and the thing was not of my own 
seeking. O, my Saviour, wilt thou help me to keep a 
steadfast mind ; fixed only on thee." 

u March 13th. Have had in some degree, I trust, a 
profitable day. I felt during the administration of the sa- 
crament, that I must live at a 4 less dying rate.' I resol- 
ved to live nearer the Saviour — to look more entirely to 
him, and to endeavor to feel more the great truths of the 
gospel ; and this afternoon, while reading and meditating 
alone, I have had this feeling much deepened. 

1 have been becoming, of late, too well satisfied with 
my own state — have been contented with going on, having 
a little pleasant feeling, dropping a word now and then, 
and have not thought enough of the importance of doing 
c with my might.' I know that calmness is necessary to 
the profitable performance of duty ; but that heart is the 
calmest, which is steadily fixed on the one great object of 
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150 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



following Christ in all things. O, my Saviour, hear thou 
my prayer for a steadfast heart. n 

" Thursday , April 7th. To-day, Mr. B. gave me a 
Greek lesson. Oh, why is this heart sickness, when I am 
reminded of my future course ! 1 love the friends far away, 
I love their country, I hope I love my work ; but 'tis the 
thought of leaving this dear, dear place ! O, may my 
heart feel so great a desire to do good, that I shall feel 
strong in the thought of separation, looking beyond this 
life to our happy meeting." 

a Sabbath, April 10th. One of the most beautiful days 
of the season. The buds are fast opening, and the grass is 
green all over the fields. How lovely is returning spring ! 
May my heart feel it, and be happy in these delightful 
days, because it is fixed on Jesus, and on doing his will. 
I am ready to burst out into praise and grateful joy with 
every thing around. Every thing speaks a Father's love. 
I do give up my heart to Jesus, to be devoted entirely to 
his service. How often I write this in my journal, yet not 
so often as I feel it. It is my habitual desire to be devoted 
to him. 

This is my last Sunday before I shall be twenty-one. 
O, my Saviour, cleanse away the guilt of the past. My 
dear father preached from the text, c I would not live 
alway,' and I hope that in some little measure, I could 
enter into the meaning of the sermon. At the close, he 
read the hymn which expressed the sentiment in the text ; 
and Mr. M. played as if he felt it, while it was sung most 
sweetly." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



151 



" Monday noon, 11th. Just like a summer's day, re- 
minding me of Burleigh's exquisite poem on June — 

e Hiding the sunshine in their vapory breast, 
The clouds float on like spirits to their rest.' 

I have been out walking this morning, and have been op- 
pressed by this beautiful weather. How true it is, that 
often, when every thing is bright and beautiful around, our 
hearts are listless. Perhaps it is because the greatness of 
the beauty overpowers them, and that they are too con- 
tracted to take it all in. It is this which makes them so 
poorly able to take in the sublime truths of Redemption. 
Yes, our hearts are contracted. O, God, wilt thou open 
mine, and may I feel as I should on every subject." 

" Friday, April 15th. I hoped to have spent yesterday 
as a day of prayer, and fasting, but domestic duties pre- 
vented ; yet all day my thoughts were more tender than 
for a long time past. And although my time for medita- 
tion has been very much broken in upon to-day, yet just 
before tea, I had a season of prayer, that the sins of the 
past might be forgiven me, and that I might begin my new 
year, with entire devotion to God. 

When I look back to the sweet birth-day last year, and 
think of the mercy that has followed me all the time, how 
I was permitted to pass a pleasant summer, and how in 
the fall, when brought to the gates of death, I was raised 
up again, and carried in peace through the winter ; when 
I think of the intercourse with beloved friends growing 
more delightful every day ; and of the many precious sea- 
sons in private, which, throughout the year, I have enjoyed, 
I am filled with gratitude. Surely my cup overflows. 

This is the bright side of the picture. On God's side 
every thing has been mercy. On my own, I can only 



152 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



write sin, sin, a mere blank. I fear very much that I have 
let the prevailing lukewarmness around me, influence my 
feelings also. Should it be thus, with one for whom so 
much has been done ? And now in taking this solemn 
review of the past, I can say first of all, that my great sin 
has been in not striving to live each moment of time for 
the glory of God. How sweet it would have been to 
have done this. And secondly, in not leaning entirely on 
the Saviour for aid, on whom my all depends ; and lastly, 
I have not felt as I should with regard to the missionary 
work, nor willing as I should be to deny myself. This 
grieves me. Over this I pray in bitterness of heart. Over 
these sins I have been mourning. 1 have taken them to 
my Saviour. O, that he would have pity upon me and 
remove every sin, and grant that in penitence and peace, 
1 may close this year, and awake in my new one, with 
new life," 

4< Satwday, April 16th. This beautiful morning makes 
me twenty -one. How sweetly it shines. I look upon 
the same hills, and soft sky, which one year ago shone so 
brightly, and many thoughts come stealing over my heart. 
Twenty-one years ! It is a long time to look back upon. 
I think of my childhood days, so sweet and happy, of the 
friends who have risen in my path, and made my life so 
pleasant, of the blessings innumerable which my Father 
has showered upon me, and I can only bow down, and in 
deep repentance for the past, give up my heart to him 
anew. 

,0, God, wilt thou take this life which thou hast spared ; 
wilt thou grant that throughout each moment of the com- 
ing year I may be wholly thine, and act only from motives 
drawn from love to thee, as Father, Saviour and Sanctifier. 
Thou only canst tell what lines are written for me in the 
future ; but I have trusted thee in the past ; shall I not 



MRS. MAHY E. VAN LEXNEP. 



153 



also for the coming days ? When I look to this poor way- 
ward heart, I despair of ever attaining the only worthy 
end for which to live — but when I look to thee I say, great 
God all things are possible with thee. And now I do 
sincerely and unreservedly give up this heart to thee. I 
feel that I shall be safe under thy eternal guidance— and 
supremely blessed, if I may be under thy control, through- 
out every moment of this life. May my aim be single. 
May self be put far away. May I live with direct refer- 
ence to Jesus, and the concerns of his kingdom, striving 
that my every act may tend to its furtherance in this v/orld. 
This is my prayer. May it be heard only through Christ. 

Have received beautiful birth-day remembrances from 
some of my friends. May I live so truly to Jesus, as to 
be worthy of their love. 

April 11th. After going to S. S. where I met my dear 
class, who all appeared interested, unusually so, in what 
we talked about, I felt so fatigued that 1 came home, and 
here by the study window I have been thinking, and look- 
ing over my last year, and praying too. 

O, I thank God for many things I find in the retrospect, 
and mourn over many things also. 

I have very many feelings of the past now in my heart. 
This birth-day has called them up, and 1 have been com- 
paring them with my present feelings. 

I fear that last year, I let my religion assume a too 
poetic character — rather dreamy — looking too much for 
natural beauties, and letting my thoughts be governed by 
the world of beauty which was around. I thank God that 
he made me to receive enjoyment from every thing in na- 
ture ; that he gave me a spirit to respond to all the loveli- 
ness around ; but I desire, that as my mind has been open 
to impressions from natural objects, it may be now open 



154 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENNEP. 



to those far more glorious objects that exist in the spiritual 
world, of which Christ and his great work are the founda- 
tion. And I humbly hope this may be the character of my 
meditations this year. 0, my Saviour, open my heart to 
these blessed truths. 

The day is uncommonly fine, the air is bland, and the 
bird notes exquisite. My heart loves these. Yes, I may 
love them. 4 Love not these the less? but God and Christ 
more. I feel that I am in danger of placing these first. It 
must be God and Christ first. 

I must now try to form some kind of plan for the sum- 
mer. My studies this winter have been very light, and I 
have not done much, as my health requires I should live 
easily. 

I shall endeavour to spend some time over Greek and 
French every day. O, I rejoice that my mind feels more 
interested in the Mission cause. This has been my great 
trouble, that, when God was so graciously pleased to call 
me into his vineyard, that I, instead of leaping and taking 
hold of the work, should have had so many misgivings 
about it. I can only go and mourn before Jesus, and 
ask him to forgive the past, and give me a heart to feel for 
poor lost souls. 

I can rejoice now in a little better spirit, O, my Saviour, 
keep that which thou hast put into this heart. It is all of 
grace. Yes, every thing is of grace. I have more reason 
to feel this than any one else, for I have sinned against 
greater light and greater love. I do now, rest all my de- 
pendence on the Saviour. I cannot look away from him 
one moment. Ivvill keep in his presence — there alone is 
life and safety. 

The principles I laid down last December, I desire 
should govern me now that my plan will have to be differ- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



155 



ent, Indeed I cannot form one quite yet, until I look 
round and see what is to be done. My letters from the 
East tell me many things, and throw light on the prepara- 
tion for my work. May I have strength for all that needs 
to be done. 

Thursday ', 20th. Most lovely, sunshine all around, 
and music of the birds very sweet. These beautiful days 
should fill our hearts with gratitude.. 

Yesterday went to the Consecration of Sti John's 
Church ! A beautiful gothic, yet not equal to the old one* 
The scene was imposing and solemn. The priests in their 
robes kneeling in the chancel and round the altar, made a 
beautiful picture, and carried my thoughts back to the old 
Romish days, when 

< The marble floor was swept 
By many a long dark stole,' 

And then the glorious strains of the organ swelling along 
the arches, made my very heart leap. There is that in the 
forms of the church, which is exceedingly imposing, and 
there is thrown a veil of both poetry and mystery over 
its rites which fascinates the eye of the imagination. 
Oh, yes, it does fascinate, and there is the danger. ? T is 
a veil to hide the simplicity, and, to the unrenewed mind, 
the severity of religion. It throws around the plain self- 
denying, humbling precepts of the Gospel, a drapery very 
graceful and beautiful, and having also a devout air, the 
mind becomes contented to rest in it, without looking 
deeper for the spirit and power of godliness. I have in- 
deed the best reason for believing that there are many pious 
and sincere worshippers in that church, but that its peculiar 
forms and tenets, have the tendency to foster pride, and 
quiet the conscience, I have also very good reason to be- 
lieve. 



156 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



The service of yesterday made a deep impression on 
my mind. I am glad I went. It may be useful to me here- 
after, and help to form my opinion of matters and things. 
I fear I was too much taken up with mere curiosity, and 
did not pray as I should, that that place of worship might 
be the gate of heaven to many souls. Yet so much of the 
service seemed merely formal that my curiosity was exci- 
ted more than any thing else. 

u Tuesday, 26th. Feel deeply the state of beginning de- 
clension. Last year, how different we were. All inter- 
ested and happy in the love of God. Now we are cold. 
* O Lord, wilt Thou not revive us again V Thought 
yesterday morning of asking a few friends to a special 
prayer meeting and spoke to one about it. And now I 
pray for a blessing on this plan. May it succeed, and 
our meeting on Thursday warm our hearts and turn again 
our backslidings. Many of the dear girls joined the church 
at our communion in May, last year. The coming sab- 
bath, is the anniversary of that event. They will grieve 
that it finds them so little advanced. 

Saturday, April 30th. The evening before our holy 
communion has at last come, — and beautifully its light is 
fading, while a sweet bird is singing his vesper song among 
the blossoms. My work in the early morning, and after- 
wards, with my singing and drawing school, has wearied me 
and I sat at home this afternoon sewing and thinking. It 
was beautiful without — the sun shining brightly and green- 
ness and freshness all around. I have some sweet thoughts, 
and all this week have been more than usually tender, 
but I have not that sweet peace I enjoyed last year at this 
time. I can not tell to what it is owing. Outward things 
affect me much less than formerly, and I have nothing to 
trouble me, Yet my heart does not flow forth freely and 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



157 



gladly, delighting in doing God's will, and resting in the 
sunshine of His face. Yet I think I feel more willing to 
give up every earthly thing, I can call God my Saviour. 
I do love him. O for a heart that entirely rests in Him. 
I can tell my Saviour all my wants and He will help 
me. 

Sabbath evening May, 1st. A delightful sabbath with- 
in and around, and I do bless God for it. Since meeting, 
a thunder storm has been refreshing the earth, but now it 
is clearing, and the sun is gilding with a most peculiar 
crimson light, the trees and chimneys and masts of vessels, 
and a soft glow is cast over the eastern sky, as the 
clouds are passing away. Oh, how lovely is nature in all 
her moods ! A flood of amber streams around the setting 
sun ; and now I can see a faint bow just where the hills 
are peeping out of the mist. Bright and lovely even in 
tears this fair earth always seems. I shall love it till my 
latest hour. But O, there is a more glorious one where 
the redeemed shall dwell — one which shall never lose its 
freshness and beauty — on which the eye can feast and 
never grow weary. 

That sweet bow, just in the spot where I gazed oftenest, 
just over those hills I have watched most — did it not mean 
something for me ? I will learn its lesson of hope. Though 
these earthly scenes are hidden from our view, there are 
others more lovely, more spiritual, to be discerned by the 
eye of faith, and I will turn to them, for they can give me 
more true happiness. 

The communion I did enjoy, it was refreshing. I 
thought over the whole year — so full of mercy to me — 
and I can say with thankfulness that I have enjoyed more 
refreshing seasons in my devotions at home, more comfort 
in the ordinances of the gospel, especially in the commun- 
14 



158 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ion, more quiet in my sabbaths, than ever before, and I 
can add, than in all my life put together. 

I did give my poor heart all away this day at the com- 
munion, and now I do it again. I want to have more con- 
versation of a Christian nature — and this has been turned 
nto a resolution. 

Tuesday, May '3d. Yesterday in loosing over the 
" Missionary Herald," thought how much need of self de- 
nial on our part to carry forward the great plans, for the 
promotion of Christ's kingdom. I thought much of this 
yesterday. Oh how much I need a heart filled with be- 
nevolence and ready to do my all in this work, which I can 
not but feel to be glorious, and alone worthy the energies 
of an immortal being. I pray God that He will so direct 
me, and so fill me with his love, that all I am and have 
may be devoted to Him, without one selfish reservation. 

Wednesday 4th. After dinner walked to Aunt M 's 

found a May day party there. I had hoped they would 
have defered their crowning till a warmer day, but there 
they were, and in spite of the showers they were a merry 

and beautiful group. S , their lovely queen, fairer 

than most of her companions, did the honors of her station, 
with grace and dignity. Her wreath was beautiful, and they 
had all shown much taste in the arrangement. It brought 
to my mind the time when I was a little girl, crowning 
May queens in that same grove. I went and played with 
them and tried to be young again among their bright faces. 

To Mrs. Fitch. 

Hartford, May 16th, 1842. 
4i My very dear Mrs. Fitch. Your note, so full of kind 
words, deserved an earlier answer; but you know that to 
you, I do not need to make apologies. I should have writ- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



159 



ten a very plain matter-of-fact sort of note last week, and 
I should have told you that you certainly mistook my char- 
acter in supposing I was looking forward with very bright 
anticipations-— but I have since then received a letter from 
the East, and after the reception of every letter, I find my 
heart looking forward more and more. And yet, my dear 
Mrs. Fitch, though I make this confession to you, I feel 
that I do not anticipate so much as you seem to think I do. 
I do not dare to build my hopes of happiness on any thing 
which ids in this world, for I feel too deeply in my own 
heart, that this life, however happy, cannot satisfy. 

1 am free now from any morbid sense of the vanity of 
this world, and I should be the last one to £ plant yews and 
cypresses' on the path-way through life, for I shall ever feel 
that there is enough of enjoyment mingled w 7 ith the sad- 
ness, to make this state of being far more than passable — 
and to the Christian it surely need not be a gloomy way ; 
for while he passes on trusting in his God, there is many 
a ray of sunshine, and many a bright star, to light him to 
his home. But I do feel that there is nothing earthly on 
which we can place our dependence for happiness. And 
is not the true difference between the worldling and the 
Christian this ? The latter may enjoy many things which 
the former does, but while he enjoys them he looks to a 
higher source, and feels that his portion is more enduring. 
I pray God that I may take the good and evil just as it 
comes, patiently submitting to the one, and thankfully 
enjoying the other, and striving to do his will, whatever it 
may be." 



160 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



To one of her early friends. 

Hartford, July 5th, 1842. 

cc My dear A. Since I heard of your marriage, I have 
wanted to send you my most sincere wishes for your 
increasing happiness. I little thought while your bridal 
day was passing, what was then taking place ; and even 
now I can scarcely realize that you are no longer A. R. 

And so you are now a wife, a happy one too, I imagine, 
rejoicing in the love of one who is more to you than all the 
world beside. My prayers have gone up to heaven for 
you, that God's blessing may be upon your union ; that 
he may direct you in all your future path. Wherever 
your future lot may be cast, may his eye watch over you, 
guarding you from every evil ; leading you to choose him 
as your everlasting portion. 

I did not think when you left my sick chamber last No- 
vember, that I was bidding my good bye to A. R. Had I 
known it, my dear friend, I should have urged you, even 
more strongly than I then did, to have settled one subject, 
which has for a long time been pressing on your attention ; 
that so God might have been with you as your friend, in 
the important step you have taken. But it is not too late 
now. Can you not, joined by him with whom your destiny 
is linked forever, now in the commencement of your mar- 
ried life, give up to God, your Father and Redeemer, the 
hearts which should be his, and devote your lives to his 
blessed service ? These are not mere words, dear A. I 
write what are the deepest feelings of my heart. You 
may have all the happiness which this world can give, and 
yet without love to God, you will find in the end that you 
have trusted for happiness in something which cannot sat- 
isfy an immortal being. But I believe that you are willing 
to assent to all this. The trouble with you has seemed to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



161 



be, that you could not do what you felt was required of. 
you. I wish I could make it seem plain to you. It does 
seem to my mind the simplest, the easiest and the most 
blessed thing in the world, to give up the heart to the con- 
trol of God, and by daily looking to him for strength to 
conquer our corrupt inclinations, to grow in every thing 
which will make us like him. The act is one of simple, 
delightful trust, in one who knows just what we need. 
You have your Bible, dear A. ; you can go to that. You 
will not forget, I am persuaded, in the midst of all the 
scenes through which you are now moving, that you have 
higher and more important interests, which demand your 
most serious attention. 

I feel, my dear friend, that it is a fearful as well as a 
blessed thing to live in these days. It is a time in which 
we cannot take neutral ground ; we must either take our 
stand as defenders of the truth, or shut our eyes to it, and 
be against it. Will you not inquire for yourself where right 
is ? Do not be content to glide on with those who are 
around you, but ask yourself, 6 are they right P Take 
your Bible, dear A., and in view of the glorious things 
which are being accomplished in these latter times, ask 
God to direct your course in life, that so it may be onward 
and upward, and brightened by his approving smile. You 
are now in the busy scenes of life ; no longer a young, 
careless girl, acting without any thought or fear of the fu- 
ture, but engaged in more sober duties, which will tell on 
your everlasting condition. 

May God bless and keep you. My heart is almost too 
full to write, while I think how years may pass away, and 
I shall hear but little of that early friend with whom many 
happy hours were passed. Our spheres will be widely 
different. May we each pass our days in the love and ser- 
vice of our God, and at last, may we meet in joy, to min- 
14* 



162 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



gle our anthems of praise ( unto him who has loved us, and 
washed us in his own blood/ and hath redeemed us from 
sin. Yes, to that glorious Redeemer, may it be our eter- 
nal happiness to ascribe all honor and glory. Good bye, 
my dear friend, my heart often prays for you. 

Your truly affectionate, M." 

To the same. * 

Hartford, July 21st, 1842. 
u I feel, dear A., in parting from you, more than I can 
express. You are going to a far distant land, where the 
gospel ordinances to which you have been accustomed, 
will no more be present to draw you to God. You will be 
where the religion of your fathers is despised. Dear A., 
may the Lord keep you, and place around y oil his protect- 
ing arm, so that the adversary shall have no power to harm 
you. Your future course, perhaps, does not look to you 
as it does to me. I have deeply felt, ever since I knew 
you were going to , the coldness that would imper- 
ceptibly creep over you in regard to spiritual things. They 
will not be the less important because you may be insen- 
sible to them. The world may draw you into its whirl, 
until you forget that there was a time in your youth when 
you felt the importance of having a portion in the Saviour, 
and the scenes in which you will mingle may so engross 
your thoughts, that the whispers of God's spirit will not 
arouse you. But there will still be a God in heaven, 
whose eye will follow you, and the day of account will be 
ever drawing nearer and nearer* Dear A., there may come 
a time when the world shall be unfolded to you in its true 
light, when you shall see it is not worthy of your soul. 
O, then, when weary and sick at heart of its vanities, will 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



163 



you not remember the Saviour, whose love it may not then 
be too late to receive. 

I know not how to close, dear A. I feel more than I 
can tell you. I shall pray for you i without ceasing.' May 
God give you his blessing, and follow you in every path 
you may take. 

I have one little favor to ask, my dear A., in parting. 
This little c Daily Food,' I want to give you, with the re- 
quest, that you will learn a verse each day, and think that 
your friend M. is learning the same. It will be a pleas- 
ant bond of union when the ocean wave rolls between us, 
to know that the same portion of scripture is the comfort 
of each. Farewell — God bless you. 

Ever yours, M." 

Journal. 

" Tuesday evening, August 30th. Once more in my 
dear New Haven home, after a week full of interest. Last 
Monday evening, in company with Dr. and Mrs. F., left 
this place for Philadelphia. The full moon was shining 
most gloriously over the dark waters of the sound. When 
we were fairly started, I began to feel that we were really 
going to our friends. It was too warm for sleep, and all 
night, as I lay in my berth, I could look out upon the 
waves and see the distant lights on the sound ; and I con- 
tinually thought of that song, ' Rock'd in the cradle of the 
deep.' Early morning found us at New York. After 
breakfasting on board, we went to the ferry to take the cars 
for Philadelphia. Saw, in crossing the ferry, the British 
ship c War Spite,' a noble vessel. I had made up my mind 
to look at every thing I could, and to learn all I could ; and 
certainly there never was a journey better fitted for the 
furtherance of such a purpose than that. 



164 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



The day was uncommonly fine. The clouds floated over 
the deep blue sky, and were reflected from the waters be* 
neath. It was a day of beauty and of glory. Our ride in 
the cars was full of interest to me. Ever}^ thing seemed 
novel. We passed through many places, and I enjoyed 
looking in the highest degree. Then we took the boat at 
Bordentown, and passed down the noble Delaware. 'Tis 
a most beautiful river, lined with green trees, and verdant 
meadows, and then the country seats and villages peeping 
out, were so picturesque, I was never tired of gazing at 
them. 

I shall never forget the beauty of that day — the light 
sails floating on that sunny rivers—the soft clouds above 
us — the lovely scenery all around — peaceful, but never 
grand. We were approaching Bridesburg, and sat anx- 
iously looking for the boat, which w r as to take us onshore. 
It was a pleasant change from our large steamer into that 
little boat, and to skip lightly over the water to the shore, 
where Mr. D. was waiting for us. I was overjoyed to 
reach that place, to which I had looked forward so often ; 
but it was far more beautiful than I thought. 

I have no words to describe Pine Grove, the residence of 
Mr. D. The old venerable trees> tall, so tall they seemed 
to rest upon the sky, — the house, so antique, -and just the 
one to people with visitants from the spirit land,— the beau- 
tiful opening to the river — the willows sweeping their long 
branches over the lawn — all combined to make it one of 
the finest places I ever saw. Then the- perfect stillness 
reigning there — for the grounds are arranged, so as to hide 
every other house, even the most distant ; and it seems as 
if there was no house within a mile^ I stood by the win- 
dow, gazing out upon its beauty. Never before had such 
majestic trees greeted my eye. We were all entranced, 
and dear Mr. and Mrs. D. enjoyed our delight. Of the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



165 



happy days spent there, I can say but little. The remem- 
brance of those friends, will live like a fresh fountain of 
gladness in my heart ; and of them I need no pen and ink 
memento. 

Thursday was very beautiful. Rode to the various 
scenes of interest around the city. We saw in German- 
town, old mansions, which must have stood before the 
revolution — and went through the valley of W., a most 
wild and romantic spot. Then to Laurel Hill, the Ceme- 
tery on the Schuylkill, with its beautiful trees and solemn 
monuments — a most interesting spot. The monuments in 
white marble were exquisite ; one of a little boy sleeping. 
Another, a rose stalk with six buds, in memory of a 
mother with her children resting there." 

*' Thursday, Oct. 13J&. I have been looking over my 
state of mind for the past few months, and I felt that a day 
spent in this manner, and in forming such an estimate of 
the duties to which I must attend, this coming season, 
would not be unprofitable. My time has indeed been bro- 
ken in upon very much since the warm weather commen- 
ced. Constant company until the last week in July. > Then 
I prepared to go to New Haven, and the third of August 
found me there. Four weeks spent most delightfully in 
New Haven and Philadelphia, passed quickly away. 

Thursday, the 15th of September, M. and S. W. spent 
with me. In the evening, their brother T. came in, and 
after staying a short time, took his sisters to pass the eve- 
ning at his cousins. Little did we think it was the last 
time he would pass our door. Friday morning, early, the 
girls were up, for M. was to start for Salem. We parted 
with kind and happy words, and no thought of the bitter 
to-morrow sent its shadow over us. 

After dinner on Saturday, came the sad, dreadful shock. 



166 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Poor W, and another young man were drowned. Myste- 
rious and deeply afflictive this bereavement has been. 
After tea, went and staid with S. all night. Sabbath was 
a day long to be remembered. Oh, it seemed to us all, as 
if life never could be any thing again. The body was car- 
ried to Wethersfield at noon. A prayer was made by my 
father at the house, before its removal. Never can we 
forget that day. May we all remember the impressions 
which sank into our souls, while we stood around the bier 
of him who was so lately with us, in all the flow of life and 
health. He was the only son of his widowed mother. 
This solemn event saddened us all, and the approaching 
wedding, where he was to have been, could not call back 
our thoughts to gaiety." 

C£ Wednesday, Sept. 2 Is*., was dear H.'s bridal day. 
Spent the morning there to assist in arranging flowers, &c. 
When I went again at evening, they were just putting on 
her veil. There she stood for the last time as H. D. She 
was very calm, and looked most beautifully. Then we 
descended to the library, where Mr. P. and our grooms- 
men waited,. and we prepared to go into the parlor pin- 
ned on the white favors, and all was ready. I felt what 
could not be put in words during the ceremony, and prayed 
with my whole heart for their happiness, in the path in 
which they should walk. Then came the wedding party, 
and we were in a crowd of company, while H. met them 
all with sweet dignity and grace." 

" Nov. fith. Our Communion. We have passed a pre- 
cious Sabbathr. My heart rests itself, and all its interests, 
on my Saviour ; and I can look in and around, and feel 
calm in the thought of his love, of all my blessings, of all 
the gracious things in his kingdom, and in our eternal home. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



167 



My communions will be few in this dear place, but may 
they prepare me for the more perfect communion in heaven. 
Since tea, spent an hour in prayer for all the dear friends 
who appointed to meet with me. What a comfort to re- 
member them, though far from us. Oh, God is full of 
mercy to grant me these blessings. 

And now I commit all my cares to God. My desire is, 
to do all I can for him. Forgetting self- — persevering in 
what 1 begin — -feeling humble — trusting in my Saviour. 
These are my resolves. Oh, for grace and strength." 

u Nov. Thanksgiving day. There are many thoughts 
in my mind. I have been thinking all the morning of the 
innumerable mercies which crown my life. I have bless- 
ings in friends, in opportunities for improvement, both men- 
tal and moral, in ways of usefulness, and last, though not 
least, blessings in a spiritual sense. There are mingled 
feelings this day. 

Great God, thou art pouring upon my poor, unworthy 
head, such blessings as fill me with shame, when I think 
of my poor improvement of them. Wilt thou give me 
strength to use them all in the way which will best glorify 
thee. 

One thing fills me with anxiety. Not one of all my 
dear friends, who were not Christians last year, have be- 
come so this. Some of those over whom I have prayed, 
are interested in religion, and will, I trust, show in future, 
that their attention is not transient. But some who are 
dear to me, remain yet away from Christ. O, may I work 
while the day lasts, with a becoming zeal and untiring 
spirit of love, for those over whom I have influence ; and 
may I, should another thanksgiving find me in this world, 
have the joy of seeing my desires fulfilled, in beholding 
them safe in thy fold. 



168 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 

This maybe the last I shall ever spend in this dear home 
of the pilgrims. But ever shall I praise God, that he cast 
my lot in this land, — in these New England scenes, among 
these glorious privileges. 

And now, in view of all my blessings, I come and with 
grateful heart commit all my way unto the Lord, fully per- 
suaded that he will do all things rightly with regard to the 
future. I can say that my chief desire is, so to use the 
good and the ill, I may yet receive from his hand, that he 
may be glorified, and his own perfect will be fulfilled with 
regard to me. 

My dear father gave us a delightful sermon — 1 Who 
maketh thee to differ ?' Just the right kind of sermon for 
the day, and the best way to make us feel truly grateful. 
When he closed with the earnest hope and prayer for the 
continued prosperity of our beloved country, and looked 
forward too to the time in which we should meet around 
that throne, where no sin would mingle with the voices of 
praise, my whole soul responded its amen to all, and I felt 
I could gladly go forth from my native land, to labor and 
die on a foreign soil, and cheerfully could trust my dearest 
interests in the hand of God. 

Immediately upon the close of his sermon, the last word 
scarcely dying from his lips, the full organ swelled, and 
the choir struck up the anthem, ' Blessing and honor, glory 
and power, be unto him who sitteth on the throne, and 
unto the Lamb, forever and ever.' 

When I went to my room at night, I felt that it was the 
pleasantest thanksgiving season I had ever enjoyed, 

Dec. Ath- Talked with my dear mother of the future, 
and had happy thoughts of our parting, and of my future 
work. Much impressed with what Charlotte Elizabeth 
says of private journals. She thinks they cannot be faith- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNSP. 



169 



ful, and may deceive us. Oh, may this not injure me! 
I write for the fixing in my mind events which I shall love 
to recall, and I pray God I may never, by reading these 
pages, be led to indulge a self complacent spirit. Let me 
remember the sins which I have but imperfectly noticed, 
and while they look me in the face, may I seek for peace 
only through Jesus." 

" Thursday, 8th, 4 P. 3L I thank God for putting it 
into my mind to keep this afternoon of the week, as a time 
for meditation, and the special reading of the Bible. I 
have commenced studying the Bible anew, and can truly 
say that I find pleasure and profit thus far. If I look to 
God, he can give me such knowledge as I need. May I 
find him here in this season ! I long to know the truths 
which lie hidden in his word, and I have been praying for 
light, and also that 1 might come fully under Divine influ- 
ence, and be in all things subjected to God's holy will." 

" Sabbath evening, Dec. ISth. These precious days 
which are passing, how can I improve them aright ? When 
life is only for once, and is so short, how full of importance ! 
Eternity only will make us realize these things. But I 
long here to see things as they are. What I want is a true 
interest in the souls of my impenitent friends. I feel that 
I have not yet learned the way topra}^ and labor for them, 
and I am trying now to find out what Jesus would have me 
do. Something seems to me wrong, for I have been pray- 
ing a long time, and yet see no results. And oh, the time 
is so short !" 

" Fast day, Dec. 30M, 1842. In reviewing the year> 
I can truly say, 4 goodness and mercy have followed me 
all the way j' and while I am deeply conscious of my own 
15 



170 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENNEP. 



ill desert, I hope I do dot deceive myself, in thinking, that 
I am on the whole in a better state, than when I wrote my 
fast day account one year ago. I would hope that there 
is some more steadfastness ; not so much blown about, that 
1 am some nearer Christ, and feel his dying love some 
more, and the preciousness of redemption. I have had 
my mind turned more to the Holy Spirit of late ; and I 
do hope I feel better about my missionary work. Yes, I 
do thank God that it does seem delightful to be engaged 
for Christ, and working in his vineyard, wherever he ap- 
points. 1 hope I feel a desire to go wherever he directs 
me, and do whatever he thinks best, and if he would only 
go with me, that 1 would be willing to go far away for the 
sake of his cause. - 

There is a change, but oh, the work is far from com- 
plete, and yet, that it is begun, is cause for joy ; and I will 
continue to trust my Saviour, and look more earnestly to 
him alone, and ask him to search my heart, to root out all 
evil, and fit me to do his holy will. If in any thing I am 
more peaceful, and am better in my feelings, it is all owing 
to the grace of God. Oh, I thank him, for bearing so long 
with me, for preserving my life and my privileges to me. J 
am resolved to keep my eye fixed on Jesus. Each year 
makes him more precious, and shows me more clearly, that 
he is my only hope. I am ready to sink without him, but 
his love does encourage me to continue the conflict. One 
side of the picture looks dark, but the other does look 
bright ; but I will look alone to Jesus, who can make all 
bright." 

" Saturday, Dec. 3\st. Yesterday was a good day. 
Our church in a good state, and some encouragement to 
hope for a revival. On God's side all is ready ; may he 
take every obstacle from our hearts. The prayers were 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



171 



solemn, and the crowded room seemed filled with the pres- 
ence of God. 

It may be the blessing waits even now. God know s 
what the year will bring. My prayer is, O let me be fully 

devoted to Jesus and his cause, and may my be a 

Christian. Yet my desires stop not with his conversion ; 
my dear class, my friends, this dear people, the whole world. 
How sweet to think, that though our fondest projects may 
fail, yet Jesus' cause will go on, and will come to a com- 
plete accomplishment. Yes, ' The kingdoms of this world 
will become the kingdoms of our Lord and of his Christ, 
and he shall reign.' And in this kingdom let me and my 
dear friends cast all our interests." 

<c Jan. 1st, 1843. This morning was our communion, 
and it did seem pleasant to have it come on the first day 
of the year. We sang c Our God our help in ages past/ a 
sublime hymn, and c On Jordan's stormy banks I stand.' 
My dear father's sermon was from Colos. 1 : 12 ; showing 
what was necessary in order to be prepared for the happi- 
ness of heaven. I could answer all the solemn tests with 
some satisfaction. 

It was sweet to be around His table, and I did enter with 
my whole soul into the consecration of myself to Christ ; 
and I did pray, that when the year came round again, I 
might be engaged for him far away among the heathen. 
These precious privileges, these dear friends, are very dear 
to me, but I do hope I can leave them all, and I pra}^ God 
that I may not be in the slightest thing deceived about my 
state. I have resolved to go no step alone. I consecrate 
to Jesus, my time-, my studies, my friends, my earthly 
store, and ask him to guide me every moment. O, he 
whose love brought him to die for us, will he not give us 
all things necessary to enable us to live for him. 0, 1 know 



172 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENNEP. 



he will. My only resolution, or rather all my resolutions, 
are comprised in this one thing, c trust in Christ, daily and 
hourly 

My class were all present this morning. We spent our 
hour in serious personal conversation. I talked with each 
one of my dear girls, and tried to get them to begin this 
day to do right. I have trembling hope for three. May 
God guide each one, I fear they may be suddenly called 
away. May I be faithful the little time that remains. 

And now I give up myself, and all my dear friends, and 
my interests to Jesus, praying that this may be a year of 
the right hand of the Most High ; that his kingdom may 
come, not only here, but in all our world. Amen. 

I must notice the beautiful day which smiles upon us. 
The sky is bright and softly blue, and the snow lies upon 
the ground, and gives a sweet, home-like aspect to all the 
dwellings around. Yes, all is calm and bright and beauti- 
ful. My Father makes it all. And he who makes the 
natural world so lovely, is making the moral world shine 
brighter and brighter, and all the dark clouds of pollution 
shall be chased away. One thing I like, and 'tis that I am 
learning to read the revealed word of God, as well as the 
nataralword, and I am thankful that I am beginning better 
to comprehend and love its sacred pages. 

I must notice also, that on Saturday, I received from my 
dear friends, such a testimonial of their love and interest in 
me, and of their love to the cause in which I hope we are 
all engaged, that 1 was overwhelmed with emotions. How 
sweet to have these dear friends, and sweet to spend an 
eternity in heaven with them." 

c( Jan. loth. I have refrained from writing in my 
journal, because it wearied me — but I think these few 
weeks have been among the most interesting of my life. I 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



173 



wish I had a connected account of recent events, for I should 
love to remember them when far away. I intended to 
have squared off old accounts the last year, and begun 
afresh in my journal, but many duties prevented. On Fri- 
day, Jan.. 6th, I was invited to spend an evening in a large 
circle of friends, where they were to dance. I felt sorry 
to have these circles just now, when we are hoping that 
there is a little revival. Could not go — -feared I was get- 
ting severe. O, to think of my setting up for a censor ! 
It troubled me to stand aloof from my friends, and to be 
obliged to show them I did not approve of dancing. Sev- 
eral times of late have been so tried — very few of my 
friends think as I do. In time past I have had much per- 
plexity, and much thought on the subject, but my mind is 
made up. 

Sabbath, heard a solemn sermon from father. i He is 
joined to his idols, let him alone.' 

After dinner, as I sat in my room, mother opened the 
door, and told me with tears in her eyes, that F. had come 
to see father, completely overcome, in an agony of feeling, 
impressed during the sermon. How I then hoped with 
trembling. I could only pray— and when I thought how 
many conflicting feelings were in his heart, the pride, the 
world, I could hardly believe it would be possible for him 
to change. But what is impossible with man, is possible 
with God. 

On Tuesday evening, on returning from the lecture, we 
found F. with my mother, in the parlor. But how chan- 
ged ! Gentle, subdued— his voice tender, and he appeared 
completely absorbed in the one subject. Mother had been 
reading to him, and he had been several times in tears. 
As he retired with my father for private conversation, we 
spent the time in trembling thought and prayer. I could 
only think of this verse, and it was in my mind, with a 
15* 



174 



MRS, MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



power before unknown,— 1 With God all things are possi- 
ble, but not with man. 5 

That night, at evening worship, some expressions of my 
father's showed, that he hoped that F. had at last found 
rest. O, this was too good to be believed ! That F. was 
now a Christian — a ransomed one — could it be true ? That 
night, the prayers of months, of two years, had been gra- 
ciously, most wonderfully, most sweetly answered. I 
speak not of my own prayers. Too much sin had been in 
mine, for me to hope much in regard to them. But others 
had prayed. There had been some, who had had their 
thoughts turned particularly to this stranger in our midst. 
Has not God something for him to do ? How wonderful 
is his working; !" 

u Thursday, 12th. F. came in, so happy, so changed, 
that I could not believe it was he. He gave us some ac- 
count of his feelings. The case is truly wonderful. May 
God give him grace to hold out. He played and sang, 
£ Return, wanderer, return,' — told how unworthy he 
was, how wonderful it was that God should change his 
heart of sin. His e}^es were full of tears many times. He 
could not think of Jesus' wonderful love, without thinking 
of his own sins. c He long'd to devote his all to him/ 
Said c it was the sweetest enjoyment to kneel dow r n and 

pray £ to take his Bible and read.' All looked well . 

still, felt how much he needed God's strength, to keep him 
from falling. 

On Wednesday, the 18th, T. called to see my father. 
She was indulging a hope — was impressed by the same 
sermon,* and same part which had affected F. Surely 
God is wonderful in working. She is very intelligent, and 



* « He is joined to his idols, let him alone.' 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



175 



the workings of her mind are very deep. Had a few words 
with her. She told me how differently she felt towards 
me from what she used to. She once almost hated me, 
because I wrote her a religious note in school. I had for- 
gotten the circumstance. It was some years since — five, 
I think." 

u Wednesday, 25th. This day is set apart by the North 
and Centre Churches, as a day of fasting and prayer. We 
need such a season very much, for we feel our churches are 
Hot in the best state for a revival. We are hoping and 
praying, and doing something, but we feel that we need to 
be converted anew ourselves, before we can enter, as we 
should, into the work. It is very evident that God is ready 
to bless us, if we do not, by our coldness, hold him back. 
Oh ! this must not be !" 

To M. S. 

Sabbath, Jan. 29th, 1843. 
4< My dear M. I have felt, this morning, that I must 
write you a note just as we used to do long ago. Does it 
not seem as if God has a blessing for our classes, if we will 
only be faithful, and pray and labor without fainting. May 
he give us strength, and the willing earnest mind, to en- 
gage in all that he points out for us. We can commit these 
dear children to him, and beseech him to receive them as 
his own. But O, I tremble, lest we may not feel and act 
as we ought. Dear M., let us*continue to join our prayers 
for their conversion. I am sure w r e may pray with the 
expectation of a blessing ; for does not Jesus love their 
souls far better than we do ? Yes, and we pray to one who 
not only loves, but who has given himself to die for them, 
for us all. He can raise us from our ruin, and make us free 



176 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENNH*. 



from sin. Oh, blessed emancipation ! To be free from 
sin ! from all which separates our souls from him who is 
the fountain of holiness and life.** 

Journal. 

u Monday, Jan. 30th. The reading, yesterday, of 
'Edwards' Life,' has awakened new feelings, and caused 
me much sorrow. I found my love to God and Christ so 
far below his, that I determined to go directly and search 
the matter out in my heart, and see whether I had any 
reason to hope, and whether 1 had not been deceived all 
my life. 

I have had a solemn and heart-searching time. I have 
been in bitterness of spirit, but I am glad and only glad 
that I read this book. I long to be a whole Christian, not 
a half, undecided one. Oh ! how dishonorable to God, 
how ungrateful to the Saviour who died for me. Some- 
times I think I have not yet seen enough of myself, and 
these trials are to show me. I think it is only doing God's 
will, which will satisfy my heart. I remember his sweet 
promise of the Holy Spirit to those who ask. Will he not 
grant it to me ? 

Dear Saviour, here on this day I long to give my whole 
being to thee, without any reservation. I shall be happy 
only when thou takest me, all that I am, and all that I 
have." 

To C. C. 

Hartford, Feb. 20th, 1843. 
u I have thought much of you, dear C, during these 
weeks in which the Spirit of God is blessing your town.' I 
wish that w r e were enjoying a refreshing from on high — but 
I hope you are careful not to do too much. I never would 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



177 



do again as I did during our revival two years ago ; and yet 
I cannot be sorry for what I then did, for I would not for 
worlds give up the experience of that blessed winter. It 
is very hard indeed to keep in the right line. A fear of not 
improving the peculiar blessings of a revival, leads on the 
one hand to a constant activity ; and on the other hand, 
the fear that nature will sink under it, makes us want to 
rest some ; and so we are continually wavering, (that is, I 
am, I hope you do better) between the two. I sometimes 
think that the old saying, 'we may as well die one way as 
another/ is the best one for me to act upon, and so be re- 
lieved from this constant struggle. Happy indeed shall we 
be in that blessed world, where there will be no sinking, 
decaying nature to trouble and draw away our thoughts. 
Till that world is reached, we must toil on, sometimes 
mounting joyfully to heaven, and sometimes drooping, and 
sad, and weary in this land of sin and temptation. 

I must tell you, that last week I had a most lovely let- 
ter from my dear Marion. I shall never in this world see 
her again — and yet I have become strangely accustomed to 
this thought. Is it because I really feel heaven to be 
near, and this life's separation a short one ; or is it because 
I have become indifferent to these partings ? We were as 
near sister's as we could be, and when she went away it 
seemed as if the best part of my life had gone with her. I 
wish you knew her. 

This is the day that Isabella* is to be married, and the 
next week on Tuesday, she sails in the Emma Isadora, for 
Smyrna. I have lived all this month in thoughts of her. 
I am reading Harriet Newell's Life too. So young ! only 
19 — and such a sweet, happy Christian. Does it not re- 
quire great grace, to turn away from every earthly thing, 



* Now Mrs. Bliss, at Trebizond. 



178 



MRS. MAHY E. VAN LENNEP. 



and say, 4 Whom have I in heaven but thee ? and there is 
none upon the earth I desire beside thee.' It is this entire 
devotion to the Saviour which animated the first herald s 
of the Cross, that I long to feel — and yet I am only groping 
my way along, through toils and through tears ; sometimes 
feeling the love of Jesus, but often full of sorrow at my poor 
attempts at loving and serving him, who is worthy to re- 
ceive the affections and the homage of all hearts in the 
universe. For this I daity strive and watch and pray — 
and will you not too pray for your friend ? 

I want to thank you in my piano's name for your remem- 
brance to it. It is ready to return the sound in the sweet- 
est manner it is capable of, if you will only listen. Will it 
be waking the echoes of a foreign land next year ? I sup- 
pose you would say, i this is a question M. can answer 
better than I.' " 

Journal. «* 

u Feb. 2\st, 1843. To-day I have been looking over 
my state, and trying to give up myself anew to God. I 
have been looking over my past life, and I feel the deepest 
sorrow in view of my continual vileness, and my preferring 
my own will to God's. Though my outward conduct has 
been correct, yet this has been manifested in a thousand 
different ways. W^hen I view my life, and think how it 
has been filled with infinite love and goodness on the part 
of God, and with continual sin and ingratitude on my part, 
I am overcome with sorrow — particularly that when called 
to the Missionary work, I did not rejoice and devote myself 
gladly to it, but shrank back, and preferred my own ease. 
For this I can never cease to feel the greatest shame and 
sorrow, and I trust the deepest penitence. I have wept 
and prayed over it many times — and to-day it has been 
again in my thoughts 3 standing out among the dark lists of 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



179 



sin in my past life. I do beseech God, in his infinite 
mercy, for Christ's sake, to blot out the past ; and I earn- 
estly entreat him to give me now a sense of his pardoning 
love. 

I have been endeavoring to yield up my soul into the 
hands of Jesus, that [ may begin now, with full purpose of 
obedience tobe the Lord's. I desire to place him first, and 
I do not know of one single thing that I am not happy, or 
at least willing, to give up, and my heart approves of it, 
and I feel I cannot be happy in any other course. To God 
my Father, my Saviour, my Sanctifier, I do now yield my- 
self entirely, desiring only to be in his hands, to have no 
will of my own, but to do his own blessed will, from this 
time forth and forever more. And now, trusting in aton- 
ing blood to wash away the guilt of the past, and trusting 
in an Almighty friend to keep me with regard to the future, 
I commit myself and all my interests to his safe keeping. 

I renew my resolutions, my principles of action I would 
rather call them, made more than a year ago. I have lived 
very poorly indeed in accordance with them, yet I do de- 
sire still to be guided by them— and by God's help I will 
keep them — but oh, by his help alone, for I am all weak- 
ness. 

And now I have given up all to Christ. I have made a 
full consecration. I hope I am no longer half persuaded, 
but all persuaded to be his, entirely and forever; and yet, 
I never felt my weakness and sin as 1 do now. 2 ' 

March 5th. The light is fading of a precious commun- 
ion Sabbath ! How much has happened in these two 
months ! What encouragement have we to go on, still 
hoping, toiling, trusting, till the end come. In the midst 
of the various and conflicting feelings, which for these two 
months have been agitating my mind, I think I can see the 



180 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LENXEP. 



leadings of God's blessed Spirit. I hope I find in my heart 
this day, a more ardent desire to be wholly devoted to 
Jesus. 

During these two months, F. and T. have become Chris- 
tians. How little did I think last communion, that I could 
count this among our blessings, when next the day came. 
Surely God is full of love, and shall I not go on, and have 
strong faith that all my dear friends may be led to the Sav- 
iour, until our circle shall be safe in the fold, and not our 
circle only, but millions of others, until this whole world 
knows the Lord our God. Several too, of my young 
friends, are becoming more decided in their Christian feel- 
ings, and exhibit pleasing evidence of being God's children, 
May Jesus take them and lead them straight to heaven. 
And the good Spirit is gently touching our hearts, reviving 
the graces of his children, and calling those who are far 
away from God to return. 

These two months have been marked by mercies out- 
wardly, and the inward strivings of my heart have been 
marked by mercy too. And now I do commit myself to a 
Saviour, who can save me. And I surrender to him all I 
am, and all I have, to be his forever. With God I leave 
all my friends and myself and in his hands we are safe." 

u Saturday, March \lth> lam here in New Haven 
with my dear Mrs. F. She is very feeble, but we trust 
her in God's hands." 

<c Sabbath, 12th. This morning heard the blue birds 
singing. How pleasant is the returning spring — may it 
bring spring to our souls. May God's Spirit breathe upon 
us, and awaken us to a new life. 

I have had some interesting conversation with my dear 
Mrs. F., but she is very feeble. I feel continual solicitude 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



181 



in her behalf. She is hardly out of my thoughts night or 
day. I watch her every moment, but her physician thinks 
more favorably of her case." 

"Hartford, April 16th y 1843. My birth day, and I 
am twenty-two years old. I have many thoughts to-day, 
and yet I see that time does soften and chasten our feel- 
ings ; for I view the past and the future in a far calmer 
manner, than I have ever been able to do before. The 
past is full of blessings on God's part, and I hope I have 
some gratitude. And it is indeed full of sin, and I hope I 
have some suitable sense of it. May I from this time 
forth, make a holy use of all that God grants me, looking 
only to Jesus, for pardon, for strength, for happiness. I 
have many sweet blessings to notice in the past year. Oh, 
how good is my Saviour. To him I do indeed surrender 
all. May his kingdom come, and his holy will be done in 
this sinful world, and may all I learn, and all I do, be for 
the furtherance of this great object. The future, all to us 
unknown, I commit to his care. He will bring events as 
seemeth him good. I am not anxious. This is probably 
my last birth-day in this dear home ; but God gives me 
strength to contemplate it peacefully ; and I hope 1 can 
say, my chief desire for myself and all my friends is, to be 
employed in doing God's will. 

a June 30th. I had not intended to write any more in 
my journal, for it occupied so much of my time — so I clo- 
sed it on my birth-day. But I think on such occasions as 
the communion Sabbaths, &c, it would be well for me to 
note a few of the more important events which occur, both 
in the inner and outer world. 

These two months which have passed since our last 
communion have been marked by innumerable mercies. 
16 



182 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



My time has passed for the last few weeks in a very even 
way, both without and within, but before that I was some 
of the time tempest tost. Yet it does seem to me I have 
advanced some. Since the last communion, I have learned 
more what it is to abide in Christ. I have been helped 
some with regard to my selfishness, and find it easier and 
pleasanter to live for others, than ever before. There is 
still trouble in my heart, that the Bible is too much a sealed 
book to me. Over this I pray daily and earnestly. I feel 
that I have but begun, in every thing. I do hope that 
God's Holy Spirit has renewed my heart, but I am very 
faint and sinful, and can scarcely keep along in the path in 
which it is my earnest desire to walk. But I try to look 
at Christ. And what I have been resolving on is, to abide 
in him through all things, 

I am happy in seeing my young friends coming one by 
one into the kingdom of Jesus. E. joined the church last 
May, and next Sabbath C. will also. The others of this 
young circle continue their interest in divine things — and 
the number is increasing. O, may God keep them, and 
lead them all to heaven. 

I have been able to accomplish many things, and there 
are some more which I wish to finish before H. comes. 
But I try to be patient about them all, trusting in Christ, 
that he will help me in every thing needful. Oh, I long to 
be fully devoted to this blessed Saviour. 

May I and my friends be engaged in doing his will ; 
then, whatever comes, all will be right." 

Here ends the journal ; a manuscript of about five hun- 
dred pages, compactly written, in which the principal 
events of two and a half years of her short life are briefly 
noticed, together with the influence which these had upon 
her Christian character. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



183 



She seems to have had two reasons for keeping it. One 
was, as she has said, that she might have the satisfaction 
of recalling scenes and events contained in it, when she 
should u be far away.' 5 And the other, that she might be 
able to mark with more distinctness, her progress in the 
divine life. The foregoing extracts are, of course, but a 
small portion of the whole, but they are sufficient to show 
the tenor of her daily life — with this exception, however, 
that she judged of her conduct by the motives which influ- 
enced her, and not by actual results; and has given her 
own impressions of herself, rather than the impressions of 
others with regard to her ; and while she has treated with 
unsparing severity, her faults and imperfections, she has 
scarcely noticed the daily routine of active and benevolent 
duties which graced her life. 



CHAPTER VIII. 



PREPARATIONS FOR LEAVING HOME, MARRIAGE AND 
DEPARTURE. 

To M. 

Hartford, June 9th, 1843. 

u My dear sister, — -Since I wrote you last, I have had 
time to do a great many things. I wish I could send you 
a daguerreotype likeness of my life for the year past, for 
there are many things in it I want you should know. My 
winter was taken up in preparations for leaving home. 
Thanks to good friends, I have had very little sewing to 
do, for they insisted upon doing nearly every thing for me ; 
and you may be sure it has been a great relief to mother 
as well as to myself, I wish you could see the beautiful 
gifts I have had. Not a week passes without bringing 
some token of love from some one or more of my friends. 
They have remembered many things that I had not thought 
of as necessary, so that my Eastern home will be most 
beautifully supplied with articles for my personal comfort. 

I spent nearly all the month of March in New Haven, 
with my dear Mrs. Fitch, who is very ill indeed. Death 
must come into these happy circles ; but it is blessed to 
look at this world only as our state of trial, and to remem- 
ber the world where rest will come. And is it not sweet 
to trust ourselves and our friends in the hands of One who 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



185 



meets out all our changes in wisdom and in love ? He has 
His own blessed designs to fulfill, is carrying on His cause 
in our world ; and if He sees it to be necessary for the tri- 
umph of truth and holiness that we suffer, then let us trust 
ourselves in His hands, and feel that He will give us 
strength to bear all which He sees fit to lay upon us in 
this our mortal life. 

I scarcely dare look forward a few weeks. H. is 
probably now on the ocean. Dear M., were you by my 
side, how much we could recount of all the way in which 
the Lord our God has led us. When I think of all that 
has passed in my life, I can only thank my Father in heaven 
for all his mercies ; and I feel that I am the least of all, and 
the most unworthy of such blessings. 

I find in closing that I have not begun to say what I 
wished. 1 intended to have told you about my missionary 
work, but that I must leave till a future time. We shall 
be engaged chiefly with the Armenians. I feel an increas- 
ing interest in that part of the missionary field, and O, I 
hope my dear M., that I shall have strength to consecrate 
my whole life to the service of Christ, and may be the in- 
strument of some good to that benighted people. 

During the past month, I have been seeing many of my 
dear friends, and O, my heart twines around them so, that 
if I did not trust in Jesus to bear me through the parting, 
I could never leave them ; but I look to Him, and I can 
trust all that I love in His hands, and feel that we are all 
united in the same glorious cause, and have the same heav- 
enly home in view. You, my dear M., will ever live in 
my heart of hearts, and the memory of those days which 
we spent together I shall ever cherish as among the sweet- 
est of my life." 

16* 



186 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



To Miss B. 

" My dear Miss B., — It would very poorly accord with 
my feelings to write a formal note of thanks to the friends 
who have so kindly united with you in your labor of love ; 
and yet I wish in some way to express my gratitude for the 
unwearied efforts which have been made to render my 
home on missionary ground comfortable and pleasant. 
Will you tell the ladies from me, that I shall ever carry the 
remembrance of their kindness in my heart, and that I do 
not cease to pray that God may reward and bless them. 
It will be a comfort to me to know that I am remembered 
in your prayers, for I feel more and more every day my 
need of strength from above to prepare me for the duties 
which may soon devolve upon me. Life is of so little im- 
portance unless spent for the glory of God, that I long to 
have every moment of mine occupied in doing His will. 

Oh, how sweet it will be, when this life is over, and 
when all the redeemed are gathered to their home in heav- 
en, to meet those we have loved here, and spend an eterni- 
ty with them in the praise and service of Christ. Then, it 
will be joy to us to reflect, that in our feeble manner we 
were able to do something for the kingdom of holiness and 
peace which God is setting up in this world." 

When Mary was called to contemplate the missionary 
field as the scene of her future labors, heforetdeciding to en- 
ter upon it, she examined her qualifications for the work 
with great carefulness and fidelity. The work of missions 
was in her estimation a great work ; and the preparation 
which she deemed necessary for entering upon it, was 
something more than external accomplishments, or piety 
even ; she felt that there must be a love for the work it- 
self ; a preference of it to any other work, and a willing- 
ness to make personal sacrifices whenever the salvation of 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



187 



souls or the cause of Christ should in any way require it. 
As has been seen by notices in her journal, she had a con- 
stant sense of her dependence on divine aid in all her efforts 
to promote the spiritual welfare of others ; especially was 
this true when contemplating her qualifications for the 
work of missions. She had from early youth been a de- 
voted, self-denying laborer in the vine} T ard of Christ at 
home, but now that her field was about being changed, 
and God was calling her u to the deeply responsible work 
of glorifying Him among those who know Him not," she 
felt a new and an increased sense of dependence upon Him 
for aid ; and under a deep conviction of utter helplessness 
if left to herself, she u resolved not to go one step alone, 
but if Jesus would only go with her, then she would be 
willing to go far away for the sake of His cause." 

But her preparation was but in part completed when 
she decided with regard to her qualifications for laboring 
in a foreign field. Another and a heavy responsibility she 
felt to be resting upon her — a responsibility which she 
might not put off lightly, or lay aside without seeking coun- 
sel and strength from above. Providence had opened be- 
fore her a wide field of usefulness in her native place, and 
had qualified her well to fill it ; and she loved to labor in 
it, and was daily seeing results which brought joy to her 
heart, and encouraged her to go forward. 

Her Sabbath School class, how could she leave this with- 
out knowing that each dear pupil was safe in the fold ? 
She had a trembling hope for three of the youthful mem- 
bers of her class, and she must find one who would be able 
to watch over and guide these, and who should also have 
warm hearted piety, that so she might win to the Saviour 
those whom she herself must leave strangers to Him. 

The dear circle of intimate friends who met weekly in 
her room to unite with her in coming to the throne of 



188 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



grace, would these continue to meet together in another 
place of prayer, to remember her as well as themselves, 
when she should no longer meet with them ? and the 
friends who were still out of Christ, for whose conversion 
she had been laboring and praying a long time, how could 
she leave them thus ? 

Among other benevolent objects was one which was 
dear to her on many accounts. It was a youthful sewing 
circle, who met at stated times to work for the " Grand 
Ligne Mission." In this circle she felt at home ; each 
member was to her as a younger sister ; and she had pre* 
sided over it with untiring cheerfulness from its com- 
mencement. Finding it impossible to obtain one to take 
her place, she continued to preside over it until near the 
time of her leaving home, and then was obliged to commit 
the dear little circle to Providence and their own efforts. 

A number of young girls met with her weekly to unite 
in prayer. Several of these were members of her class in 
the Sabbath school. It is delightful to recollect that some 
of the number continued to meet at the same hour, and in 
the same place where she so often met with them, until 
after her removal from this world ; and there is reason to 
believe that having knelt with ber here at the throne of 
grace, they will one day bow with her before the throne 
of glory. 

When she committed to God the interests which were 
dear to her, as she so often was wont to do, all these and 
more also were included, and there was a deeper meaning 
than tbe mere words implied. 

But these interests, dear as they were, and difficult as she 
found it to dispose of them, were yet in her estimation not 
the greatest which she was called upon to resign. Ties 
stronger than these must be broken. To a friend she 
writes thus, " I find that my heart clings so strongly to my 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



189 



home, that I shrink from the future. I could bear it for 
myself, but for these dear parents, I feel every day, that I 
ought not, andean not go and leave them." But the lead- 
ings of providence were direct and clear, and the parents 
of Mary thought it right and felt it a pleasure to smooth 
the path before her, and to yield her up to the call of duty, 
Mary was married to the Rev. Henry J. Van Lennep, a 
missionary under the patronage of the American Board, 
Sept. 4th, 1843, and sailed with him, accompanied by her 
father, in October following, for Smyrna. A few ex- 
tracts from last letters to friends, will give the reader some 
slight idea of the events attendant upon her leaving home, 
and also of her feelings at the time. 

To M. 

Hartford, Sept. 22, 1843. 

I have seized my pen while H. is marking our trunks, 
to tell you in some hasty lines what I have been longing to 
tell you in a whole sheet. Dear M., you can imagine , 
without my telling you particularly, the occupation, and 
excitement, and overwhelming care and thought, which 
have attended these few months ; and you will not won- 
der that in the midst of it all, I could not sit down and 
write to an absent friend. 

You probably know that Sept. 4th was our wedding- 
day. We started the next day for the Falls, taking Ro- 
chester and the meeting of the American Board on our 
return. The meetings at R were very interesting, and 
we formed some delightful Christian acquaintances. Our 
journey was, as you may well suppose, full of deep inter- 
est. And now we are lingering for a few days in our be- 
loved home, with the precious circle of our relatives and 
friends around us, soon to bid adieu to all. Oh, may God 
strengthen them and us for the parting- 



190 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



You will not forget to pray for your friends who are so 
soon to be removed from the privileges of a Christian land. 
May we be faithful to our God, and to the cause to which 
we devote our lives. Dear M., pray for my poor father 
and mother. There is a world where we may all be hap- 
py tQgether. We try to fix our eyes on that world. May 
those who have been the light and support of my way 
through all my early years — may they reach that home 
where all the redeemed shall rest in peace. 

. Dear M., we are both united in the best of causes. Let 
us trust our Saviour. O, M. 3 remember my father and 
mother; write to them often. Don't forget our Sabbath 
evenings. Good bye. God bless you. 

Ever your friend and sister, 
M. E. V. L. 

To Mrs. F. 

Sept. 27th, 1843. 

My dear Aunt S. We are on the eve of our departure, 
and the day after to-morrow, we take our last look of our 
dear home. The Piano and my little bureau are now 
being packed, and our house is very sad indeed. I have 
come to my room to say my parting words to my dear, 
dear friend. How much I shall want to see you ! How 
often my thoughts will fly back to New Haven, and will 
seek your room ; and when we are tossing on the ocean, I 
shall turn to the quiet homes of my friends and give them 
man}^ thoughts, but not regrets. Oh, no, I am not sorry I 
am going. I am not afraid of the deep, dark waves. I 
have committed my way to the Lord, and my trust is in 
Him; and my prayer to Him is, that my selfish heart may 
become pure and disinterested, ready to take hold of any 
labor that will advance his kingdom and glory. 

My dear Aunt S., you know how I remember your 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



191 



words of counsel ; how I have laid up in my heart all the 
treasures, which intercourse with you through many years 
has collected. May God reward you for the good you 
have done me. You and dear Dr. F. have been pre- 
cious friends to me. 

I have not begun to tell you what I wish, but I shall try 
to find time on board ship to write you a long letter. May 
God take us all safely through this changing world, and 
bring us to His heavenly kingdom. To Him I trust the 
future. To His care I commit my dear parents and brother ; 
He can supply all their need. Oh, you know what we all 
feel now. Pray for us. 

Ever your affectionate, 
Mary E. V. L. 

The parting from the home of her childhood can never 
be put on paper. Often as the scene occurs, it comes 
with a first painful freshness to every one who passes 
through it ; and to one who has not felt what it is, it can 
never be described with any thing like the overwhelming 
reality. 

After leaving home, Mary spent a week very pleasantly 
amongst friends in Boston, and from that place, sailed for 
her eastern home the eleventh of October. 

The morning of that day rose clear and bright — adieus 
had all been spoken ; the last parting with the parent who 
was to be left behind had been anticipated ; the secret 
chamber and the presence of God only having been wit- 
ness to that scene ; and now only the public exercises on 
board remained to be performed. 

At 10 o'clock the deck of the Stamboul was thronged 
with sympathizing friends, who were there, not so much to 
give and take the parting look, as to commend the little 
company who were to encounter the perils of the deep, 



192 



SIRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



and some of whom were to take up their residence in a 
far distant land, to the protection and blessing of God. 

The prayer was offered, the parting hymn was sung, 
the vessel was loosed from her hold, and bore away on her 
outward course. As she swept by the projecting wharf, 
Mary was seated on the deck, her husband and father 
standing protecting!}- by her on either side ; but her heart 
was not with them then. One object on the shore rivet- 
ted her attention. It was her mother. A friend who 
witnessed the scene, in speaking of it afterwards to that 
mother said, " She looked as -if she would have taken her 
heart out, and left it with you.-' A mother's feelings in 
parting from a daughter in such circumstances have been 
expressed by the poet in a manner strikingly true and 
beautiful. 

" Yet go, my spirit goes with thee ! 
Yet go, thy spirit stays with me ! 99 

One white signal seen through the shrouds of other 
vessels, marked the path of the Stamboui, as she gently 
glided along amidst the dense forest of masts which lined 
the harbor. At length she was seen through an opening 
vista, in bold relief on the clear blue sky, all her canvas 
spread, and every sail filled. Another turn, and that bark 
with its precious freight disappeared from the straining eye. 

To her Mother, by the Pilot-boat. 

Boston Harbor, Oct. 11th, 1S43. 

My dear Mother, I write in full view of Boston where 
you are, and am sitting where last you saw me, looking 
on the waves, the clear sky, the city — all is beautiful ! 
and God is with us, and with you, and He will keep us 
united in heart. 

Dear mother, my own dear mother, you arc not sorry 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



193 



we are going. You know why we go. It is not for our 
own pleasure ; it is God who has appointed our way; and 
I do think we go for Him, and shall live for Him in every 
thing. 

Dear mother, pray that we may be wholly devoted to 
our Saviour ; that the salvation of all may appear so im- 
portant to us, that we shall be always earnestly engaged 
in leading many to Christ. Pray that we may never for- 
get the object of our mission. Good bye, my precious 
mother, we are all in God's hand, and He can sustain us. 
I have not a fear if God will only enable us to do right. 

2 o'clock. My dear Mother, The beautiful breeze 
which took us from the wharf died away soon after, and 
now we are becalmed in the harbor. I remained on deck 
a little while after writing your note, and then came down 
and arranged the things in our state room. Then H. came 
and we read together the 14th chapter of John. Is n't it 
a sweet chapter ? Since then I have been on deck till just 
now, looking at Boston — at the State House, and I knew 
that Mrs. B's., where you were, was near there. It is a 
dear land, and I could not bear the thought of leaving it 
and you, if I did not feel that God had ordered it, and that 
He would go with me, and make me useful. When we 
sat on deck, I heard the waves dashing on the shore with 
a ceaseless rush. 

My mother, when you go back to H. and the house 
seems lonely, do not think you are alone, for my heart is 
with you. God will keep us, and we shall meet again. 
Blessed thought! we certainly shall meet again, if we 
trust in Christ and are faithful to Him, where there are no 
more partings. Dear E. God keep him and make him a 
Christian. 

Once more, my dear mother, good bye. 

Your own daughter, 
17 Mary, 



CHAPTER IX. 



EXTRACT OF A JOURNAL KEPT WHILE CROSSING 
THE ATLANTIC. 

Baric Stambaulj October 21st, 1843. 

My dearest mother, — This evening is the first time I 
have been able to succeed in commencing the journal to 
which we have looked forward with an interest both pain- 
ful and pleasant. And you see by my writing that the 
motion of the vessel prevents my doing it very easily. But 
I do so long to write you what is passing. I have thought 
so many long letters to you since we parted, that I must 
begin, spite of all the difficulties. Oh, how beautiful my 
home looks ! How blessed all the days that I have spent 
there ! My heart returns to it with such a longing that at 
times the separation is almost insupportable. But I do not 
want to fill "my journal with these things, neither for your 
sake nor mine. Dear mother, it is God's will, and he will 
render this discipline useful to ourselves and to others too. 

While I was writing your second note in my state room, 
I felt very dizzy, but I was determined to finish it, so that 
Mr. Hill could carry it to you ; so as soon as 1 had sealed 
it, I ran up on the quarter deck, and stood by H. to breathe 
the fresh air. We watched the land, all the islands about 
Boston, and the beautiful shores. Several gentlemen went 
with us and returned in the pilot boat called the Breeze. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



195 



Between three and four,, they shook hands with us and wish- 
ed us a pleasant voyage, and then one by one descended to 
the little boat, which took them to the Breeze. Then we 
were all alone, our little company, shut up for a long 
voyage. 

We had dinner about four, but I could not go down. I 
sat on a cannon and leaned my head against the side of 
the ship, while H. brought me the old cloak. But 
soon I was too ill to sit up and I went down to my berth. 
Thursday morning I was still sick, and could not bear the 
thought of eating, and heard to my horror, as the gentle- 
men were talking around the breakfast table, that eating 
cured sea-sickness and eat a person must Steward brought 
chicken tea, but it made me very sick, and then EL took 
me on deck a little while, and then back to my berth, 
where I passed the afternoon dozing and thinking of home, 
and of you, and of the good cold water in the welL Oh, 
how often I tried to imagine that Clara was bringing me a 
glass of fresh w r ater ; and then I longed for ice, till I almost 
thought I had it in my mouth. 

Oh, how much i thought of you that afternoon, and 
prayed for you, and thought of your reaching home. Dear 
mother, did not Christ support you ? 

I counted the hours, and thought when you would take 
your tea. lam continually imagining what you are about, 
I follow you in all your daily duties. 

Sabbath my heart all went home. I heard the church 
bells, saw the bright faces of the Sunday school girls, look- 
ed in upon you at your Sunday dinner, and imagined you 
reading to E. afterwards. 

As M. was able to be brought on deck, we sat together 
and talked of home, I forgot to say that on Friday eve- 
ning we commenced family prayers. The crew are not 
present In the afternoon we had preaching on deck. I 



196 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



wish a painter could have drawn the group. It was a 
clear afternoon about four o'clock. Some of the gentle- 
men leaned over from the upper deck. The crew sat in a 
row and looked intently at father, and the tw r o mates sat 
on the raised place where you and I stood together ; you 
remember it. Dr. A. and father stood near the cabin door, 
and then we sang, and father, who had suffered much from 
sea-sickness, prayed and preached a short extemporaneous 
sermon, and it was quite like Sabbath day. I had thought 
the day would not be very profitable nor pleasant, but it 
was both. In the evening we sang sacred music in the 
cabin, all the good tunes that you love, and I retired with 
that quiet feeling %vhich a sweet Sabbath always gives. 

Monday the 16th was a wild day , our first hard wind, 
and a head w 7 ind too. We reached the outside of the gulf 
stream, and the weather is always warmer there, and apt 
to be stormy. Our introduction was rather a hard one. 
I attempted to sit at dinner, but was obliged to remove 
with my plate up stairs, for the ship rolled and pitched in 
a remarkable manner, and the spray came washing over 
the deck. O, what an afternoon and night we had. 
There was no rest for us. W^e heard the wind screaming 
through the cordage, and while we lay in our berths, the 
heavy tramp of the sailors, and all the sounds connected 
with a storm kept us from sleep. Tuesday passed in a 
tossing manner, cloudy, and I think showery too ; but 
Tuesday night passes all my powers of description for dis- 
comfort. O, our rolling and tossing, and the sliding about 
of every moveable thing was wonderful. I wish you could 
have seen our stateroom on Wednesday morning. In the 
course of the night every loose article had toppled down 
and lay in a mass of confusion on the floor. The bowl 
which had been used for arrowroot, was rolling from one 
side to the other, and the two spoons were following it 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



197 



Bang went the folding doors every few moments, like can- 
non, and bang went the backs of the settees also, and 
creak, creak, said the rudder, while a confused chorus of 
movables filled in all the spaces of time. In the morning 
our "intellects" to say nothing more, a were all up in 
heaps," The only way to cure such things is to go on 
deck ; there the fresh wind generally puts all things right. 
There was one day we could not go on deck at all, it was 
so stormy. The only thing to do at such times is to lie 
still in our berths. Those days we could do very little, 
I tried now and then to open my crewel work, but the 
least motion seemed a burden, and sitting up below made 
me sick. 

Friday the 20th was a glorious day. During the night 
it had cleared off, and in the morning a grand breeze was 
carrying us between ten and eleven miles an hour. The 
waves were magnificent. It was very hard to keep our 
position for a single moment ; but in the afternoon, though 
they tossed us still, they were not quite so high, and I 
came down and took out my things, and arranged my 
state room in nice order, without feeling sick at all. I had 
not been able to do it before, since I came on board. Sat- 
urday morning as I awoke early, I took my crewel as I lay 
in my berth, and had an hour to work in before breakfast 
time. The only tedious hours are from daylight till break- 
fast, which is not till half past eight. It makes the night 
seem very long to retire as we do about nine, but all the 
rest of the time flies. 

Tuesday 24th. Sabbath 22d was not clear but the rain 
was most providentially detained till after our service, 
which was at ten in the morning. Father preached from 
the text <c Behold I lay in Zion," a written sermon, but he 
made selections from it. We sang Ariel, u Oh, could I 
17* 



198 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEJNNEP, 



speak the matchless worth, " and Ward, to the words 
M When I survey the wondrous cross." After service it 
rained, so we all came down stairs. 

We have an Italian on board, a servant of Mr. F., who 
is an excellent cook, and sometimes he makes us very nice 
dishes, but our cook who is a miserable one, is quite jeal- 
ous of him, and Guseppe can not do as much as he would. 
But last Sabbath he cooked our dinner, and though I felt 
very sorry that so much time should be spent in cooking 
an extra dinner on that sacred day, I could not help relish- 
ing his dishes. Our poor bodies occupy, at sea, the most 
of our attention. We are continually contriving for our 
appetites, for we become more and more dainty. Our 
cook tries to make bread and pastry, but both are misera- 
ble, so we eat ship crackers. Every day steward roasts 
apples for the ladies, and these are very fine. The best 
part of our dinner is the fine dish of apples that always ap- 
pears last. Our water, as you may suppose, is not good, 
I can scarcely be willing to taste it ; but we put the cur- 
rant jelly in sometimes, and sometimes the soda powders, 
and sometimes go without. 

Wednesday , October 25th. We have had a fine wind 
to-day, and after the had winds of the last few days, it has 
done our spirits good to know we were going so fast to 
Gibraltar. That is the point to which we are now look- 
ing, and where, if this wind continues, we can be in a week 
or ten days. We are already 1600 miles from America. 

Monday the 23d was a very mild day. I never before 
felt the sun so hot in October. At times it would be op- 
pressive were it not for the winds. That day, I began 
reading to H. in French, and trying in earnest to speak it. 
The nearer we get to Smyrna, the more I long to be able 
to speak it easily. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



199 



Yesterday was again warm and beautiful, but the wind 
was unfavorable. After dinner we had our trunks brought 
on deck, looked over our things, and got at last fairly set- 
tled for our voyage. Our state room is in nice order, and 
we are as comfortable as we can expect. Our captain is 
uncommonly kind and attentive. Every morning he has 
had a matrass spread on the deck in the stern, and a cover- 
ing spread over it, where the ladies can sit or recline at 
their pleasure. 

To-day our fair wind has made all our hearts happy, but 
it has made some of our company sick. \t has been im- 
possible to walk on deck, or even stand, and I sat on the 
little bench on the quarter deck, where the chickens are 
kept, and while H. read, succeeded in spite of the winds, 
in making a bag to put some of our articles in. After din- 
ner read French, and then H. told me many things about 
Smyrna, until the sun had gone down, and the new moon, 
like a silver thread, looked now and then from among the 
clouds. 

Dear mother, I never was so far from you before. But 
here, on this mighty ocean, our Heavenly Father is as 
near as when we are on land ; and it is very sweet to 
remember our absent friends, as we do each evening in our 
prayers. 

Thursday, October 26th. To-day, my dear mother, 
has been, not only the most delightful day on sea, but the 
most delicious day for October that you can imagine. 
Warm as early September, and the clouds floating in a 
clear blue sky like summer weather. We are about three 
hundred miles from the Western Islands, and from there 
to Gibraltar is nine hundred miles. All our invalids are 
better to-day ; every one has been on deck. For several 
mornings Mr. T. has said, " Steward, we can't get our 



200 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ladies up till they have their roast apples," but this morn- 
ing we took them on deck. 

We go at the rate of seven miles an hour, but as the 
wind is directly aft, we feel almost no motion. Our stern 
windows are open, and the pleasant music of the waters 
comes in continually, and we sail along as smoothly as if 
no storm had ever ruffled the gentle billows. I have had 
the luxury of sea life to-day ; and to-night feel quite con- 
tented with my ocean home and ocean life. But how 
soon the scene may change, and storm and darkness come 
back again ! Jtk I sit on the deck, in the warm sun, with 
my sewing, I have nice times to think. O, it seems good 
to recal my poor scattered thoughts, after the whirl they 
have been in so long. But I have many things that need 
attending to within. 

M. has been on deck most of the day. I sat by her 
during the morning, on the quarter deck, by the mizzen 
mast, and while I sewed, we talked together about many 
things. After dinner M. came on deck, and again we sat 
in the same place, and H. read to us while I worked on my 
crewel. Our afternoons are very short, for dinner is not 
over till three, and the sun sets quite early now. We 
watched the beautiful sunset, and then the new moon shone 
out softly, and M. saw the first star she had seen since she 
left land. How beautiful the stars are on the ocean. 
The evening is lovely as the day has been. We have just 
had our family prayers, and here, on this wide ocean, we 
find these seasons very precious. I can not but hope that 
this family worship will do good to some on board. The 
crew do not attend, but the passengers must, I am sure, be 
benefited. I am getting to like my ocean life very much. 
I have plenty to do, and then as every thing about the sea 
is new to me, there is no monotony. My time is fully oc- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



201 



cupied with a pleasant variety of duties, and there is no 
want of society. 

21th* During trie night the wind freshened, and to-day 
we have enjoyed the consciousness that our rolling home 
was going very fast to Gibraltar. We have had quite 
variety enough to-day, and some sport too. The motion 
of the ship was so violent that it was hard to keep our 
position, and father who was sitting with us in the cabin, 
felt it very much. Suddenly the ship gave a great roll, 
which upset every thing which could be upset, ourselves 
too nearly, and the water came pouring in through the 
port holes in our state rooms. Plenty of work we had and 
plenty of fun. Fortunately our own was nearly closed, 
but Mr. T.'s berth took a large quantity of salt water. All 
but the steward enjoyed the wetting highly, but he, poor 
fellow, had too much to do with the drying part to feel 
very good natured about it. About one o'clock I took my 
book and tried sitting on deck. H. tied me and my chair 
to the mizzen mast, and I was able to read an hour, spite 
of the rolling of the ship. 

October 28th. About twelve this noon, the wind, which 
had died away during the night, began to freshen, and con- 
tinued to do so all the afternoon, and now we go at an 
astonishing rate, I think twelve miles an hour ; H. says 
faster than he ever sailed before in a vessel. We are pass- 
ing the Western Islands, though they lie nearly one hun- 
dred miles south. We are to pass between them and the 
main land, but shall not see them. 

Oct. 31st. Since I wrote we have had wild times, 
which I scarcely can describe at all. The gale which was 
blowing when we retired on Saturday night, increased so 
that sleep forsook us, and we could only lie and toss and 
roll with every motion of the ship. 



202 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



To-day things have become quiet, and I have been able 
to return to my work, and my usual ship duties, so that 
the sorrows of our stormy days are fast receding, even 
from memory. In a warm sunny sky and smooth sea, all 
traces of tempests disappear. But I do dread a storm 
again ; not for any one thing in particular, but for the all 
things in general. The exceeding uncomfortableness of 
every thing. It is impossible to keep our position, either 
sitting, standing, or in our berths. There is nothing to be 
done but to roll with every motion of the crazy ship, till 
all ones bones ache. Then the cabin has such a gloomy 
and deserted air ; the doors are all closed, except one half, 
and through that comes now and then, splashing down the 
stairs, a large wave, to wash the floors of both cabin and 
state-rooms. Every thing gets damp and wet, the air be- 
comes stifled. Every body feels the languor and uncom- 
fortableness of being obliged to stay in a narrow berth. 
Even if sea-sickness does not add itself to the catalogue of 
evils, the mind becomes gloomy and dispirited, and it 
seems as if one would feel forlorn to the end of life. I do 
not say that all the company felt exactly so. I believe 
two or three of our gentlemen passed through our trials 
quite comfortably. 

Wednesday 7710m, Nov. 1st. When I bade you good 
night, I intended to spend a part of this morning in writ- 
ing, but I can go on only very slowly, the motion is so 
great. We are now about 300 miles from the coast of 
Spain. Do you not think my imagination must be filled 
with thoughts of the old Spanish days of chivalry and re- 
nown — of Grenada too, and its thousand associations. 
How strange it is that I should be here ! and yet I am so 
far from realising that I have left America, that I contin- 
ually, in conversing, use the word here, when I am speak- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



203 



ing of persons and events at home. It seems as if I have 
only stepped from the wharf into the vessel, and am still 
in America. But when once I get sight of the coast of 
sunny Spain, and see its old castles frowning on the sea, 
my dream will vanish, and I shall feel that I have indeed 
left the land of my birth. 

I have a confused recollection of the days when the 
wind was so violent, and I only wish to remember it long 
enough to tell you about it. The sun shone brightly on 
Sabbath, and the sky so beautifully blue and serene, was 
a great contrast to the dashing scene beneath it. Now 
and then, a shower would for a few moments obscure the 
sun, and then all would be bright again. Between three 
and four in the afternoon, H. urged me to go to the cabin 
door, the sight was so fine. It seemed almost impossible 
to do it, but with much exertion I managed to get my 
things on, and with II. 's assistance went up the stairs. 
Then, mother, and not till then, I saw the ocean. You 
have read enough descriptions of " ocean waves," and 
" ocean tempests," and any thing that I can say, will not 
make them any more vivid than they now are in your 
mind, but to really know what a storm is, you must with 
your own eyes witness it, and then you will understand 
what mountain waves mean. The decks were lonely and 
deserted, and the waves ran over them in undisputed pos- 
session. Occasionally a sailor in his oil-cloth dress, drip- 
ping with water, would appear at the vessel's side, stoop- 
ing to escape the waves which broke momently over the 
ship. We stood on the stairs, looking out at the door, only 
half of which was open, and when the waves came we 
hid our faces from the spray. You remember there is a 
step from the deck upon the cabin stairs, which prevents 
the water from running down, excepting when a wave 
is borne directly over the ship's side down through the 



204 MRS - MARY E. VAX LENNEP. 

cabin door without touching the deck. There we remained 
about an hour, watching the most magnificent scene which 
my eye ever beheld. Above, the sky w 7 as beautifully blue, 
and the clouds dazzlingly white, or tinged with that deli- 
cately yellow light which we have so often admired in our 
sunsettings at home. Around us the ocean dashed in its 
fury. 1 could not resist the impression, that some of its 
long waves like vast hills, were land instead of w r ater. 
We had scarcely reached our state-room when a large wave 
came rolling down the stairs into the cabin. We were 
safe. That night I slept from extreme fatigue, but had 
sad and troubled dreams. About midnight we were 
awakened by hearing the water rolling and dashing into the 
cabin. H. sprung to close our door, and then we lay still 
to hear what would be done next. We heard Mr. T., 
whose berth is next ours, calling out in a tone almost des- 
perate to the captain. " What, you wet?' 5 captain ex- 
claims. " Up to my knees in water," rejoined Mr. T. The 
captain was also nearly swimming in his room. But pails 
were brought, and carpet bags, trunks, shoes, &c, were 
fished up out of the water, amid the laughs and jokes of 
the poor sufferers ; for the only way is to take things mer- 
rily. One must be good natured if he is soaking in his 
berth. 

Monday the wind was still wild, and we sped along our 
course, while the sounds in the cordage were as if the full 
ocean band were busily at w T ork at their wild harmonies. 
Yet in the course of the day the sea became calmer, and 
faces became a little more bright, while our company, one 
by one, crept on deck towards evening, to get revived by 
some fresh air. That evening w 7 e had prayers and retired 
quite comfortable. 



Nov. 1st. Yesterday was beautiful and we enjoyed the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



205 



deck, though occasionally a shower would send us below 
for five minutes. It is surprising how quickly a shower 
comes and goes on the sea. You scarcely perceive the 
clouds till you feel the drops on your face, and a moment 
after the sun appears bright as before. The storm has 
made sad work with M. and Dr. A. and father ; they all 
want cheering. After dinner I sewed in the cabin, striv- 
ing to cheer M. Then H. came for me to see the sun set. 
It was a golden sky, and after the clouds faded, the moon 
looked calmly down on our bark, as it danced on over 
the waves. Just after tea I sat with H. a short time on 
<deck to enjoy the moonlight, and in the evening I talked 
with dear father of home, and the friends, the loved 
friends there, and after prayer, I wrote in my journal. 

The nights in my berth I am very weary of. To lie in 
such a narrow space is very hard. But we have many 
comforts and I do not complain. A fine breeze is now 
carrying us on our course, and we are all in good spirits. 

While I have been writing, Guseppe came below and 
announced a ship, and another one is just now on the verge 
of the horizon. They are the first we have seen for sev- 
enteen days. Now as we are near the coast we hope to 
see them. I wish we might see an East Indiaman. This 
is M. S.'s birth-day, and I intend writing her a note. She 
marked it in my Daily Food, and father thinks of using the 
verse for a text for a sermon. 

I shall begin to-day a letter to send from Gibraltar. Capt. 
says H. may go ashore with him there, though we shall 
stop only two hours. Oh, to see Gibraltar ! 

Thursday morning. I have just finished a letter to send 
you from Gibraltar. If our wind continues we shall reach 
there day after to-morrow. I have filled a sheet, and yet I 
18 



206 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



have said almost nothing that I wished. I wanted to tell 
you my thoughts and feelings, and to say something about 
Boston, and about your home plans, and to send some 
little word to my friends. My heart was too full to put 
down on paper, and I have said almost nothing I wished. 
As soon as tea was over, I went and sat by father in the 
back part of the cabin, and had a long talk with him. 
How much his heart yearns for home ! He has not borne 
the ship part well at all, and suffers for want of exercise. 
We talked, too, of the passengers, and how much it was 
to be desired that some good should be done while with 
our compaay. Soon we separate, never to meet till at 
God's bar. 

My dear, dear Mother, we are in sight of land — all on 
deck looking, but I have just run down to tell you. Spain 
is in sight before us, real land. My heart is too full to 
write. I could cry hard, I don't know why. Oh, how 
good God has been ! Now indeed I feel I am away from 
America. How strangely looks that long line of misty 
coast, and very strange are my emotions, full of pleasure, 
and full of pain, and full of deep, deep interest. This is 
Spain — and soon we shall distinguish the old convent 
which for ages has stood looking down on the sea, where 
the nuns have chanted their matins and vespers, and its 
bells have mingled their voices with the waves. How 
little I once thought that my plain Yankee eyes would 
look on such scenes ! Dear Mother, I have been praying 
that I may look on all these interesting shores with the 
feelings of a Christian ; and may all that I see and learn 
prepare me for my work in that dear country which comes 
nearer every hour. 

Nov. 4th. Saturday afternoon- I have just closed your 
letter, and H. is directing and sealing it, and Mr. T. will take 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



it on shore to-morrow. O, I hope it will reach you safely. 
Father is writing at the table, and nearly all our gentlemen 
have been so engaged, these few days past. I wrote 
C. C, after closing the journal for you yesterda}^ and as 
soon as tea was over we went on deck to watch Cape St. 
Vincent which we passed by moonlight. We saw its high 
bluffs, and with the glass distinguished the two convents, 
one on the extremity of the cape, its white walls shining 
in the moonlight. The other, of reddish brown, is not so 
distinctly seen. It was very interesting to watch them. 
What a wild lonely place to which to retire from the world. 
Probably they are monasteries, not nunneries. 

We stood in the moonlight by the helm, and while there 
had a long conversation with Guseppe on the nature of 
true repentance, to which the man at the helm also lis- 
tened. The conversation accidentally, I hope providen- 
tially, commenced by my picking up a tract which fell 
from his pocket, and as he took it, he said a Oh this is 
mine, I am going to be Christian." I fear no impression 
can be made on his giddy mind, for he is an odd, playful, 
reckless fellow. 

We went very fast until four o'clock this morning, when 
the wind died away, and it became decided that there was 
no more hope of our reaching Gibraltar to-day. So many 
new sights are continually coming, that I must goon deck, 
and shall continue my journal afterwards. " Africa is in 
sight," is the cry. We are wide awake. These are new 
sights and sounds. 

We have a few moments now before tea. Oh, what a 
day this has been to me ! You may imagine my feelings, 
but words cannot express them. I have stood gazirig at 
these shores, till thoughts innumerable, of home, of child- 
hood, of Spain, of Africa, dark, deluded Africa, have all 
floated vaguely, dimly in my mind, and I am oppressed by 



208 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



them and turn in prayer to God, that he will be my Fa- 
ther, and make me a Christian in all things, and will pre- 
pare me for my work. 

This morning was beautiful, and that every thing might 
be ready in honor of our arrival at Gibraltar, I staid in my 
state-room and cleaned out all the dirt, which dust brush 
and dust pan could gather, and then brushed the paint 
from father's coat and cap, with cologne water and clothes 
brush, and afterwards mended them ; in which I succeeded 
admirably, to father's great delight; then I went to M.'s 
room and told her the Daily Food verse, and read to her, 
then on deck, which was about 12 o'clock. 

While we were at dinner, Guseppe announced a city in 
sight, and we ascended, when dinner was over, quite in- 
credulous, but not one only, many were visible. Cadiz 
rose from the sea, and the low range of mountains which 
stretched along, bore many a village and house, whose 
white walls shone in the sun light. Farther inland, the 
high mountains of Spain towered, and soon Cape Trafal- 
gar came to our view. How many thoughts these shores 
awaken ! I can scarcely write my heart is so full. I 
came down stairs about four and finished your letter, and 
then tried to write in the journal, but it was impossible to 
stay below. The sky was somewhat overcast, but a bril- 
liant sunset shed a flood of violet and rosy light over sea, 
and shore and sky. Far off to the south Cape Spartell, 
on the African shore, rose dimly, it seemed to me sorrow- 
fully, from the water. Long we gazed on every side, 
while the sailors drew from the hold the chain cable to use 
if needful. A fine breeze and strong current carry us rap- 
idly through these green waters. We are about thirty 
miles from Gibraltar, and shall have a fine moonlight view, 
if these clouds pass. 

These are deeply interesting days to me, and indeed to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



209 



us all. To-morrow, while our dear friends at home are 
gathering round the table of our Saviour, we shall be gaz- 
ing on the rock of Gibraltar, and on the blue waters of the 
Mediterranean. My heart is almost too full to write ! 
How good God has been, and we can trust the future with 
him. 

18* 



CHAPTER X. 



BARK STAMBOUL. MEDITERRANEAN. 

Tuesday, Nov. 7th, 1843. 
" My dearest mother. I feel quite lonely since I sent 
off my journal, for it seemed almost like parting with you. 
But I had so good an opportunity I hailed it with joy. 
Now 1 must go on regularly again— and I would it were 
possible to give you any thing like a true description of 
these few days ; so unlike the rest of my life, so full of 
interest and excitement. I closed my journal to you the 
evening before reaching Gibraltar. I longed to sit up and 
watch our entrance to the Straits and Bay, but it was not 
thought best. When I retired for the night, I felt little 
inclination to sleep, and by two o'clock I was wide awake, 
and as the moon was shining, I could not resist the incli- 
nation to rise and peep through the port hole, but saw 
nothing except water, for our side of the ship looked only on 
the ocean. So I laid me down, and as a sudden squall 
came, and the men were running hither and thither among 
the ropes, I did no more than have several short naps, be- 
fore the gleams of the dawn came in at our window. Then 
I rose again, and saw the majestic Rock of Gibraltar 
directly in front of us, and we went on deck to see the 
sun rise. 



MItS, MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



211 



Dear mother, how gladly would I present the view to 
you, which we then witnessed. H.'s painting of the rock 
is the best I have seen, and that, you probably remember, 
but no pen nor brush can give a true idea of the glorious 
light, which tinged the clouds, and shed itself over distant 
mountain land, and misty shore, and wave, and vessel and 
rock. That mountain land was more interesting than any 
thing I had ever seen before, realizing all my ideas of lofty, 
wild summits, so distant, so towering, they seemed like 
giant shadows among the clouds ; so beautifully covered 
with violet light, and so completely shorn of all trees or 
shrubs, that the effect is entirely unlike the mountain land 
of America. During all the day I found my eye wander- 
ing" from the interesting sights amongst which we were, to 
seek those dim and distant outlines, over which the shad- 
ows slowly passed. They were the mountains of Spain, 
where the wild Moorish battle cries had often echoed, and 
Spanish knights had wrought their deeds of valor and 
renown. 

We were in the Bay of Gibraltar. Directly in front of 
us rose the barren rock, covered with its fortifications and 
frowning upon the sea. The town, with its houses of a 
light yellow or brownish hue, lay all along the water, and 
was guarded by a wall, strong and massive. During the 
night there is no entrance to the town, for at the firing of 
the evening gun, soon after sunset, the gates are locked. 
A number of vessels lay in the harbor, some steamers 
and an English man-of-war. But it is an unsafe harbor, 
and is subject to sudden gusts of wind, very dangerous to 
vessels." 

u Wednesday evening, Nov. Sth I have been sea-sick 
for the last three days ; for the night we left Gibraltar, a 
miserable head wind came, and our ship has pitched nearly 



212 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



all the time since ; while we are kept almost in one place ; 
I mean so far as advancing on our course is concerned. 
To-night we are quiet for a little season, and I am glad to 
come, dear mother, and talk with you again. 

How strangely that Sabbath passed at Gibraltar ! While 
you were quietly enjoying the privileges of communion, 
we were anchored in a foreign bay, gazing upon a city, in 
whose streets mingled some from nearly every nation on 
earth, and viewing that noble rock, around which so many 
associations cluster. 

Very busy times we had in the early morning. We 
were coasting up and down the Bay, hoping that the officer 
would come out from the port, and give us permission to 
land. In the cabin, Mr. T. was arranging his baggage to 
send ashore, and there was much passing up and down the 
cabin stairs. As no officer made his appearance, the cap- 
tain concluded to go on shore, and Mr. T. went with him y 
but they came back in about a half an hour, saying that 
they would not let them land. Then we took breakfast, 
and our poor passengers, who were hoping to get a nice 
meal on land, were forced once more to partake with us of 
our ship food. Soon a boat came, and a man in it told 
the captain, if he would drop anchor and go ashore, he 
could get a permit for his passengers to land. Again our 
little boat put off, and we waited in suspense another half 
hour, when we saw it returning. It was now near ten 
o'clock. The captain remained on shore, and sent the 
boat for those who were to land. Right glad were they, 
and they bade us good bye, and descended one by one into 
the boat. Mrs. T. was lowered in the arm chair by the 
sailors, an operation which we shall all have to endure. 
When they were gone we sat quietly on deck, where the 
rays of the sun beat down, becoming quite warm as the day 
advanced. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



213 



The town seemed an abode for the dead ; not a donkey, 
nor man, nor soldier could we see. We did not expect to, 
in the town itself, but we thought we ought in some of the 
numerous paths leading along the side of the Rock. I be- 
lieve, though, they were hid by walls which were built 
along the paths. Every thing had a Sabbath-day look, 
and the most perfect quiet pervaded the whole scene. The 
only signs of life were a few odd shaped Spanish boats, 
which appeared and disappeared among the shipping. 

It was a day full of deep interest. We sat on deck, and 
many were the thoughts which floated through our minds. 
After some time our boat returned, bringing delicious grapes 
in baskets, such as we see pictured in views of warm cli- 
mates. They were entirely unlike ours, but more like 
those white Malaga grapes which come done up in cork 
dust. 

The rest of the baggage was then sent ashore, and one 
or two boats came from other American vessels, bringing 
their captains to visit ours. Our second mate, G., conclu- 
ded to return to America in the Manto, for he has been 
sick ever since we started, and I prepared my journal to 
send by him. What a long day that was ! The longest 
I remember to have spent, since the memorable day that 
father sailed for Europe. 

The captain did not return till late in the afternoon, and 
he brought with him a new sailor, and also some very fine 
melons and olives. It was very difficult for him to obtain 
fruit, for the market was closed, being the Sabbath. Our 
captain was tired out. He had eaten nothing since morn- 
ing, and he was so busy trying to get off, that he could 
only take a little dinner on deck. 

We were so troubled to raise our anchor, that it was not 
till after sunset that we could get under way. Our sunset 
was truly Mediterranean, very unlike the sunsets of Amer- 



214 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ica. A beautiful violet hue, melting into rose, tinged sky 
and cloud and mountain and wave. Our hearts were filled 
with the glory of the scene. Far off, the African shore 
raised its bold front in the evening sky, and on the side of 
the Bay opposite Gibraltar, several little Spanish towns 
and Moorish watch towers, were bathed in violet light, 
while directly over the Rock, rose the moon, nearly at its 
full, making a combination of glory and beauty, which sur- 
passed any thing my eye had ever seen. We sailed by 
moonlight slowly out of the bay. One by one shone lights 
from the town, and from the top of the Rock we saw and 
heard the sunset gun fired. Our ship had got free, after 
some difficulty. The captain of the Manto, a fine generous 
man, came with his second mate and several of his men, 
to assist our weary sailors. Our poor men had been up 
all night, and during the day too, had been hard at work, 
and though they sang their wild, merry, sailor songs, to 
make the work go lightly, it was evident they were tired 
out. It did our hearts good to see captain L.'s men, fresh 
and ready to lend their aid ; and so before the rays of the 
sun had faded away, we were ready for sea. We walked 
on deck beneath a glorious moonlight, and sailed by a fair 
breeze on the waters of the Mediterranean ; while my 
thoughts were with the dear friends far off over the Atlan- 
tic. We began to look forward to our journey's end, and 
to rejoice that our sea trials were so nearly over ; when, 
alas ! the wind changed during the night, and the next 
morning we pitched about in a head sea, sea-sick and cold, 
and very uncomfortable. 

After dinner on Monday, I sat nearly all the afternoon 
on deck, looking at distant scenery. Far off, rose from the 
sea the Sierra Nevada, or snowy mountains of Spain. The 
sun shone brightly upon them, and I would it were possi- 
ble for me to describe the magical effect which those Span- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 



215 



ish mountains produce. They tower above the clouds, 
and are seen in every variety of light and shade. Their 
barrenness, so far from injuring their picturesque appear- 
ance, only heightens it. We watched them all the after- 
noon ; and at evening we remembered the monthly concert. 

This Mediterranean sea, seems a very sociable one to 
me, we have so much land in sight, and its tall cliffs come 
down so protectingly to the shore. Then the motion in a 
fair wind is delightful. The vessel glides on smoothly, 
and we have none of the heavy Atlantic swell ; but a head 
wind is very trying, owing to the short waves, which makes 
the ship pitch and toss sadly. I think the ocean is far 
more interesting when land is in sight. There is a pecul- 
iar feeling when far from land, which I shall always remem- 
ber with deep interest, and I rejoice that I have been on 
the wide waste of waters ; but there is a magical beauty 
about the sea when a distant shore bounds the horizon, 
upon which the breakers dash their white foam. We had 
the happiness last night of retiring, with the consciousness 
that a fair wind was carrying us gently along on our course. 
In the morning, just at sunrise, we were passing Cape 
Degata. Its brow r n cliffs, on which stood lonely Moorish 
Watch-towers, frowned upon the sea. These Moorish 
towers are a very interesting sight. They are placed along 
the shore on very high points, at the distance of about ten 
miles from each other, and command a very extensive view 
of the sea. There, in ages back, they watched the inva- 
ding foe, and lighted their alarm fires upon these moun- 
tains. 

I have had many sweet, quiet thoughts here on this 
ocean. On the deck I have been looking into my heart, 
many an hour, and striving to get ready for my work in 
Smyrna ; of you too, dear mother, I think, at morning, 
noon and evening." 



216 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Tuesday evening, Nov. 14th. On Friday, after closing 
my journal, a storm which had been gathering for some 
time, came over, and the lightning was more vivid than I 
ever knew. The quantity of rain we have had is very sur- 
prising. It has rained every day, though we have had long 
hours of sunshine. Saturday was a gloomy, cold day, and 
we were sailing in the broadest part of the Mediterranean? 
between Majorca and Sardinia, so that no land was to be 
seen. 

During the night there was a great deal of rolling, yet I 
contrived to sleep nearly all the time ; but on rising in the 
morning with a strong resolution not to be sick, I found I 
must yield, and in my berth, notwithstanding the motion, I 
had pleasant Sabbath thoughts and conversation with H. 
We regretted being deprived of service on deck. Only 
twice have we been able to have service there. Towards 
noon the weather became fine. We had been all along 
going on our course, but the motion was in consequence of 
the north wind w r hich blew down the Gulf of Lyons, As 
soon as Sardinia should shelter us we should be free from 
that. After dinner talked with H. on many interesting 
topics, and particularly about desiring to be in Heaven, and 
being willing to leave this earth at any time. H. said he 
thought it was a Christian's duty to be looking forward joy- 
fully to the time when heaven would be his home. I told 
him how lovely this earth appeared to me, and that it 
troubled me that the thought of leaving these scenes forev- 
er should make me unhappy, and that I felt I needed to 
place my affections more upon the other world. I had 
been thinking and praying over these things which had 
been suggested to my mind by my shrinking from dying at 
sea, and my earnest desire to reach Smyrna. H.'s views 
of heaven are much better than mine, and I hope that they 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



217 



will make mine more what they should be. I pray over 
this subject, and already my views are brighter. 

Dear father came and talked with us a long time about 
heaven and the privileges of Christians. We talked till 
the day light faded and the stars came out. The sea was 
calmer, and in the evening we had service in the cabin/ 
Father read his sermon, u Life and immortality," &c. 

Yesterday was calm, nearly all day, and we sat on deck, 
beneath a pleasant, warm sky, and worked. Just before 
tea, walked the deck for exercise, and in the evening netted 
my mat. The breeze was fresh and fair, and during my 
sleep, I dreamed very vividly of reaching Smyrna. O, 
mother, how strange it seems to be so near the place to 
which we have looked so long. 

This morning when I went on deck, I found we had 
passed Sardinia in the night, so that only a faint blue out- 
line remained to be seen. The waves have looked beauti- 
fully to-day, and the sky has been bright. Father is in 
fine spirits at the thought of soon reaching Malta, from 
which we are now only about one hundred and seventy 
miles. What a small company we shall have from Malta 
to Smyrna. Four of our number leave at that island. 

After dinner, just as I was going on deck, a storm came 
up and it rained very hard. Captain has taken in sail, for 
the night is very dark, and he does not like to pass without 
some care among these islands. There is a great deal of 
motion and we all dread the night. 

Wednesday evening. Our breeze has been so very light 
to-day, that we are still some distance from Malta. We 
slept last night notwithstanding the motion, and under the 
good providence of our Heavenly Father, came safely 
through all the shoals. As soon as the sun shone in to 
the cabin we went on deck. The coast of Sicily looked 
19 



218 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



very dim, far to the north of us, and the small island 
of Pantelaria, a place famous for its donkeys, lay on our 
western horizon. We had passed it in the night. Dur- 
ing the forenoon went on deck to see mount Juliano, 
the highest land on the southern coast of Sicily. After 
dinner had a general overlooking of trunks, and a grand 
preparation for landing at Malta. 

Sometimes when the thought comes over me that I am 
really going to Smyrna, you can imagine how strange and 
yet how pleasant a reality it is to me. Could we only all 
live together. My dear mother, let us all be ready for 
that blessed home where we shall have no separations — 
that home where our existence will truly commence. 
Shall we ever reach that home ? O, may Jesus make us 
faithful to him and to his cause. May he prepare us to 
meet him and all our dear friends in the abodes of eternal 
rest. Good night, dear mother. Father is going on deck, 
and I will go too, and have a few parting words. 

Thursday evening. We are moored in the harbor of 
Malta, and shall pass the night within sound of its many 
bells, and in full sight of the spot around which so many 
associations cluster. We passed a very quiet night, but 
this morning though the sun shone brightly, we found the 
wind just opposite the quarter we wished it to be. I went 
on deck before breakfast, and we saw the coast of Sicily, 
on one side, with the snowy peak of Etna, distant from 
us one hundred miles, and on the other side lay the low, 
rocky island of Malta, and its two adjacent islands. The 
morning was very warm and bright, and the sky a glorious 
blue, and our gentlemen sauntered about, unable to attend 
to any thing but watching the sails in hope that our calm 
might give place to a fair wind. We were passing slowly 
along, without any hope of reaching Malta until to-mor- 
row, though we were not thirty miles off. About dinner 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



219 



time our wind became fair. Captain's eyes brightened, 
but we kept it from our company, for fear of disappoint- 
ment, as it might not last. However, during dinner the 
fair wind became too apparent to be any longer hidden, 
and the sails were made ready for Malta. Our gentle- 
men put on clean clothes and hats, and looked so land 
like, it did our hearts good. On we went beneath a bright 
sky, while every moment the rocky shore, with its houses 
and scanty trees, became more and more visible. We 
were making for Valetta,the name of the port. We passed 
St. Paul's bay, and thought of the shipwreck of the in- 
spired apostle. H. read me the chapter containing the ac- 
count, and if it really were the spot, how interesting it 
would be. It is very probable, though not certain, yet it 
is enough so to make it an interesting place. 

Every thing was in readiness for landing. Our flags 
floated in the breeze, and we all stood on deck, viewing 
each object as it became defined to the eye. A glorious 
sunset added to the beauty of the scene, while the curious 
Maltese boats made me think of the u Maltese Boatmen's 
song," and almost involuntarily we sang, 

n Then haste let us row till the day light is o'er." 

A Greek vessel was slowly passing into the quarantine 
harbor near us. We saw the Lazaretto buildings, and di- 
rectly in front rose the old storm beaten fortifications of the 
knights of ancient days, and rising above these were the 
light brown buildings of the town. The sun set gun 
fired just as captain was setting off in his boat, and we 
waited anxiously the result of his visit to the shore. 

The sunset colors were fading on the horizon, but we 
stood gazing while light remained, on the massive walls 
and churches, which filled our minds with strange thoughts 
and told us we were indeed in the old world, in the midst 



220 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



of scenes which before had to us existed only in our ima- 
ginations. Strange music floated across the water. I 
thought it was a full deep band. It was the tolling of the 
hour. The light grew fainter, and then the bells all woke 
and rang for vespers. The island seemed but the abode of 
bells, for from every quarter they rang out upon the breeze, 
some making merry music, and some sounding in such 
solemn tones, that all I had ever dreamed of a vesper bell, 
was embodied in the strain. There was one heavy one, 
that tolled slowly amidst the merry peals, as we listened 
in silence, while our hearts were sad for the deluded wor- 
shippers, who were then kneeling at their evening devo- 
tions ; and we prayed that a true and holy worship might 
ascend with their vesper prayer. 

Our captain returned and told us nothing could be done 
after sunset, no officer could be seen, no permission given 
to land ; and so we remain here quietly, losing very much 
time ; and yet I am half reconciled to our detention, for I 
long to hear the matin bells. It seems very pleasant to 
hear land sounds, and yet the sounds which float to us are 
by no means home-like. They carry our thoughts back to 
days when Rome ruled alone over the consciences of the 
nations, and they remind us that her veil of darkness still 
blinds a large portion of the earth's population. We pre- 
sume some festival is causing the continued peals we hear. 
Music too, of drums and trumpets is passing along the 
streets. The stars are shining glorious!}^, and the dark 
walls before us are partially illuminated by the light house, 
and here and there other lights appear, while almost every 
moment the bells are chiming, and mingle their voices with 
the ceaseless roar of the sea as it breaks along the shore. 
These are strange and novel sounds to lull us to sleep. 
Our company have retired, and I must retire too, to be up 
tl bright and early." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



221 



Monday afternoon, November 2Qt7i. I have come my 
dearest mother, to try and give you some account of the 
many things which have taken place since last I wrote. 
But first, let me tell you we are scarce one hundred and 
twenty miles from Smyrna ; and to-morrow we might hope 
to tread on that shore to which we have so long been look- 
ing with earnest expectation, but a strong head wind for- 
bids the hope, and we know not how long we may be de- 
tained among these islands of the Archipelago, 

How I wish I could give you some account of last Fri- 
day, that would make you feel just as I do in looking back 
upon it. It seems like a strange troubled dream, and as 
though I had been for -a few hours an inhabitant of another 
world. 

During all Thursday night you know, we lay in the har- 
bor of Malta, within sound of its many bells as they tolled 
the hour, and at four in the morning they commenced 
again, and continued ringing more or less until between 
seven and eight. We were up early and saw the sun rise, 
and then captain went on shore. We were on deck, watch- 
ing all that could be seen, eyeing the town with our spy 
glass, and the health officer came along side to look at us. 
This gave us much amusement, and he too seemed quite 
good natured about it, particularly when the steward in his 
comical hat looked over the ship's side at him. Soon 
came innumerable boats, some to sell things, some to bring 
people to our ship, and to take our passengers ashore. 

The consul came, and Mr. and Mrs. Buel, Baptist mis- 
sionaries, very pleasant people. They knew H. and Mrs. 
Buel brought me a beautiful bunch of flowers, which I am 
still keeping — some fine carnations amongst them. 

And then mother what do you think we did ? We went 
on shore and saw Malta, and the wonderful sights and 
sounds nearly turned my head. There is so much motion 
19* 



222 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



I can not write. Oh, I have so much to tell you, and we 
are so near Smyrna too ! 

Wednesday i November 22d. The lands near us are full 
of interest. On one side lies Asia, so soon to be my home, 
and on the other, Scio rises to our view, and already the 
mountains around Smyrna are distinctly seen ; but a head 
wind still detains us ; we can only slowly tack along, up 
the channel of Scio, with the faint hope of reaching to- 
morrow, the city to which our hearts have gone. How 
do you think, my dear mother, that your daughter feels in 
looking upon what is now her adopted home. It was yes- 
terday, that the first faint, blue outline of the continent 
which is the cradle of our race, rose to our view, and I 
could only pray when I looked upon it. Now, we are 
very near it. We can distinguish its Turkish villages, and 
we turn alternately from them to the island, where among 
its groups of trees, once stood the mansions of so many 
happy families whom the fire and the sword destroyed. 
These lands are full of interest and you may easily ima- 
gine what recollections they call up, and what associations 
they awaken in our minds. It was you, dear mother, who 
taught me to feel for poor Scio. Do you remember too, 
how when I was a very little girl, I went once to sew for 
the Greeks. But if I am going to write a regular journal, 
I must turn back to Friday. 

It was quite an unexpected pleasure to be able to go on 
shore. Mr. and Mrs. Buel urged our going, and the con- 
sul told us the captain would be detained some hours, so 
we thought we would venture to go. Father and Dr. A. 
thought it would be a refreshment to us ; so I flew down 
and begged the steward to get my band-box, and H. got 
my shawl, and in my great ship shoes and gloves, I was in 
rather a funny garb to appear on land. H. was in a some- 



MftS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



223 



what similar plight, yet in a land where we were total 
strangers, we did not mind our medley dress. They had 
the arm chair ready to lower the ladies, and I found the 
operation easy and pleasant. We reached the landing 
time enough for me to have the pleasure of welcoming 
father and Dr. A. to Malta, for they came after us, with 
the consul, in another boat. 

And now mother, if you want me to describe Malta, I 
will tell you that to give you a true description is out of 
the question. Valetta is the name of the port, and there 
are streets and houses, and plenty of people, making racket 
enough for three or four of our cities, but every thing is so 
different that description can give you but a faint idea. 

But I will begin at the beginning and go on to the end 
of the little I saw of Malta, and perhaps I may be able to 
give you a better idea than a man who writes travels, and 
does not know, what you in particular, would like to know. 

The whole island is composed of a rock of a yellowish 
brown color, or rather a very light drab, so soft when first 
it is hewn, that it is very easily cut into beautiful vases, 
&c. ; but it hardens on exposure to the air. All the forti- 
fications and houses and pavements are of this stone, so 
that they have the same color, which makes a good con- 
trast to the blue window frames and balconies. 

The Moro, or St. James's Castle, hid the place of the 
landing from our ship, but as we came round its high old 
battlements, where the knights in olden time fought, we 
caught a view of a scene of indescribable bustle and activ- 
ity. It was by the custom house, and as we neared the 
shore, innumerable boats surrounded us, and our own little 
Stamboul boat was the only thing that looked familiar. 

My dear mother, H. has just called me to go up on deck, 
and see the town of Scio, which is so near that we can dis- 
tinguish the people walking along its shore, and the dis- 



224 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



mantled villa's, which are standing desolate and sad among 
the trees. Upon these very waters the Turkish ships 
floated, and on these very shores they landed their soldiers, 
and spread ruin and sorrow all around. The centre of the 
island is very bold, and the mountains tower, naked and 
barren, over the green and cultivated slopes which come 
down to the sea. We can discern many cypress trees 
and several minarets. My eye has, in a little measure, 
become familiar with strange scenes. But I must go back 
to Malta. 

By the iron railing round the yard of the Custom House ? 
a soldier in the splendid costume of the Highland regi- 
ments, was leaning, watching all who came and went. 
Several of them stood around, and they are most splendid 
looking men. Tell E., their dress is more grand than the 
picture of one in my music book. Their black plumes 
nodded in a perfect forest over their caps, and it was sin- 
gular to see their limbs bare, both above and below the 
knee, for a little space. I felt all my childish awe of sol- 
diers coming back, when I gazed on these Scotch High- 
landers, and I verily believe E. would have bowed down 
to them. But they had very pleasant Scotch faces, and I 
did not see that they bore any arms, though I presume 
they must have had them of some kind. 

We landed on steps cut in the rock. There were two 
or three of these steps, hewed not very even ; and then 
we walked along the shore, while on one side the city 
walls, and a large convent with grated windows, towered 
above. We then turned from this street, which is called 
the Marina, and entered a steep, walled pathway. My 
eyes gazed with wonder and astonishment on every thing. 
There w^as enough on the Marina to excite my amaze- 
ment, but we hurried along amongst groups of Maltese, 
and on turning into this narrow r pathway, we found our- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



225 



selves somewhat more quiet, though our Maltese attend- 
ants were sufficiently noisy, and a dirty little dog annoyed 
me very much. From this steep path, which we ascended 
by long steps, we turned into another a little wider, and 
then into St Paul's Street, which is long, even and clean, 
and nearly as wide as Grove Street, in H. A part is very 
steep, but where we passed to the hotel, to which the Con- 
sul took us, it was quite level. How strange the people 
appeared to me ! Most of the lower classes hurrying 
about their work, with burdens on their heads, and some 
who could afford it wore black silk mantilla's on their 
heads, which fell over their shoulders. Priests were walk- 
ing here and there, and mules dragging carts with immense 
wheels, toiled along. Those carts were the most outland- 
ish things you can conceive, and the harness of the mules ? 
seemed made up of bits of rags picked from the streets. 

But our Hotel was my admiration. We entered by a 
long entry, and ascended by flights of stone stairs to the 
third story. In the corner of the landings, stood pedestals 
about three feet high, supporting vases, where were 
planted house plants, such as geraniums, &c. The pedes- 
tals and vases were of Malta stone. The hall, where we 
stopped at last, was quite spacious, and looked down into 
a court in the centre of the house, and upon one side 
opened the room appointed for Dr. A. and father. The 
parlor and bed room were very large and airy, and exceed- 
ingly high. The floors were stone, the chairs what we 
have been accustomed to, cane seats, and the sofa's or 
divan's, looked quite natural also. There was a piano in 
the room, and the walls were adorned with Italian paint- 
ings. In the centre stood a very large table, and a smaller 
one, with a vase of flowers on it stood by the side of the 
sofa. Between the two sofa's, a tiny stove was placed, 
and the pipe went up to the ceiling. An old fashioned 



226 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



book case, with a few old books, stood between the two 
windows which opened on the balcony, and two oranges 
lay on the top of the case, with their stems and a leaf or 
two remaining. On the side opposite the sofas, the bed 
room opened, and the beds, the frames of which were of 
iron, looked neat and comfortable as at home. The wash- 
stand looked natural, with its vases for soap and tooth- 
brush. 

While we stood in the hall, looking at the baggage, 
music struck up c Hail Columbia* and 4 Yankee Doodle,' 
and we found it was the custom to salute strangers with 
their national airs. We had been followed by a blind man 
and one or two others, who played these tunes on our arri- 
val at the Hotel. The blind man was the owner of the 
dog, which had annoyed me so. The Consul and Mr. and 
Mrs. B. left us, and our first movement was to run to the 
balcony and survey the street. Miss M. was a great help 
in explaining things to me. Passing beneath us were sev- 
eral ladies, who appeared to be shopping. I was perfectly 
delighted with their costumes. Their 'street dress is a 
black silk skirt, hooked on over their other garments, 
which hangs in thick and graceful folds about them, and 
conceals every thing but their light gaiters. Over their 
heads, a black mantilla is thrown, of the same material as 
the skirt, and it appears something like a hood. It is held 
on with one hand, and with the other hand they gracefully 
dispose the remaining part about their persons. The effect 
is beautiful, and I was exceedingly interested in watching 
the movements of the younger ladies, as they followed 
their mamma's around. The custom is for the young un- 
married ladies not to appear in the streets without their 
mothers or nurses. Their gait is slow and dignified, and 
they look modestly out from under their mantillas. Their 
hair is parted like our ladies, with two curls hanging each 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



227 



side, and they all have olive complexions, and black eyes 
and hair. 

Our breakfast was brought up, and placed on the centre 
table, and three waiters did their work very quietly. Every 
thing about breakfast was homelike and very nice. The 
beef steak, for instance, nice as at home. 

Mr. and Mrs. B. returned to go with us round the town, 
but we had only time to pass into St. John's Church, be- 
fore the Maltese boatmen came hastily in, telling us the 
captain was waiting. We could only glance around. It 
was a gorgeous Catholic Church, such as we see in pic- 
tures. Many were kneeling at their prayers ; but what 
interested us most, were the tablets, in Mosaic, upon which 
we were treading, and beneath which the old knights lay 
buried. 

As we hurried down the steep streets to the shore, our 
boatmen ran behind and before us, jabbering now Maltese, 
and now broken English, and anxious to put in, each his 
plea why we should go with him. It was a strange scene, 
down by the wharf ; I verily thought we should be bereft 
of our reason among their clamors. I stood close to father, 
till H. and the rest decided which boat to take, and then 
we gave a hurried good bye, and rowed off. The Maltese 
boats are excellent. The boatmen row standing up. 

When I reached the ship, I found the excitement I had 
been in, together with getting much heated, had fatigued 
me more than I was aware, and I immediately took my 
berth, and did not leave it during the remainder of the day. 
We were sailing before a fair wind, and rejoicing in being 
so near the end of our voyage. 

Our ship's company is considerably reduced ; but our 
hearts are so full of Smyrna, we do not mind it much, 
though to be alone without father, makes me feel I am 
indeed away from all my early friends and protectors. 



228 



MftS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Saturday we had still a fine wind, but so much motion that 
I was more sick than I had been for a longtime, and I was 
obliged to keep my berth during most of the day. On Sab- 
bath morning I was able to sit up in my berth, and rest my 
weary limbs. On Sabbath afternoon, we passed Cape 
Matapan, the southern point of Greece, and all the after- 
noon we sat watching the shore, which rose majestically 
from the sea, and the effect of the lights and shadows, was 
uncommonly fine. There was indeed Greece ! Upon one 
of the tall cliffs stood the ruins of an ancient temple, its 
columns seemed lonely and sad, as they looked down upon 
the blue waves beneath them. Several villages appeared 
on the coast. The general aspect of all these shores and 
islands is very bold. They rise in barren masses of rock 
from the sea, with here and there green nooks, w r here a few 
trees are scattered among the grass ; but there is a grandeur 
and picturesque loneliness about them, which makes them 
very interesting, independent of the associations which 
cluster around every spot. 

That evening we had service in the cabin. H. read 
father's sermon, 4 Let us come boldly to a throne of grace,' 
&c, and I was pleased that the steward stopped to listen. 
Dear father always tries to do good. He has been talking 
with one of the sailors, who is considerably interested in 
religion, and H. wishes, now father has left, to find an op- 
portunity to continue the conversation. We did not pass 
a very pleasant Sabbath, for we were wearied out, and our 
thoughts wandered too much; but the evening service was 
pleasant, and I trust profitable. 

Monday morning, the captain called us to see some large 
water spouts. They were very singular objects. We 
found we had gone uncommonly well ; the Islands of the 
Archipelago were all around us. We had thought to have 
reached Smyrna -on Tuesday, and had rejoiced in the pros- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



229 



pect ; but a head wind came, and our hopes were blasted. 
Dear mother, I would write more, but I fear to use my 
eyes, and must rest them. I shall write to-morrow, if pos- 
sible. Oh, can it be that we shall so soon reach Smyrna ? 
I find it is only eight miles to the entrance of the gulf." 

u Thursday afternoon, Nov. 23^/. We shall not reach 
Smyrna to-day, dear mother, but as some consolation, our 
head wind has left us, and we are enjoying the most luxu- 
rious day we have had since we commenced our voyage. 
H. has brought my writing materials on deck, and I am 
writing here beneath a lovely sky, while a gentle breeze 
is wafting us along to the entrance of the Gulf, and we have 
every prospect of reaching Smyrna to-morrow morning. 
The day reminds me of the lines oi Herbert : 

* Sweet day so cool, so calm, so bright, 
The bridal of the earth and sky.' 

There is an inexpressible calmness about every object 
The shores of Asia Minor, and the distant islands, sleep in 
the sunshine, and there is scarce a cloud upon the sky. It 
has been mild as a day in latter spring, and I have done 
little else than sit still all day, and enjoy the luxury of bask- 
ing beneath this warm southern sky. But now I long to 
finish my journal. 

Monday was a very cold day. Indeed it has been hard 
to keep warm this week until to-day, for the continued 
north-east wind, made it like an autumn day in America. 
We were in the midst of the Islands of the Archipelago, 
but it was too cold to remain on deck. At last, in the 
afternoon, I got into my berth to keep warm. Captain 
was very sober, and H. very sad. Oh, how hard it was to 
keep patient, when so near Smyrna. Our head wind was 
very strong. We tacked all night between the Islands, 
20 



230 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP 



and as the passage was very narrow, I had many thoughts 
whether I was willing to die on the ocean. I rested very 
little, and hailed the morning light with joy. Tuesday 
was a tolerably comfortable day. We made some prog- 
ress, even with our head wind, for we have an admirable 
vessel for sailing. We passed very near Tinos, where the 
town, and an ancient Greek church, one of the two most 
noted churches of that communion, could be distinctly 
seen ; but for the first time I remained below, when an 
object of interest was to be seen. After dinner, our cap- 
tain had the matrass laid upon deck, and I sat some hours, 
even till after sunset, watching our progress. The sky 
was of a glorious blue, and the clouds swept through it 
finely, casting their shadows on the Islands around. 

Samos was near us, but the clouds over it hid Mt. Ida 
from our view. In the distance lay Scio, and we were 
endeavoring, in spite of our wind, to £ain the channel be- 
tween that and the main land. How my heart felt, when 
the captain pointed to Asia, rising faintly in the eastern 
horizon. I gazed there with many thoughts. On Wednes- 
day morning, we were entering the Straits of Scio, and 
looking upon the mountains, which can be seen from 
Smyrna. It was very cold, and I sat and worked in our 
state-room during the morning, while H. read to me — and 
in the afternoon, wrapped in my cloak, and seated upon 
the floor, I wrote to you. I wish I could have written 
every day since we left Malta, for there are many little 
nothings, which when I write daily can be put in, and help 
you to form a better idea of my life. Dear mother, I long 
to have you know every thing, as when I lived at home 
by you. To be detained by head winds, just when our 
hearts were leaping for joy, has been indeed trying, but it 
has also been good for us. It has led us to examine our 
hearts more, and to look to our Heavenly Father more. I 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



231 



have had many thoughts during these days of suspense. 
Did God see that my heart was not in a right frame, and 
thus for a little time deny us an entrance to that spot so 
increasingly dear ? I have prayed much during these days ; 
I have thought much of my work, and of my preparation 
for it. I have tried to be perfectly resigned to my Father 
in Heaven, and to feel that he knows best, and I hope that 
I have, in some measure succeeded — but to rise these four 
mornings, and hardly dare to ask how we went, and then 
to have i hope deferred,' did indeed make our hearts sick. 

This morning we found the wind prevented our entrance 
to the Gulf, and there was no hope of reaching Smyrna to- 
day. We all ate breakfast in silence. 

After breakfast, I remained in our state-room till the 
captain came to tell us 4 there was no use in freezing be- 
low, when it was warm and bright on deck.' Oh, how 
bright and beautiful it was, and a perfect calm, also. The 
captain said, 4 a fair wind would come next and in the 
course of the day it has come creeping along. How much 
cause we have to be grateful ! God is so much better to 
us than our fears. H. is very calm, but full of thought. 
After writing, I sat and watched the gathering twilight, 
while he paced the deck. The silver thread of the new 
moon shone over Cape Karaburna, at the entrance of the 
Gulf, while we glided along as on a summer sea. We 
came below at half past five, and commenced putting up 
our things — and we have arranged all we can to-night. 
A fine breeze is carrying us along, till now we are very 
near our desired haven. Captain will anchor a few miles 
from the city, and go the rest of the way in the morning. 
We had tea between seven and eight, and have been con- 
tinually watching the sound of the water to see if we ad- 
vance. The captain is now sounding, for there is a shoal 
which makes the passage very narrow, and the anchors are 



232 



jYIRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ready to lower. Tarn glad we shall not enter Smyrna till 
daylight, for I want to see the city and country around. 
They are casting anchor now. When M. came to kiss me 
good night, and said, 4 where will you be to-morrow night ?' 
the thought that I might possibly be among those new 
friends, and the meeting with them past, came over me 
with new power. Will it indeed be ? Oh, for strength to 
go through all which to-morrow may bring! What chan- 
ges a few months have wrought we cannot tell. Shall we 
find 4 all things well ?' O, these are hours of suspense for 
us. There goes the anchor ! We are fast ! Thank God ! 
O, my dear mother, how near we are ! H. says fifteen 
miles from Smyrna. 

Friday ?nor?iing. I am writing you beneath a lovely 
sky, without a cloud, and we are sailing among scenery 
far more beautiful than I have ever imagined. Dear 
mother, this Gulf of Smyrna, with its picturesque moun- 
tain peaks, and the verdant slopes which surround it, fill 
my eye and my heart too. We slept sweetly with the 
consciousness of being so near to the friends who watch for 
us, but the first streak of dawn started us, and H. was soon 
on deck. We have been putting up the things and corning 
up and down the stairs many times, but now all is ready 
for shore. 

We are now by the sea castle, about seven miles from 
the city, slowly tacking in, — Smyrna in full sight, and the 
land castle on the hill behind. These scenes which have 
occupied so many of my dreams and waking visions, are 
now here before my eye, but far more beautiful than any 
thing J have ever imagined. We hear the shepherd's calls 
among the mountains, and lonely cypress trees are rising 
amid foliage of every variety of green. Now and then a 
solitary sea bird flies slowly over the mountains, or rests 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



233 



his wing upon the waters, which are smooth as a lake be- 
neath this quiet sky. Everything is bathed in sunshine. 
Dear mother, am I indeed here ! The city with its red 
roofs rises before us. H. is all absorbed. We shall not 
be in till afternoon, for the wind is very light and against 
us too, so that we can only tack. Could you but see this 

land, so unlike all that we ever looked upon, so " 

Here abruptly ends the journal of the Mediterranean. 
The next communication to friends announced an illness 
which confined her one month to her room and her couch. 
She was carried from the vessel in a state of extreme ex- 
haustion, and in that state passed through the desired yet 
trying meeting with her husband's friends. Two weeks 
after her arrival the journal was closed by another hand. 
She lay upon her bed and dictated a few lines, her husband 
being her amanuensis. 

December 7th, 1843. I must send you my journal, my 
dearest mother, without giving you any of my impressions 
of Smyrna. Of the city itself I have seen nothing, and in 
my two quiet rooms, there is very little comparatively to 
remind me that I am five thousand miles from my child- 
hood's home, among the bearded chins and turbaned 
heads of these oriental nations. 

You know how many notes and letters I intended to 
send by the Stamboul ; but I must forego that pleasure, 
and send only messages to my friends. How little I anti- 
cipated this illness ! I think I have learned somewhat 
better, not to form plans for the future. I lie on my bed 
and ask, have I been brought thus far to be only a useless 
encumbrance ? I hope I may be resigned to whatever sta- 
tion my heavenly Father wishes me to fill, whether in 
sickness or in health. 

Give my love to all my friends, and w T hen a ship comes 
20* 



234 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



do send me a large package of letters. I want to hear 
from all of them. Tell dear aunt, I have constantly some 
little pleasant thing to remind me of her ; and I fancy her 
going down with her bright face to see you very often. 
My love to Miss B. ; tell her how sorry I am I can not 
send her promised letter. And all my little friends <; give 
them a great deal of love. Tell them I think of them in 
their little prayer meeting, and their Sunday school class 
continually. I cannot mention all my friendsj but I have 
them all in my mind, and I lie here and think of them one 
by one, and long to see them. How sorry I am to be sick 
while dear father is here. 

Now, dear mother, I must say good bye. I come to 
America almost every night in my dreams. I wonder if 
you don't sometimes come to Smyrna. I wish you could 
know how many comforts I have here, and what kind 
friends to take care of me, But I think of you a great 
deal, how can I help it ! May God give you every bless- 
ing. 

Your affectionate daughter, 

Mary. 



CHAPTER XI. 



RESIDENCE IN SMYRNA. 

Smyrna, December 26f/i, 1843. 
My own dear mother, — It is a great comfort to me that 
I am able to commence my writing to you again, for I feel 
as if indeed separated from you, when I cannot come and 
tell you all that interests me. O, how sweet your letter 
was to me ! We received it last Saturday, and every 
time I read it, I feel as if I heard your voice, and pressed 
you to my heart, and could look into your eyes. Its sweet 
influence follows me wherever I go and whatever I do. 

Oh, how often I thank God for giving me such parents ! 
Now while I am coming out into the world, beginning to 
think and act for myself, I feel continually that the holy 
influences which blest my childhood and youth, in that 
home of New England, are the richest of inheritances. 
And my mother, when there come painful thoughts about 
the separation, I look beyond this life, to the time when 
we shall live together in heaven. How like a mother is 
every line of your letter, but if you forget the hours of sor- 
row and care I may have cost you, and remember only the 
little comfort I may have been, I cannot forget them. 
How many things I would alter if I lived my life over 
again. How tenfold more carefully would I consult all 



236 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



your wishes. Those were pleasant hours when we sat 
together and sewed and talked, and when we walked on 
the hill together ! I have been reminded of them while 
sitting here with my Smyrna mamma, and threading her 
needle as I used to do for you. Yes, dear mother, I will 
(i try to be a comfort to her," and to you also. May God 
enable me to give you satisfaction in all that I do. I will 
try to follow all your wishes, all your counsels. Oh, tell 
me as you ever have, what you wish me to do and be, and 
may you see, that all your care of me, your faithful tender 
care and love for so many years, has not been quite lost 
upon your daughter. 

I closed my journal to you the morning we came in 
sight of Smyrna. That day 1 never can forget, so brightly 
shone the sun upon the water and the beautiful shores. 
Smyrna lay far in the distance, with its red roofed houses. 
Then my meeting with H's. friends and my Eastern life 
was all in the future ; but a few hours after it began to be 
present ; and now Smyrna seems almost another home, 
and these friends have ceased to be strangers. It was late 
in the afternoon, perhaps four o'clock, when we spied the 
boat containing H.'s brothers coming towards us. We 
were some miles from the city, but they had gained per- 
mission to come on board, provided they too would go into 
quarantine, if the Stamboul went. How my heart beat 
when those six tall young men, all joyous in meeting H. 
came along side. I staid in the cabin till H. called me, 
which was as soon as they were fairly on deck and 
I went through the meeting very pleasantly, for they 
were kind, good, frank, and very happy, so we soon be- 
came friends. The captain, who went on shore to obtain 
u pratique," by some mistake of the officers did not suc- 
ceed, and so the whole company remained all night on 
board. Abram, one of the clerks, came to see what was 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



237 



the matter, but nothing could be done to help it. They 
heaped on coal to make the fire burn brightly in the parlor 
at home, and waited in vain for us to appear. Just at 
dusk, while standing on deck, I was taken suddenly very 
ill, and my illness increased so during the night, that I 
thought I never could be moved into the city, and almost 
concluded I must die in the Stamboul, but as morn ap- 
proached there was some mitigation of my sufferings. 
The captain obtained ''pratique" by dawn, and a light 
breeze took us in amongst the shipping to the place for an- 
chorage. I was so weak and exhausted 1 feared it would 
be impossible for me to go on shore, but by H.'s assistance 
I was placed in the arm chair and lowered by the sailors 
into the little boat. I was as you may well imagine, in a 
sad, strange state. The boat glided on as over a summer 
sea, and the cool morning air revived me. I was so weak 
that I scarcely know how we met on shore ; but sick as I 
was, I shall never forget the beautiful sight they all made 
coming along the court to meet us. At length I was 
placed quietly upon the sofa in mamma's room, and then 
I was at rest. 

December 27th. My dear mother, — I am writing to you 
in my own house, and in a very pleasant parlor. A beau- 
tiful clear morning is shining, but it is very cold, and it is 
strange that 1 feel the cold here more than I ever did in 
America. Our house is quite a warm one for this place, 
and the little parlor in which I am writing is heated by a 
cheerful grate. The two little tables on either side the fire 
place are ornamented by the gifts of my friends. The 
work box which Mrs. E. gave me is a treasure. One 
large window lights the room, looking on the street, and 
white muslin curtains, with a pretty green and purple 
fringe hang very gracefully over it. Our little room I am 
sure you would call quite cheerful. It has an American 
look. Our desire is to have things neat, plain and in taste. 



238 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



so that we can be comfortable, and have it pleasant for our 
friends. 

Dear father left for Constantinople the very day we 
came to our house, which was last Friday, and will return 
in a few weeks and stay with us. Our house is so com- 
fortable and the prospect from it so beautiful, that I fear 
we shall become too much attached to it. Could you but 
have one look from our terrace, of the gulf and the noble 
amphitheatre of mountains rising in a sky of cloudless blue, 
you would understand why H. loves his country so well. 
But I trust we are willing to leave this place whenever 
duty calls. We have given ourselves to the work of mis- 
sions, and if it will best promote that cause for us to labor 
elsewhere, would not you, dear mother, trust us in God's 
hands, and be willing for us to leave Smyrna ? It may be, 
and perhaps will be best for us to remove to Constantino- 
ple. The thing will not be done hastily. Mrs. V. L. ap- 
pears very sweetly about it, and in the trial of giving up H. 
knows better how to sympathize with you, dear mother. 
God will direct. The situation at C. is one which H. 
is well calculated to fill. It is very interesting too, to 
become the guide of young Armenians ; for if he goes he is 
to be connected with the seminary. Here I am in the 
midst of a pleasant circle of friends, but I am willing to go 
with dear H. cheerfully amongst strangers. At first, the 
thought was very painful. All my sympathies are in 
Smyrna. You know I have loved it for years. 

To her father on his birth day. 

My own dear father, — How little we thought last De- 
cember that when next your birth-day morning should 
shine, it would find you on the shores of the Mediterrane- 
an, in the land where prophets and apostles have lived and 
labored. So strange is our life ! so little we know what 
even a day, much less a year, will bring! And yet, dear 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



239 



father, have we not as our years roll away, increasing 
cause for trust in God, and for gratitude to Him, who fills 
our cup with so many blessings ? 

We have come, dear father, your two children, here in 
this Eastern land, to offer our earnest wishes, that the life 
which God has so graciously preserved these many years, 
may still be blessed with his favor and love ; and that 
your labors in his cause, which in times past have been so 
richly crowned with his favor, may still enjoy the smiles of 
his approbation. 

Do you wish to know how my heart feels about our re- 
moval to Constantinople? I think that as a missionary I 
can say I am ready to go cheerfully, wherever Christ's 
cause can be best promoted by our feeble labors ; and I 
hope that this plan is from him, and one which he will own 
and bless. I know that I need not ask your prayers. I 
am persuaded that you continually remember us in our 
work, and that when you return to your sphere of useful- 
ness, you will rejoice in the thought that we are endeavor- 
ing to diffuse among those who do not know our Saviour, 
the light of truth which he has in love granted us. Mrs. 
Van Lennep has indeed a hard struggle in giving up Hen- 
ry. She knows now how to sympathize with you and my 
dear mother, but her Christian's feelings rise over every 
other; and she said to me, while the tears were in her 
eyes, after Dr. Anderson left, f< I have comfort in this 
promise, 'They that water shall be watered.'" 

And now my dear father, though we are called to en- 
dure separations and trials in this life, yet let us look for- 
ward to that higher and holier existence which the gospel 
reveals. There may we all at last be gathered, with many 
of those for whom we are laboring. 

Ever your affectionate daughter, 

Mary E. Van Lennep. 

Smyrna, December 22d, 1843. 



240 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



The winter that Mary spent in Smyrna, there was to 
some extent a re-organization of our missions in the East. 
An important change was made in the Smyrna mission. 
Some of its laborers returned home, and some were re- 
moved to other fields. Among the removed was the hus- 
band of Mary. It was thought that his usefulness would 
be greatly increased by removing him to another and a 
wider sphere of action. This was a great and an unex- 
pected trial to both of them, and particularly to Mary. 
When she gave herself to the work of missions, it was 
with the expectation of being located in Smyrna, at least 
for a considerable time, as that was, and had ever been, 
the field of her husband's labors. Ail her preparations had 
been made with reference to that place, and she expected 
to remain there, until she should become acclimated, and 
accustomed to Eastern life. She hoped also to have re- 
mained in her Smyrna home, as she had for some time 
regarded it, until she should have qualified herself by a 
study of the languages, to take her place among the mis- 
sionaries of the East. Added to all, she had friends there, 
with whom she had corresponded from her childhood, and 
for two years she had looked to it as her future home. A 
guiding and overruling providence had led her steps thither, 
and to human view she was well qualified for the state of 
society which existed there. 

It is not surprising, therefore, that it should have cost 
her something of a struggle to bring herself with cheerful- 
ness to leave the place ; nor that it should have been an 
additional source of perplexity to her mind, when at length, 
a new and very important field was assigned as the scene 
of their future labors, the main burden of which was to 
rest upon herself, and which would require the united en- 
ergies both of experience and of physical strength. 

During all this winter they were kept in a continual 



f 



MRS MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 241 

state of agitation and suspense, uncertain where they were 
to be stationed, and what would be their particular sphere 
of labor. In the mean time they devoted themselves to 
the languages, and also to what of Christian influence they 
could exert over the large and interesting field where 
Providence had placed them, among whom, as Mary said, 
there were many 64 they were longing to win to Christ. n 

In consequence of this unsettled state of things, they 
could form no plan of effort which they could pursue for 
any certain time ; and as a consequence of this, there was 
no account of labor that could be placed in the annals of 
missions ; but it is believed that another day will show 
that some few names at least have found their way into the 
Lamb's Book of Life, as the result of her brief residence 
there. 

Extracts from her first S. Journal. 

" Friday afternoon, Jan. 12th, 1844. 

"'My dearest Mother, I have been wishing these many 
days to commence my journal to you, yet I have so many 
things to say I scarcely know where to commence ; and if 
I were not determined you should have a good idea how 
my life passes, I should be discouraged from attempting it. 
But, my dear mother, there is coming an hour, a joyful 
hour, when in heaven and at rest, H. and you and I can 
talk over all the dealings of our Father, and < remember 
all the w T ay that God has led us.' 

I have told you of the meeting with H.'s friends, and to 
the time when I entered his mother's room, all bewildered 
and weak, and found a resting place on the sofa. That 
first day of my Smyrna life was full of thoughts. The 
physician was immediately called in, and then all left me 
but mamma, (my Smyrna mamma.) In the course of the 
21 



242 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



morning Crusula, the Greek woman, appeared with some 
rice gruel for me. H- shall draw you the picture of a 
Greek woman sometime. During the afternoon I slept, 
and when waking heard the clock, which stands in the 
coridor, striking five, and I had the half bewildered feeling 
which one has on waking in a strange place, after strange 
events. Mamma and H. sat in the room with me, and 
other members of the family came in for a few moments. 
It was soon dark, and they all left me for supper, and my 
Greek woman came with something for me. Then I lay 
alone on the sofa, and while dozing heard the family sing- 
ing their evening hymn after prayers. The voices all 
blended so perfectly, and the music came in such a deep 
rich strain, in half chanting style, that I lay spell bound, 
my whole frame thrilled. The words were i Our days are 
as the grass,' and though I could not distinguish them, 
they sang with so much expression I could almost tell the 
sentiments. 

The next morning I had my coffee in bed. Don't be 
startled, dear mother, it was barley coffee, the family take 
it for health's sake. Coffee, with a piece of delicious 
bread was my only breakfast during my illness there, or 
instead of bread, I sometimes had a kind of French crust, 
which comes from France, and is better for invalids. Cru- 
sula, or else Adonia, would bring my coffee along the cor- 
idor as soon as H. went out to breakfast, and then mamma 
would come immediately after and see how I did. I used 
to watch for her sweet smile and cheerful voice. Then 
after prayers she would come and help me dress and take 
my place on the sofa, The women here are great ene- 
mies to cold water in sickness. I quite laughed at Cru- 
sula's idea of heating the water I drank, but I did have to 
drink boiled water half cooled, some of the time, for I made 
up my mind to do just as the ladies in this country do. 

The day after my arrival was the Sabbath, you know. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



243 



The Sabbaths at Mrs. V. L.'s are very still. All go to 
the Dutch chapel at ten in the morning, and in the after- 
noon, mamma and several of the family attend the mis- 
sionary service, which is also in the chapel. From my 
room I heard no street sounds, for the house is in a court. 
Occasionally a camel bell, and the bells of the churches, 
which ring at eight, twelve, and four, during the week, and 
every half hour on the Sabbath. These were almost all 
the sounds that came to my room. The bright blue sky 
looked in at the window, the evening gun sounded at half 
past seven, the partridges made their voices heard on the 
terrace, for E. was taming some, and the favorite cat 
would jump on the window and mew to be admitted. 
Thus I had few sounds to remind me I was in Asia. 
Yet many strange things would come under my observa- 
tion, and even in my room I gradually became acquainted 
with Smyrna life, and Smyrna beings. As I was able to 
bear it, the relatives of the family would come one at a 
time and have a little pleasant chat with me. On Mon- 
day afternoon the Consul called. He had called before, 
but I had not been able to see him, and when he came the 
second time, mamma thought I had better receive him. I 
dreaded the meeting, yet he was so kind, and his blessing 
was so patriarchal, that I quickly felt easy. 

The first part of the time I was at Mrs. V. L.'s my mind 
was occupied very much with my illness. My state 
seemed rather peculiar, and puzzled them all — of course it 
puzzled me, and sometimes I thought I should never be 
well again. I was indeed sick, and suffered much from 
pain ; but they were all so kind to me, and mamma was 
so careful, just as you are, that I felt I was indeed amongst 
friends. 

The first week we were there, H. was occupied with 
our things, getting them from the ship, and unpacking. 



244 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



It was on Monday evening after our arrival that my piano 
was unpacked, and set up in the large parlor. I was de- 
lighted to find how much all were pleased, particularly R. 
whose taste and judgment are so exquisite in music. How 
thrillingly the tones first sounded ! How they carried me 
back to the window beneath the cherry trees in my own 
dear home. The following days ray bureau was unpacked, 
and the things all taken out to see if they were hurt. I 
lay on the sofa while one drawer after another was opened 
and brought into the room, and L^— y undid the things. 
There were the beautiful gifts of my dear friends. How 
precious every thing was to me, even the very papers they 
were wrapped in. Oh, mamma, if friendship is so sweet 
on earth, what must it be in heaven, where there are no 
separations, no regrets, to mingle with our love ! 

On the second Sabbath after our arrival, dear father 
came from Athens. All day on Saturday we watched for 
the steamer, but not until Sunday morning did it appear. 
Before breakfast one of the brothers knocked at our door 
to say that the steamer was in sight, and would be in in 
half an hour. So H. took coffee and went with Augustus 
on board. Meantime mamma came to get me ready to see 
father, but there were so many things for him to do, that 
he did not come to us till after the family had returned 
from the chapel. Then he came,' and I was so glad. It 
seemed so strange to him that he was really in Smyrna. 
Mamma came and saw him, and then he prayed with us. 

The Tuesday after his arrival, I began to be much worse, 
and on Wednesday morning I was unable to leave my bed. 
I was weak and full of pain. Those were weary days in 
bed. 1 counted the hours, and tried every way to beguile 
the time; sometimes by repeating poetry I had long for- 
gotten ; sometimes by thinking of home friends, but that, 
in my state, made the tears come, and then dear H. felt 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



245 



badly, and I could not bear to pain him. He watched 
every symptom I had, and for his sake I tried to be cheer- 
ful and patient. During my confinement to my bed, dear 
father would come and sit by me a few moments each 
day. I was very sad at not being able to see him more, 
and I saw he was sad and worried— and how sorry I felt 
to be sick while he was in Smyrna." 

It was during this illness that the proposed plan of her 
husband's removal was made known to her. Her own 
account of the matter is so simple and touching that it may 
not be uninteresting if it is inserted here. u At first my 
heart died within me ; but I prayed much over it. You 
know how all my interests were in Smyrna, and then I 
had got the idea that H.'s influence was necessary to his 
family. The plan seemed pleasant to H., though the idea 
of leaving his home was trying to him. He felt that the 
station in the high school was the place for him, and just 
suited his tastes ; and that so long as he was a missionary 
his great work must be on unevangelized ground, and that 
however badly he and his family felt about separating, yet, 
if he could do more good in any other field he must go. I 
tried to feel just as he did, and became more and more 
reconciled to it. Sabbath was a precious day indeed ; we 
talked and prayed over all our affairs, ^and felt comforted 
that God would order all things right. It was a great trial 
to mamma. She could not speak of it. Her eyes were 
filled with tears often, and yet she very sweetly gave up 
H. to the call of duty. Still she clung to the hope of our 
remaining, for it was not decided. When every body was 
rejoicing in our pleasant new house, we felt it was not our 
home ; and I tried to look only to heaven, for we felt there 
indeed is our only resting place. Every Constantinople 
steamer we watched for anxiously ; and last week letters 
21 # 



246 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



told us that the plan could not be effected. Still we re- 
main unsettled, for Dr. A. has the opinion that we had bet- 
ter remove. But we are in God's hands. These trials 
have been blessed to our hearts, in many ways. It has 
interested me more in my missionary work, and taught me 
to look to heaven more. At present H. is occupied with 
the Turkish language, and perhaps we may live and die in 
Smyrna. Our greatest desire is to be where we can do 
the most good, and God will direct us." 

On the day Mary entered her own house, her father left 
for Constantinople. Just before embarking he had " the 
pleasure of stepping in, and giving H. and herself his bless-* 
ing/ ' in their new residence. She had hoped to have the sat- 
isfaction of his society on entering it, but she consoled her- 
self with the expectation of a long visit when the business 
which called him to Constantinople should be accom- 
plished. But she was destined to experience another dis- 
appointment. Instead of returning and spending the re- 
mainder of the winter with her as was expected, it was 
thought necessary for him to go to Trebizond. Of course 
he must make the voyage of the Black Sea ; and she felt 
considerable solicitude for his safety during this somewhat 
hazardous undertaking. And then his stay must be very 
brief, after his return. He must soon leave those shores 
for his far off home, and she would look upon him in this 
world again — never. 

Smyrna, Jan. 19th, 1844. 
" My dear Mrs. F. Those quiet hours when I used to 
talk with you of Eastern life, come often to my memory, 
now that I am mingling with scenes which then dwelt in 
the dim future. H. and I very often talk of you, and I tell 
him so much about the pleasant times I have had in your 
family, that New Haven scenes and New Haven friends 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



247 



have become quite familiar. I have brought you all to 
Smyrna with me in my heart. Oh my dear, dear friends, 
we are not separated, even by this great ocean ; for if 
warm affection and continual interest in all that concerns 
you, can make you feel near to me, though absent, then I 
shall have you close by rny side w r hile I mingle in this new 
life, so strange and new, that I almost doubt, if I ever 
were * M. H.' And yet I have too many recollections con- 
nected with her life, and think too much, and too warmly, 
of the friends she knew, to doubt my personal identity 
long. The great trial in my intercourse with my dear 
home is, that it must be so long before I can know what 
happens there. But we try to trust you all in the hands 
of our Heavenly Father, while we hope we are preparing 
our hearts with you, for a happy meeting, when the sins, 
the sicknesses, and the separations of this life are forever 
over. 

The talks I have had so many times with you, I find 
many occasions to remember. Your experience in many 
things I try to profit by, and something in our household 
arrangements, is continually reminding me of your ways, 
and I think how aunt Susan did such and such things. I 
have many scenes which I could describe to you, of our 
life here. In my journal to mamma, I try to keep her 
informed of all that passes, and to let her know how Ori- 
ental life appears to me. But you will want to know 
whether my anticipations agreed with the reality. You 
know I always feared to anticipate much, and so I was 
not likely to be disappointed ; but if I had anticipated 
much more, there would have been no danger of disap- 
pointment. I find myself in the midst of a warm hearted, 
affectionate, sincere circle, who treat me as one of them. 
I have every thing I could wish so far as their intercourse 
with me is concerned. Mrs. V, L. is a very lovely lady, 



248 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



and it is a pleasure to call her 4 mamma,' and to look up to 
her for counsel and guidance. In her I have found one 
who in a measure supplies the need I feel for my own 
precious mother. 

I like every thing in the manner of living. H. laughs 
and says I was made to be an 4 Oriental.' I believe I have 
surprised them all, by falling in so readily with the ordi- 
nary Eastern mode of life, and they say it must be, because 
I came prepared to be pleased, and had not the prejudices 
that Americans generally have. 

But why should I write these things. My heart is not 
now thinking of Smyrna, it has come to your room, and it 
longs for an assurance that this winter has not made you 
worse. O could I know that you were better! God leads 
us, dear aunt S., by different ways, to prepare us for a 
holier existence. He tries our characters by the discipline 
they most need. It will be blessed to reach at last the 
heavenly world ! The happier I am here, the more I look 
forward to heaven. I think increasing affection makes our 
spirits look forward more earnestly, to a higher existence, 
and we seek in the hopes which the knowledge of that 
higher existence brings, the pledge of a continued and en- 
during affection, beyond this fleeting life. The scenes 
through which I have passed these last six months, have 
introduced me to many new incidents in life's great drama ; 
and I think changing to a life so very unlike what my 
childhood has been, makes this world seem more what it 
really is, a passing shadow ; while all that is connected 
with the soul and its destinies, assumes a far deeper 
importance. 

I need not tell you, that it is interesting to become ac- 
quainted with new modes of thinking, and new forms of 
character. I find, however, that I am still in the midst of 
human beings, with human sympathies — but I am contin* 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 249 

ually reminded that I am in the midst of a land, where the 
religion of Jesus does not shed its henign influence. A true 
Christian is a rare being here ; and yet there are such, and 
their silent influence works slowly but surely. 

Our house is most delightful. It stands on the sea-side ; 
and we have a garden filled with roses, and orange and 
lemon trees, now in bloom and bearing ripe fruit too. The 
view from our terrace is the finest I ever looked upon. 
The Gulf reposes in the midst of noble and picturesque 
mountain scenery, and over all is thrown an exquisite 
violet and rose coloring, the charm of all these skies. An 
Austrian frigate is anchored in front of our house, about 
forty rods from the shore, and when lowering their flag at 
sunset, the band connected with it play every evening, 
with exquisite taste, a slow and solemn hymn ; which H. 
says is a prayer of itself. 

I thank you very much for your precious lock of hair, and 
for the kind words I received from you both, just before 
our departure. That was a sad parting in Boston. You, 
my dear aunt S., I know will remember us and pray for us. 
We shall meet again, to ( talk of all the way our God has 
led us.' It will not be here — but through grace it may be 
in heaven/' 

Smyrna, Jan. 24th, 1844. 
H My own precious Mother. Your welcome letter of 
Nov. 30th, came yesterday. As I was passing the glass 
door, which opens on the terrace, I caught a glimpse of the 
French steamer off at some distance, and I hoped some 
news would reach us from you. We have a fine view of 
every vessel that comes along the Gulf, and my heart pal- 
pitates between hope and fear, every time 1 see the thin 
cloud of smoke rising over a dark hulled boat. O, my 



250 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



dearest mother, my thoughts of you turn into prayers con- 
tinually. Only can I keep quiet by prayer, when I remem- 
ber the distance which separates us. When each evening 
we remember before our Father's throne, our dear absent 
ones, it is a comfort to think that God loves you with an 
everlasting love, and can do for you far more than our most 
ardent wishes could desire. Dear mother, God is our best 
friend. He knows just what we need. O, how sweet to 
trust him, and to trust each other with him, during our 
separation. 

I have always so much to say$ that now I have begun to 
limit myself to so much time a day for writing, I do not 
love to know any thing which you do not know. But I 
think there is coming a time, when in peace and at rest, we 
can talk over all the way our God has led us. Oh, my 
dear mother, for that blessed hour I do try to prepare, and 
my thoughts look forward more and more to that world, 
where we can all be together with our Father, and where 
there is no more sin. Pray for me, that my heart may be 
kept. I am in danger continually, I deeply feel, of grow- 
ing neglectful of the only important things — and yet^ the 
danger is more from my own evil heart, than from outside 
circumstances. You know my not being well, or able to 
mix in general society, has permitted me to have much 
time for quiet reflection ; and I do thank God for it. It is 
just what I have needed, and I have had some heart- 
searching times, when I have felt that none but my Saviour 
could help me. It is a comfort to talk with H., for he has 
gone down very deep into the heart, and he understands 
the manner of spirit which we ought to cherish ; and when 
we have our quiet talks about Christ and heaven, my own 
soul feels encouraged and refreshed. The missionary work 
grows in importance too, and I long to be doing something 
that will lead these dark minds to the light of the gospel. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



251 



I am keeping a journal in which I write every few days. 
I have already sent you one from this place, and I want it 
should go home very fast, for 1 am anxious you should 
know all about our life — all that interests us. I think that 
I do not feel very far separated from you. I look off' on 
the blue waters, which shine beneath the bold cape Kara- 
borna, which bear on their bosom the good ships, by means 
of which we can talk together, though separated, and it does 
not seem a very immense way to America. And then, I 
know that we continually meet in prayer at our Father's 
throne, and that he looks upon us and watches us, as if we 
were still together, and if daily communion can ever bring 
friends near, then we are very near. Only when I know 
that you have been sick, I feel troubled that I was not by 
to lighten a little your daily cares. I picture you moving 
about in the rooms at home, and each parlor with its open 
doors, and the table in the centre, and your rocking chair, 
and the stools, and the thermometer, and all the various 
articles come up with a distinctness which makes me for- 
get I am five thousand miles from you. Oh, mamma, it 
would be very hard, if it were not for the hopes of heaven. 
But are not those sweet and very glorious hopes ? And 
cannot we bear the separation, dearest mother, when we 
think too that every step was ordered by God ; and that H. 
and I are in the midst of a dark land, striving, though with 
feeble means, to give to those around us the light which 
we enjoy ? Oh, yes, I am sure you would not call us 
home. 

Mamma leans on H., and I fear it will be a sad trial 
should we go away. She is so kind to us, and watchful 
for our comfort, that it will be to me like leaving home a 
second time, should we go. Yet H. longs to have a larger 
field of usefulness, and though it is a great trial to think of 
leaving this circle whom we are longing to win to Christ, 



252 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



yet I hope we are willing to go. I do not know what the 
younger members of the family would say, if they thought 
there was a possibility of our going away. We have sweet 
talks together, while I love to watch their opening minds, 
and the unfolding of their Christian character. All four 
are here at our Bible Class on Sunday evenings, and they 
stay afterwards and read D'Aubigne in French. Mr. 
Adger is translating it into Armenian. How interesting it 
will be to that people, for their circumstances are similar 
to Luther's times. 

29th. Yesterday I attended church for the first time 
since that rainy Sabbath in October, when we rode to 
Park-street church together. The chapel is in the court 
of the Dutch Consul, and much more like a church than I 
expected. It is very small, but has an aisle and slips and 
pulpit, besides a kind of pulpit in which the Consul sits. 
It is the custom to pray silently, leaning forward, on first 
going into church ; and the gentlemen in the French ser- 
vice, stand when they first enter the slip, with the hat be- 
fore the face, and pray for a blessing silently. It is an 
appropriate custom, if their hearts are in it. 

Dear mother. I thought a great deal about you on thanks- 
giving. I lived over and over again the pleasant thanks- 
giving days we have passed at home, and I hoped you 
would not feel very lonely now we were away." 

Journal. 

" Jan. \lih. Went this afternoon with mamma, to call 
on Mrs. Adger. In our walk we stopped at the Dutch 
Hospital, and passed into the grave yard. I stood by E.'s 
grave. It is a sweet, quiet place, beneath the trees. It 
will be pleasant resting there when our work is over, till 
the resurrection morn." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



253 



" 27th. Dear mamma, I have been thinking for the past 
few days, what would be the use of attending to these 
various duties,* if it were not for the discipline they are to 
us, and for their effect on the character ; and how tired 
those must be of a daily routine, who look only at this 
world. But things are so pleasant and so important, 
viewed in relation to a future state." 

" 29th. On Saturday evening, we had a pleasant re- 
hearsal, and practiced 4 Let us with a joyful mind/ to sing 
in church. We took only the air, and not the whole anthem, 
and found the other verses belonging to the Psalm, and 
yesterday afternoon it was sung. The boys love to prac- 
tice with us the Anthems and Choruses of the Boston 
Academy Collection, and 4 Night shades no longer/ E Now 
elevate the sign of Judah/ and 4 Glory be to God/ carry 
me back to our old organ, and I think I am home again." 

3lst. I have begun Greek in earnest, and say a lesson 
every day to H. and write a French conversation also. 
The Hodja"f tells me a Turkish word, and Demetro a 
Greek one, for both seem inclined to have me speak some- 
thing besides English. I shall learn by little and little, yet 
very slowly. When ill at mamma's, Crusula, who only 
spoke Greek, tried to teach me simple words, such as 
bread, water, salt, &c. and I was forced to learn, so as to 
make her understand what I wanted. She was determin- 
ed to teach me, and persevered in making me pronounce 
after her as she stood before me with my dish of food. 

Demetro took dinner here to-day. When he came in he 
surprised me with "good morning," in evident satisfaction 

* Some rather monotonous household duties, to which she was in 
the habit of attending, and of which she had just been speaking, 
f Turkish Teacher. 
22 



254 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



at being able to say a word to me in English. He and the 
Hodjah both have learned good morning, and I make out by 
much thought to say their Turkish and Greek salutations. 
The Hodjah quite laughed yesterday at my thinking coun- 
tenance, just before he left, as if I were conning over my 
lesson. 

The Turks have far less of scorn for foreigners than they 
formerly had. The Protestants they particularly like, and 
call them Free masons, but the Catholics they detest 
for their image worship. While I am disgusted with the 
absurdities of their faith, and with the ways they devise to 
keep each others courage up, and also to keep away the 
truth which is shining more and more as they have inter- 
course with other nations, still I am very much interested 
in them as men. If we look upon them as having feelings 
and sympathies in common with us, we shall be the more 
interested in their eternal welfare. We shall long to see 
them brought to the knowledge of the only true religion. 

We have received letters which tell us we are candid- - 
ates for Trebizond. You know that is an increasingly in- 
teresting field, but there are weighty reasons why it is best 
we should not go there. 

While we were writing dear father on the subject, Dr. 
Smith, bound for Mosul, came in. He gave us a very in-r 
teresting account of the work at Trebizond, amongst the 
Armenians. After he was gone I went to pray over my 
feelings, and walked a little on the terrace. Deac mother, 
my earnest desire is to feel so deep and abiding an interest 
in this work, which we feel to be indeed the best, and the 
most worthy of all our efforts, that no personal sacrifices 
shall cool my ardor. It was over this that I prayed when 
I walked on the terrace. 

H. is writing a sermon on a very interesting topic, u Our 
life, so little in itself, so important in its consequences," and 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



255 



I am deeply interested in the thoughts it brings. How im- 
portant all things become viewed in the light of eternity, 
and the missionary work especially increases in interest, 
when thus viewed. Dear mother, we do not know what 
the gospel is doing for us, until we see the 4 darkness and 
shadow of death' which exists without its blessed light. 
The more I become acquainted with the East, the more 
precious does the love of God and His service appear." 

u February I3'/i. Last Friday was a warm sunshiny day, 
so after doing various little things in the morning, and wri- 
ting to dear father at Constantinople, we took our dinner 
and sallied forth for a walk to Caravan bridge, that famous 
bridge over the Meles, with the tall, dark cypresses on 
either side, beneath which the Turkish tomb-stones rise, 
and with its innumerable strings of camels and donkeys, 
and men of all conditions and all appearances, — that bridge 
I have seen at last. We went through one narrow, dark 
street after another, for a long time, where every thing is 
so foreign that the very idea of a street like home seems 
strange. I sigh for a clean, open, bright American street. 
When we passed through the Armenian quarter, we looked 
in at the courts and saw pleasant fountains and green 
leaves; and the bright aspect within, was a strange con- 
trast to the buildings without. That quarter seemed 
brighter throughout than the Greek quarter, and one street 
in particular was broad and comfortable, but in general the 
broken paving stones hurt the feet badly. The bridge is 
a little out of the city, and before we reached it, we passed 
some of the gardens and the aspect was a little country 
like. I had seen nothing so much like the country since I 
left home, and it reminded me somewhat of large farm gar- 
dens 4 likt? but oh , how different. There was green grass 
growing beneath trees loaded with fruit. Orange trees 



256 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



they were. The tall, towering Castle hill rose on one side 
of us, with the old frowning ruins which seemed almost to 
touch the clouds, and the gardens w r ere on the other side. 
We should call that Castle hill a real high mountain. 
Then we came to the cypress trees, the old solemn trees, 
growing so thick and dark I almost held my breath with 
awe. There lay thousands who lived and died followers 
of the false prophet. Among all those white stones, sur- 
mounted with their turbans, there is not one which marks 
a Christian's grave. There sleep those whom the plague 
has mown down. It is a crowded city, so full I should 
think there was no room for another to rest. We sat to rest 
on some seats, just below the bridge one side, and watched 
the throng of passers. Many people walk there, to see 
and to be seen. 

15th- My dear mother, you speak in your last concerning 
my being injured by the worldly -mindedness around me. 
I try to be careful. If constant prayer and many fears will 
keep my heart from being drawn from my work, then dear 
mother, you may hope I shall not forget the object for 
which I came to these lands. O, for your sake, for the 
sake of all who love and pray for us, we long to approve 
ourselves as true, self-denying missionaries. I can not 
trust in myself, my only hope is in Jesus. My tempta- 
tions are somewhat different here, but they are not much 
increased. Indeed if you knew the quiet life I lead, you 
would rejoice. It is sweet to watch the ripening piety of 
some of the younger members of the family ; and then our 
Bible class w r arms my heart. And when I am in our 
church, our quiet little chapel, listening to the prayers and 
sermons and joining in the sacred songs, my heart feels 
happy that I am not quite debarred from gospel privileges. 
I hope we shall have a female prayer-meeting ; this will be 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



257 



another help. But I long to engage in something more 
active, when so many are around me in such sad errors. 
It does increase a missionary spirit to see the state of things 
here, and I hope by God's grace I shall be able to deny my- 
self for their good. There are some dear ones here, with 
w r hom I can as yet say very little. I long to draw them 
to me and to whisper about better things. Sometimes I 
try a little^ and I pray for them. 

I can not live without much time spent in the quiet study 
of my Bible, and in serious thought, but I do not as I once 
did, nearly wear myself out in feeling, though sometimes 
the old spirit creeps over me. And though I feel more 
deeply than ever my sins, and have earnest longings to be 
free from every hindrance to a holy life, yet I find the way 
to grow better is to look to God in humble, fervent prayer, 
and not to sit brooding over my short comings. 

The trials of this winter have called many feelings into 
exercise, and have been a new, but needed discipline, par- 
ticularly the trials connected with our leaving Smyrna* I 
have shrunk from going away because I dreaded the trials. 
This has humbled me, and has led me to look at the mis- 
sionary work, and to daily ardent prayer, that I might 
have a right spirit. I have feared to pray that we might 
stay in Smyrna. I could not utter such a prayer ; but I 
have earnestly sought a spirit which would make me happy 
wherever duty called me. Sometimes I have succeeded, 
sometimes not, but I trust I do improve in right feelings. 
I say to myself u Our Father in Heaven knows best. We 
are liable to err, even with the best intentions ; we will 
carry our cause to God, and ask him to bless all these 
trials, and to give us wisdom for the future, and wherein 
we have erred, to pardon us for Christ's sake." And if I 
can cherish this spirit, dear mother, do not you think our 
trials will be blest to us ? 

22* 



258 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



19th. Early on Sabbath morning. Nicoli came to tell us 
the steamer was coming ; so H. dressed and went in a boat, 
while I staid on the terrace till I spied them returning. 
There was my dear, precious father. He has had a pleas- 
ant time, but it is good to have him with us again ; his in- 
fluence is so sweet, and his sound, candid advice is worth 
so much to us. In the afternoon dear father preached a 
sermon which refreshed us very much. u The Gospel, 
the power of God to salvation." The streets were crowd- 
ed, markets every where, for 'tis carnival now, and the 
sweet atmosphere of our little chapel was in striking con- 
trast with the streets, where were crowds of gay, degraded 
beings. 

In the evening we had our Bible class, and father told 
me the plan was proposed of our going to Constantinople, 
H. to be engaged with the Armenians, but chiefly for the 
reason of establishing a female school. I started at the 
idea, but father explained to me that the responsibility 
would not be so great as I feared ; for they would have 
only a few in the commencement, and I should acquire 
experience as I went along. What they want is the influ- 
ence of a Christian family to be exerted over those who 
are to become the wives and mothers of the Armenian na- 
tion. What a field ! How interesting ! How responsi- 
ble ! But am I adequate to the undertaking? I fear the 
sacrifices I am called to make will influence my judgment, 
and damp my desire to train those young girls for useful- 
ness. I do not like the idea of becoming the head of a 
boarding school, and superintending all its concerns. I 
love a quiet way of living too well to make the idea of be- 
coming a matron very pleasant. This causes me, I fear, 
to magnify the difficulties ; and then, my heart clings to 
Smyrna. The matter is all to be talked over — to be con- 
sidered in all its lights, and may God direct. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



259 



B< 21st. Again I am alone, dear mother, and I come to 
talk with you. I feel the need of prayer more than ever 
before. I find that when 1 am so engaged, my feelings 
become nearer right than at other times. How I long to 
lay aside the evil of my heart, and the prejudices I have. 
You know I have always disliked a school, and a boarding 
school particularly, and I am distressed that I should feel 
this still. I mean to put it all down, for I am convinced 
it is foolish as well as sinful. Besides, it is to be a family, 
and not an ordinary boarding school. Then it will be the 
way to become acquainted with Armenian females gener- 
ally, and thus to preach to them the gospel. The Arme- 
nians desire it very much. Their females must be raised. 
We shall wait the leadings of Providence, and we pray 
that God will do, not what would spare us sacrifices, but 
what will be best for this people. 

I am full of sorrow that this pleasant circle must be bro- 
ken up. This is the last week we can all be together. I 
ipity Mr. and Mrs. Temple. Their hearts bleed to give up 
the object for which they have so long labored — the poor 
Greeks. How I wish Mrs. Temple's mantle of devoted- 
ness might fall on me." 

'* 27th. Dear mother, I have much to say. When H. 
returned from the meeting on Wednesday, he said that 
every thing favored our going to Constantinople, and so we 
thought that God's hand was in it. After dinner, Dr. A. 
came over to talk with us, and the matter was decided. 
Sometimes my heart died within me — to be at the head of 
a seminary, and to have no home but in a boarding school. 
But I walked in the garden, and prayed and thought of all 
sides in the question. True, it would be connected with 
some disadvantages — but what station of usefulness is 
without its trials. True, our own home might lose some 



260 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



of its quiet, but then we should be helping to make happy- 
homes for many others. True, I disliked a boarding school, 
and had some prejudices hard to be overcome — but the 
idea of a thing being unpleasant, is a very foolish reason 
for giving up a good work. And then it will never be an 
American boarding school. What is most needed is, to 
have a sweet Christian family influence over the training 
minds of the young females. The number must be small, 
and the charge, in a merely worldly point of view, will not 
be great. We have looked very closely at that part, for 
neither H. nor father would consent to have me in a situa- 
tion where I should be weighed down with care. And then 
H. will be in a much more useful sphere in Constantinople, 
than he can be here. He will have continual opportuni- 
ties for religious conversation, not only with the pupils and 
their parents, but with others who will be attracted by the 
school. Besides, he will open a room in C. for religious 
conversation, and will commence preaching as soon as he 
is master of the language. His knowledge of the Turkish 
will enable him, even now, to commence his labors. Well, 
mamma, this is the outline of the thoughts I have had, and 
I have had, beside, many shades of thought and feeling) 
with regard to all these, and my mind is persuaded that it 
is the work for us to do — and I thank God for permitting 
us to look forward to such a work, and I pray that he will 
give us strength and right feelings. 

I have looked at all the sacrifices. I shrank from them 
at first, and then felt deeply grieved that I should be reluc- 
tant to bear some burdens, when the work was such a glo- 
rious one, and when God had blessed me so. But, my 
dear mother, I have prayed continually over the subject. 
I am willing now to endure trials — to engage in a work 
which is so worthy of a far better and wiser person than 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



261 



I. I have committed myself all to Christ, that he may 
lead me, and work in me, and by me." 

To M. 

Smyrna, Feb. 22d, 1844. 
c< My dear precious sister. Your letter, so long and 
interesting, has this evening reached me, and while H. and 
my dear father have gone to our weekly meeting, I sit 
down to have a quiet long talk, I am ready to answer 
every question you ask, and many more beside, and also 
to tell you every thing which can be comprised in the short 
space of a letter. I think I know just what you would 
like to learn. From books only a general idea of these 
countries can be obtained ; but I had become, through H., 
so well acquainted with Asia Minor, that when I sailed 
down the Gulf of Smyrna, on the morning of the 24th of 
November, the mountains, the old sea castle, the red roofed 
city, the cypress trees rising solemnly toward the sky, all 
seemed familiar things, and I greeted them as if they were 
not strangers. 

On landing, we went to Mrs. V. L.'s, the mother of H., 
where we remained a month in the midst of a most lovely 
circle of friends. As I was quite an invalid, I was contined 
to the sofa and bed nearly all the time, but I had every 
attention and every comfort. Things here, are not essen- 
tially different from American ways of living; our houses 
are very pleasant, and the cooking very nice ; and one can 
live here very well so far as this world goes. The streets 
to be sure are gloomy, dirty and narrow, but you have only 
to knock at the heavy barn like looking doors, and you are 
at once ushered into courts, often beautifully paved, and 
pass up into apartments which look as romantic as if they 
were made for story books. There are many Europeans 



262 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



here, Franks as they are called, and they are mostly Cath- 
olics. Indeed, Ave Protestants are a feeble band, in the 
midst of Greeks, Catholics, Jews, Turks, Armenians and 
people from every part of the earth. Turbaned heads 
look quite familiar. I have ceased to wonder at any thing, 
excepting the other day when a carriage passed, I did 
wonder. It was a great sight. I should love to describe 
minutely every thing, but that would be impossible. 

The latter part of December^ we came to our house, 
situated finely on the sea side, with a garden and place for 
bathing, and our winter has passed delightfully. Still w^e 
have felt quite unsettled, for it has been decided that Smyrna 
is not to be our home, but that we are to remove to Con- 
stantinople. Jt is a trial to leave this dear place, which 
seems indeed like home to me, and which is full of so many 
delightful associations as the home of my dear H.; and it is 
a great trial also to leave these precious friends. But the 
station we are called to fill at C., is a most interesting and 
important one, and we go cheerfully, trusting that Cod will 
prosper us, and give us strength to do much for him. 

The steamers bring every place very near, and w r e have 
constant communication with Marseilles, Trieste, Greece, 
Constantinople, and in fact every place around. We are 
in the midst of the busy world, in the central point be- 
tween Europe and Asia, so that our minds are kept wide 
awake. I have so many things to say concerning all sub- 
jects, dear M , that I scarcely know how to give you a cor- 
rect idea of any thing. 1 believe it is a general fact, that 
the Orientals are regarded by us Americans as semi-barba- 
rians, or at best as grown-up children. JS T othing is more 
erroneous. The more we associate with them, the more 
we feel that they are entitled to respect and friendship, as 
much so as any polite, agreeable people in our own land, 
who are without true religion. With them we must ob- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



263 



serve the same strict rules of propriety, the same careful 
attention to win them to the truth without disgusting them. 
They have the same hopes, fears, affections that w r e have, 
but their views of religious truth are dark and cheerless. 
To pray long prayers, and to observe strictly the fasts, are 
the great things with them. They know no higher motive 
from which to act, than self interest, and consequently are 
not guided by principle. 

What the missionary has to do on first coming out, is to 
hire a house, engage a teacher of the language he wishes 
to learn, and strive as fast as possible to become acquainted 
with Oriental habits and modes of thinking. By degrees 
he gets introduced to one and another, as any person in 
coming into a new place does. He interests those whom 
he designs to benefit, in various ways, and gradually leads 
Jhemto converse upon serious subjects. It has been found 
productive of much evil to attack their religions directly. 
You must strive to win their confidence, and have familiar 
talks upon religious subjects with them- In this way you 
can gradually pour light into their minds, set them to 
inquiring, and sow some seeds of truth, which by God's 
blessing may spring up and bear fruit. Patience and per- 
severance are exceedingly needed by a missionary. You 
will perhaps be surprised when I tell you, that the great- 
est trial of a missionary, is the effect upon his own spirit, of 
mingling with such a mass of worldliness. Especially is 
this the case here, where there are so many things to inter- 
est, and where there are not the helps to a Christian course 
which are found in a land of Bibles and Sabbaths. Another 
great trial is to see so many whose minds are full of error, 
and to know that you can do comparatively little to remove 
it. Oh, how often my heart has ached, when I have looked 
upon the crowds that throng these streets, and know that 
there is scarce one among them all, who knows any thing 



264 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



about true religion. It is sad to look at their crowded 
burial places, beneath the cypress trees, and think how dark 
their end has been. These are a missionary's trials here ; 
but personal trials are very few. Many are the comforts 
and pleasant things about this life in the East. Those who 
come out here as strangers, always have letters to intro- 
duce them to some one, and in every place there is some 
resident, who can and will assist those who come, to some 
extent." 

" Feb. 24tth. In reading over the preceding lines, I 
think I may give you the impression that there are no trials 
here, about our way of living. Of course this cannot be 
said. But I find things so much pleasanter than I expect- 
ed, that I am delighted with the East. I came determined 
to be pleased, and I find it a very easy matter. 

And now to return to your questions, you see that I 
have had my mind upon them in all that I have been say- 
ing, but it is impossible in one letter to answer them all 
minutely. I have tried to tell you something of our life 
here, because I think, in general, persons in America look 
upon the East erroneously. There are many discomforts 
in the interior of the country, but in the Smyrna mission, 
the privations are not worth the thought. In a future let- 
ter, dear M., I can tell you minutely about the habits here ; 
some of them would, I am sure, please you very much. 
I feel as if I were reading an interesting book all the time. 
As to language, almost every one on the earth is heard in 
our streets. Our family friends all speak French among 
themselves, but unfortunately for my improvement in 
French they nearly all speak English too. Greek is the 
language of the servants, and I begin to pick up a few of 
the common words, and I make use of signs in a most 
amusing manner. We shall commence Armenian imme- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



265 



diately, for our residence in C. and our work there require 
a knowledge of it. 

We all dress in the European style. The Frank dress 
is also adopted by many of the Greeks and Armenians. 
But many Frank ladies when they grow old put on the 
Greek dress. Mrs. V. L., my Smyrna mother, dresses in 
Greek style. 

As to scenery, I wish you could have one view of what 
I look upon every day from our terrace. The beautiful gulf, 
the mountains around it, so picturesque, and often bathed 
in the violet light which is the charm of these countries, 
the curious old dwellings, the dark cypresses, the Castle 
hill rising behind the city, so very high it seems to reach 
the sky, and the grey ruins upon its summit, which have 
frowned down upon the city ever since the days of our 
Saviour — all these, and many more things I might men- 
tion, awaken deep emotions each day as I gaze upon them. 
Here Polycarp the Martyr died ; here the early Christians 
lived. It would have been sweet, dear M., to have spent 
our lives in laboring here, but it is thought we can accom- 
plish more good at Constantinople, and so we are going. 

The Franks here are mostly Catholics, but all our near 
relatives are Protestants. At the Consul's there is a 
chapel fitted up for the use of the Dutch residents, (you 
know our family are Dutch,) and a service in French is 
performed there every Sabbath morning. The church is 
Lutheran, something like the Episcopal, though not much. 
All of the young people are confirmed before entering 
society, and partake of the sacrament. On Sabbath after- 
noon there is an English service which the missionaries 
attend, and they officiate in turn. Mamma and several of 
her family go also ; and we have the happiness of sweet 
Christian intercourse with her and four of our brothers. 
These young men, now growing up, will exert a great in- 
23 i 



266 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEKNEF. 



fluence here for the truth. Every Sabbath evening they 
come to our house, and with a young Greek, who is also 
pious, form a Bible class, in which we unite. Our class 
is deeply interesting, and I wish you could see the earnest- 
ness with which they engage in the study of truth, They 
are lovely youth.* It is a great trial to leave them, yet it 
is a comfort to know that they are so well established in 
their Christian principles. 

Our mission among the Armenians increases in interest. 
Dr. A. and father, who have just returned from visiting the 
various stations, say that i the half was not told them.' 
God is doing a great work for them. The whole nation 
are waking up. Many of their priests are sincere inqui- 
rers after truth. There is to be a family female school in 
Constantinople, where young girls are to be trained in the 
paths of holiness and knowledge. Think, dear M., what 
an interesting field, to train the future wives and mothers 
of the Armenian nation. It is for this that we go to Con- 
stantinople. H. will be engaged in preachings and I shall 
have the general charge of the housekeeping, and watch 
over the forming character of the pupils, while a compe- 
tent teacher is to be obtained to do the regular teaching. 
What is needed is to have the young girls in the bosom of 
a Christian family, that they may learn how to make their 
own. homes Christian afterwards. Pray for us, that in this 
deeply interesting work we may be faithful, and have 
strength to succeed. We shall leave here perhaps in May, 
and if our lives shall be spared, I hope 1 shall have much 
of interest to tell you. 

I think, dear M., I have in the main answered all your 
questions. I could tell you much more of the state of re- 



* One of these four young brothers has since died in the comforts 
and hope of the Christian faith.— Sept. 1?, lS45> 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



267 



ligion here, but my paper is fast filling up. You know 
that the Armenian nation are rapidly awaking to the 
knowledge of the truth. If things go on as they have done, 
there will soon be pastors settled over pure churches 
among them. The evangelical party is daily increasing in 
numbers and in strength ; and there is every encouragement 
to work among them, for the Spirit of God is in their 
midst. 

Our dear father's visit we do enjoy, but to-morrow our 
pilgrims set their faces towards Jerusalem, and this eve- 
ning we are to have a farewell meeting at our house. We 
have had most delightful little meetings during the past 
week. Last Sabbath evening we met and partook of the 
Lord's supper together. It was in Mr. Temple's parlor, 
and we were a little company, but it was sweet to think 
that Christ was present even with a few. Two Armeni- 
ans and a Greek partook of the communion with us, also 
mamma and our four youngest brothers, and several Chris- 
tian friends. But that company will never all meet again. 
To-morrow seven will start for Jerusalem^ and before they 
return we may have left for C, and Mr. and Mrs. T. will 
also have gone. Thus we form friendships, and meet in 
sweet intercourse for a season, and then partings must 
come, and new scenes open to us. But it is pleasant to 
think that we are all engaged in the same work, all going 
to the same home. May we all meet in that blessed home 
at last. Pray for me, my dear M., that I may shrink from 
no trials in this good cause, and that I may not fail of the 
heavenly rest." 

Journal. 

" March 2d. It has been very pleasant to have dear 
father with us two Sabbaths. He has been not only a 
comfort in warming and encouraging our hearts in good 



268 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



things, but his advice has been of great use in regard to 
our removal. Our last Sabbath was very refreshing. It 
was our* communion, and H. and I hoped we might be so 
much strengthened by it, as to enter upon our new duties 
with increasing ardor. 

On Tuesday evening there was a farewell meeting of the 
missionaries at our house. N. enlarged and arranged our 
dining room table, and set dates, oranges, cakes, &c, with 
tea and coffee for a collation afterwards. Our meeting was 
most sweet and soothing. I felt then what an honor and 
a blessing to be a missionary. Dr. A. made his farewell 
remarks, and dear father made his, and we sang, and wept, 
and prayed together, and rejoiced too, that though we 
were to be separated in body, yet we were all united in 
spirit, and were engaged in the same cause. Dear father 
felt so much at home, that he said laughingly that he took 
his seat at our table as if he were in his own house. And 
indeed he was at home, for he was in our house, and we 
are his children. I was beginning to feel very sad about 
father's leaving, for the party were soon to go to Jeru- 
salem. 

Thursday was a beautiful day. The company of trav- 
elers were to be on board the boat by three o'clock. After 
dinner we stood talking on the terrace some time, saying 
last words. Then the boat came and took us to the 
steamer, and dear father was off at four. He will proba- 
bly come back and pass quarantine here." 

u Sedecui, Monday afternoon,' March 4th. Yes, dear 
mamma, I have come to this charming place, at last, to 
spend the week. This morning we rose early and went 
in a boat to the opposite side of the city, beyond the bar- 
racks ; where we found the horses and donkeys waiting 
for us. The donkey driver, Y. said he meant to make a 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



269 



good rider of me, but I confess I had some fear of mount- 
ing even the meek little fellow, sure footed and good, which 
was allotted me. Y. walked by my side, and I gathered 
courage as I went. The country is beautiful, so wild 
are the mountains, so lovely are the plains. There is a pic- 
turesque air over every thing. We passed many loaded 
camels. Sometimes we were riding along green hedges, 
sometimes on the edge of high hills and looking off on 
plains, over which olives and cypresses and vineyards 
are scattered. The grass is as green, and the flow- 
ers as blooming and fresh, and the sun as warm, as in 
New England in the month of May. The people are 
plowing and planting and arranging the vineyards. We 
reached Sedecui about twelve o'clock. 

We rested and then went at two o'clock to walk among 
the mountains. I wish you could have seen our brothers. 
I laughed till I was tired at their curious hunting gear. 
The very gipseys themselves could not have looked more 
romantic, and then their hands and faces quite belied the 
rest of their appearance. I cannot tell you as fully about 
Sedecui as I wish, but it is very beautiful. The houses 
are all near each other with very pleasant large gardens 
all around." 

a March 6th. This morning H. took me into the large 
old house and garden where he and his brothers played 
when they were children. O, mamma, it is a place to dream 
of the past in. The old trees, now covered with ivy, 
could tell many a tale of those who have played beneath 
their shade, and grown old and passed away. We passed 
along the walks and talked of other days, and thought of 
the generations who have lived in these spots. Every 
thing was moss grown and ivy covered. 
23* 



270 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Thursday. This afternoon we all started for the same 
little valley where we had been on Monday, and leaving 
most of our party there, E., D. and myself went higher up 
among the mountains to see the cascade. A little, stony, 
mountain path, wound along the steep sides, so narrow 
that only one could pass at a time. The view was most 
glorious. As we proceeded we became encircled by the 
rising peaks. A deep valley through which gurgled a 
stream, separated us from the lofty ridge which rose oppo- 
site to the one on which we were passing, and there all 
alone, we woke the mountain echoes, and heard our voices 
dying away among those otherwise silent wilds. I thought 
of the lines, 

" Faint as the echoes of far delight, 
And lovely and sad as the sighing flight 
Of distant waterfalls." 

11 th. We made a long string of horses and donkeys on 
our return to the city, being nine in number. We took a 
boat waiting for us beyond the barracks, and reached home 
by dinner time on Saturday the 9th. 

22d. A few days since we visited Mrs. Temple's school. 
I was much interested. She feels very sadly about giving 
it up. Poor children ! They will now be left without 
any guide; but the seed will not be lost. Yesterday after- 
noon visited Mrs. T. in their own house. She had given 
up her school on Monday, and her heart is almost broken. 
The pupils all wept much. May God keep them. I spent 
the morning of yesterday in thought about my missionary 
work ; read Eli Smith's u Trials of Missionaries," and 
think it very correct. Dear mother, I could not be any 
thing else but a missionary. I do feel it to be a privilege 
to cast in my mite of influence in evangelizing Turkey. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



271 



To J. P. Brace, Esq., for many years the beloved and respected 
teacher of Mary. 

Smyrna, March 22d, 1844. 

My dear Mr. Brace, — I was exceedingly pained upon 
arriving in Boston previous to our sailing, to learn from 
M. that you had never received the note I had sent you 
on the day of our marriage. You were saved the trouble 
of reading it, but I should have been willing to have intru- 
ded it upon you, for it would have told you that I had not 
been unmindful of the interest you had shown in my wel- 
fare, and that I cherished for my former teacher sentiments 
of love and gratitude which no time nor distance could 
efface. I am very sorry it was never delivered to you. 

The morning I wrote to you, my thoughts were back in 
the past, as indeed it was very natural they should be. I 
recollected all my school days, and especially remembered 
how you, my dear teacher, had borne with me during all 
the years when it was my privilege to be under your in- 
struction. I had long wished for an opportunity to tell 
you how much I thanked you for the interest you showed 
in checking the ambition of my character. You called it 
by too soft a name when you said it was ambition. I have 
since found it was vanity, and if I have succeeded at all in 
overcoming it, it is to you I turn as the friend who first 
opened my eyes to this defect. How often in my heart I 
have thanked you ! And not only for this, but for all the 
lessons of wisdom which I have treasured in my mind, and 
for which I find daily use. Those pleasant hours in the 
composition class, I love to remember. I have them as 
vividly before me, as if it were only yesterday that I saw 
you seated by the side of that crazy old table, with the 
results of our school girl brains upon it, and H. s M., M. 
and S. sitting with me in our accustomed corner. Though 
1 can recall them with a vividness almost startling, yet 



272 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



they seem far, very far in the past, and I am obliged to 
think over all that has intervened, to realize that I, who 
am now writing you beneath this glorious Eastern sky, 
and surrounded by objects widely at variance w r ith those 
in America, am the same being who formerly took my daily 
seat in the composition room of the Hartford Female Sem- 
inary. Sagely as we girls wrote then upon the vanity of 
human life, and the transitoriness of all earthly things, I 
am sure we should write more from the heart now. Yet 
there is one thing in which I think our band has not suffer- 
ed by the lapse of time. We have indeed been separated 
widely, and have formed other ties, but I do believe we 
love each other more warmly and truly than we did when 
our friendship was commenced as school girls. I had a 
few weeks since a long and beautiful letter from Marion, 
and she is the same warm hearted being as ever. I need 
not tell you that it is a great comfort to have one of my 
school companions so near me as Isabella Bliss is. We 
often send little notes back and forth between Trebizond 
and Smyrna, and we shall be nearer each other when we 
remove to Constantinople. You probably will have heard 
before this reaches you, that we remove to Constantinople 
to take the oversight of a family school for Armenian 
females. The regular instruction will be given by a com- 
petent teacher obtained for that purposei What is desired 
in our taking the charge of the school is, that a Christian 
home influence should be exerted over those who will be 
in a process of education. I shall have the general care of 
the housekeeping, but as our family will be small, this will 
not be much. Henry will be occupied in preaching, and 
in active labors among the Armenians, and our situation 
will, of course, open the way for a more extended enlight- 
ening of the females. The Armenian gentlemen feel that 
a thorough reformation can not take place in their nation, 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



273 



until those who will be the wives and mothers, shall come 
under Christian influence. And they take a deep interest 
in this enterprise. It is a deeply interesting as well as 
deeply important undertaking, and I fear I have not the 
suitable qualifications. But we go trusting in God that 
He will direct our steps and give us all the wisdom we 
need. When I see around me the sad want of principle 
which exists, the darkness which shrouds the minds of this 
people, over which no star of hope shines, the missionary 
work assumes an interest and importance which it never 
wore to me in America. These are beautiful countries. 
There is very much to interest one who loves the past, and 
who is engaged in the study of human nature, under its 
various phases. There are constant subjects of excite- 
ment, and indeed in these central points of the world, we 
have all our faculties and all our feelings called into ex- 
ercise. I have said often that I seem to be reading a story 
book ; I had almost said a novel since I have been here, 
and yet while I am deeply interested, I can look upon these 
things, and move among these scenes with far more calm- 
ness than when in other days I used to dream of the far 
off East, with its old ruins, its cypress and orange groves, 
and the turbaned beings who dwelt among them. To be 
surrounded by followers of the false prophet who believe 
as firmly in the inspiration of the Koran, as we do in that 
of the Bible, and to know some of the opinions which they 
delight in, makes what has before only existed to me in my 
mind seem like a strange reality. But we, as Franks, feel 
more sensibly Catholic influence than we do Mohammedan. 
We are surrounded by Catholics, and are daily brought 
into contact w r ith their errors, in some form or other. To- 
day our cook tried in vain to obtain some meat it being 
Friday, and more than all Lent. 

Ought I, my dear teacher, to make an apology for intru- 



274 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ding so long upon your time ? I could not help writing to 
you, and so I have followed my inclinations. If you ever 
have a moment that you could spend in sending your old 
pupil a word of remembrance, I need not tell you how over- 
joyed I should be to receive a letter from you. 

With much affection and respect, 

I remain your sincerely attached pupil, 

Mary E. Van Lennep. 

Journal. 

" March 30th. It is a beautiful day but necessary family 
engagements have prevented us from taking our walk, as 
we do each day for exercise ; and as a substitute I have 
been walking for a little time in the garden. How much 
we shall miss this lovely little garden. It supplies us with 
fresh flowers every day ; and when I am binding together 
beautiful wall flowers, which are in great profusion, with 
roses, sweet scented violets, an orange flower or two by 
way of variety, geranium leaves and lavender, I think, Oh, 
how mamma would prize such a bouquet! And I wish I 
had you to arrange my vase for me. I have a little mig- 
nonette, and it touchingly reminds me of my home in 
Hartford. 5 ' 

" April 4:tk. Yesterday had a letter from dear father. 
He was in Beiroot, but was to start on Monday 25th of 
March, in company with Mr. Smith and Dr. A. for Jeru- 
salem. The rest of their company had left the day that 
he wrote to spend the Sabbath in Sidon, and tarry for them 
in Tyre, where they expected to reach them on Tuesday 
night the 26th. It really seems like old Bible times. 
Father had been up Mount Lebanon, and said it was infi- 
nitely the worst road he ever traveled. In America it 
would not be thought possible for a goat to go where their 
horses carried them." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



275 



We have every reason to rejoice in our contemplated 
removal to Constantinople. It is a most interesting field, 
in the midst of most interesting scenes. As regards my 
health, it is thought that it will be more favorable to my 
New England constitution ; at least Dr. A. and father think 
so ; for though I am in much better health now than I ever 
was in America, yet the summers might be trying, and in 
Constantinople it is much cooler than here. Then the 
work will be very useful, and also pleasant, and I hope it 
will not be too much for my strength. I do believe it is 
the place for us. God seems plainly to indicate that it is 
to be our work. H. is busy with his Armenian. Oh, if it 
were not for the language, I do believe all my fears would 
go now." 

" Thursday evening. This is the great week in Smyrna. 
Passion week is devoted to being very religious. To-day 
the yards of the Catholic vessels are all crossed, and flags 
at half mast ; no music from the frigate, and to-morrow 
will be the same. Every body is preparing for Easter, 
making Easter cakes, &c. The custom is, to have partic- 
ular cakes for each great occasion. Eggs stained red are 
also used. They are cooked, and then the play is to break 
them. Each one takes an egg at dinner, during the Easter 
holy-days, and tries its strength by knocking it against 
another egg. The streets are full of flocks of lambs, (for 
every family must have a lamb at Easter) and the bakeries 
are full of cakes, and every body busy with preparations 
for the festivities. But do not think they have commenced 
now. O, no, this is the solemn passion week, when the 
world is to be given up and forgotten. To-morrow is the 
great fast. On Sunday, Lent is over, and then the people 
give themselves up to rejoicings. v 



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MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



u Saturday, April 6t7i. This morning, at 11 o'clock, 
the flags of the Consuls, and of the vessels which have 
been at half mast, were raised, and the yards which have 
been crossed were squared, and music again burst forth 
from the frigate ; while the bells, which have been silent 
for a day or two, commenced a merry ringing. The Greeks 
and Catholics are wild with frolic ; pistols are fired all 
Easter. It is sad to see the death and resurrection of our 
Saviour, observed in such a way as to call up feelings any 
thing but Christian. 

Last Monday, I went with mamma and a few ladies, to 
see a Turkish school. The Hodja (Teacher) is a female 
of unusual enterprise, for a Turkish female. Fatemah 
took us through the bazaars to Turk Town, which is built 
on the highest part of the city, rising to the castle. The 
view is very fine. It overlooks the city, the harbor, the 
mountains, and the house must be very cold in summer. 
The streets are painfully steep in some places. We passed 
through the part burned by the great fire, and saw many 
remains of its devastation ; cypress trees blackened and 
dead, old walls smoked ; but what interested me most 
was, the old stone posts, which mark the gateway of the 
ancient entrance to the city. We passed the Jewish 
houses, and it being their passover week, they were very 
busy in making their preparations. The Jews here are 
most of them poor, and the fear in which they continually 
live, strikingly verifies prophecy. They are almost afraid 
of their own shadows. They dare not be out after seven 
in the evening, and a child can alarm them. W 7 hen we 
came to the house of Fatmah, we saw the bench where the 
children sat, and the bag hung up on the wall, where their 
books in manuscript are kept. She teaches them to read 
and write. I was much amused at her device to keep the 
books from being torn. She sew T s the pages together, and 
when one page is learned, she turns the leaf over, and sews 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



277 



the remainder together. Fatemah sat nuts, &c. before us, 
and then took us round to see some Turkish houses. The 
last one we entered was quite pleasant. A fountain was 
playing in the centre of the receiving room, and black 
slaves were holding the children. The lady was pretty, 
and looked good natured, but oh so vacant their minds all 
seem. We saw the ladies of an adjoining harem peeping 
at us, and they sent to have us come in and see them, but 
it was too late. The Turkish ladies are very glad to see 
Frank ladies. Fatemah not only teaches school, but she 
teaches young women to sew, and she passes for quite 
learned among the Turkish ladies. There are a few female 
Hodjas, and on the days when the men frequent the 
Mosques, the ladies go to the Hodjas, to hear the Koran 
read." 

u Wednesday, April 17th. I know, dear mother, that 
your heart was near to mine yesterday, and that you were 
praying that my new year might be blessed by God's pres- 
ence. Last year, when my birth-day came, I was in the 
home of my childhood. What changes a year has brought ! 
No other year can ever be so full of changes, or so impor- 
tant to me, as this last one. My change of country, and 
all the circumstances connected with it, were then in the 
dreamy future, and no effort of mine could make them seem 
real. Now I look upon all these as natural and true oc- 
currences. How much God has blessed me. Dear mother, 
let us thank Him for all his undeserved favors. 

On Thursday evening, the prayer meeting was at our 
house, because every thing was in confusion at Mr. Tem- 
ple's. They were arranging to leave. I thought much 
of you that evening, and longed that you should see us 
thus seated in our large parlor, well lighted. H. at the 
table, with the bible; mamma, our brothers, and dear L., 
24 



278 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



with the two Armenians, the Greek youth who comes to 
our Bible class, and Mr. and Mrs. Temple, around in the 
room. We had a lovely meeting. H. explained the 103d 
Psalm very sweetly, and I could not help weeping. 

On Friday we made a pleasant excursion to Castle Hill. 
We took dinner at mamma's, and then went to the place 
appointed, and found quite a party there. We had a 
Cavass, a soldier of the Belgian Consul, with us. H. 
thought it unnecessary, but Mr. D., who remembered what 
times used to be there, thought best to take one. People 
sometimes lurked among the ruins for evil deeds. We 
w r ent in a boat to the end of the city, in a southerly direc- 
tion, and landing at the barracks, ascended through the 
Jewish burying ground. The tombs, built in the side of 
the hill, and rising like steps, with Hebrew characters upon 
them, appeared very curious. It is a long, steep way to 
the Castle wall. I w 7 as deeply interested in walking among 
so many marks of other days. Our thoughts went back 
to the time when the early Christians suffered for the truth 
on those very places where our feet were pressing. The 
Christian church is no longer standing, the stones having 
been taken to build the Turkish barracks ; but H. well 
remembers going once with his father and brother to the 
hill, when R. took a view of the church. We stood for 
some time gazing at the immense area of what was once 
the Circus. There were distinctly visible the tiers of seats 
in the sides of the hill, capable of seating ten thousand, if 
not more. Of course, the seats themselves have been 
removed, but the marks of them remain. In that circus, 
Polycarp was martyred ; but grass grows now in the arena ? 
and there is little to remind us of the scenes once acted 
there. The castle itself is an interesting place. But it is 
not possible for me to tell you all the things which make it 
so. It is massy and high, though very much ruined. Only 



MRS MARY E. VAN LENNifiP. 



279 



the thick walls are standing, and the towers are all choked 
with rubbish. The view is magnificent, and the associa- 
tions with olden times, make that hill a place where mem- 
ory speaks even more than the eye sees. 1 ' 

" Wednesday, May 1st. During all last week we were 
looking for our dear father, and still he did not come. We 
wanted to go to Bournabat, to see our friends there. So on 
Thursday, our three } 7 oung brothers came and went with 
us. We proceeded in a boat half way, and then took the 
road through green hedges, and open fields, amidst the 
twining vines and olives, to the village, the glorious moun- 
tains every where bounding the horizon. 4 Making a sun- 
shine in a shady place/ aptly expresses the way our hedged 
road looked. Every little while the boys would strike up 
some beautiful air, half gay, half solemn, and thus we 
wound along. It is three miles from the water to the vil- 
lage, and though there were donkeys at the landing, I pre- 
ferred walking, and was not fatigued. We rested half way, 
beneath a sycamore tree, and saw from where we sat, 
patches of snow on Taetalee^ the highest mountain seen 
from Smyrna, which is bleak, even in summer. Ice is 
brought from there to the city. The boys plucked 1 hollow 
reeds, and made rural' pipes, not 6 pens,' and greatly amu- 
sed us by piping the rest of the way to Bournabat. Mr. 
Riggs' house is delightful — old ivy grown trees ; a basin 
of water, in which gold and silver fish are swimming ; and 
the children play around like birds, free, simple and joy- 
ous. I am sorry they must leave, to come to the city, 
even though ours is so pleasant a house. The storks have 
made their nests on the roof of their house, and the swal- 
lows build in the hall. We went over to Miss D.'s school, 
and were delighted with the house and grounds. Such a 
profusion of roses I have never seen before. We started 



280 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



at four, on our return. Could you only see the prospect 
which I then enjoyed. The glorious waters, sparkling be- 
neath a bright sky, the mountains and green plains, all 
bathed in sunshine ! The boys sang a mournful and wild 
air, which sounded strangely sweet, in the midst of so 
much joyous beauty. The wind was fresh, and our little 
boat rocked and dashed on, scattering the salt sea foam 
over us. 

The Stamboul had been detained in quarantine, having 
lost a man overboard, and H. sent to see if the little box 
for us had come on shore. With what joy did we hail E., 
who came bringing it to us. I could have gazed a long 
time at every mark on the outside, but H. hastened to 
open it, and then I did not want to move the papers and 
cotton, they looked so like you. But my curiosity soon 
triumphed, and then the letters and articles were all greet- 
ed, and talked over and examined. Thank all my dear 
friends, and the little girls particularly, for writing. I shall 
answer them all as soon as I can. Oh, how good and kind 
you are. Dear, dear mother, can I ever repay your kind- 
ness ? How near that little box makes us all. 

In the evening was our prayer meeting. It was held at 
our house, and Mr. K. presided. On Friday, dear father 
came." 

" Smyrna, May 4th. To-morrow H. will go down to the 
Lazaretto to bring dear father. I hope I may find time to 
go to Sedecui with him, but we must pack all our things. 
I feel sad to be so busy the last days in which my dear 
father is here. 

" Smyrna, May 9th. O, my precious mother, I shall 
indeed be separated from you all when to-morrow evening 
comes. May God keep this dear parent and restore him 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



281 



safely to you; and will not you write me always just as 
particularly as you can, so that I may feel close to you ? 
Dear mother, think of me as ever with you. Do not call 
me £ afar off,' for I am with you, and H. is with you more 
closely than ever, by affection, and by spiritual intercourse. 

Yesterday we went to Sedecui. The family were anx- 
ious that dear father should see that charming place ; so we 
made time and went. We had a lovely ride, and enjoyed 
it very much. 

Dear father's visit in these lands will long be remem- 
bered with interest and pleasure. I know he has done 
good by coming here. We thank God for it. O, my dear 
mother, when you read this, dear father will be again with 
you ; and you will all rejoice and bless God, and so will 
I, and so will H. Our prayers and our hearst' best wishes 
follow that dear parent ; and we, dear mother, will work 
here in these lands, and you will pray for us. And shall 
we not all meet in heaven ? 

From the husband of Mary. 

"Smyrna, May \Qth. We have been enjoying our 
father's society here exceedingly. Last evening at our 
little conference meeting he took charge of the exercises, 
and I have hardly ever enjoyed any words of his, as much 
as I did his remarks on the text, c I shall be satisfied when 
I wake up in Thy likeness.' He spoke of the satisfaction 
of the soul in heaven, in such glowing language, and with 
so elevated a spirit, that his countenance seemed to put 
on a brighter hue ; and I thought I should not want a 
better swan's song, not merely for parting with loved ones, 
but for death itself. I do not know how either Mary or 
he will bear the hour of separation. 1 only pray God to 
strengthen them both. A good many tears have already 
24* 



282 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



been shed on both sides. I trust that God will give them 
resignation and fortitude. But we ought surely to comfort 
ourselves by remembering, that what is our loss is your 
gain, and also that of many who love him. 

This visit has proved exceedingly beneficial here, as 
also I trust it has in all the places he has visited. I look 
forward with great expectation to its bearing on the cause 
of Christ in America." 

To Mrs. C. 

Smyrna, May 10th, 1844. 

Hi almost hesitate attempting to write you a note, my 
dear Mrs. C, it must be written so hastily; but I do not 
like to permit my dear father to leave without carrying a 
few notes to my friends in Hartford, and so I have taken my 
pen to address the beloved parent of my dear Sabbath 
school teacher. I have found the little books you so kindly 
sent me to the boat, when I left, a great comfort. I love 
to look over especially the hymns that are marked, some 
of which I learnt when I was in the class. 

Our dear father leaves to-day. I regard it as a great 
mercy that he has come to this land ; he has made pasto- 
ral visits to all the stations here, and his prayers and sweet 
counsel in our own family can never be forgotten. I would 
not detain him here, though it is great bitterness to part, 
he will go home to the dear people, and our hearts follow 
him, and our prayers go up to God for him, that he may 
be carried home in peace. 

In our meeting last evening, dear father made remarks 
on the hopes which the Christian has, on the satisfaction 
which he will feel in the other world. While we were 
meditating upon these blessed truths, it made the separa- 
tions of this life seem very little indeed. If our Heavenly 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 

V 



283 



Father will only be near us, and give us his gracious pres- 
ence, we can pass through the trials of this world. 

I am more and more glad that I am here in this land, 
and that I may join my poor feeble efforts to those of others 
in spreading the light of truth here. 

The missionary work, I have said often, increases in 
v importance when these dark lands are seen. We do not 
fully appreciate the blessings of the Gospel, till we see the 
misery that exists where error and superstition reign. 

You. have no doubt heard of our expected removal to 
Constantinople. My dear father can tell you the reasons 
for this more at length than I can write them. We go 
cheerfully, for 'it seems to be the indication of Providence. 

I have written two notes to Miss A. W. It is a great 
pleasure to be able to communicate with these dear friends 
on paper, it brings them nearer than I supposed it would, 
and indeed I do not feel very far off. We are united by 
stronger ties than time and distance can break. I often think 
of the remark made by Henry Martyn, c that time and dis- 
tance ought not to be much to the Christian.' I hope that 
you are able to see my dear mother often. She writes me 
that her friends are very kind to her — and Hartford peo- 
ple are dear kind people. H. and I carry with us a grate- 
ful remembrance of their unwearied kindness to us, and 
our hope is, that God will give us strength to prove our- 
selves not wholly unworthy of it. May we strive to do 
here, as our dear friends at home would do, were they in 
our places, and surrounded, as we are, by multitudes who 
know not God. 

My dear Mrs. C, when I remember the blessings of 
my life, the dear friends whom God has given me as 
guides, when I think of that dear teacher, now in heaven, 
w r ho pointed me to Christ, my heart is filled with grati- 



284 



MRS. MARY E. VAN X.ENNEP. 



tude, and I try to become a blessing to others, as they 
have been blessings to me. 

H. unites with me in much love to yourself, and your 
dear family, and believe me, 

Very affectionately, your friend, 

M. E. V. L » 

To her Father. 

Friday Morn. 

" My own precious father, — God will take care of you 
on the great waters, and will bring you safely to your 
dear home and people, and we, shall we n#t pray for you 
and send our hearts with you ; and does time or distance 
separate us ? Oh no, my dear father, time and distance 
cannot break the ties which bind our hearts together; for 
we are united by our Father in Heaven, and it is his love 
which makes us one company, one family still. Do not 
think that H. and I are 'afar off it will not be true if you 
do. We are close to you, and God up in heaven, who 
sees our hearts, looks upon us as if we were not separated. 
Oh, my dear father, it is good to be in his hands, to know 
no wall but his, to work just where he appoints, and just 
how he appoints. We thank God that he has brought 
you here*, You will never know the good you have done, 
in this world. It has been a sweet comfort to H. and me, 
and every word of yours is treasured in our memory ; I 
thank you {thank is a poor word,) for every counsel you 
have ever given me ; for every prayer you have prayed for 
me ; for all the sermons I have heard you preach ; for all 
our pleasant talks together. 

Dear father, you will not be sorry that we are working 
on missionary ground, when you get to heaven. How I 
shall remember and live upon your last words at the meet- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



285 



ing. It was a good meeting, and I wish we could keep 
heaven every moment in our mind. And now go home to 
dear mother, and comfort her heart, and train up dear E. 
to be a missionary, and tell all my young friends that there 
is a great and a blessed work to be done in this world, and 
that they have but one life to do it in. Oh, beseech them 
to be in earnest about doing good. I have never been half 
earnest enough about it. 

Our hearts go with you. Do not you believe it, dear 
father ? Why will you still think we are after all sepa- 
rated ? What is a mass of water or a piece of earth ? It 
does not keep our hearts apart ; it may have power over 
the body, but never any power over the spirit. May God 
help us to believe this, and to live in the sweet hope of 
spending our eternity around his throne. And now, dear 
father I embrace you and kiss away all your tears, and I 
am 

Your own affectionate Daughter." 

From the husband of Mary. 

" Dearest father, I cannot resist the temptation of writ- 
ing a few words which the lips refuse to express. I wish 
to thank you for all the happiness your visit has occasioned 
us, and for the good you have done us by your presence, 
your words, your prayers, and your example. How pleas- 
ant will be the thought of it when we are separated per- 
haps to meet no more on the earth. But God will make 
us meet again. Or if he does not, it will surely be in love, 
and why should we repine ? 

You have seen your Mary's new home, you have lived 
a short time amid the scenes which will probably surround 
her till death. Will it not be a comfort to you ? And 
if you must be separated from her on the earth, where 



286 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



would you have her but in such a field, engaged in labor- 
ing for a cause by the side of which all human occupations 
dwindle into insignificance, a labor, a situation I would 
not exchange for any on the earth. 

You go with our best prayers, our best wishes for your 
happiness. May God keep you safely on the waters and 
on the land ; may he bring you to your beloved country 
without accident, rejoicing in all the way he has led you 
may you reach home in peace, and meet with joy all your 
dear ones ! Good bye, dearest father ; think of us with 
comfort and happiness, and know that we love you with 
truest love. 

Your devoted Son, 

H." 

" Smyrna, May 24th. My dearest mother, it is a great 
while since I have said a word to you, and now I can only 
come and tell you, that to-morrow we must again break 
ties that we have formed, but I mean to try and be cheer- 
ful. I have told you nothing of the parting days with 
dear father. I am glad that scene is over, and that soon 
he will be with you. It was harder parting with him 
here than it would have been in America — far more try- 
ing for each of us. But I regard his visit as a great bless- 
ing, and so we all do. We go and come, meet and part, 
live together and then separate. Oh, what a strange 
world !" 



CHAPTER XII 



RESIDENCE AT CONSTANTINOPLE. 

From Mr. V. L. 

u Constantinople, May 28th. Our ride here from Smyr- 
na, in the steamer, was as pleasant as possible. The 
weather was beautiful, and the sea exceedingly smooth. 
I rejoice that these things have aided in giving Mary good 
first impressions of Constantinople. We enjoyed a rare 
sight in the channel of the Dardanelles. As we were 
going up w r e saw several vessels anchored on both sides, 
waiting for a favorable wind. The north wind had pre- 
vailed for forty days, and all that can be done in such 
circumstances is, to anchor and wait for the south wind. 

Our steamer anchored before the Castle of Asia, and 
staid there four hours ; the captain doing us the favor of 
waiting, so as to reach the city by day light. While at 
anchor a very light breeze sprung up. In a moment every 
sail was unfurled, and a dense forest of masts, whitened 
with canvas, came sweeping by, in a channel about a mile 
broad. The sight was magnificent, and altogether beyond 
description. After all had gone by we started too, and 
passing through the whole fleet, many of them within 
speaking distance, we left the fastest sailors at the en- 
trance of the Marmora. 



288 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



The evening was charming, the sea smooth as a mirror, 
the moon pouring her mild rays upon the quiet waters, 
and a bright star sparkling like a gem in the sky. One of 
our Armenian friends said with truth, that it was not a night 
for sleep. At half past three the next morning I was up 
and on deck. The sea was smooth as glass, and the smoke 
of our chimney remained where it was thrown out. The 
faint light of dawn showed the minarets and domes of 
Constantinople, whose outlines were engraved on the sky. 
The captain ordered the wheel down, and the steamer 
went round and round in a circle, until all the passengers 
were up and dressed, and the rays of the sun had begun to 
gild the highest buildings of Stamboul. I will not attempt 
to describe to you the splendor of the scene as we entered. 
Every eye on board was stretched, and every bench on 
deck was lined with people standing as high as they could. 

We have been received here with the utmost cordiality. 
Mary and I have talked much together about our work 
here, and every thing connected with our change of sta- 
tion ; and we both come fully determined to be as happy, 
and to do as much good as is in our power. 

We now need God's grace continual!}- to sanctify and 
to guide us, to imbue us with the spirit of the Gospel, and 
to give us all the wisdom and the prudence we need. It 
is a great comfort to me to think that so many dear friends 
remember us in their prayers, and especially that we are 
remembered at two altars, where we have knelt — the 
altars where our two mothers offer their petitions." 

Constantinople, June2\st. Dear Mother, — I closed my 
last journal and sent by the Cameo, just the day before 
father came from quarantine. On Sunday morning, May 
5th, H. rose early, while I slept, and went off in a boat 
from our garden wharf to get father. It was a lovely day. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



289 



I went and walked on the terrace to wait their coming. 
That beautiful terrace ! Then I ran down to the garden 
wharf and welcomed my dear father, and we walked hand 
in hand along the court, trying not to think how soon we 
should part. You know we had packed much of our fur- 
niture, but we had a few things in order. Then father 
dressed, breakfasted, and we had prayers — one of his 
sweet prayers, and then he prepared to preach. His ser- 
mon was refreshing and deeply interesting, " Behold I lay 
in Zion," &c. I remember it now, and his looks and 
tones distinctly. The people were very attentive. 

On Monday we were all packing, and in some confusion. 
Our friends called during the day, and in the evening came 
the monthly concert. Tuesday morning I walked on the 
terrace and committed our interests to God. The confu- 
sion increased hourly in our house, or rather I should say 
the desertion. Our younger brothers were packing, and 
N. and a Jew were doing the hard heavy work. In the 
evening our brothers came and sang their beautiful songs, 
while dear father sat by me on the sofa. Through every 
scene of those days, was the consciousness of the coming 
separation, and I could only pray for strength. 

On Wednesday we went with dear father and Dr. A. to 
Sedecui. The next day my heart grew sadder. Dear 
mamma came to see what she could do. How much she 
felt for father during those days. In the evening we had 
our farewell meeting at Mr. A.'s. H. has told you about 
that. The next day we gathered at dinner, and then H. 
went with father to mamma's. While they were gone I 
passed my time in writing to some of my young friends, for 
1 knew not how to support my thoughts. We all went in a 
boat to the steamer. I cannot write about it We staid 
only a few moments in our poor, deserted house, and then 
we went down to mamma's. We watched the steamer 
25 

I 



290 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



from the great parlor. I saw the same steamer the other 
day. That steamer has seen father since I saw him. 

On Wednesday, the 15th of May, we made an excursion 
to the Tchiflick. It is a country full of romantic interest. 
Wild animals abound there. Recently a panther eat up a 
little Mytilene poney ; and there are robbers around, who 
make bold attempts to steal the horses. Nature has done 
every thing she could for the Tchiflick, and R. and C. are 
doing all they can to make it a beautiful as well as a profit- 
able estate. I have written C. C. an account of it, which 
you have doubtless seen, so I will not describe it here. 

Excursion to the Tchiflick. 

To C. C. 

Smyrna, May, 22d, 1844, 

Wherever I go my dear C e, whether alone or in 

the midst of the friends I have found in these lands, " I 
have ever a presence that whispers" of the dear friends I 
have left. I carry you with me amid every scene of inter- 
est through which I pass. I look with more than two 
eyes, and feel with more than one heart, white the past 
comes with my present, and I seem to be living two lives, 
which are not two either. 

I went last week to the Tchiflick or landed estate owned 
by R. and C, brothers of H., and I enjoyed so much I could 
not but wish that all my friends were with me. As this 
could not be, I concluded to make some little collections of 
flowers both for you and my" dear mother; and although 
they will lose their fragrance and beauty, and give you but 
little idea of their exquisite loveliness when I gathered 
them, yet they will serve perhaps to give more distinct- 
ness to your thoughts of my Eastern home. We went to 
Sedecui on the 13th, to rest, having become much worn 



MPS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



291 



both in body and mind, by packing for Constantinople, and 
by parting with our precious father, who left us on the 
10th for Trieste. Sedecui is a lovely, quiet spot, and full, 
painfully full of associations with the past. It is also a 
place full of present interest and enjoyment. Beneath its 
ivy grown trees, and amid its old dwellings, other voices 
have echoed, and those whose graves are now scattered in 
different parts of Europe, once lived there, and called it 
home ; and another generation, and still another, have 
grown up in their places. The same story of youth, life and 
death is going on all over the world, and I could not keep 
from my mind the coming years, when I looked upon the 
buoyantgroup which now wake the merry laugh, or breathe 
the tones of feeling in the social gatherings of Sedecui ; and 
I thought how youth must ripen to manhood, and man- 
hood sink to decay, and all, all must pass away, even as 
those who once peopled that quiet retreat, and whose 
fading memory and antiquated pictures alone remain. 

It had been previously arranged that we should form a 
party to the Tchiflick on Wednesday, and so between four 
and five o'clock we were up, and our donkeys and donkey 
drivers were brought with the mules for our baggage. 
Baggage does not mean trunks, but pack-saddles, beds, 
bedding, &c. We took coffee and were on our way before 
six o'clock. But I must describe. Did you ever see a 
donkey in America ? I never did. But imagine a little 
animal something like a mule, only with a meeker and 
more silly face, so low in stature that when a tall person 
like father rides him, the feet almost touch the ground ; 
and it is a sight worthy the brush of Hogarth. I have had 
so many donkey frolics that I have almost ceased laughing 
at donkey parties. Gentlemen generally ride horses, but 
at this season the horses are put to grass. Ladies look 



292 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



tolerably well upon these animals, but a gentleman looks 
strangely out of place. 

Our party consisted of H. and three of his brothers, all 
in hunting dresses, some with guns, some with pistols, and 
all together making quite a picturesque appearance, par- 
ticularly as a hunting horn was slung over E.'s shoulder. 
C. alone bestrode a horse, and he rode behind to keep the 
loiterers with the party. Our two cousins, Emily and 
Helen, rode on country saddles, and a Greek donkey driver 
walked by their side. It is useless attempting any such 
persuasion as influence other animals ; donkeys listen only 
to the voice and stick of their driver. L. and I wore broad 
straw hats which served in place of parasols, and which 
are convenient in riding. We all tip'd, tip'd along, waking 
up the villagers with our merry horn, and they came flock- 
ing to their gates, half dressed and half asleep. 

We do not meet houses scattered here and there as in 
America, but ride along narrow paths, such as you would 
call bye roads, with low trees or brush wood on either 
side, and sometimes between hedges which are so high 
above the road, and covered by creeping vines, that they 
half arch over the w r ay. There are, now and then, groves 
of olives, and many detached trees, such as the almond, 
(like our peach,) the willow, the pine, the platanus, wild 
pear, &c. and an endless variety of low shrubs and thorn 
trees ; but you would miss as I do, the tall thick forests of 
our land. You would look in vain for a rail fence, or a 
little farm house rising among the trees. If you saw any 
red roofs, there would be a red tiled village with a mosque 
and cypress trees clustering together. About an hour 
after starting we reached a cafFeney at the end of a miser- 
able village all in ruins, and dismounting we sat upon the 
stones by the well and took coffee. Then we entered upon 
a long, long plain, at the other end of which, just at the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



293 



base of the mountains, the little cottages of the Tchiflick 
lie. We saw their red roofs for a long time before reach- 
ing them, as they stand upon ground somewhat elevated. 
Now and then a few black tents of the wandering Turko- 
mans appeared, far to the right and left of our road, and 
camels which they had turned out to graze would lift their 
strange faces occasionally as we passed. The Tchiflick is 
the great hobby of our family, for besides being full of the 
most majestic scenery, it is a farm in which American and 
European improvements in agriculture are being made. 
Every improvement is so intimately connected with the 
missionary enterprise, that the Tchiflick cannot but interest 
the friends of missions. Already the American plough is 
introduced, and they hope before long to establish a car- 
riage road between Sedecui and the Tchiflick. It is a 
large estate, being six miles one way and three the other, 
and it is a most charming spot. There is an immense gar- 
den of fruit trees and vegetables ; and the forest trees there 
are larger than any where else. Indeed, among those 
beautiful mountain trees which shaded the gorge, I did not 
feel the want of the trees of America. But it is of our 
excursion to the great gorge I wish to speak. On Thurs- 
day, very early, while the mists were rolling up the sides 
of the mountains, we were winding along a narrow path, 
at the entrance of the wildest scenery I ever looked upon. 
Never can I forget that day ; it was such a one as Bur- 
leigh pictures in his June. It was a day and a place for 
luxuriating in thought, and I rode slowly along those scenes, 
generally behind the others. A little river was making its 
way through the gorge to the sea-* and we were winding on 
its banks, and looking up at heights so bold, so frowning, 
so majestic, that our hearts were filled both with gladness 
and awe. Immense ledges of hard limestone, blackened 
by age, rise abruptly and in perpendicular lines from the 
25* 



294 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



bed of the river, which is so wedged in between two moun- 
tains that there is no room for a foot path on either side. 
Pine and sycamore trees are there in their glory. We 
forded the river ten times, and came near getting a wetting 
at each crossing, but by holding up our dresses, and putting 
our feet nearly over the donkey's head, we escaped most 
of the water. But those rocks! those glorious heights ! 
how can I describe them ? My heart was full. And there, 
among those mountains of Asia Minor, I remembered the 
friends far away, and resolved to send them some of the 
exquisite flowers which grew in such profusion around our 
path. How can I enjoy any thing and not wish you all 

with me ? And so, dear C -e, though my flowers 

will fade long before they reach you, try to imagine the 
day back again in which they were picked, and wander 
with me by that stream in the gorge. There were every 
where scattered tall olianders, but it was not the season 
for their flowering. After riding perhaps two hours or 
more, we stopped to spend the day in a shady place. We 
were at no loss there for shady places, for the trees grew 
thick and large, and beautiful vines were twining amongst 
them. We ladies sat down on a carpet which had been 
spread for us in a little grove of majestic sycamores, which 
formed a natural alley on both sides of a road rarely trod- 
den by the traveller, twining their branches overhead and 
casting a deep shadow underneath. Our gentlemen soon 
started for the heights, and we heard their voices as they 
ascended the rocks. Soon came the cry of " the sea, the 
sea," and looking up we found they had reached a lofty 
summit, and were enjoying a glorious prospect. They 
fired their guns, and then a thousand echoes answered. 
But when the horn sounded, all that ever was written of 
mountain echoes Was more than realized, and I have come 
to the conclusion that no sound can equal that of a horn 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



295 



echoing among the mountains. I can hear it now. I can 
almost imagine I am back among those rocks, beneath that 
sky so brightly blue, and sitting where the golden light 
made a "sunshine in a shady place." 

We took our dinner in primitive style. The men roasted 
for us a lamb whole, and with yoourt and pilaff we made 
quite an eastern dinner. Pistol shots are signals here. In 
the morning when Yanee, who came with our dinner, 
wished to find where we were, he fired and C. answered 
him. And whenever any one is in distress, or a fire occurs, 
pistols are fired. 

About four we started to make our way back. That 
evening after we had returned to our cottage, we felt an 
earthquake shake it quite sensibly. There are no houses 
but those of the men who work on the land, and one little 
cottage of only two rooms, and hardly large enough to turn 
round in. It was fitted up to make the young gentlemen 
comfortable when they go there to superintend operations, 
and also to hunt the wild boar, &c. It was in this little 
cottage that we staid. It is very wild and lonely there. 
We heard the jackals cry in the evening, and sometimes 
hyenas come into the garden. In the night we heard a 
terrible barking and calling of the men, and feared some 
wolf had entered the fold ; but we karned next morning 
that it was only some of the domestic animals that had got 
loose. We saw the large, kind, brave shepherd's dogs ; 
some were at the cottage, but others, and the most of them 
probably, were off on the mountains with the flocks. The 
third day we came back to Sedecui. 

Journal. 

Our last Sunday at Sedecui was very lovely. It was so 
warm and clear that we spent nearly all the day under the 
trees at the foot of the garden, reading and meditating. 
We had service in the parlor in the morning, and in the 



296 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LE*NNEI\ 



afternoon at five o'clock we had our last Bible class under 
the ivy at the foot of the garden. 

On Tuesday evening we gathered for the last time to- 
gether in that dear place, The next morning we came to 

the city. Mamma, L y, and the brothers with us. 

They would not separate from us until we left for Constan- 
tinople. 

Those few remaining days were full of business, doing 
last things. On Thursday afternoon I took tea with Mrs, 
Riggs, in the house which had been so recently my own 
dear home. On Friday evening there was a general gath- 
ering of our missionary friends and others at Mr. Calhoun's. 

On Saturday we took our dinner for the last time togeth- 
er at dear mamma's. Then after a little time H. and I 
were obliged to say farewell. Dear mamma, it was hard. 
All our brothers went with us in the boat. They stood in 
the steamer with us some time. Our missionary friends 
were there also. Then they all left us. H. and I did feel 
lonely while we gazed on the fast receding city, and its 
noble amphitheatre of mountains, and felt it was no longer 
our home. Just six months before we had greeted its red 
roofs, and those dear friends were then unknown by face to 
me. God only knows when again we shall meet. 

And now, dear mother, I will commence my Constanti- 
nople life. I will tell you my dear parents, I shall be con- 
tented and quiet here, but it is hard to remove my affec- 
tions and sympathies from Smyr na. I suppose you do not 
wonder that that place seems more like home. But I am 
contented to be here. The Armenians interest us very 
much. H. says he could sit all day talking with them and 
not be tired, their minds are so wide awake. I hope I 
may be Useful among the females ; they seem a lovely set 
of beings ; arid they look upon us with much kindness and 
with hope too. The men gather around H, and express 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



297 



the deepest interest in our plans. The language does not 
discourage me. The words are easy to remember, and I 
am trying on all sides to pick them up. How I shall love 
to mingle with them when I have the language. Viewed 
in this light Constantinople becomes far more interesting 
than Smyrna. 

The warm weather I do not mind at all ; it has none of 
the lassitude and insupportableness of American heat. 
The thermometer is at this time ninety in the shade, in 
some of our houses ; but I do not mind it at all. Nor do 
I feel the heat as the others do. But if my life is spared, 
I shall probably feel it more another summer. 

H. has described to you our ride here in the steamer. 
Early on the morning of the 27th of May, we were on 
deck, watching the dim minarets of old Stamboul, in the 
grey light. How magnificent was our entrance ! As we 
came up to the city, the sun had just begun to gild its 
Mosques and Towers. Then we passed the green shades 
of Seraglio Point, and came into the Golden Horn. You 
can tell mamma all about it, dear father ; only imagine it 
summer, and not winter as when you were here, and ima- 
gine the white Seraglio Palace, looking out from its green 
bosom. The little Kaiques glided along, covering the 
waters. These Kaiques are fairy boats for summer seas. 
Are they not pretty, dear father, with their curious carvings ? 
Mr. H. and G. both came for us, and we climbed up the 
steep streets of Pera, and found ourselves at Mr. H.'s, 
where Mrs. H. waited to receive us. We were treated 
with great kindness. Soon all the Missionaries began to 
come in. We passed a pleasant time there, getting ac- 
quainted with our friends, and searching in vain for a 
* house. It is very difficult to find any thing in the shape 
of a dwelling, that will accommodate us. 

On Saturday I went to a Turkish bath— a real Turkish 



I 



298 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



bath ; and it was more like Babel than any place I was ev 
in before — children screaming, women calling, shouting, 
scolding, and every sound multiplied a thousand times, by 
the resounding of those vaulted walls, till my brain no lon- 
ger contained a calm thought. I only knew that I, and all 
the rest of the yelling community around me, came to be 
washed. We sent a bundle of clothes, combs, brushes, 
scrubbing flannels, napkins, &c, on before us. When arri- 
ved at the bath, we first entered a large room with a raised 
platform around the sides. This platform is divided into 
various compartments by railings, and each party occupies 
one of these compartments. Here we left our clothes, and 
wrapped in immense bath towels, we stepped down from 
the platform on clogs, and walked along to the inner d'oor. 
Katrina, Mrs. H.'s woman, was in her element, and was 
greatly amused at my wonder at things and beings around 
me. The heat was great in the room we entered, and we 
-were immediately in a profuse perspiration. Here the 
people were yelling and screaming, and the awful din, to- 
gether with the heat ? made my brain swim. But we had 
engaged a private room, and this was hotter still. The 
floor was of marble, and the w r ater flowed over it. I ran 
for the cold water, and held it to my face, as H. had told 
me to do, and then I was able to bear the heat, which was 
at first insupportable. The room is perhaps ten feet 
square, lighted from above, all of marble, and not a parti- 
cle of wood work any where about it. There are two 
marble basins raised from the floor, over which are two 
stop-cocks, one of warm and the other of cold water. 
These are kept running Nearly all the time, so that the 
basins overflows Here we were nearly drowned in the 
hands of the bath woman, while sitting on the floor. ^ 
Should think we remained in two hours. Then a dry cov- 
ering was wrapped around us, and we went out gradually 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



299 



into the outer room. Here we remained until quite dry, 
and sufficiently cool to go home. It makes one quite 
thirsty, and while waiting to dress, we sent out for some 
oranges, which we found grateful and refreshing to us. 
The people of the country enjoy the bath mightily, and 
would stay in all day if they could. 

Our first Sabbath passed very pleasantly. There is a 
little garden attached to Mr. H.'s residence, at the foot of 
which, on a little seat, II. and I took our barley coffee, 
which Nicoli, our man, prepared for us. We read Harris' 
i Great Teacher,' till church time, and then went to attend 
service at Mr. D.'s, The room, though it does not look 
much like a chapel, answers very well. It has merely 
seats, and holds about fifty persons. Mr. T., of the Syrian 
mission, who had come in company with us from Smyrna, 
preached. H. went at two and a half, to the Turkish ser- 
vice for the Armenians ; and we all went at four, to the 
Bible class, at Mr. G.'s, for old and young. As I looked 
round upon the children, I thought it would be a good 
thing to separate them from it, and have them taught by 
themselves. I had written thus far, when I spoke to Mrs. 
P. and Mr. C, who was present, about it; and we all 
agreed that it was best to do so, if practicable — and I, re- 
membering my dear class in America, spoke my thoughts 
right out, and said I should lov r e to teach them.* The 
tears came into Mrs. D.'s eyes, and she thanked me as if 
her heart was too full to speak. I wanted to put my arms 
round her neck, for I knew then we should sympathize — 



* In reference to this desire of hers, to collect the children of the 
Mission families into a Sabbath School class, and also the interest 
she felt in teaching them after the class was organized, her husband 
remarks, — " She could not rest without some such means of useful- 
ness. Besides, she w^ould often say she was doing nothing, and 
though she could do but little, yet that little she must accomplish." 



300 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEANER 



and so we have been talking about it, and I hope we shali 

succeed. 

On Friday, the 7th of June, we went to a little village 
called Belgrade, about two and a half hours from the city. 
G.'s* has taken a house there for a short time, and he invi- 
ted us to go and occupy it. Our friends thought it would 
be best for us to go ; so we took beds, bedding, &c, and 
Nicoli to cook, and kept house there very well. It is a 
lovely, quiet retreat, in the midst of a forest^ and beautiful 
sheets of water around. The whole is so like the deep 
green quiet American scenery, that 1 almost imagined my- 
self back in my dear home. There is just the same look 
to the trees, and soft shadows in the water, and the cattle 
feed quietly in the green meadow land. 

Our ride was very fine, in a Frank carriage, but the road 
would be thought impassable in America. The abrupt 
declivities are a peculiar feature of these countries. Even 
where the hills are not high, they are extremely steep. 
At first our ride was over a barren road, but the view from 
it was magnificent. Occasionally a peep at the Bospho- 
rus, with its green banks and villages. We were on high 
land. Mount Olympus, so shadowy, reared its snowy 
heights, far away to the south. There is something inde- 
scribably beautiful in distant and snowy mountain land. 
Then before us we caught a glimpse of the stormy Euxine, 
but its waters stretched far away in the calm sunshine, 
quiet and blue. 

We lived quite rurally at Belgrade. We read, studied 
Armenian, rambled in the woods, picked wild strawber- 
ries, and found pretty sweet-briar roses, while the nightin- 
gales sang all night. The note of these little birds is the 
most liquid music I ever heard. At first, I thought it not 



* The brother of Mr. V. L. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



301 



so plaintive as I had imagined ; and was surprised to find 
it had so many merry notes ; but it is a most tender and 
loving so^nd, increasing in meaning, the more it is heard, 
and one beauty of their song is, they choose the most quiet 
and shady places, to pour forth their warblings. That 
little village is full of them ; and among the dark cypresses 
in the large burying ground at Pera, they sing. 

Our Sabbaths at Belgrade, were not as pleasant as other 
days, for that was a day of frolic, and there were many gay 
people there. But we were very quiet. It was a sweet 
place for thought, and we improved it. 

Our last Saturday at Belgrade, we rose early and went 
on horseback to the Black Sea, about an hour and a half 
distant. I should never think of going over such a road 
in America. We went down places so steep, that I nearly 
tipped off, but the others took it so quietly, I found it was 
nothing uncommon. We rode* to a lonely village, where 
it seems a Frank lady is a rare sight, and then we went on 
to the sea, where there is a small Turkish hamlet. The 
village is built of the pieces of wrecked vessels, for the 
sudden storms and the fogs, are fatal to many vessels every 
year. There is what is called a false entrance to the Bos- 
phorus, by which many are wrecked. The Black Sea 
looked very finely beneath a glorious sky. We gathered 
shells on its yellow beach. When we returned, we rode 
just beyond the village, and dismounted, to eat our bread 
and cheese. While there, I almost doubted my personal 
identity — so recently a school girl, rambling amidst the 
quiet groves and valleys of dear New England, now gath- 
ering shells, and eating bread and cheese on the shores of 
the Black Sea." 



26 



302 



MBS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Extracts from a Letter to her Father. 

Belgrade, near Constantinople, June XltJi. 

u My dear, beloved father. — You will have been in our 
own home some weeks I presume, before this reaches you. 
I wish I could have sent a letter to welcome you on your 
arrival ; but our removal here has made it impossible for 
me to write sooner, and now I have so much to say, I 
hardly kno w where to begin. 

Your ardently expected letter from Trieste, reached us 
on the third of this month, and it did make me very sad. 
Dear father, will not Christ be your comforter? Will not 
He be more to you than any thing else ? Will He not 
comfort us all in this separation, and give us the joy of 
knowing that it is all for His glory ? I ask myself, why 
my dear father, why should you love me so ! If I were 
better, if 1 had really been* the child that I ought to have 
been, then I should not wonder as I now do. But it makes 
me very humble to know that my dear parents do love me 
so, even with all my faults, and 1 continually pray God to 
make me worthy of your love. 

And now you are once more to see your home, and be- 
fore my letter comes, you will have seen our house beneath 
the cherry trees, and the good old church ; and the organ, 
and the bell will have sounded — oh, how many thoughts 
come crowding into my mind. I, too, almost feel as if I 
were seeing them again. My heart leaps to think you will 
be there. I can see them all. 

That sad afternoon when you left, mamma and Adeline 
came to our house, and we went home with them imme- 
diately, and H. and I sat alone in the large parlor, watch- 
ing the steamer. The tears come so fast while I think 
about it, it almost stops my writing. But your letter, dear 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



203 



father, tells me you are not sorry 1 have come to dwell on 
missionary ground. 

The day we left Smyrna, we did feel sad ; but we had a 
fine voyage, and enjo}^ed the glorious view exceedingly. 
And now H. and I are separated from both our homes, and 
from the dear friends and companions of our early years ; 
but God is with us, and he will be our Father, and will be 
the Father of all our dear circle. We have appointed sep- 
arate evenings to pray for our friends— Monday for mis- 
sions, and our missionary friends -Tuesday, for our Smyr- 
na friends — Wednesday, for our American friends, and 
Thursday evening for our American relatives — you, and 
dear mamma, E. and aunt M.'s family— Friday is for our 
own work. We have Thursday for you, because it is the 
evening of your lecture. These are our stated times ; but 
besides these, do not our hearts daily and continually as- 
cend to God for you ? It is a great comfort to me that I 
remember with such minute distinctness, every thing about 
my home There is a freshness about every thing in the 
past, a vividness at times overwhelming. I can call up 
day after day, hour after hour, with all its attending events, 
conversations, looks and emotions. Almost every time I lie 
down, some scene in Hartford rises to memory — either the 
chaise is just ready, and I ride down by the South church 
with you ; or I am sitting wivh my dear mother in her own 
room, talking of the future, which is now present. Often, 
often, when you will think of me as being interested in 
some scene in my new home, if } r ou could see our spirit, 
you would find that both H. and I had come to visit 
you." 



304 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Journal. 

On Tuesday the 18th of June, we returned to the city, 
and H. commenced looking for a house. In a few days 
he obtained a very nice stone house, and the keys were 
given us. While our house was being prepared for us, we 
went to Bebec, where we had been invited to spend a few 
days. The usual way to Bebec is by water, and I wish 
my dear mother could for once enjoy the magnificent Bos- 
phorus. You must imagine it in all its summer robing, — 
the fair} 7 " palaces in the midst of green trees. We sailed 
slowly up those smooth summer waters, while the boats 
of many Pachas were gliding swiftly by us ; for it was just 
the hour that they return to their palaces. I admire these 
little kaiques ; and the dress of the boatmen, which is quite 
picturesque. They wear only full trowsers, and shirts of 
white raw silk, with very large straight sleeves. But we 
must sit quite still to keep them from tipping over. I 
found it difficult to do this at first. We were about an 
hour in our sail, and then landed under the shade of some 
magnificent trees, near the Sultan's kiosque. These 
kiosques, which are found in every pretty place, and wher- 
ever there is a fine view, add much to the scenery of the 
Bosphorus. 

We climbed up the hill till we reached the house, where 
Mrs. H.'s two sweet little girls met us at the gate, with 
their nurse. The house is quite romantic—large, airy 
rooms, and marble basins with curiously carved stoppers ; 
and though a gloomy looking building outside, it is mag- 
nificent Within. The Greeks build their houses gloomily 
outside so as not to attract the notice of the Turks. 

On Friday evening we were informed that we had lost 
our house. There had been some fraud practiced. It had 
been previously rented for three years, but the owner. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



305 



fearing he should lose the rent, had stealthily obtained the 
keys and determined to rent it again. These instances of 
deceit are very common here. H. went early on Satur day 
to the city, to see about our house. It was indeed gone. 
We felt very sorry to lose it, but when the keys were de- 
manded we of course gave them up. 

On Saturday a flock of Armenian ladies and gentlemen 
called on us, many of whom were deeply interested in re- 
ligion. Mr. H. conversed, and read, and prayed with 
them. Our Sabbath at Bebec was quite pleasant. We 
had service in the afternoon. Monday evening was spent 
in returning the call of the Armenians, and H., who could 
understand them, was delighted with their conversation 
On Tuesday evening we had a beautiful walk to the hill 
above Mr. H.'s house. The view was indescribably fine — 
the castles of Europe and Asia, on the Bosphorus, in full 
sight. Our thoughts were back in other days. This is 
indeed the land where the past speaks. We found that 
Mr. C, American Minister at Constantinople, intended 
celebrating the Fourth of July, and that we were to unite 
in it. 

On Wednesday, when we returned to the city, we found 
our friends busily engaged, preparing for the celebration. 
An American steamer, in the Turkish service, had been 
engaged to take us up to the Black Sea. The Fourth of 
July was a glorious day and very warm. We ladies and 
the children rode to the steamer in a Turkish arabar, or 
carriage, all the dogs in the street making a terrible din at 
us, while we were shaken nearly to pieces by the rough 
pavements. Our party consisted of Mr. C. and his house- 
hold, the mission families, and a few others under Ameri- 
can protection. A fine band had been engaged, and with 
our American flag we made something of a sensation as 
we sailed up the Bosphorus. My heart was back in my 
26* 



306 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



native country, and many silent prayers went up, by many 
wanderers that day. Our view of the Bosphorus from the 
steamer is far better than from a small kaique. How like 
fairy land seemed those glistening palaces and green trees ! 
We were all animation on board. The company at Bebec 
waited for us, and came off in boats to the steamer. 

As we began to go into the Black Sea, some of the ladies 
felt a little sick ; so they immediately put back and anch- 
ored in the Bosphorus, just under the ruins of an old 
Genoese castle covered with creeping vines, where we 
dined. The Declaration of Independence was read by Mr. 
D., then we sang 6 America/ and Mr. G. offered a prayer. 
Our music was very fine, a band of Hungarians ; our din- 
ner s too, was nice, and when we toasted the American 
Minister at Constantinople, Mr. C. immediately rose and 
proposed the American Ministers at Constantinople. Ev- 
ery thing went off pleasantly. We saluted the French 
Ambassador, as we passed his palace, by playing the Mar- 
seilles Hymn, and he returned the salute by lowering his 
flag and raising it three times. We came home in fine 
spirits just at dark. 

On the evening of the 10th of July, G — s came to tell 
us there was an opportunity for us to visit the Mosques, 
&c. } if we liked. The great things of the city can not be 
seen without a firman, and then every one in the employ- 
ment of the government, and keeping these places, must be 
paid, so it is too expensive ; and the way people go who 
reside here is under the wing of some wealthy traveller. 
Every one does so, though it seemed to me at first half 
mean, and yet as a gentleman would not like to go alone, 
and invites whom he pleases, it is not considered so by any 
one. A Dutch traveller was to go on Thursday, (the 11th 
of July,) and G. Drought us an invitation. 

In the morning we assembled at the Dutch embassy, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



307 



and a large party started to walk across the bridge to the 
city. The other side we found carriages, and all started 
en masse for sight seeing. At the first Mosque where we 
stopped we bought slippers to put on over our shoes, for 
that is the custom, and whenever we entered the sacred 
place of the Moslems, we stooped to put them on. 

The mosques, the large ones, are surrounded by a paved 
court, and we entered always this immense court first, and 
then on one side the door of the mosque opened. Outside, 
the mosques look exactly as in pictures, and their myriad 
lamps are also very well pictured. They are immense 
structures, and the dome rises like the vault of heaven 
above the head. There are curious stained windows, ex- 
ceedingly beautiful, and rine work, I think in arabesque 
style, adorns the walls. I saw so many things that day, 
that I cannot describe them so distinctly as if I had seen 
only one. We visited three beside St. Sophia. All of 
them were very beautiful, and one had been a church. 
The mausoleum and fountain of the late Sultan are ex- 
ceedingly beautiful. It is a building perhaps fifty feet in 
length, and the tomb of the Sultan is there, and a large, 
coffin shaped structure rises over, with nodding plumes and 
the Sultan's cap, while its diamonds and heron's feathers 
told of its royal owner. (You know the heron's feather is 
worn only by kings.) A large Koran on a silver stand lay 
near by, and a holy relic, (a single hair of Mahomet,) of 
the Prophet, was shrined in a silver case by its side. A 
garden adorned with carnations and roses threw its fra- 
grance around the building, and a light breeze lifted the 
long curtains of the windows and brought fresh air into this 
incensed room of the dead. His childrens' tombs lying 
around him, were recognized by the shortness of the sable 
structure above them. Other relatives were also buried 
there. Oh, it was a sad room, though wreaths of snowy 



308 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



flowers were worked around the walls and on the ceiling 
above. There was no gleam of religion to brighten its 
gloom. But I am hastening to take you to the spot which 
interested me most. We stopped a short time in a coffee- 
house, and then entered the old and massive structure of 
St. Sophia. It is impossible to describe it. It is unlike 
any thing I had ever seen or imagined, and its effect is 
also peculiar. How I wish I could transport you to its 
ancient galleries, deserted now to the doves and swallows. 
How I wish you could have sat with me far above the 
kneeling company of turbaned heads, from whose midst 
came up to my lonely seat a confused murmuring, as they 
repeated their prayers. It is a place where the mind 
wanders far back to the early days of the church, when 
even then, the light of pure religion was becoming extinct 
amidst the gloom of cloistered piles, and the drapery of its 
thousand vain and sinful rites. The mind wanders through 
the days of the Greek empire, and follows its decline to the 
hour when the turban and scymetar gained admission into 
this consecrated pile, before whom the priest and the Host 
forever fled, and gave place to the worship of the false pro- 
phet, perhaps less insulting to the Majesty of Heaven, than 
that which preceded it. 

Pictures and images are forbidden by the Koran, and 
those which could not be taken down were covered by 
large cloths which bore the name of God, or a sentence 
from the holy book of the Moslems. But some Cherubim 
still remain, being too high to be reached. The dome is 
a dizzy height above the marble pavement, and its height 
seemed hardly diminshed, when we had ascended to the 
first gallery, which is itself higher than the centre of our 
church ceiling. There are two smaller galleries above 
which we did not ascend. As I said before, these galle- 
ries are deserted, being visited only by the curious, and 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



309 



the birds have liberty to roam freely through the wide and 
lonely spaces, finding an easy egress through the deep, but 
broken and ivy covered windows. While our company 
lingered on one side, H. and I passed around to another 
part of the gallery, where there is a curious old doorway, 
now rilled up with stone and mortar. It is said that when 
the Turks rushed into the church, the last priest escaped 
through this door with the Host, and that one of the first 
signs of the fall of the Turkish empire, and the overthrow 
of Constantinople, will be the returning of this very priest 
through this doorway. The Turks tell this, and say that 
after his escape the door was supernaturally closed. By 
the time our party came round we were ready to return, 
and then we enjoyed a long time of silent sitting, looking 
down on groups of worshippers beneath, to whom some 
readers were delivering instruction. Immense pillars sup- 
port the building, of curious and beautiful marble, I think 
principally porphyry. The galleries themselves are large 
enough for a church on each side, and the idea of immen- 
sity, and massiveness, and antiquity, fill the mind at every 
glance. Just before descending I espied an ivy branch I 
couy reach, and hastily gathering a few leaves we pre- 
pared to go down. This descent is a very curious one. 
Perhaps other churches which father may have seen are 
arranged in like manner. We did not go down by stairs, 
but by solid mason work, winding round and round till we 
reached the bottom, and seeming like the pathw r ay of a 
cavern, lighted occasionally by small windows in the 
deep walls. 

We then visited the Turkish mint, and an old church 
which has been converted into an armory, and where an- 
cient armor is exhibited ; and then spent the remainder of 
the day amongst the buildings and grounds of Seraglio 
Point. Here every spot is associated in the mind with 



310 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



assassination, murder, and treachery. You know, perhaps, 
the Sultans avoid this place now, so many have been 
killed there, and consequently many parts go to decay. 
The gardens are in European style, and the rooms are fur- 
nished in half European, half Turkish style ; and to my 
eye, which has seen nothing of royalty before, it all 
seemed very fine and full of luxury. There were beauti- 
ful baths and lovely kiosques. These latter are little 
buildings with light summer rooms, beautifully furnished* 
standing on a place which commands a fine view. They 
are erected all along the Bosphorus, and wherever there is 
a good view in the country, and the Sultan visits one and 
another, as suits his fancy. They are little palaces. We 
were shown one lovely room, and as it was a very warm 
day, we could appreciate the luxury which the Sultan en- 
joyed. It was in a part of the buildings which have been 
recently erected, and which are quite new compared with 
the rest. We entered a room the centre of which was 
occupied by a marble basin filled with water and surround- 
ing a fountain which threw out lovely jets. A profusion 
of beautiful flowers were placed in bunches in the basin, 
and by the sides of the room, and it was arranged so that 
jets of water spouted from marble fountains from the sides 
of the wall, and fell into the basin where the flowers stood, 
keeping them fresh and fragrant. Gold fish were swim- 
ming in the waters, and imprisoned birds warbled sweet 
music, and we, overcome by fatigue, sank down on the 
softly cushioned chairs, and low carpets, which covered a 
raised floor on one side. It was a fairy room. Our ca- 
vass, (Turkish soldier or guide,) picked some of the car- 
nations and distributed them. Mine are pressed for you ; 
and on coming out, he told us to pluck some laurel which 
grew in the garden. 

We passed through many long corridors, and room after 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



311 



room of the Harem, and saw where the poor prisoners 
lived. Every window was closely latticed, and the outer 
world is only seen through their prison bars. But they 
are said to be happy, because they know nothing else, and 
they would be frightened to be let loose into the world. 

When we were going through these rooms, we had be- 
come so fatigued that we sank down any where, and you 
would have been amused to have seen how worn out we 
w r ere. It is my only day at sight-seeing, and I think it 
enough to go once in one's life on such a pilgrimage as we 
went. 

Constantinople, August 1st. 
My dear precious parents, H. and I are living over the 
events of the past year. Reckoning by the days of the 
week, to-day was H.'s last day on the water. Just a year 
ago to-night he stepped on shore at Boston. Oh, with 
what vividness those scenes come up to me now. We 
linger with delight and regret over those few lovely days 
into which so much of deep, deep interest was crowded. 
Our hearts are celebrating them now, and thinking of all 
God's mercies. Do not you too think of them, my dear 
parents, and are you not glad that we were permitted to 
come and work here together for our Father in Heaven ? 
We have been thinking which of us will die first, and for 
H.'ssake I could hope it might be he, but oh, it would be 
hard. I wish we might die together. But God knows 
best. Yes, God does know best ; and pray that we may 
be ready for his holy will. Dear father, dear mother, we 
shall all meet in Heaven. H. has been sweetly comfort- 
ing me now, for he says Christ will reward you for your 
sacrifice in His cause, even in this life. He will make it 
up to you. O, will he not ? It grows dark, and at eight 
o'clock we go to meeting 5 and bye and bye, when we are 



312 



MRS. MAUY E. VAN LENNEP. 



asleep, dear father will go to the Lecture room and preach 
one of his sweet sermons. 

Letter from Mrs. V. L. 

Makry-keuy, near Constantinople, August 6th- 
I received dear mamma's letter dated June 29th yester- 
day, and she says " I shall not write again till your father 
comes," and perhaps only three or four days after she said 
that, dear father did reach home ; and now are your four 
eyes looking together on this page. Imagine my face 
above it, with my blue muslin dress on, (the same I wore 
this very day last year, counting by the days of the week,) 
and my black velvet ribbon around my neck, confined by 
my pin, my pretty wedding pin, the dearest part of which 
to me is the hair of my dear brothers and sisters within it, 
and the date on its back ; yes, infinitely more precious than 
gold or pearls are these. And now father don't put on a 
long face because I speak of my dress. I want you should 
know that I look just as I used to ; only I do believe in 
much better health than last summer at home. So far the 
climate suits me admirably. I am telling you the truth 
when I say I have not minded the heat at all. 

The sun has set, and the twilight shadows are gathering 
over the Marmora, but I must tell you we have come to a 
little village on the sea, a short distance below the city 
walls, and are enjoying ourselves very much. Most of the 
families leave the city in the warm weather. This is a 
fine place for sea bathing, and has the advantage of being 
unfashionable, there being scarcely any Frank families 
here. There is one English Methodist family, and some 
evangelical Armenians ; so we can be useful. We have 
hired a small house for a short time, and have brought a 
little furniture with us, and live very pleasantly, though 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



313 



in very rural style. There are only open gardens, or rather 
cultivated grounds, filled with fig trees, between us and 
the sea. The blue waters of the Marmora roll beyond the 
gardens, and the Princes Islands, in their beautiful rose 
and violet light, sleep in the sea beneath this glorious sum- 
mer sky. Then beyond rise the heights of Asia, blue and 
dim, and farther still the snowy summits of beautiful, shad- 
owy Olympus. Dear father, you know just how it looks, 
only imagine it summer. A lonely owl is uttering his 
night cry, and I must wait till the lights are brought. I 
think we will step over and see Mrs. Hague. We have 
just been in and while there H. prayed with the family. 
Mr. Hague has had a stroke of the sun, but is better this 
evening. I hope he will soon be well. He is an intelli- 
gent man, an engineer, and occupies quite an important 
place over all the Sultan's factories. It is pleasant to 
have him a Christian. Father, you know the pious fami- 
lies who were brought from England to establish them- 
selves in Nicomedia. It is over this company that Mr. 
H. is placed. 

The Saturday after our visit to the mosques, July 13th? 
we went to our house and arranged our things, and then 
went back to Mr. D wight's and passed the Sabbath. My 
little class met the first time that morning, but we only 
organized it, William, Bell, and Mary Goodell,and James, 
William and Charles Dwight. I explained to them how 
I wished them to study. The Monday following we went 
into our new house to reside, and there at first we did feel 
lonely, with our tall house and nothing of nature, and no 
near friend to consult about any thing. 

Journal. 

August 9tk. These are our happiest days since we left 
Smyrna, for v/e are quiet in the midst of nature, away 
27 



314 MRS - MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 

from fashion, and not away from usefulness. It is hard to 
live shut out from nature, but we must become willing, for 
our house in Pera is sadly in want of natural scenery. I 
am sure this is one great reason we have been homesick 
for Smyrna. Oh, we have pined for the blue sea, and the* 
violet colored mountains ; but now we rejoice in a little 
season for communion with nature, and our hearts are all 
the better for it. 

Tuesday evening, 13th. While I am writing, three Ar- 
menian youths sit round our table, reading the Scriptures 
with H. It is delightful to be engaged for these interesting 
people. A few days since one of the Armenian brethren 
from Constantinople came to call on us, and we had a de- 
lightful Christian interview. After reading a chapter in 
the Armeno Turkish Testament, H. prayed in English, and 
the Armenian in Turkish. After these young men have 
been here reading and conversing with H. it makes us 
happy to know that it has been of use to them. 

14t7i. It is nearly twelve o'clock and the sunshine 
covers every thing around ; trees, water, islands and faint 
snowy clouds, all sleep in the flood of light. Noon is very 
still in these climates. The u stilly noon" is expressive 
here. I have had a grand study over my Armenian all 
the morning, and now I have come to have a kittle talk 
with my dear parents. I am sitting on our low sofa 
against the window, and am refreshed every moment by 
the lovely prospect. A faint breeze is stirring, and the 
sails on the water glide almost imperceptibly on their 
course. In the chimney of an adjacent house is a hawk's j 
nest, and immense, vulture like hawks are coming occa- ] 
sionally and lighting there for a moment, uttering a pecu- | 
liar kind of cry, something like a querulous complaint. So 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



315 



far the Armenian is very simple. Strange to say, we do 
not find its grammar hard. It is by no means a complica- 
ted language. The only real difficulty is in its long words. 
But it is amusingly uncouth. When I took up the Greek 
grammar, it troubled me very much, and I have not yet 
mastered its everlasting declensions ; but the Armenian 
are very simple, and easily learned, and there is a uniform- 
ity which renders them easily remembered also. Mr. 
Riggs has printed a few notes on modern Armenian, and it 
is these I am studying. To-day I have been learning the 
pronouns, and I have them all ready to recite. Heleni 
makes me learn Greek, and I am happy to say I learn 
something of it daily. She wants to learn to read, and it 
will be a fine thing for me to teach her. H. will bring me 
a Greek spelling book the first time he goes to the city. 
The women and children here are very kind and sociable. 
If I only knew how to speak Greek, or Armenian, or Turk- 
ish, I should have a fine opportunity of studying native 
character. 

In my last journal which I sent on the 10th of July, I 
did not tell you how worried I felt about my piano. It had 
been shipped at Smyrna and we were surprised at the de- 
lay of the vessel, especially as it had been south wind. I 
prayed that I might be willing to part with it, for 1 feared 
we loved it too well. We were about having it insured, 
but that very afternoon Nicoli came to announce its arri- 
val. It was brought up and unpacked, and found to be in 
fine order. How sweetly its tones sounded when I played 
on it with H. I felt that it was a blessing restored to me 
by God, and I prayed that it might be all consecrated to 
Him, and never used for any wrong purpose. I find its 
size and appearance surprise as well as please every one 
here, for they are not accustomed to this heavy style of 
making pianos. 



I 



CHAPTER XIII. 



SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

August iQth. H. has gone to the city. As I am slightly- 
ill, I could not go with him, and I have been lying on the 
sofa all day doing a little sewing, and a little reading, and 
finishing a note for dear Mrs. Fitch. Heleni came to tell 
me as soon as H. went this morning, that " Chelebee told 
her to take good care of Cocona/ ,# and she has been most 
of the time sitting by me, and while sewing on the cover- 
ings for our sofa, she has been teaching me Greek words, 
and telling me a variety of things. She talks about my 
father and mother, and wonders how we can be separated; 
and she says often, " by and by we will go to America. 5 ' 
Last evening I had many thoughts of absent friends, and 
of those who have died. I read the hymns in the little 
book which Mrs. Chester gave me, and which belonged to 
Mrs. Hovey, particularly those which were marked by her 
own hand. You remember the morning that I left Hart- 
ford, Mrs. K. brought it to me, and put it into my hand at 
the boat. I thought much of the past ; and of the lovely 
circles of which Mrs. Hooker and Mrs. Hovey were the 
bright stars. And I thought how broken and dispersed 
they are 'now ! And so it must be with every dear circle 

* Father has heard these names before, and he must tell mamma 
that they mean gentleman and lady, or master and mistress. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



317 



of affectionate friends. And were this world all, what 
should we do ? I pray God we may be prepared for that 
heavenly world. Oh, how little will the sorrows and the 
joys of this life appear when we reach the other world. 
How much we need faith to bring near eternal things. 
May God bless us all by his sweet presence, and prepare 
us to enjoy Him forever. 

To Mrs. Fitch, August 15th. 

My dear aunt Susan, — My heart has gone back to this 
day last year when I was at your house with H., and we 
have been speaking to-day of commencement exercises, 
and wondering what now is going on in New Haven. It 
is now ten o'clock in the evening here, and the exercises 
in the church must have drawn near the interesting part. 
I can bring it all before my eyes, but I shall not go to the 
church and the crowd, but remain with you in your own 
room, and take my chair beside yours, as in good old times. 
Oh how sweetly can our thoughts commune with the dear 
friends from whom we are separated. Do not for a mo- 
ment imagine that the things at home, or in your house, 
which is another home to me, fade upon my memory, now 
I am so far from them, t cannot bear to be thought a 
stranger to one thing in New England, among those dear 
scenes where my youth was passed. But I am sitting to 
talk with you, and I want you to know just as much about 
my concerns and my dear friends as you would like to 
know. To my dear mamma I tell all, and it is a sweet 
comfort. She may read you my journal, all that she thinks 
best, and then you will know our pleasures and our trou- 
bles, and you will understand about our leaving Smyrna. 
We are very sorry to be separated from our dear friends 
there ; and although we hold constant and sweet intercourse 
27* 



318 



WS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



with them by writing, yet we miss their pleasant society 
more than I can tell you. There is a home feeling about 
Smyrna that there cannot be here. 

August 19th. I wanted to finish my note on Thursday 
evening but it was too late. To-day I am writing you by 
my window, where my e}'e is continually feasted by a 
most magnificent scene. Distant views in this country 
surpass those in America, but near views in America are 
the finest, because the verdure is richer than here. From 
our windows we enjoy a delightful view of the Marmora, 
amid whose waters the Princess Islands are sleeping. 
They are bathed now in golden sunshine, but as the sun 
descends they give forth the most exquisite violet and rosy 
hues, which are the charm of these lands. The mountains 
of Asia rise dimly in the southern horizon, and far beyond, 
tower the summits of Olympus, white and dazzling as if 
even now its crests were still frozen. If I had finished my 
note on Thursday evening I should have told you that not- 
withstanding our love for Smyrna, we are happy here, for 
our work with the Armenians interests us more and more. 
It is delightful to see their inquiring minds, and when H. 
has spent some hours in conversing with them, he feels 
very happy, for he says their minds are awake on every 
subject. The evening I was writing you, three young men 
sat round our table ; but as they talk with H. in Turkish, 
I could not understand them. There is an excellent trans- 
lation of Young's Night Thoughts into the Turkish, but 
with the Armenian letters. This interests the Eastern 
mind very much, and it was this about which these young 
men talked with great earnestness and great delight on 
that evening. I want to have my friends at home regard 
the people here as real human beings, with feelings like 
their own. I am striving to learn their language, and I do 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



319 



not find it very hard. H. too is studying it, but he has 
the advantage of me, for he speaks Turkish ; and though 
the Armenians prefer their own tongue, yet they all use 
the Turkish. 

Journal. 

" Wednesday evening, 2\st. When H. returned from 
the city, on Monday evening, he brought me the good 
news of the arrival of my own dear father in Boston. My 
heart is very grateful to God. Oh, that meeting ! I can 
imagine it all — and we are happy, and rejoice too. I have 
not been well for a day or two, but I hope I may soon be 
better. I want to trust myself, and all I love, in the hands 
of our blessed Saviour. He can bless us with far more 
than earth can give ; but how slow we are to believe it." 

u Thursday evening, 22d. When we have been only 
slightly indisposed, and have become well again, how 
much it makes us value the time which our Father grants 
to us. And this is the way I feel to-day. For the past 
three days I have not felt like doing much, and have lain 
upon the sofa ; but to-day I feel like myself again ; and I 
do think it is good to be reminded of my frailty, that 1 may 
learn to prize every moment more. How thankful we 
ought to be, my dear parents, that my health has been so 
good since I came to these climates. I have not for many 
years, felt so well as I have during the past year. But the 
climate of Constantinople is almost too changeable ; it is 
too much like America in this respect. Were it not for 
this, it would be a fine climate, for it is very far from 
being oppressively warm. I have luxuriated in the warm 
weather, and have not suffered at all from it. During our 
first week in our house at Pera, we went to the Bazars in 



320 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Constantinople, to get some calico for covering our sofas. 
The weather was cloudy and warm, and we became much 
heated in goins; to the water, but on reaching the cold, 
damp, dark places near the water's edge, where the sun 
never shines, an almost death-like chill came over us, 
which crossing the Horn only increased. These sudden 
transitions from heat and profuse perspiration, to cold, are 
very bad for the health. But we have not to suffer them 
often. 

And now, my own dear parents, I must close my journal 
for H. to ta&e to town, My heart comes to you. Think 
I am talking these very words. May our Heavenly 
Father bless us, and all whom we love. May he give you 
joy and comfort. Love to all. My dear parents, 1 am 
ever, both now and forever, 

Your own affectionate daughter." 

From Mr. V. L., informing her parents of her illness. 

Makry-keuy, near Constantinople, ) 
August 28th, 1844. \ 

" My dear parents. — Both Mar} r and myself thought, 
that as the Vienna post leaves to-day, I had better write 
by it, and inform you that she is sick. She has a dysen- 
tery, which came on about a fortnight since. She has at 
times improved by the medicine given her, but last night it 
came on with redoubled violence, and some of the symp- 
toms are alarming. I have sent this morning for Dr. S. 
and am sorry to be obliged to send this to the post, before 
he can have seen M., that I might give you his opinion of 
her case. 

M. has many apprehensions that it may end badly ; but 
she appears beautifully in it all ; no one would suspect 
shat she was at all sick. She appears as calm and quiet 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



321 



as in the happiest moment of her life, and I believe she is 
happy. I believe I have less fears respecting the issue, 
yet I confess I feel quite alarmed by some things. But I 
bear it very differently from her. The only way I can be 
at all quiet in my mind, is to be very busy, especially in 
things that concern her welfare. I cannot for a moment 
bear the thought of separation ; but this may be the very 
reason why I need to be chastised. Oh, that my heart 
might feel perfectly at rest in God's hand, and willing to 
have him do whatever he pleases. I approve all he does, 
I love his character, but the flesh is weak. 

M. says to you, that you must trust her in God's hands, 
for he will do all which is best." 

Extract of a letter commenced by Mary herself, but which she never 
finished. 

Makry-keuy, Sept. 6th, 1844. 
My dear parents. — I fear we distressed you too much, 
by writing you last week concerning my illness ; but it is 
my desire that you should know all about your children 
here, both in sickness and in health. I am better now you 
see, and amuse myself in reading and writing ; but I am 
not yet well. I know you are thinking much of us these 
days. Oh, how vividly they pass before our minds ; and 
yet I have refrained from thinking much of them, for lam 
too weak. Dear mamma's letter, dated July 15, came on 
our wedding day — oh, what a comfort it was to me ! I 
think it is among the best. One thing made me sad, and 
that is, the fear she expresses that I shall lose my vivid 
impression of home and home faces. Oh, no, no, this never 
can be. You do not know how my heart twines around 
the slightest thing of home ; how distinctly I remember 
each minute thing, each minute circumstance. You know 



322 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXNEP. 



that God has blessed me with a good memory, and now I 
find what a rich blessing it is. Do not imagine that any 
thing new or strange, can efface in the slightest degree my 
beloved home from my mind. It is too deeply engraven. 
My heart itself would die if the picture faded. 

During this sickness, I have had many thoughts of 
Christ and of heaven, and I shall know why God afflicted 
me, if I ever recover, It is very hard to be sick, but I do 
try to be patient. H. is a sweet nurse — I hope he will not 
be worn out. Heleni too is very kind and affectionate, and 
I have every thing to be thankful for. As soon as I have 
strength, we shall return to Pera, for there are many more 
comforts there, than can be obtained here. I have suf- 
fered so little during my life, that I cannot bear sickness 
with patience ; but I hope I shall learn. 

O, my dear parents, do we not pray for you every day ? 
Half my thoughts turn to prayers for you. Let us pre- 
pare for that blessed world, w^here our Saviour makes all 
happy with the light of his countenance. 1 have not known 
till this sickness, how happy Christ can make our hearts. 
He can satisfy the heart. 

I sometimes fear that this sickness is a judgment upon 
me for improving so little my great blessings. I try to pray 
that God may make me suffer till I feel right. But it is 
hard to pray this, and I stop short with the prayer that I 
may be willing to suffer. God will do all which is best ; 
and in heaven we shall rejoice in every dispensation. 

It is a great comfort to sit here on the sofa, and write 
you just as I feel. I feel as if I were talking to you. And 
are you not thankful, my dear father, now that I cannot 
talk as fully with you as I once did, that H. has such a 
deep experience in spiritual things. H. comes to say, 
£ What would you like to eat ?' And I think of mamma's 
good beef steak and bread. The bread here is almost 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



323 



always sour ; but Andrico is going to hunt in Pera to-mor- 
row, till he can find some sweet. New England bread 
and butter and milk, are the things I most feel the want of, 
and New England cleanliness. 

Good bye, my dear parents, this letter will not go till 
next Wednesday, and before that time, I trust we shall 
have something new to say." 

To the friend designated by , in the former pages of this 

Memoir.— Extracts. 

Mahy-keuy, Sept. 7th, 1844. 
u My dear H. — I believe, that just at present, I am be- 
coming acclimated. Something is making rather uncom- 
fortable work with my health, which you know has been 
uncommonly good since I came to the East. Whether it 
be H.'s love for Smyrna, or whether it be in reality the 
case, he is tempted to believe that the climate of Constan- 
tinople is not as good for me as Smyrna. The changes 
here are too great. When the north wind blows, as it 
conies from the Black Sea, it is too cool, and when the 
south wind blows, it is very hot. The heat I do not mind 
at all — indeed it is very pleasant, and there is a luxury 
about it very delightful. I hope I may soon be better. 
At present I am unable to do any thing, except occasion- 
ally to write a little, as it is a recreation. It is three 
Weeks since I became ill — part of the time have been in 
bed, and now I can with much difficulty walk from one 
room to the other. Before my illness, I had commenced 
studying Armenian in earnest, and shall resume it as soon 
as I can. Constantinople life has nothing of the charm 
which Smyrna life has, but we content ourselves with the 
hope of doing good among these dear Armenians. Their 
minds are wide awake. 



324 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Did you think of us this week ? Our wedding week ? 
Last year this day, we were at the falls — those glorious 
falls ! How much has happened since then. How tender 
the recollections of those days in Hartford— our school 
days our days when we met to read together, and after- 
wards those quiet walks when the sun was setting, and 
the evening star beginning to look quietly down, and we 
were communing of holy things. Our Saturday evenings — 
oh, they were the sweetest. Do we not remember each 
scene in the beautiful past as vividly as if we were again 
treading those very spots ? We have a great deal to talk 
about — and if we do not in this world meet, I know we 
shall remember them all in heaven. And do not you be- 
lieve, that our memories will be far more vivid there, than 
they ever can be here ?" 

To one of her young friends in Hartford. 

Makry-keuy, Sept. 9th. 
My dear S. — I have thought of you, and prayed for you 
many times, and particularly since I have heard of the 
deep affliction* which our Heavenly Father has sent into 
your family. You have learned very early in life, that 
this is a world full of sorrow, and that if this were our only 
state of existence, it would be hardly worth while to live. 
But let us thank our Father, who gives us the promise of 
a glorious home beyond the grave ; a home where no pain 
can enter — a home where existence is perfect happiness. 
While we are in health, we are apt to forget that other 
world, but in sickness the mind returns to it with new 
feelings. This is the case with me. 1 have been prone 
to forget heaven ; while I have been in health it has seemed 



* This young friend had lost a brother who was very dear to all. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 325 

far off, and I have not tried to fix my affections there, as I 
now feel that I ought. But for some weeks my health 
has been very feeble, and the world has grown dim, and I 
bless God who has in mercy afflicted me, so that I might 
look up to that better world, which should occupy our chief 
attention. Dear S., this world is not to be our home. 
Let us rejoice in this. A few days of care will soon pass, 
and then we, and those we love, will begin a blessed ex- 
istence in the presence of our Saviour, who will make all 
our hearts happy, through all eternity. But how little we 
think of heaven, and how we start at the thought of dying. 
Yes, dying is a solemn thing. I shrink when I think of 
the hour of death. But then I say, c will Jesus leave those 
who put their trust in him ?' Oh, no, we may safely con- 
fide in him, and he will take away all fear of death, and he 
will put such sweet thoughts of heaven into our minds, 
and of the lovely company of redeemed ones who are gath- 
ered there, that we shall no longer look upon this life as 
desirable, but shall joyfully meet death as a messenger 
sent to carry us to our beautiful, our glorious home. I 
think our views of heaven will depend very much upon 
the manner in which we view Christ. He is the chief 
attraction in heaven, and he must have our highest love, if 
we would hope to have heaven attractive. If we meditate 
much upon the perfect character of our Almighty Saviour, 
we shall see how adapted he is to satisfy our hearts. Yes, 
dear S., he can satisfy as no other being can ; and I trust 
you have long ere this found it out. But if you are troub- 
led at finding that Christ is not all to you that you wish 
him to be, though you do sincerely put your trust in him, 
the best way to remedy this is to think very much of him, 
to strive to have your thoughts go up often to him, and also 
to pray earnestly that he will show you how lovely he is. 
Christ has sources of comfort and happiness in himself, 
28 

m 



326 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



which he is ready to impart to us, and of which we now 
little dream. Our minds are too dark to see iais loveli- 
ness. Oh, when will these clouds be rolled away ? Dear 
S., let us no longer think of him as a being far away, but 
as a kind and faithful friend, who loves us with so tender 
a love, that he longs to draw us to his bosom, and make us 
forever happy. But you may think, dear S., that I intend 
writing a sermon instead of a letter, and I will tell you 
frankly, that these thoughts have dwelt so much in my 
mind of late, that 1 could not refrain from writing them. 

I have had such good health almost ever since I came 
to the East, that it is hard now to think of being an inva- 
lid ; but I must trust in God, and have patience. Oh, it is 
very sweet to know we are in the hands of a kind Heav- 
enly Father, who knows just what is best for us. 

Dear S.,how much I would give to see you once again ; 
but let us strive so to live, that we shall meet in heaven.*' 

From Mr. V. L. — Extract. 

Constantinople, Sept. 18th, 1844. 

ec My beloved parents. — I have so long delayed writing 
again, in the hopes of being able to give you a more satis- 
factory account of Mary's health. I am rejoiced to say 
that she is better, and that her fever has left her. But she 
has been very much reduced by this sickness. She is 
weak and emaciated, so that you would hardly know her. 

M. sends you her very best love, and wishes you to trust 
her entirely in God's hands, fully believing that he will 
take care of her, and do all that is best for her. Miss W. 
has been very kind to us in M.'s sickness, being the only 
one who has been able to afford me any assistance in taking 
care of her." 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



327 



From the same. — Extract. 

Constantinople, Sept. 25th, 1844. 
u Mary has had some clouds, but generally she is in a 
happy, contented state of mind, trusting in Christ as able 
to do all things for her, and alone able to wash away her 
sins, and to save her at last. I have just asked her whether 
she had any message for you. She says, 6 give my best 
love, my very best love ; tell them I have a great many 
things to say to them, but I can't now. Tell them it will 
be very, very sweet, when all the redeemed meet together 
in heaven.' " 

From the same. 

Constantinople, September 27th, 1844. 

" My dearest parents. — I wrote you the day before yes- 
terday, about M.'s state, but as the letter is to go by ship, 
and it may be long before you can receive it, I now write 
you by post, especially as the disease has made great prog- 
ress since that time. Yesterday morning the doctor told 
me that her disease was typhus fever, and that he had very 
strongly suspected its nature from the beginning. In the 
afternoon, a consultation was held, in which the physicians 
agreed perfectly. 

Mental aberration had slightly commenced the day be- 
fore. Yesterday it gradually increased, with a pulse at 
one hundred and forty. During the last night she did not 
close her eyes, and has constantly been seeing a variety of 
imaginary sights, and talking with many of her friends. 
Once in a while she has had a lucid moment ; but it has 
been short, and apparently given her to express her entire 
confidence in Christ, and her full committal of all her friends 
into his hands. 

In the midst of all her delirium and agitation, she shows 



328 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



in a touching manner her love for her friends. She ha s 
often called you to her, and been conversing with you. 
Last night she called me to her, to catch three letters 
which her father had thrown her, and which were fallen 
into her bosom. She was also certain he had passed in the 
street, and asked why he had not called to see her now he 
was in town. At one moment she begged me most touch- 
ingly, to let her go and see her father and mother. She 
has several times called M. M., and spoken to her, and 
has also spoken of several of my relatives. 

I have done all I could to find out her state of mind, as 
well as to help her to fix her hopes on the sure foundation. 
Before the critical turn which the disease took, we talked 
a great deal together on experimental religion. She often 
expressed doubts as to her state ; they came from her deep 
sense of unworthiness and short coming. She always called 
herself an unprofitable servant, and deeply mourned on ac- 
count of it. But her mind was stayed on Christ as her 
only hope ; and she looked for no other Saviour — wished 
for no other. From the first of her illness, she has believed 
that she should not recover, and all our reasonings upon the 
subject have proved of no avail. This impression has led 
her to make her preparation thorough. She has conversed 
about it with whoever could give her any information. 
But now all doubts seem dispelled. Whenever she ha s 
been lucid, and before she lost her mind, her hope was 
strong, believing that Christ could and would save her. 

A few hours later. The doctor has been in, and finds 
that the disease has made alarming progress during the 
night. He thinks her in a very critical situation. Her 
limbs have become cold, and all the hot applications fail to 
draw the heat towards them. n 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



329 



u Sept. 27th. 1 o'clock. Thus far your son-in-law had 
written, — and now, at his request, I enter apon the painful 
duty of announcing to you, that your beloved daughter's 
race in this world is run. She ' has fought the good fight ;' 
she 4 has finished her course;' she ( has kept the faith.' 

I have just come from the bedside where her lifeless 
body still lies, and it is only fifteen minutes since she drew 
her last breath. But her soul is not there ; it is not any 
where in this world ; but we doubt not it has gone to dwell 
with that glorious and faithful Saviour, to whom she had 
dedicated her life. She loved much, and would have done 
much for her lord in this dark world, and he accepted her 
offering of herself — but has removed her to a higher service 
in his own bright world of glory. 

Would that I could speak a word of comfort to both 
your hearts. But God must comfort you, and I doubt not 
he will do it. Heaven is as near to the children of God in 
Constantinople as in Hartford; and it is as safe dying here 
as there. May you and we all be ready to welcome the 
Saviour, whenever he shall come to call us away ! 

H. G. O. Dwight." 

Extracts from a letter by the husband of Mary, a few days after her 

death. 

u Oh my dear precious father and mother, — How can I 
announce to you the fearful calamity which has befallen 
me, and not only me, but all who have ever known my 
Mary, my now sainted and forever happy Mary. 

But I must not give vent to my own grief, I must hasten 
to satisfy your trembling curiosity. My M., your M. is 
gone. She has fled from this world of pain and sin, and 
now lies in Jesus' bosom ; and her body, the once lovely 
mansion of the loveliest spirit, sleeps on an eminence that 
28* 



330 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



overlooks the city for whose spiritual welfare she laid down 
her life. 

You know it is about six weeks since she began to be 
ill. Medicine did not succeed in entirely restoring her, 
though at times it checked her disease. I removed her 
into town as soon as I could, that she might have constant 
medical attendance. Under a change of treatment, she 
seemed to be doing well, when all at once, on Sunday, the 
22d, there was a powerful relapse. On Wednesday, her 
mind began to wander. On Thursday night, she went 
down very fast. I was constantly by her side. In the 
morning her limbs were cold. The usual hot applications 
left them as cold as before — all the heat was concentrated 
in her breast. But she had her reason, though she could 
scarcely articulate, or perceive objects around her. 

About eleven o'clock, began her agony — and the doctor 
tells me I have seen all that can be seen in such a moment. 
But he assures me she neither suffered nor was conscious 
of any thing. I have reason to believe it, and comfort 
myself with it. But she expired like the breeze on the 
ocean, when the ripples beat fainter and fainter on the 
shore. She breathed slowly, and yet more slowly, and 
died without a groan, or the slightest motion of a muscle. 

Mary's mind had long been preparing for her end. From 
the first* she believed that she should not recover. She 
settled all her doubts one by one. On Sunday, before her 
relapse, she expressed a sweet and perfect confidence in 
her Saviour, and entrusted all things to him. We had 
some sweet words together. She said God would take 
care of me, and wanted to talk about her death. I told 
her I could not bear it, and that there was no probability 
of her dying sooner than I. Still she did talk about it. 
On Monday her mind began to wander. Her fears were 
roused for a moment, but she checked them at once, and 



MRS MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



331 



expressed the fullest confidence in Christ, and the firm 
belief that he would save her. 

I have written you something about her derangement. 
Now I want to say, that from seven o'clock on Friday 
morning, her mind ceased to wander. She was constantly 
speaking to herself. All I could distinguish was in strong 
hope and joyful expectation. I several times made out, 
1 Oh, how happy !' * Very happy ! r < How sweet it will be 
to be there V I kept whispering in her ear words of en- 
couragement, and as long as she could hear, she seemed 
to enjoy it much, and responded to it. When I repeated 
the first stanza of the hymn, 4 Jesus, lover of my soul/ 
there was a strong bright smile, and she whispered, 'yes,' 
'yes,' several times. Soon, however, she could hear 
nothing. I laid myself before her eyes, and asked if she 
knew me ; she said { yes,' 4 Henr}^.' But soon she could 
distinguish us no more. She kept her eyes distinctly fixed 
toward heaven. Her voice was presently inarticulate, 
and it was only groans, which soon became strong breath- 
ings. For the last time she had spoken of her feelings ; 
she said she felt perfectly well. The agony seemed one 
in which she had nothing to do. The doctor said he was 
sure she was unconscious of it. He says also, that all her 
last forenoon he had seen that her mind was engaged with 
the world to which she was going. 

My dear parents, I am afraid you will think I do not 
submit to God's will. I do, from the bottom of my heart. 

I know he does all things right. And how can I mur- 
mur when my Mary is so happy. Let us all kiss the hand 
that smites." 



332 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXXEP. 



A few additional notices from a letter of Miss W — n. 

Constantinople, Sept. 30th, 1844. 

u You have heard all the sad news ere this — sad for us 
survivors— most sad for him who has lost the light of his 
life. God has taken our dear M. to himself, and it is mo- 
mentarily pleasant to think how happy she is now in the 
presence of her Saviour, among glorified spirits ; but as 
we are bound down to earth, we feel the loss of one who 
would have shed sunshine around our path. M. was ever 
so sprightly, so cheerful, so disposed to make others happy, 
that all were depending upon her for life and animation 
during the coming winter. We were only waiting for her 
to recover, to commence various plans. We had made 
some arrangements w T ith reference to the children of the 
mission families ; all thinking it important that something 
should be done to interest and improve them, as they grow 
up here without the lectures and other varieties which 
young people have in America. During the day, each 
were to pursue their several avocations, and at evening 
were to endeavor to revive, improve, and edify each other. 
All w r as depending upon the new comers, as others were 
too feeble, or too much immersed in cares, to go forward 
in any new project. 

When I came to Constantinople about the middle of 
August, Mr. and Mrs. V. L. were down on the sea coast. 
I received a note from M., saying that she had not been 
w r ell for a few days, but wished me to come there as soon 
as Lhad seen the lions about C. I spent a w r eek in this 
way, and then accompanied Mr. V. L. to Makry-keuy. 
M. appeared well, and stepped about in her usual sprightly 
way ; but informed us that she had that day a return of 
unfavorable symptoms. She did not rise the next morn- 
ing, and kept her bed most of every day during the week, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



333 



and it was not until the end of it, that the disease was 
checked, when she had become weak, and Mr. V. L. car- 
ried her from the bed to the sofa. 

On Monday, Sept. 2d having been there just a week, it 
became necessary for me to return to Pera. I was think- 
ing whether I should go again to Makry-keuy, when I 
received a note written by Mary herself, saying, they ex- 
pected to come up to Pera in a few days. On the follow- 
ing Tuesday they came. M. was brought up from the 
boat in a sedan chair, and laid upon her bed, where I saw 
her an hour or two afterwards. She appeared much the 
same as when I left her at Makry-keuy. It was not 
thought best she should talk much, and therefore I read to 
her. She was not disposed for light reading, but seemed 
pleased with serious subjects. She often said she thought 
she should not recover from this sickness. She thought 
over her past life, examined the foundation of her hope of 
salvation, expressed her fears that she was not as willing 
to die as she should be — she could not endure to think of 
her husband, and of her parents in their bereavement. As 
no new danger was apprehended from her symptoms, I 
was sorry to hear her talk in this way. She was, how- 
ever, very cheerful and patient, and during the first week 
of her return to Pera, talked about any subject that inter- 
ested me. 

She said one day, c you will see my mother, probably, 
before I shall. Tell her how much I love her — but that 
you cannot do. Tell her that time and distance do not 
diminish my interest and affection — and I must thank for 
her all those friends who so kindly helped in her prepara- 
tions for leaving home.' She talked over her severe ill- 
ness at Hartford, and remarked upon the kindness of differ- 
ent individuals to her at the time. How carefully should 
I have treasured up every word, and how I should have 



334 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



drawn her out upon every subject of interest, instead of 
deferring them to a time when I thought she would be 
well, if I had suspected the least danger in her case. 

The Tuesday before her death I began to be discouraged 
about her, and offered to sit up with her during the night, 
if Mr. V. L. would retire and take some rest. Before 
leaving in the morning I read to her from the daily food 9 
the verse for the day, September 25th, to which she said, 
6 how beautiful.' She thanked me with her usual 
warmth for staying with her, and after promising to do so 
again soon, I left her never more to see her when she was 
conscious of my presence. The next night Mrs. D wight 
spent there, and she was much the same. The following 
night Mr. V. L. watched with her himself. She had ap- 
peared weaker during the day, and her mind somewhat 
affected. On Friday morning I did not think of there being 
any more immediate clanger, but at eleven o 3 clock word 
came to me that she was dying. I hastily snatched my 
bonnet, and with Mr. Goodell hurried to her bedside. 
What a change ! She was breathing heavily, her eyes 
fixed, and she was evidently unconscious, The physician 
and her husband were at her side ; Mr. and Mrs. D wight 
near. In a few moments Mr. V. L/s brother came in, and 
we all stood speechless, only Mr. Goodell uttered a short 
prayer commending her spirit to God. We knew the mo- 
ment of her death only as the physician said to her hus- 
band, 4 she is gone,' when he fainted and was carried from 
the room ; and Mrs. Dwight and myself were left alone 
with the lifeless body of our departed sister. Her servant 
maid, a Greek girl, who had been also present, came in, 
and w r e commenced our melancholy office. It was a new 
and trying scene to me, for I had never seen any thing of 
the kind. I could not permit my feelings to excuse me, 
and there were no other of the missionary ladies who were 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



335 



well enough to do it, and it must not be left to servants. 
Little had I thought when I arranged her hair for her day 
by day, that I was to see it done for the last time so soon, 
but I forbear. She is gone, and we are left desolate. On 
Saturday at two o'clock, the few Christian friends assem- 
bled to perform the last sad office. Mr. Goodell conducted 
the services at the house. Her favorite hymn, i Jesus, 
lover of my soul' was sung. The procession of about 
thirty gentlemen walked to the grave, and the bier was 
carried on the shoulders of a number, none of whose names 
I heard mentioned, excepting Rev. Mr. T., one of the 
missionaries of the American Episcopal church. The 
ladies all remained at the house, as it is not the custom for 
them to go to the grave. I can not realize the truth that 
Mary's spirit is in heaven, and her body beneath the 
ground. It was indeed a sudden stroke to all, and most so 
I think to her husband. But let us not look down into the 
narrow house of the body, but up to the blessed mansion 
where the glorified spirit is chanting the praises of redeem- 
ing love." 

A brief notice by Mrs. Goodell. 

a Very soon after she came from the country she re- 
quested us to pray that she might have patience and resig- 
nation. She wished us also to repeat to her verses of 
Scripture, saying, they were so refreshing, and helped to 
fix her thoughts on God, adding that her mind had become 
very weak, and that she could not think much. On the 
morning of the 23d, she requested me to read to her out of 
her text book, the verse for the day, which I did. In the 
afternoon I read to her at intervals, passages of Scripture 
and some hymns, with which she expressed herself much 
delighted and comforted. Now she is where she needs no 
such feeble help. 



336 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



Mrs. Van Lennep looked lovely and pleasant in death, 
perfectly natural, and with a countenance uncommonly 
sweet." 

A brief extract from a letter of Mr. V. L., February, 1845. 

"In thinking over the circumstances of Mary's sickness, 
I cannot help being struck with the care of her Father in 
Heaven to prepare her to go home to Himself. From the 
commencement of her indisposition, she had an impression 
that it would end in her dissolution. At first she merely 
hinted the existence of that impression ; but she soon stated 
and repeated it. Her evident object all the day long was 
to prepare herself for her last change. 

Providence kindly provided that we should be placed in 
a quiet country village, seeing almost no company ; so that 
she could give herself up without any hindrance to a 
review of all the great features of Christianity, and going 
to the only foundation of hope to the sinner, might place 
her feet more firmly than ever on the rock Christ Jesus. 
I shall never forget the sweet and delightful conversations 
w r e had together all the time we were at Makry-keuy. I 
particularly remember one afternoon, while she was yet in 
health, we were talking about the blessedness of Heaven, 
when her emotions became so powerful that she raised her 
eyes to what was soon to be her own abode and said, while 
the tears gushed from them, " 0, it will be sweet to be 
there." The character of Christ occupied her mind more 
than any other topic, and the delightful views contained in 
" The Great Teacher," a book we were then reading, were 
to her a source of the highest pleasure. 

During the last weeks of her life she became very w r eak, 
and was unable to bear what required much concentration 
of thought : but she had a high relish for prayer, and 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



337 



whenever Mr. Goodell called she uniformly asked him to 
pray. I wish I could remember her many sweet expres- 
sions of every Christian emotion ; her committing her 
friends and us all to the hands of the Redeemer ; but her 
thoughts and the state of her mind so engrossed me that 
the words in which she gave utterance to them have 
escaped from the memory. Besides she talked as much 
with her countenance and gestures as with her lips, and 
the whole was a clear mirror by which she made you gaze 
into the purest and most angelic soul. # 

Before losing it forever, I took a last sad look of that 
sweet countenance which had been the seat of so many 
emotions, but I deeply felt Mary was not there. On Sat- 
urday afternoon, the circle of sympathizing friends met in 
our large parlor, where Mr. Goodell performed religious 
services. When, the funeral train had started, I took 
another way in a carriage with Mr. Schauffler, and was at 
the grave long before they had reached it. I stood by the 
opening earth ready to receive into its bosom the remnant 
of my Mary. Oh, how I wished I could lie down in it by 
her side. At length the mourning train appeared, winding 
among the solemn trees and the Armenian tombs which 
border the Protestant grave yard. It slowly ascended the 
slope, near the summit of which we stood. Mr. Goodell 
and the Prussian chaplain walked in front. Then came 
the bier covered with its black cloth, held by some of our 
brethren. The American ambassador followed. He had 
requested to carry the cloth, but was told that it would be 
a sufficient expression of his interest if he walked first after 

* The trial of sickness and suffering gave a greater lustre to every 
excellence in her character, and she is not fully known by those who 
have not seen her in such circumstances. — Mr. V. L. 



28 



338 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



the bier. The Prussian chaplain performed the services at 
the grave with much feeling, and all that was visible of my 
sweet Mary disappeared under the earth. . . . Sleep 
there until thou rise to a happy resurrection! Sleep I 
Thy rest is peace and thy soul is blessed !" 

A monument erected by her husband in the Protestant 
burying ground at Pera covers the spot where her dust 
reposes. In reference to the place of her burial, Mr. V. 
L. remarks, " At first I felt disappointed that her remains 
could not be conveyed to Smyrna, to be buried among the 
graves of my ancestors, but she sleeps where now I would 
wish her to sleep, among the people for whose welfare she 
sacrificed her life. She went to Constantinople at a great 
personal expense, solely for the sake of the Armenians 
whom she loved, and in their midst let her sleep among 
the living and the dead. From her grave you behold the 
Bosphorus passing under your feet, with its crowded villa- 
ges on both sides *, you also see parts of Constantinople 
itself. If the spirit ever visits the place of its clay, with 
what joy will she look around on a people restored to the 
spiritual worship of God, as I trust they will be before 
many years have passed." 



CHAPTER XIV. 



CLOSING REMARKS. 

And now the task is done. It was undertaken by affec- 
tion, and pursued with a pleasing though melancholy satis- 
faction, as it furnished the occasion of living over again 
the dear and tender scenes of days that are past, never to 
return. 

It was the wish of the writer that the preparation of the 
memoir might have fallen to other and abler hands ; but 
the feelings of the father have not permitted him to look 
over the papers of his deceased daughter, until the work 
was nearly ready for the press. Yet this may not prove 
so serious a loss as was at first apprehended, as it has led 
to a more copious selection from her writings than might 
have been made in other circumstances ; and thus the sub- 
ject of the memoir has been, with slight exceptions, her 
own biographer. 

And here the writer might gather up the traits in her 
character and present them in a connected view, but as 
this has been done in a sermon appended to the memoir, 
she will only add a few things which occur to her mind in 
closing, as contributing to make the portrait more com- 
plete. 

Every one who has read the preceding pages must have 
been struck with two things ; Mary's love of life and her 
early preparation to leave it. Her husband,, as were 



340 



ftfitS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



others, was constantly impressed with these facts. He 
says, " Mary loved life. She loved her friends with a 
rapturous love. She loved man, of whatever nation, what- 
ever religion, in whatever state." She 4< desired life, that 
she might impart to others the blessings which have been 
so richly bestowed upon her.' 5 * 

She was also qualified to enjoy life. She looked upon 
the works of nature as a manifestation of the excellence 
and glory of their great Creator, and she loved them as the 
work of her Father's hand. She often spoke of their sooth- 
ing and elevating influence on the mind, and said of them, 
that " they were a lovely book to read with the Bible." 
She loved her work in life. u Hers was a heart whose 
emotions were powerful, and constantly keeping along 
with the thousand objects which impressed her.'f 

With regard to her being qualified for usefulness, her life 
speaks for itself, yet the testimony of her husband on this 
point is too striking to be omitted. He says, u My inter- 
course with her was a source not only of happiness, but of 
real, spiritual improvement, and I have grown ten times 
faster in my Christian character while she has been with 
me. I blessed God continually for having given her to me." 

Her adaptedness to fill with happiness to herself and 
acceptability to others, the various stations which it was 
her lot in life to occupy, pass in pleasing retrospect be- 
fore the mind, yet only a single testimony, and that in 
reference to the last relation she was called to sustain, 
shall be quoted. " She was a crown of glory to her hus- 
band.";}; 

And yet in the morning of life and in the enjoyment of 
every thing which could contribute to make life useful and 
happy, she kept constantly before her mind the day of her 
death. Indeed, from the time in her tenth year, when she 



* Her own remark. f Mr. V. L. 

JRev. Mr. Goodell, Constantinople, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



341 



penned the resolution, " Resolved to think often of my 
dying," the importance of being prepared for a state of 
purity and blessedness beyond the grave, was never lost 
sight of. One of her young friends who knew her well 
says, i€ the future world was so much in her thoughts that 
her early removal to it could have been no great surprise 
to her, whatever it was to us." The same friend in speak- 
ing of her preparedness for heaven says, "she let her light 
so shine, that the world did not wait till after her death to 
count her among the number of Christ's jewels." 

A word or two respecting her religious training might 
not be out of place here. What that was maybe gathered 
from a chapter in the commencement of the memoir, and 
also from a few remarks in the sermon before alluded to. 
In addition it need only be said, that in conducting this 
part of her education, her parents kept constantly in mind 
her fallen and ruined state by nature, and the necessity of 
Divine interposition in order to a recovery from this state. 
These great and leading truths of Christianity were made 
the basis of her religious education. They were used as 
an essential means of giving her a just view of her state as 
a sinner, and of leading her to Christ as the only Saviour. 
To the impressions which these truths made upon her 
mind in her tender years, resulting as they did in her early 
piety, is to be traced, all that made her so lovely and use- 
ful in life, and prepared her for so early a removal from 
this to a purer world. 

And now may He to whom this beloved child consecrated 
herself in the morning of her days, to whom she was indebted 
for all that made her what she was, graciously smile upon 
this humble effort, and condescend to make use of it in the 
advancement of His own cause, which was dear to the 
deceased while she lived, and from which it seemed good 

in His sight so early to withdraw her labors. 

28* 



Lines by a Friend. 



TO THE MEMORY OF 
MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 
Who died at Constantinople, September '21th, 1844. 

Thy grave is with the Moslem dead, 

Far o'er the rilling sea, 
Where none of all that loved thee here 

Can go to weep for thee ; 
Thou who wert to so many hearts 

Dear as the light of day ; 
Whose sweet voice from our memories 

Can never pass away. 

Could earthly love avail to save, 

Or spirit purified, 
Or youth and hope and holy faith, 

Thou surely hadst not died. 
Thy labor in the vineyard closed 

Long ere the noontide sun ; 
The dew still glistened on the leaves 

When thy short task was done. 

The angel came and called for thee, 

He took thee by the hand, 
He led thee to the river's side, 

And showed the shining land ; 
And thou didst lauuch thy trembling bark, 

And fearlessly go o'er, 
jNor cast one lingering backward glance 

Upon the fading shore, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



343 



And glorious was the light that streamed 

Down from the pearly gate ; 
And glorious were ihe angel band, 

That round thy steps did wait; 
And blessed were the harmonies 

That through the air did roll, 
The welcome of the host of heaven 

Unto thy blissful soul. 

And there thou art in glory shining, 

Such as no eye can see, 
And there we think without repining 

That thou shalt ever be : 
For though the way is long and dreary 

Up to the hills of light,* 
And though our steps are often weary 

With wandering through the night, 

We trust in him who was thy Guide 

To lead us all the way, 
Till on our souls shall dawn the light 

Of the eternal day. 
Sweet are the memories our hearts 

Shall ever keep of thee, 
Till in our Father's house at last 

Thy face once more we see. 



ON THE DEATH OF MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 

Scarce was the joyance o'er 

That hailed the nuptial rite, 
And scarce the tender, parting tear 

Dried in its channels bright, 
When o'er the Atlantic surge, 

There came a sound of woe, — 
The flower that erst our garden deck'd 

Was in its bloom laid low. 



* See page 68 of the Memoir. 



344 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEt\ 



Sweet friend — within our souls, 

How fresh each hallowed trace, 
Thy meek forgetfulness of self, 

Thy loveliness and grace, 
Thy hand, the harp that rul'd, 

Thy warbled music sweet, 
Thy childhood's early choice to sit 

Low at thy Saviour's feet. 

Within the house of God 

There was a marriage train, 
A gathered throng, a breathless hush, 

An anthem's thrilling strain, 
And thou in snowy robe 

Wert by thy lover's side, 
While there a father's voice invok'd 

Heaven's blessing on the bride. 

Thy path was o'er the wave, 

To ancient climes afar, 
Where turns the pagan's blinded eye, 

From Bethlem's blessed star ; 
But, soon life's labor o'er, 

There was a peaceful sleep, 
Where richly blooms the Moslem rose, 

And dew-eyed myrtles weep. 

And now there's grief tor thee, 

Fair inmate of the grave, 
Where bright Bosphorus proudly flows, 

And Asia's palm trees wave, 
And deep within his soul 

Is anguish unexpressed, 
Who held thee for so brief a space, 

A pearl-drop on his breast. 

Not in the church yard-green 

Beneath thy native sky, 
Thou by thine infant sister's side, 

Or brother dear might lie, 



345 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



But with their spirits pure 

Thou join'st a glorious train, 
Where ne'er a golden link was broke 

From love's eternal chain. 

Sad is thy parent's home, 

And lone their evening fire, 
Yet there doth blessed Memory bend 

And holy faith aspire, 
As angel comforters 

They point desponding love 
To what thou wert while here below, 

And what thou art above. 

L. H. S. 



A FATHER'S MEMORIAL OF AN ONLY DAUGHTER. 
A DISCOURSE 

DELIVERED IN 

THE FIRST CHURCH IN HARTFORD, 

SABBATH EVENING, DECEMBER 9th, 1844. 
ON THE DEATH OF 

MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP, 

WIFE OF REV. HENRY J. VAN LENNEP, 
Missionary to Turkey; 

WHO DIED IN CONSTANTINOPLE, SEPTEMBER 27th, 1844. 

BY JOEL HA WES, D. D, 



A SERMON. 



He shall enter into peace ; they shall rest in their beds, each one walking m his 
uprightness. — Isaiah 57 : 2. 
I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness. — Psalm 17 ; 15. 

Besides the general appropriateness of these scriptures 
to the occasion on which we are met, there are two special 
reasons which have led me to the choice of them, as the 
theme of present discourse. 

The dear departed one greatly loved a little manual of 
devotion, called 6i Daily Food." She was for years in the 
habit of reading and meditating on the text selected for the 
day, as a means of Christian improvement. It was so ? 
that the two verses just read, were the ones for the day on 
which she' died. u He shall enter into peace ; they shall 
rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness." 
" I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy likeness. " Sink- 
ing under the power of disease, she was probably unable 
to read or meditate on these scriptures, on the morning of 
that day, as she was wont ; but just as the sun had passed 
its meridian, she went, I trust, to realize their full, sweet 
meaning in the presence of her Saviour. The other rea- 
son referred to is this. In the evening before our final 
parting at Smyrna, on the 10th of last May, I attended a 
little meeting for conference and prayer, in the family of 
one of our missionaries. In expectation of the sad fare- 
30 



350 



MRS MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



well on the morrow, my feelings led me to select, as the 
subject of my remarks, the last of the two verses chosen 
for my text. I shall be satisfied when I awake with thy 
likeness. My dear child was one of the little circle that 
composed my audience ; and it was the last time that she 
ever listened to the voice of Christian instruction and en- 
couragement from the lips of her father. And I love now. 
to reflect, that my last words were so appropriate to a 
final interview, and so fitted to help her on through the 
remainder of her shoit pilgrimage on earth. 

The scriptures, then, set at the head of this discourse, 
seem to me to have a peculiar claim to direct our meditations 
on the present occasion. In speaking from them, I shall en- 
deavor, as far as I can, to lay aside the feelings of a father 
towards a much loved daughter, and address my audience, 
just as I would, were I preaching a sermon on the death 
of any youthful member of my charge. What I may say 
of the deceased will not be in eulogy, but in praise of that 
grace which made her what she was, and in thankfulness 
for that kindness of my heavenly Father, which comforts 
my bereaved heart with the blessed hope that he has taken 
her to himself in glory. 

I have wished also, by falling in with the train of reflec- 
tion awakened by the death of my daughter in the minds 
of many, especially, of her young acquaintances, more 
deeply to impress upon them the lessons of this provi- 
dence, that so, she being dead, might still speak to them 
who knew and loved her while yet she was with us. 

In presenting a brief illustration of the sentiments con- 
tained in our text, we may notice, 

I. The peaceful death of the righteous. And, 

II. The state of blessedness into which they enter on 
leaving the body 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



351 



I. The gospel aside, death is a most gloomy and dis- 
tressing event. It puts an end to all our enjoyments, pur- 
poses, and hopes. It severs us from every thing we hold 
dear on earth ; seals up our senses, stops the warm cur- 
rent of life, and commits our bodies to the cold and silent 
grave, there to moulder back to corruption and dust. Rea- 
son sheds no light on this dark scene ; wakes up no hope 
in the bosom of the departing, and speaks no comfort to 
the smitten hearts of survivors. It cannot assure us that 
we shall exist beyond the grave ; much less can it tell us 
in what state we are to exist, or how we may hope to ap- 
pear, in peace, in the presence of the great Being, whom 
we cannot but know we have offended by our sins, and 
who holds our destiny for eternity in his hands. Hence 
death has been most significantly called the king of ter- 
rors ; and he fulfills all the dreadful meaning of his name 
towards such as know not God, and reject the overtures of 
his grace in Christ. 

But life and immortality are bought to light in the gos- 
pel. There we are assured by a fulness of evidence that 
excludes all doubt, that he who made us, has made us for 
an endless existence, and that, if we are found in him, 
u who is the resurrection and the life," death hath no 
sting for us, and the grave no terrors ; we go in peace ; we 
rest in our beds ; every one that walketh in his uprightness. 
This is the blessed instruction contained in our text. Let 
us dwell upon it for a moment. 

The peace and rest spoken of are restricted, you per- 
ceive, to a particular character ; to him that walketh in 
uprightness. This, in the sense of the Bible, is a peculiar 
character. It belongs only to true Christians ; such as have 
been born of the Spirit ; as love God supremely, and are uni- 
ted to Christ by an affectionate, living faith. No sweetness 
of natural temper, no amiableness of disposition, no correct- 



352 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



ness of outward conduct, constitutes, in the sight of God, 
an upright, or righteous character. These natural traits 
you may posses in great perfection, and yet your heart be 
dead to the love of God, and yourself a stranger to all the 
exercises of true piety. Marvel not, my friends, you must 
be born again. The youngest, the oldest, the most kind, 
amiable and moral among you, must experience this great 
change, or the character of uprightness, to which alone 
peace and rest in the dying hour are promised, can never 
be yours ; and you can never enter the kingdom of heaven. 
The Bible throughout is strikingly discriminating on this 
point. It tells you of peace in your latter end, of rest in 
your funeral conch, of awaking in the likeness of God, and 
of being satisfied forever in his presence ; and it tells you 
also to whom these blessings belong, even to such, and 
only such, as walk in uprightness, — love God, trust in 
Christ as their Saviour, and serve him in an obedient 
Christian life. All such are entitled to the blessings indi- 
cated in our text. They are pardoned of God, are accept- 
ed in Christ, are sealed heirs of heaven ; and die when, or 
how, or where they may, no harm can come to them ; 
death is to them a conquered foe ; their Saviour has en- 
tered the grave before them, and for them, and all their 
interests are safe for eternity. In Christ they have a sure 
foundation of peace as they go down into the dark valley ; 
and having his rod and his staff to comfort them, they need 
fear no evil. 

The phrase in our text, he shall enter into peace, is ren- 
dered by Bishop Lowth, u he shall go in peace." Thus 
understood, it denotes the calm and peaceful manner in 
which the righteous are wont to leave the world. They 
are not, like the wicked, driven away in their sins ; they 
have hope in their death ; their end is peace. Hence it is 
said in the next clause of the text ; u they rest in their 



MM MARY £. VAN LENNEP. 



353 



beds." The allusion is probably to the grave, which is 
often represented in the scriptures as a place of rest. Thus 
in Job it is said, u There the wicked cease from troubling, 
and there the weary are at rest." This sentiment is beau- 
tifully expressed in the following lines from Watts : 

Nor pain, nor grief, nor anxious fear 
Invade thy bounds ; no mortal woes. 

Can reach the peaceful sleeper here, 
While angels watch the soft repose. 

Not that the soul sleeps in the grave, or remains in an 
Unconscious, torpid state, as some have supposed, during 
the period that intervenes between the death of the body 
and the general resurrection. The whole current of scrip- 
ture is against this gloomy sentiment. We are uniformty 
taught that to be absent from the body is equivalent to 
being present with the Lord, and that the souls of the 
righteous do immediately on leaving their houses of clay, 
enter into a state of conscious activity and enjoyment. 
" It is true, a delightful truth, that the bodies of the saved, 
which at death their souls leave, in order to be with Jesus, 
do rest in their graves." There, as in peaceful beds, they 
repose, till awaked by the call of him who summoned 
Lazarus from his tomb, who shall then make them like his 
own glorious body, fit tenements of glorified spirits. But 
the leading idea intended to be conveyed by that part of the 
text we are now considering is, that the righteous, when 
they die, go in peace. The fear of death is removed. 
They are sustained by the hope full of immortality. They 
are at peace with themselves, at peace with their fellow 
men, at peace w^ith God ; and thus they are prepared to 
leave the world in peace, and enter into everlasting rest. 
The grave is to them a place of calm and peaceful repose. 
No persecution comes there ; no trials await them there ; 
30* 



354 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



no sin, no sorrow, no evil of any kind. They sleep in 
Jesus, and are blessed ; and in the morning of the resur- 
rection shall come forth to inherit immortal joys in heaven. 
In this manner, Abraham, Moses, David and the prophets 
died. In this manner, Paul and Stephen, and multitudes 
of the primitive saints died. In this manner great numbers 
of our own Christian friends have died. And in this man- 
ner, thousands of believers in Christ are every hour burst- 
ing away from their earthly tabernacles, bidding adieu to 
earth and time, in peaceful hope of eternal rest in Jesus. 
We pass to consider, 

II. The state of blessedness into which the righteous 
enter on leaving the body. I shall be satisfied, says the 
Psalmist, when I awake with thy likeness. This blessed 
hope is common to all true believers, and they go to real- 
ize its fulness immediately on passing into the spiritual 
world. For though it be admitted, that, in some sense, 
there is an intermediate state between death and the res- 
urrection, and that then a change will take place in the 
condition of the saved, by which they will be raised still 
higher in glory and blessedness, that does not prevent their 
being happy, consciously active and happy, and perfect in 
the likeness of God their Saviour, the moment they die 
and leave their bodies. This is plainly the doctrine of the 
scriptures. David had no expectation of a long, uncon- 
scious sleep in the grave, when he said, 1 shall behold thy 
face in righteousness ; I shall be satisfied when I awake 
with thy likeness. Paul, when in a strait betwixt two, 
wishing to depart, and yet willing to stay, fully believed 
that if he should die, he would immediately be with Christ. 
And the penitent malefactor, according to the promise of 
the Saviour, went, on the very day of his death, to be with 
him in Paradise. All true believers then, do at once, on 
leaving the body, awake in the likeness of God, and are 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



355 



satisfied. They go to be with Christ where he is ; and 
seeing him as he is, they will be like him. This trans- 
formation, this change into the divine likeness, will at first 
be perfect in kind, but not in degree- All the glorious lin- 
eaments of the Saviour's character will be drawn on theirs ; 
and thus arrayed in his likeness, the redeemed will shine 
forth in all the beauties of holiness. Still there will be 
progress. As ages roll away, they will continually increase 
in knowledge, in holiness and in happiness; and so be 
eternally rising into a nearer, and still nearer resemblance 
to their divine Lord and Head, and yet be eternally at an 
infinite remove from his perfection and glory. Then they 
will be satisfied. 

1. In the first place, they will be satisfied with them- 
selves. Here they never were. They carried about with 
them a body of sin and death. Their temptations, their 
conflicts, their trials were many; and they groaned, being 
burdened. But at death they part with imperfection, sin 
and sorrow forever. They awake in the likeness of their 
Saviour, and are satisfied. Nothing remains in them, or 
pertains to them to awaken regret, or interrupt enjoyment, 
or darken hope. Of all that blessed assembly, there is no 
eye that weeps, no breast that sighs, no tongue that com- 
plains, and no heart that does not bear the image, reflect 
the glory, and rejoice in the presence of God the Saviour. 
Healed of every disease, freed from every corruption, and 
breathing the pure air of the celestial regions, every one, 
on awaking in the divine likeness, will be clothed with 
immortal youth and vigor, and every grace and every fac- 
ulty will be ripened into maturity, and brought into a 
never ending course of delightful exercise and improve- 
ment. 

2. Awaking in the likeness of God, the redeemed will 
be satisfied with the place of their residence. That will 



356 



ms. mahy e. van lennep. 



be heaven ; the world of unclouded light and everlasting 
blessedness ; where all things are as great as here they are 
little ; where all things are as substantial as here they are 
vain ; where all things are as fixed as here they are tran- 
sitory. The saved of the Lord, on leaving the body, enter 
that world as their proper home ; it is adorned with infi- 
nite magnificence and beauty, a fit residence for angels and 
glorified spirits in the presence of God and the Lamb. And 
O, what a change ! to be taken from an earthly cottage to 
the palace of the great king ; from the sins and sorrows of 
earth, to the holiness and joys of heaven ; from a frail, dis- 
eased, dying body, to the everlasting strength andundecay- 
ing vigor of the Paradise of God. 

3. They will be satisfied with their society. It will be 
a society of perfectly holy and benevolent beings ; compo- 
sed of the general assembly and church of the first born in 
heaven ; of the spirits of the just made perfect ; of an innu- 
merable company of angels ; of Jesus, the Mediator of the 
new covenant; and of God, the Judge of all. To this 
society the redeemed are admitted immediately on leaving 
the world; and they commence an acquaintance with pa- 
triarchs and prophets, with apostles and martyrs, and with 
the most amiable and worthy characters that have ever 
lived ; among them their own dear Christian friends, who 
have entered before them into glory, and are waiting to 
welcome them to their everlasting home. Dear friends 
and relatives, parted here on the shores of time, meet again 
in heaven, to review together the dealings of God with 
them in this state of trial, to dwell together in his pres- 
ence, never more to be separated. 

4. They will be satisfied with their employments. These 
will be of the most pure and exalted kind, perfectly adapt- 
ed to their immortal natures, and fitted to promote, in the 
highest degree, their improvement and happiness. Wor- 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



357 



ship and praise will be a part, but not all of their occupa- 
tion.* Entering heaven with all their faculties ennobled, 
and their hearts glowing with holy love, the redeemed 
will, doubtless, occupy spheres of extended activity and 
usefulness, and forever be employed in ways, which will 
exercise every power, and call forth every benevolent affec- 
tion in the most perfect manner ; all adapted to a state of 
complete and everlasting blessedness. 

5. They will be satisfied with their prospects. These 
will be equal to their desires ; and will eternally be grow- 
ing brighter and brighter. Here their happiest seasons are 
usually of short duration, and are always liable to interrup- 
tion from the anxieties, the cares, the vicissitudes and van- 
ities of this sinful world. But nothing can ever cloud the 
prospects, or interrupt the joys of the redeemed in glory. 
Death and sorrow, disease and pain, crying and tears will 
have fled forever ; and they will be able to look forward to 
interminable ages, and anticipate, not only the continuance 
but constant increase of knowledge, holiness and happiness, 
as long as duration shall last. Their bodies, their minds, 
their residence, their employments, their society and their 
fruitions, will form a system of glory and of good, which 
will know no interruption and no end ; which will be re- 
fining, brightening and increasing forever. In thy pres- 
ence is fulness of joy ; and at thy right hand are pleasures 
forever more. 

6. They will be satisfied with all the means which God 
saw fit to employ to prepare them for, and to bring them 
to heaven. These often appeared to them, while in this 
vale of tears, deeply mysterious and painful. But all will 
be cleared up in the light of eternity ; and it will there be 
seen, that the afflictions, disappointments and trials of this 
life, were all appointed, by infinite wisdom and goodness, 
and were a necessary discipline to wean us from the world 



358 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



and prepare us for heaven. If we, through grace, shall 
finally be admitted into that world, we shall see, that not one 
trial, not one disappointment or affliction was laid upon us 
here, which was not needful and designed to promote our 
highest good. What we know not now, we shall know 
then. We shall remember all the way in which the Lord 
our God led us in this dark and trying world ; and every 
review of the past will only serve to increase our gratitude 
and elevate our praises for the goodness and mercy with 
which our covenant God followed us all the days of our 
pilgrimage on earth. I add, 

7. The redeemed on awaking in the likeness of God will 
be satisfied with every part of the divine counsels and gov- 
ernment. This is a world of mysteries. We are a mys- 
tery to ourselves ; and every thing around us is mysterious. 
We cannot fathom the purposes of God, nor comprehend 
the reasons of his conduct ; and often his goings are 
shrouded in darkness, and seem to us planted in the great 
deep. We see enough indeed in God to inspire confidence 
and sustain hope ; still we see through a glass darkly, and 
our weak faith is often greatly tried and ready to fail us. 
It will not be so in heaven. All who enter that happy 
world will see as they are seen, and know as they are 
known. The mysteries of providence will then be un- 
folded. The great plan of Jehovah respecting man will be 
completed ; his redeemed people will all be gathered home 
to glory ; and the reasons of his conduct towards our race 
will be explained and published to the universe ; and in 
view of all, the ransomed of the Lord will be satisfied, 
There will be no blemish, no defect in any part of the 
divine administration. All will appear just as it should be, 
infinitely wise, benevolent and glorious ; and they will thus 
be prepared to rejoice and be eternally happy in the king- 
dom and under the government of God, 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



359 



These, my friends, are great truths. We owe them en- 
tirely to the blessed word of our God; and they should 
awaken in us constant gratitude and praise to him, who 
inspires us with such hopes in the house of our pilgrimage. 
What are we, and what our deservings, that we should 
thus engage the benevolent regards of God our Saviour. 
Miserable sinners ; unworthy of the least blessing that is 
poured into our cup. And yet we are told of entering 
into peace ; of resting in our beds ; of awaking in the 
likeness of God, and of being satisfied forever with the joys 
of his presence. God will call and we shall answer him, 
rise in his image, be made like unto our Head, be where he 
is, blessed eternally with the visions of his glory. Let us 
dwell upon the prospect and rejoice in the hope. It will 
cheer us amid the dark passages of life, make the trials of 
it light, and fit us for a brighter crown in that kingdom to 
which we are going. 

And how firm aground for peace and hope have we here, 
in the prospect of death? What indeed is death to a 
Christian ? The gateway of eternal glory. That passed, 
he enters into the joy of his Lord, and commences an end- 
less course of improvement, in all that can add dignity and 
blessedness to an immortal being. A Christian then, 
instead of shrinking with fear from the change of death, 
should look to it with serene and cheerful hope, and when 
it comes, die, as millions have, in peace and joy, and go to 
the bosom of his Redeemer and God. The way is not 
strange, not untried. All the saved, from Abel the first, 
to the last one that has ascended to glory, have passed that 
way ; and each, as he has mounted upward, in the bright 
and shining course, has testified to the safety and blessed- 
ness of dying in the Lord. This should encourage others 
who yet linger here on the shores of time, to look upon 
death with calmness and hope ; to welcome its approach 



360 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



as a call from their Redeemer to quit these scenes of mor- 
tality, and go to inherit eternal joys in his kingdom. Dying, 
to the Christian, is but going home ; and who should b e 
unwilling to go home, when that home is heaven, and the 
society waiting to welcome us there are our own dear 
friends who have died in the Lord, and the whole glorious 
company of the redeemed ? 

Here too we find strong consolation in the death of Chris- 
tian friends. They have gone from us ; but they are not 
lost to themselves, nor to the kingdom of God. They still 
live ; live in all the vigor and activity of their immortal 
faculties — live in the perfect likeness of Christ, and amid 
the glories of the heavenly world. And should not this 
reconcile us to their removal from us by death ? Should 
we sorrow as those that have no hope, now that the great 
design of all that the Saviour did for them in their redemp- 
tion, and in calling them by his grace to be his disciples, is 
consummated in their perfection and everlasting blessed- 
ness in heaven ? Do we rejoice and give thanks to the 
God of providence, when a dear friend of ours, having a 
dangerous sea to navigate, has made the voyage in safety 
and attained the desired haven ? How much more should 
we rejoice and give thanks to the God of grace, when our 
Christian friends .have finished the voyage of life ; have 
escaped all the storms and dangers of this boisterous ocean, 
and are safe in the haven of everlasting rest ? We are not 
indeed forbidden to mourn our loss. Tears were made to 
be shed ; and never is there a fitter occasion for them, than 
when dear kindred and friends are separated from us by 
the stroke of death. But we should remember, that if they 
die as Christians, our loss is their gain, and that while we 
sorrow and weep that we shall see their face no more in the 
flesh, they are rejoicing and singing praise in the kingdom 
of glory. O, could we look within the veil and see them 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



361 



where Christ is, made like him, dwelling in his presence 
and beholding his glory, should we wish them to return to 
us on earth, to conflict again with the temptations and sins, 
and with the trials and sorrows of this our mortal state ? 
Should we not rather fall down on our knees before God, 
and thank and praise him "for his great grace in fitting for, 
and taking home to glory those whom we love ; and return 
to these earthly scenes and duties with warmer desires* 
and more strenuous efforts, that we may be prepared in 
God's own good time, to go and join our departed friends 
in heaven, and with them be ever with the Lord ? 

I trust I feel grateful to God, my friends, that while I 
open these fountains of consolation to you, I am permitted 
to drink at them myself in this day of my bereavement and 
sorrow. God has seen fit to take from me my beloved and 
only daughter ; and I thank him for the precious evidence 
I have, in her life and in her death, that she has entered 
into peace, and rests in her Saviour's bosom. 

My object in the few brief notices of her, which I may 
now present, is not to obtrude my sorrows upon your atten- 
tion, nor to eulogize the virtues of the dear deceased one ; 
but as I have said, to honor the grace of God w r hich made 
her what she was, and to lead all who hear me, especially, 
her young acquaintances and friends, to prize very highly 
that religion which she loved, and prepare to go to that 
heaven where I trust she has gone. 

It is a very pleasant remembrance to her parents, that 
from her earliest years she was a peculiarly affectionate and 
dutiful child. Her tender mind opened itself in docility 
and love ; and like a fresh flower of spring? shed forth the 
fragrance of its affections upon all around. To know the 
desires of her father, or mother, was enough to engage a 
prompt and cheerful obedience. She was early taught that 
she was a sinner, and needed the renewing grace of God to 
29 



362 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



fit her for his service and kingdom ; and from the time she 
was eight years of age, she was the subject of more than 
usually deep religious impressions. She felt that her heart 
w T as not right with God ; that she needed what every hu- 
man being, however young, and however amiable, needs, 
a new heart to be given her by the Holy Spirit. 

On entering her tenth year, there was a marked change 
in her feelings. The scene was one never to be forgotten, 
either by herself or her parents. It was noticed, that, for 
some days, her mind was the subject of intense and serious 
thought. Occasionally the unbidden tear would be seen 
trembling in the eye, or stealing down the cheek, till, one 
evening, having spent some time in retirement, she was 
heard singing in a low, sweet voice, when on opening the 
door of her room, her delightful exclamation was, " O, I 
am so happy ; I have found God ; I am so happy ; I can 
pray now." She had knelt, as at other times, with a bur- 
dened heart, and under a sense of separation from God, 
and he had met her and had blessed her. To use her own 
language ; u it seemed like speaking to a dear, kind friend ; 
God seemed near to me ; and I felt that he heard me." 
From that time she gave us every pleasant evidence of 
being a child of God. Her youthful piety did not, as it 
often does, pass away like a morning cloud. It was a plant 
of celestial origin. It was rooted deep in the heart, and it 
grew and brought forth increasing fruit to God till the end 
of her life. 

From the time she hopefully became a Christian, she 
had a strong desire to devote herself to Christ in a public 
profession of religion. But it was thought she was too 
young. After having patiently waited a year, at the close 
of a communion season, when she remained at home, she 
summoned all her powers of argument to reason on the sub- 
ject with those whom she had ever been accustomed to 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



363 



reverence and obey. She asked/ 4 when our Saviour said, 
do this in remembrance of me, did he mean to exclude 
children ?" She was told that her father thought her too 
young to take so important a step. " How old must I be* 
before I obey Christ?" She was answered that twelve 
was thought to be a proper age to make a profession of 
religion. u O," she exclaimed, with much emotion, " 1 shall 
have to wait a whole year, and 1 have waited a whole year 
now." This reasoning of a child seems to me more con- 
clusive now, than it did then, and I should be much more 
ready to act upon it in admitting young persons to the 
church. 

Soon after she was twelve years of age, her wishes were 
gratified in being received to the communion. It was with 
her a season of great tenderness ; and to commemorate the 
love of her Saviour, at his table, was a privilege which 
became more and more precious to her as long as she lived. 
Her Christian course was remarkably uniform and exem- 
plary ; and it was pleasant to see how, from time to time, 
she was growing in grace and in the knowledge of her 
Lord and Saviour. She felt that her profession of the 
name of Christ brought with it very tender and solemn 
obligations, which required of her a peculiar character and 
deportment ; and feeling that she was not her own, but 
bought with a price, she conscientiously endeavored so to 
live as to honor the sacred name by which she was called. 

Her religion, not a name, or a form, but a living, inward 
principle of holy love, partook largely of the cheerful and 
the pleasant. She looked to it as a source of peace and 
joy and hope. It shed a heavenly light on her mind, 
sweetened her temper, sanctified her affections, enlarged 
her views, elevated her aims, and taught her to associate 
all her purest and best enjoyments, with the love of her 
Father in heaven, and the delightful anticipation of higher 



364 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



and nobler enjoyments hereafter. She possessed naturally 
a good mind, — well cultivated, well balanced, active and 
intelligent; susceptible, in a very high degree, of just im- 
pressions from whatever objects engaged her attention ; 
and was characterized also, by a confiding, artless simpli- 
city and affectionateness of character which I have rarely 
seen surpassed. This was the secret of her influence over 
the young, in whom she felt so lively an interest, and of 
the facility with which she won upon the confidence and 
love of all with whom she associated. She had many 
friends, but no enemies; and it has been truly said of her, 
in a letter of sympathy received from an eminent person, 
who saw her for a little time just before she left this coun- 
try, " She found a short way to the hearts of every one that 
knew her." 

She had an exquisite relish for the beauties of nature 
and art ; and the interest she felt in these beauties was 
inexpressibly heightened by the fact, that she looked at 
them with the eye of a Christian ; connected them with 
the wisdom and goodness of God, and regarded them as 
pledges of brighter glories to be enjoyed in the heavenly 
world. Hence, when the shores of Europe and Africa 
first burst upon her view, she beheld them with the deep- 
est emotion, and wrote in her journal, — " I have been 
praying that I may look upon all these interesting scenes 
with the feelings of a Christian ; and may all that I see 
prepare me for my work in that dear land which comes 
nearer every hour." And when in 1841, she lay, as was 
supposed, at the point of death, she said,- — u This is a 
beautiful world and I love it ; all its hills and pleasant 
prospects, all of it is very beautiful to me. And then, I 
have many precious friends ; O how precious ! and 
how I love them ! And when I think of leaving them, 
and having no more to do with the scenes here on the 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEF. 



365 



earth ; never, no, never, till the resurrection morning, then 
I am sad at the prospect of bidding adieu to them. But 
when I look on the other side, and think of heaven and of 
Jesus, and that my Saviour has something for me to do 
there, then it seems pleasant to me, and I want to go." 

I may here remark, in passing, that out of her own fam- 
ily, no human being exerted a greater or more happy in- 
fluence in the formation of her character than Mary Jane 
Chester, afterwards Mrs. Hovey. Herself a model of 
female loveliness, intelligent, affectionate, refined and win- 
ning in her manners ; a Christian of warm hearted, cheer- 
ful piety, disinterested in her aims, and devoted in her du- 
ties in an eminent degree, this amiable and excellent young 
Christian early took a deep interest in my dear Mary ; she 
was for several years her Sabbath school teacher ; and I 
feel grateful to God, that my child, in her tender age, en- 
joyed the instruction, the prayers and the example of one, 
who was so well qualified to cherish her piety and to elicit 
and mature her virtues. From her she received many 
most valuable suggestions in regard to the daily reading of 
the Scriptures, the practice of private devotion, self-disci- 
pline and the cultivation of personal religion. They were 
tenderly united in affection here ; death separated them 
for a season ; they have met now in the kingdom of light 
and love, and they will part no more. 

The deceased had great tenderness of conscience ; a 
quick perception and a deep feeling of right and duty. 
While she had a most affectionate regard for the feelings 
and wishes of others, and instinctively shrunk from giving 
pain to any human being, she would never yield a hair in 
sacrifice of duty, or where she thought she might incur the 
suspicion of wrong. Her religion was a matter of princi- 
ple ; and it led her to study not how far she might go in 
conforming to the world, without incurring positive guilt ; 



366 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



but how she might shun even the appearance of evil, best 
cultivate her Christian character, and best glorify her Sa- 
viour. If in certain amusements, practiced even in some 
professedly Christian families, she could not conscientiously 
unite, it was not because she deemed them positively sin- 
ful, but because she thought them of doubtful tendency, 
leading on to evil, and felt that they might injure her Chris- 
tian influence. She was right in this ; and though some 
may have thought her too scrupulous on such points, I feel 
sure it is no matter of regret with her now, that she was 
so conscientious and exact in her Christian walk while 
here below. 

She loved her Bible, and she loved prayer; and it was 
by an assiduous attention to the Scriptures and the duties 
of daily devotion, that she cultivated that spirit of cheerful, 
lively and fruitful piety, which so diffused itself through 
her whole character and life. She had set times to pray 
for her friends and for different objects, This habit was 
early formed, and it was continued, as appears from her 
journal, till prevented by her last sickness. 

In a note to a young friend in this city, dated the 26th 
of August, the very last perhaps she ever wrote, she says, 
" 0, it is a sweet comfort to pray for our absent friends. 
In the quiet hours, when the moon looks down upon these 
silent waters, my thoughts invariably wander to the far 
away friends, and the yearnings of my spirit to see them, 
can only be satisfied by lifting up my prayer to Him who 
can bless them with his own sweet presence." Her affec- 
tion for her friends was indeed deep and pure, peculiarly 
disinterested and abiding. 

Humble, unsuspecting and guileless in her disposition, 
she never indulged herself in unkind, ill-natured remarks 
about others. The law of kindness was on her lips, and 
she never thought, or suspected evil of others, where she 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



367 



could think of good. She knew the value of time ; and 
she practiced the strictest economy in the use of it. In- 
stant in season and out of season, will apply to her as fully 
as to any young person I ever knew. Her needle, her 
book, her pen, or going on some errand of kindness and 
mercy, filled up all her hours, and thus she was enabled to 
live much in a short time. 

She early engaged in the duties of a Sabbath school 
teacher ; and seldom, it is believed, have those duties 
been performed in a more exemplary and faithful manner. 
She went to them, not as a task, but as a pleasure ; and 
carefully prepared herself for the exercise by prayer and a 
diligent study of the lesson. Great was the interest she 
felt in her pupils, visiting them at their homes, having 
them visit her, lending them books and writing to them, 
from time to time, to excite and direct their thoughts on 
the subject of religion ; and many a young person in this 
house, and many who are not present to hear me, can 
recollect the tender interest she manifested in their spirit- 
ual welfare. May they never forget her instructions and 
her prayers ; and may the impressions made on their 
minds be ripened into true piety and a bright hope of 
heaven. 

She early felt an interest in the cause of missions ; and 
by a train of providences which I may not detail, it was 
made plain to her own mind, as it was to her parents, that 
it was her duty to devote herself personally to this cause. 
But scarcely had she entered upon the field, which, in con- 
nection with her beloved husband, she hoped to occupy in 
a life of usefulness, ere she was called to fill, I trust, a 
higher sphere of service in the heavenly state. Though 
her residence on missionary ground was exceedingly brief, 
she appears from many testimonies that have come to us 
from our distant friends, to have made an impression upon 



368 MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 

all who became acquainted with her, that her heart was 
wholly in her work, and that she was qualified, had her 
life been spared, to do much good.* That she was satis- 
fied and happy in the employment she had chosen, is evi- 
dent from every part of her journals. She appears never 
to have had any misgivings or regrets on this point. In a 
letter to a friend in this city, dated on that 26th of August, 
when, as I suppose, all her correspondence closed, she 
says; " It is an unspeakable privilege to be a missionary, 
and to labor in this land. Much as I long to see your 
faces, and dear as my home is to me, I would not return to 
America. 

But I hasten to the closing scene. It was expected 
when she left this country with her husband, that they 
would be permanently stationed at Smyrna. But many 
circumstances seemed to require their removal to Constan- 
tinople ; and I cheerfully concurred in the arrangement, as 
likely to prove more favorable to her health, and also to 
open a wider and more promising field of usefulness. I 
parted with her in May. She was then in excellent health, 
and continued thus after her removal to Constantinople, 
till about the middle of August. She then became ill ; 
but her disease was in so mild a form, that for several 
weeks no apprehension was felt by her friends as to the 
issue. With herself however it was otherwise. ii From 
the very first," as Rev. Mr. Goodell writes, u her own 
mind was strongly and strangely impressed with the idea 
of a fatal termination ; and was intently occupied with the 
thoughts of another and better life." " She settled all her 



* I love to think of the ardor of zeal and oneness of purpose with 
which your daughter seemed to be prepared to labor for the Arme- 
nians. She had her heart wholly set on the great work for which 
she came to these lands. — Rev. Mr. Dwight, Constantinople. 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



369 



doubts one by one, as her husband writes ; and on the Sab- 
bath before her relapse, she expressed a sweet and perfect 
confidence in her Saviour, and entrusted all things to him." 
Mr. Goodell adds, — u that during the weeks of her indispo- 
sition, she scrutinized her heart and life with the greatest 
possible care and fidelity, we are fully assured. The result 
was this — that the early dedication of herself to God was not 
the ground of her pardon and acceptance ; that her repen- 
tance and prayers, and communion seasons, and religious ed- 
ucation and religious observances, and active services were 
not her Saviour. And may I trust in the bare word of 
Christ for salvation, said-she, in great simplicity of manner ? 
I replied you may. Paul trusted to it, and went to heaven. 
John trusted to it and to nothing else. And had your life 
been even more holy than theirs, you would still have found, 
on examination, that your own righteousness was but 
filthy rags, that you needed an infinite Saviour, and that 
you had nothing to hang upon but the bare word of Christ. 
But this bare word of his is every thing, and whoever 
hangs upon it shall never be confounded. Blessed salva- 
tion this for poor perishing sinners. And this, 1 have no 
doubt was all her salvation, and all her desire. On this 
rock of ages she appeared to plant both her feet, fearless 
and secure amidst the raging billows." 

Her last message to her parents was a very sweet one. 
It was two days before her decease. In reply to her hus- 
band, who was writing by her side and asked whether she 
had any message to send, she said: — u Give my best love, 
my very best love. Tell them I have a great many things 
to say to them but I cannot now, — tell them it will be 
very, very sweet when all the redeemed meet together in 
heaven." Dear child, it will be sweet, and there we will 
hope to meet thee. 



370 



MRS. MARY E. VAX LEXXEP. 



On the Sabbath before her death, which took place on 
Friday, her disease assumed a very alarming aspect, after 
which her mind occasionally wandered. But on the morn- 
ing of the day on which she died, her mind became clear 
and calm, and though unable to converse, so great was her 
weakness, she yet u whispered words of strong hope and 
joyful expectation." u Oh how happy, how sweet it will 
be to be there." When her husband repeated the first 
stanza of the hymn — u Jesus, lover of my soul," there 
Was a strong bright smile, and she whispered u yes, yes." 
Her hearing, her sight, and her strength soon failed her, 
and she fell asleep, I doubt not in Jesus, and entered into 
peace. Her grave is in the burying ground of the people 
to whose spiritual welfare her life was devoted. There, on 
an eminence overlooking the shores of the Bosphorus, and 
the city of the Moslems, rest her mortal remains till the 
bright morning of the resurrection dawns, and brings the 
final, the eternal day of glory and blessedness. 

Farewell ! dear child, farewell ! ! Very pleasant wert 
thou in life, but far pleasanter wilt thou be when we shall 
meet above. Our separation will be short. Thou wilt 
not return to me, but I shall go to thee. Thy work is 
done ; thy conflicts over ; and what of loveliness was in 
thee here below is now perfected in heaven. It is well. 
Let no one ask, why was this waste ? The Master had 
need of her. 

" He gave her 5 he took her, and he will restore her." 

His will is done ; and the heart that most loved her 
would not wish it otherwise. Yes, it is well. In our 
Father's house there are many mansions. And thou, loved 
child, whose visage, when last we saw thee here, was ar- 
rayed in the bloom of health and the smiles of joy, hast 
put off thine earthly clothing and left these scenes of mor* 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LENNEP. 



371 



tality forever. Thou hast had thy mansion already on two 
widely remote continents of this world, and now in the 
new mansion thy Saviour has prepared for thee in heaven, 
we, in our bereaved affections and fond hopes, place thee, 
a happy, purified spirit, uniting in the exalted communion 
and praises of that upper world. Farewell ! farewell ! 
for a little time; then may we who now mourn thee, and 
all thy loved companions and friends, rise to join thee in 
the mansions of eternal purity and bliss, whither thou hast 
gone. 



u I was one of the many who listened with deep and 
sympathetic interest to the late discourse of the Rev. Dr. 
Havves, upon the death of his daughter. As he presented 
the picture of her pure and lovely character, the words of 
Christ were continually present to my heart, " of such is 
the kingdom of heaven and for many days after, that 
sermon lingered in my thoughts, and would not leave me, 
until the following lines had fashioned themselves out of 
my meditations. — Religious Herald, Dec. \8th, 1844. 

A VOICE FROM HEAVEN. 

I shine in the light of God, 

His " likeness" stamps my brow, 
Through the shadows of death my feet have trod, 

And I reign in glory now ; 
No breaking heart is here, 

No keen and thrilling pain, 
No wasted cheek, where the frequent tear 

Hath rolled and left its stain. 

I have found the joy of heaven, 

I am one of the angel-band, 
To my head a crown is given, 

And a harp is in my band; 



372 



MRS. MARY E. VAN LEXNEP. 



I have learned the song they sing, 

Whom Jesus hath made free, 
And the glorious walls of heaven still ring 

With my new-born melody. 

No sin — no grief — no pain, 

Safe in my happy home ; 
My fears all fled, my doubts all slain, 

My hour of triumph come ; 
Oh ! friends of my mortal years, 

The trusted and the true, 
Ye 're walking still in the valley of tears, 

But I wait to welcome you. 

Do I forget? Oh ! no; 

For Memory's golden chain 
Shall bind my heart to the hearts below, 

Till they meet and touch again : 
Each link is strong and bright, 

And love's electric flame 
Flows freely down, like a river of light, 

To the world from whence I came. 

Do you mourn when another star 

Shines out from the glittering sky ? 
Do you weep when the noise of war, 

And the rage of conflict die ? 
Then why should your tears roll down, 

And your hearts be sorely riven, 
For another gem in the Saviour's crown, 

And another soul in heaven I 

L. M. N. 




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